Amanda Woodward
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Quotes for
Amanda Woodward (Character)
from "Melrose Place" (1992)

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"Melrose Place: Irreconcilable Similarites (#1.25)" (1993)
Allison Parker: [to Amanda] You have this whole to the point businesswoman act down to a tee. But the truth is that everything you say is a disguise for something else, and I'm tired of it. Everyone is tired of it.
Amanda Woodward: [to Alison, about moving to Seattle] Everyone except Billy. You want directness, honesty? Fine! Your leaving is the best news I've heard all week. Allison, don't forget your raincoat!

Amanda Woodward: [watching 'Nosferatu'] Billy, I have to tell you something. I absolutely hate horror films.
Billy Campbell: Well, you should've just said so.
Amanda Woodward: Oh, wasn't it obvious?
Billy Campbell: It'd be a little more obvious if you'd said so.
Amanda Woodward: Well, you should've sensed it.
Billy Campbell: You should've been more direct.
Amanda Woodward: Could we at least turn it down?
Billy Campbell: No, I want it loud.
Amanda Woodward: Billy, I'm not kidding.
Billy Campbell: Well, neither am I. I live here too, you know. Sometimes I think you forget that.
Amanda Woodward: Fine!
[gets up and walks out of the room]

Amanda Woodward: [to Allison] You know, the truth is, and I know how big you are on the truth, you're jealous of everything I have. My job, Billy... You're running away because you can't handle it.

Amanda Woodward: You wanna know something? I'm glad I'm not Alison. I'm glad I'm not some ditzy, little indecisive Midwestern nitwit who is so scared of life that she's running off to Seattle with some guy she barely even knows.

"Melrose Place: Carpe Diem (#1.30)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: [to Alison] Personally, I never understood the virtues of packing lightly. Maybe I just don't have your flair for making one outfit work three different ways.

Amanda Woodward: [to Allison] You're right. I did over pack. Feel free to borrow anything you can squeeze into.

Amanda Woodward: You are so competitive with me. I date Billy with your complete permission after assurance that the two of you are not a couple. And as soon as we start to get close, you go after him.
Allison Parker: That is not exactly how it happened.
Amanda Woodward: Oh, no? So you're telling me you didn't dump Keith to go after Billy?
Allison Parker: It's more complicated than that.
Amanda Woodward: That's right. You used Keith to make Billy jealous. You quite your job, you moved away. And then when it was clear that Billy wouldn't chase you to Seattle, you came back to L.A. to chase him.
Allison Parker: No, that is not true.
Amanda Woodward: I put a lot of energy and passion and emotion into that relationship. And you did everything you could to destroy it. So you'll excuse me if I'm not the world's most sympathetic boss. But I just don't trust you, Allison. I don't trust you at all.

Allison Parker: Well, don't you think we should do this?
Amanda Woodward: Why? Are you really that anxious to be me?
Allison Parker: Not at all. But I think it might be interesting for you to see yourself?
Amanda Woodward: Thanks. But I have a mirror in my purse.

"Melrose Place: Postmortem Madness (#4.1)" (1995)
[after Kimberly had blown up the Melrose Place complex]
Amanda: I just hope my insurance covers mad bombers.

[to a blind Allison, who is recovering in the hospital]
Amanda Woodward: Oh my God Allison, you're gonna want to keep this flower arrangement. You should see it. It's bigger than a Buick.

Dr. Michael Mancini: What was all that about?
Sydney Andrews: Well, Amanda just turned down free bed and breakfast and Peter's.
Amanda Woodward: Nothing's free in this world, Sydney, but you'll never understand that.

"Melrose Place: The Test (#1.27)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: What happened to Keith?
Allison Parker: Things didn't work out.
Amanda Woodward: Personally, I never thought it would. So, are you back together with Billy?
Allison Parker: Back to sharing an apartment.
Amanda Woodward: Hmm... It's funny, I always thought it was more than that. But now I realize, you're both so scared of a real relationship, that the only thing that either one of you can commit to sharing with another person is the rent.
Allison Parker: Amanda, that's not fair.
Amanda Woodward: In my book, Allison, the only thing fair in this situation is that you're out of a job.

Allison Parker: I just want you to know how fond I've always been of you. I mean, from the first day we started working together, I've always admired and looked up to you as both a friend and mentor. And I hope things work out, because I look forward to learning from with you. And I know that together we can continue to make a really great team.
Amanda Woodward: How sweet. And uh, I want you to know that no matter who I ultimately decide to hire for this position, I hope I can continue to be an inspiration to you.

