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Quotes for
Major Gowen (Character)
from "Fawlty Towers" (1975)

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"Fawlty Towers: The Germans (#1.6)" (1975)
Manuel: [practicing his English while cleaning behind and beneath the front desk] How are you, sir? You see, I speak English well. I learn it from a book... Hello... I am English... Helloooo...
[Manuel continues as Major walks into the room]
Manuel: [unseen] How are you, sir?... I can speak English.
[Major looks at the moose head on the desk, thinking it's talking to him, and turns away astonished]
Manuel: [popping up for a moment and spotting the major] Ah, hello, Major. How are you today?
[Manuel returns beneath the front desk]
Major Gowen: [Major turns to look nervously at the moose head, not spotting Manuel] Well, buh, buh, buh, I-I-I'm fine, thank you.
Manuel: [back to reciting is lessons] Is a beautiful day today.
Major Gowen: Is it? Oh-oh-oh, yes, yes, I suppose it is.
Manuel: Yes, I can speak English... I learned it from a book.
Major Gowen: Did you? Did you really?

Manuel: Ohh, he hit me on the head.
Major Gowen: No! You hit HIM on the head. You naughty moose!
German Guest: How ever did they win?

[Basil has accidentally set off the burglar alarm during the fire drill, guests start walking out of the building thinking it's the fire alarm, but Basil stops them all in the lobby]
Mrs. Wilson: Oh, I thought there was a drill.
Basil Fawlty: Yes, there is, at twelve o'clock, but not yet.
Mrs. Wilson: But, it IS twelve o'clock.
Basil Fawlty: Well not quite, thank you.
Basil Fawlty: [to other guests trying to leave] Excuse me!
Mrs. Sharp: Yes.
Mrs. Wilson: Well, I make it twelve o'clock.
Basil Fawlty: [to guests] I'm afraid that wasn't the...
Mrs. Wilson: What time do you make it, Major?
Basil Fawlty: [annoyed] Look...
Major Gowen: Burglars about, I think.
Basil Fawlty: Look, it doesn't matter what time he makes it, it hasn't started yet.
Mrs. Sharp: What?
Basil Fawlty: It hasn't started yet!
Mrs. Sharp: But, that was the bell, wasn't it?
Basil Fawlty: No!
Mrs. Wilson: He means "the drill" hasn't started yet.
Mr. Sharp: What drill? We didn't hear a drill.
Basil Fawlty: [trying to explain] No, no-no-no, look, look - that was the burglar alarm.
Major Gowen: See!
Mrs. Wilson: The burglar alarm?
Basil Fawlty: Yes!
Mrs. Wilson: Are there burglars?
Major Gowen: Evidently!

Major Gowen: I must have been keen on her because I took her to see India.
Basil Fawlty: India?
Major Gowen: At The Oval.

"Fawlty Towers: Communication Problems (#2.1)" (1979)
Major Gowen: Going to have a flutter, Fawlty?
Basil Fawlty: No. No, no, no, no, no.
Sybil Fawlty: No, Basil doesn't bet anymore. Do you, dear?
Basil Fawlty: No, I don't, dear, no. No, that particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off.
Sybil Fawlty: And we don't want it opened up again, do we Basil?
Basil Fawlty: No, YOU don't, dear.

Basil Fawlty: Could you verify that, Major?
Major Gowen: What? Well, what, old boy?
Basil Fawlty: The-the-the... the money I gave you last night? Oh, you know, "for my wife's present." You remember, I gave it to you just before you went to the theater.
Major Gowen: The theater?
Basil Fawlty: Well, yes... You-you-you-you remember! Hm? Hm?
Basil Fawlty: [sotto] The money I won on the horse.
Major Gowen: A horse?
Mrs. Richards: What are you whispering? What are you saying?
Major Gowen: He says he won it on a horse.
Mrs. Richards: Won it on a horse!
Basil Fawlty: It doesn't matter. Do you remember me giving it to you?
[Looking confused]
Basil Fawlty: [Desperate] Oh, think, please, think!
Major Gowen: [Thinking hard