Amanda Woodward: You work for me, Allison. And you better get that straight, or you may find yourself out of a job.

"Melrose Place: Pushing Boundaries (#1.28)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: Allison, really, when I ask for an update, I expect a detailed and thorough analysis. This is completely slipshod work. This will do me more harm than good.
Allison Parker: What if we show it to Lucy and see what she thinks?
Amanda Woodward: Frankly, Allison, I don't give a damn what she thinks. You work for me, remember?

Amanda Woodward: I guess my encouragement finally paid off. All he needed was the proper push. Not that I'm one to take credit.

Amanda Woodward: Honestly, Allison, I don't mean to be harsh, but your work is still not up to the level it was before you went chasing your boyfriend all over the country.

"Melrose Place: Pas de Trois (#1.29)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: [to Allison] How sad. Everyone out there are getting what they want. Everyone except Allison.

Allison Parker: Call it what you will, but what Billy and I have is more than you'll ever have with him.
Amanda Woodward: You know something, Allison, you too may have had a chance at one point, but whatever chance that was, it disappeared a long time ago.

"Melrose Place: Bye Bye Billy (#1.24)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: Billy, I have to get ready for work. I don't have much time.
Billy Campbell: You've never accused me of taking too long.

Amanda Woodward: Billy, you've gotta stop obsessing over this. You're not the American Red Cross. And you're not Allison's boyfriend.

"Melrose Place: A Fist Full of Secrets (#7.22)" (1999)
Dr. Peter Burns: Hey, look who's here! Amanda! Your old pal Amanda. How long have you two known each other? Forever? Eve spend some time in prison for you... 15 years to be exact. That she was convicted of murder. You can put your two cents into that.
Eve Cleary: [to Amanda] Kyle told him.
Dr. Peter Burns: I guess that sliped your mind while you were playing matchmaker with me and Lizze Border over here!
Amanda Woodward: This isn't fair. You don't know the whole story.
Dr. Peter Burns: I don't need to know. Besides, who's fault is that?
Amanda Woodward: Mine. I begged Eve not to tell you.
Dr. Peter Burns: But you could tell Kyle. Right? On the day of our wedding. The best man gets honesty while the groom gets screwed. You know who warned me about you? Lexi. Isn't a little ironic that Lexi warned me, my wife lied to me, and that it's all trivial.
Eve Cleary: Peter, don't do this to us.
Dr. Peter Burns: Us? There is no more us! Only you and Amanda! You two deserve each other.

Eve Cleary: Don't you understand? You're always butting into my life and I'm always paying the price. I don't need anymore of your bad advice!
Amanda Woodward: Keeping your past a secret was a mutual decision.
Eve Cleary: Mutual, as in you forced me and I had no choice but to go along with it like some idiot dog.
Amanda Woodward: Everybody has a choice.
Eve Cleary: You don't get it, do you Amanda? You don't give anyone a choice. It's either your way or no way. You runied my life and I am damn sure you will not do it again!

"Melrose Place: No Lifeguard on Duty (#4.20)" (1996)
Brooke Armstrong Campbell: You know I've always wanted to say this to you, Amanda.
Alison Parker Armstrong: Don't say anything that you will regret.
Brooke Armstrong Campbell: Kiss my ass!
Amanda Woodward: You're fired.

Amanda Woodward: I don't know what you're up to, but Bobby's off-limits.
Sydney Andrews: Feeling a little insecure Amanda?
[Amanda suddenly takes Sydney's glass of red wine and deliberately splashes it on her]
Amanda Woodward: [sarcastic] Ooops! No, just a little clumsy.
Sydney Andrews: You totally did that on purpose!
Amanda Woodward: [feigning innocence] I did no such thing. Sydney, you can put on an expensive dress, get your red hair done, clip on some earrings. Bottom line? You're still a two-dollar hooker... you just have a new pimp.

"Melrose Place: Flirting with Disaster (#2.7)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: Do you have something against conversation?
Jake Hanson: If I wanted conversation I'd call a 900 number.

Amanda Woodward: Slivovitz, Slivovitz, Slivovitz.

"Melrose Place: Suspicious Minds (#1.32)" (1993)
Allison Parker: I'm sorry. You were right about everything.
Amanda Woodward: Really? Can I tape this moment for posterity?

Amanda Woodward: My big surprise! I'm buying the building, I mean dad and I are buying the building! But I'm gonna live here and manage the place!
Allison Parker: I can't believe it!
Billy Campbell: Yeah, this is... this is...
Amanda Woodward: Wonderful, isn't it? Great investment, great friends; I think I'm really gonna love it here!

"Melrose Place: Three's a Crowd (#1.22)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: [referring to Allison] She's terrific. I haven't made a friend like that at work in a long time!

Amanda Woodward: [to Billy, about Allison and him] Why do I have this feeling that you two are married and neither one wants to admit it?

"Melrose Place: Deja Vu, All Over Again (#5.27)" (1997)
Amanda Woodward: That's it! We're done here.
Jennifer Mancini: Oh, but Michael said that you were going to take me out to lunch.
Amanda Woodward: I'm far too busy to take lunch. That's busy with a capital "B".
Jennifer Mancini: So... um, did I get the job or not?
Amanda Woodward: Not. But just so that this wasn't a total waste of time, here's a tip: you're going to have a tough time finding a job with your attitude.
Jennifer Mancini: Hmm. Well, that didn't stop you any.

[on a job interview with Amanda, which Michael set up as a favor]
Jennifer Mancini: You know Michael, he likes to bend the truth. But you probably do too, being in advertising.
Amanda Woodward: We walk a fine line.
Jennifer Mancini: Right, truth with a little "t", as opposed to the actual Truth, which is with a big "T". Am I getting too philosophical? I don't want to lose you.
Amanda Woodward: [getting annoyed] Well, considering your resume barely qualifies for entry level, I doubt it. So what kind of advertising do you like?
Jennifer Mancini: I know what I don't like. That billboard on Whilshire with the busty bimbo showing the "Sunset Diet Plan." No normal woman's ever going to respond to a cheesy ad like that.
Amanda Woodward: That was my ad campaign.
Jennifer Mancini: [laughs] I'm so embarrassed...
Amanda Woodward: Yeah.
Jennifer Mancini: ...for you.

"Melrose Place: Revenge (#2.3)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: [frustrated] Alison, I covered for you today, but don't expect me to make a career of it!

Amanda Woodward: Nothing's like a dry chardonnay on a hot summer night.

"Melrose Place: Oriole (#1.13)" (2010)
Ella Simms: [after Amanda saw Ben putting the necklace around her throat] I promise you that you can trust me.
Amanda Woodward: Ella, in what universe would you think for one moment that I was threatened by you?
Ella Simms: I wasn't implying...
Amanda Woodward: You were, and it's presumptuous. I mean, you're a junior publicist with a barely there career. A nobody in this town.
Ella Simms: I know. I'm... I'm sorry...
Amanda Woodward: You may fancy yourself as my protégé, but lets be honest, you don't measure up. I mean, you have enough flash to catch the eye of Ben, or any other man for that matter, but they don't stay long, do they?
Ella Simms: I... I wasn't trying...
Amanda Woodward: Oh come on, no one wears a dress that short without an endgame.

"Melrose Place: Picture Imperfect (#1.21)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: Guns N' Roses makes you impotent.
Messenger: Cool.
Amanda Woodward: Never mind. No great loss.

"Melrose Place: Wilshire (#1.18)" (2010)
[last lines]
Amanda Woodward: [to Ella] You say you modeled your career after me, studied my every move. Then you know that this war between us is just the beginning!

"Melrose Place: Devil with the G-String On (#2.30)" (1994)
Amanda Woodward: My first instinct was to fire you as well. But on reflection, I realized that was way too easy. No, Alison, I'm going to do to you the way you did me. And when I'm done, all that you'll be left with is that proverbial wish... that you'd never been born!

"Melrose Place: 101 Damnations (#5.23)" (1997)
Amanda Woodward: [to Matt] What is she, some kind of demon seed?
Chelsea Fielding: What are you, some kind of bitch?

"Melrose Place: Living with Disaster (#5.1)" (1996)
[Amanda's raction to Jo's move to Bosnia]
Amanda Woodward: Well she could be on the moon for all I care, she's not getting her deposit back.

"Melrose Place: The Trojan Stork (#6.2)" (1997)
[Amanda answers a knock on her front door to find Taylor throwing at her a crumpled piece of paper]
Taylor McBride: There! That's what you can do with your evition notice. Sliding it under my door? What, you didn't have the guts to deliver it to me in person?
Amanda Woodward: Start packing and get out. You've got three days.
Taylor McBride: No, I signed a six-month lease, blondie, with Matt Fielding. And because you're the owner of the building you just can't change your mind. There are laws against this.
Amanda Woodward: Screw the laws and screw you! I want you out of here.
Taylor McBride: There are rights. Tennants' rights, squatters' rights, and human rights.
Amanda Woodward: Well, look who's talking about being human. You are the most inhuman person on this earth.
Taylor McBride: Oh, really? Giving up your title so soon?

"Melrose Place: My New Partner (#1.23)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: I don't do signals, Allison. I'm straight with people. And I expect the same from people I work with.

"Melrose Place: The Big Bang Theory (#3.30)" (1995)
[at Peter's medical board hearing]
Amanda Woodward: I was stabbed with a hypodermic, almost cut open, badly treated for my cancer, and sexually harassed. As far as I'm concerned, all those doctors who treated me should have their licenses taken away. And if you don't revoke Dr. Burns' license, I will not only sue Wilshire Memorial, but I will sue each and every board member for reckless endangerment! Now, if that's all, I have a wedding to attend.

"Melrose Place: Grand Delusions (#3.4)" (1994)
Allison Parker: Amanda, you overrode my decision on the Glorious Gowns copy.
Amanda Woodward: Of course I did. Since I told Billy you're trying to sabotage his career.
Allison Parker: Sabotage? How can you accuse me of that?
Amanda Woodward: Because his work was excellent, and you know it. I also told him that you obviously don't want him working here, Alison. You know, I could fire you for taking out your personal vendetta against him at the offce.
Allison Parker: Fine! If you're so sure I'm out to ruin Billy, fire me.
Amanda Woodward: Too easy.
Allison Parker: Oh, God. Not this again. Billy's a free man, Amanda. You want him, go get him.
Amanda Woodward: This is not about Billy. Is your memory that selective, you are you just suffering from some grand delusion?
Allison Parker: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you treating me this bad?
Amanda Woodward: Okay, here's the recap: You set me up like everyone else in this office who's after my job. You went behind my back and told Jake that I was having an affair with Chas when you saw him kissing me. Then you almost killed my job and career by blabbing that lie in open court. I lost the trust with my mother and I almost lost my job.
Allison Parker: Amanda, for the last time, I didn't lie. Chas lied to me. I'm sorry that I took his word over yours. I know I should've...
Amanda Woodward: [rudely cutting her off] I don't want to here it! You are out to get me like everyone I know, and now it's payback time. I promised myself to make your life a living hell here at the office and I always keep my promises! Oh, and don't bother quitting. 'Cause if you do, I'll write out such a negative report on you with your personnel file and send it to every employment and temp agency in this state so that you wouldn't be able to get a job bagging groceries in a local supermarket!

"Melrose Place: Amanda Unplugged (#4.9)" (1995)
[to the comatose Jack]
Amanda Woodward: Hi, Jack. It's me, Amanda. I was just thinking about our special times we had together. Like the time I forgot to fold your socks, and you pounded my face into the bedpost. I needed 18 stitches that time. Or remember when you broke my hand because I wore the wrong color dress to your birthday party? Remember how I cried all night? Well, remember this, Jack, for every bruise and black eye you gave me... you son of a bitch, I hope you die.

"Melrose Place: Ultimatums and the Single Guy (#5.29)" (1997)
Amanda Woodward: Uh, what do you think you're doing?
Craig Field: Relaxing. Which is something you can do now, too. I saw Sydney last night.
Amanda Woodward: After I specifically threatened you to stay away from her? How self-destructive can you be?
Craig Field: Well, I got her to come down on the settlement amount.
Amanda Woodward: [sarcastic] Really? And how did you accomplish this amazing feat?
Craig Field: I just talked to her. You know, I explained it in all detail how potentially damaging it could be to her and she just listened.
Amanda Woodward: Sydney couldn't spell "listen", much less do with any level of comprehension.
Craig Field: Contrary to popular belief, Sydney is actually very smart and very sweet when you get to know her. The truth is that she's just misunderstood my most people. Especially you.
Amanda Woodward: What did she do? Throw pixie dust in your face? This woman is a sociopath with a history of greed and opportunism a mile long. She's not going to take less money just 'cause you asked her too. Why would she?
Craig Field: Because she likes me. In fact, she might even love me.
Amanda Woodward: Oh, there really is no accounting for taste, is there? Either way, I'll believe it when I see it.
Craig Field: Oh, you'll see it... soon. Until then, why not practice by saying "thanks"? I know how hard it is for a person like you to say it.

"Melrose Place: Much Ado About Everything (#2.1)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: [about Jane's case against Michael] It's open and shut. She literally caught the bastard with his pants down.

"Melrose Place: Fire Power (#2.4)" (1993)
Billy Campbell: [about Alison] Can't you just ease up on her, she's doing the best she can.
Amanda Woodward: I know, that's what worries me.

"Melrose Place: Let the Games Begin (#4.7)" (1995)
Billy Campbell: [about Jack Parezi] Don't do this. There are plenty of other accounts that Brooke can get.
Amanda Woodward: If it wasn't Brooke, Jack would still find another way in. He would have found me eventually.
Billy Campbell: We're not in Miami anymore, so just tell the guy to take a hike.
Amanda Woodward: I'm handling this, all right? Just stay out it and stay away from Jack.
Billy Campbell: Well, you're not handling it very well. If you're not gonna tell him to get lost, I will.
Amanda Woodward: No, Billy! Wait! Listen... um... I didn't know what I was getting into when I married Jack. I was young, wild, naive and immature. I didn't know how violent and posessive that he really was. One night about a few months after we got married, he was supposed to be out of town on business, and I went out to dinner with some of my girlfriends, and he was waiting for me when I came back. His business trip was canceled so he came back home. Instead of giving me a kiss, he gave me a black eye... my first black eye.
Billy Campbell: Why? Why would he hit you?
Amanda Woodward: Because I went out without his permission. It's a Sicilian tradition that the husband is to control of the wife. In Jack's world, as in most European traditions, a woman's place is in the home. He wouldn't allow me to work or go out without his permission. Anyway, the next morning, Jack told me he was sorry that he hit me and promised that he wouldn't do it again. But a few months later... he did. It would happen every other week, then once a week. He'd hit me for even the slightest isolence. The only change was that he just stopped apologizing. I once told Jack's father about what he was doing to me, but he told me that by Italian tradition no one, not even a high-ranking don, can intervene in a married couple's personal disputes. I kept trying to get away, but Jack wouldn't let me. One time, I made it all the way to Tallahassee when two of his goons found me and dragged me back to Miami, threw me in the house... and when I looked up, there was my father... his face all bruised and bloody, down on his knees... and Jack was holding a gun to his head. Jack, his father, and their thugs where all there. They told me that if I ever tried to leave Jack again, they would kill him. A few months later, my father helped me escape for good with the boating accident and all. Now... when Jack patted you on your shoulder a minute ago... that was a message. I've seen Jack do it before. It's a coded message the Mob uses which means "don't mess with me". I've seen Jack do that to business rivals, fellow associates, even my father. I just don't want to see you down on your knees with Jack holding a gun to your head. So, do us both a favor, okay? Stay out of this, and stay away from Jack at all costs.

"Melrose Place: Love and Death 101 (#3.23)" (1995)
Amanda Woodward: Allison, I'm glad you're preparing for a meeting, but I'd appreciated it if you do it at your own desk. And take that garish piece of glass with you!
Allison Parker: This is my desk, Amanda. I'm sorry, but the board of directors have decided to replace you.
Amanda Woodward: With you? I don't think so.
Allison Parker: It's all in this memo. Again, I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. It's more about your illness.
[Amanda takes the paper from Allison and quickly reads it through]
Amanda Woodward: I don't know what you used to pull this off you dishonest, self-serving, pathetic drunk, but when I find out I'm going to turn it around and cut you open like a rotten piece of fruit!
Allison Parker: It's policy, Amanda. You know that rule. I didn't plan this. Messenger...
Amanda Woodward: I will not be patronized by you!
Allison Parker: Amanda, you need to get well, and when you do, there will always be a job at D&D for you.
Amanda Woodward: There sure as hell is, and you're in it!

"Melrose Place: The Bitch Is Back (#2.28)" (1994)
Hillary Michaels: I'm sorry you had to apologize to me in front of your superiors.
Amanda Woodward: Bruce is my only superior. The other two were there just to up the humiliation factor.
Hillary Michaels: Well, you didn't seem to be humiliated at all. You handled yourself quite well.
Amanda Woodward: [scoffs] That means so much coming from you.
Hillary Michaels: So, you knew where I was all these years at Models Inc.?
Amanda Woodward: Yeah, Daddy told me about three years ago about how you formed your own modeling agency. All I wanted was to make sure that me and D&D had nothing to do with you.
Hillary Michaels: Well, happily sometimes business has a way of bringing people together. I was sorry to hear about your father's legal troubles. But unfortunately he never belived in an honest day's work, always the guy after a quick and easy buck.
Amanda Woodward: We may have to do business together, but you are never to talk about him, ever! You lost that right when you walked out on us nearly 20 years ago. Understand?
Hillary Michaels: Sure, Amanda. If that's what you want. I left 20 years ago to make my own fortune. I can't make up for it. But I wish we could leave that in the past.
Amanda Woodward: Some things you do are permanent, Mother. They don't go away no matter how hard you try.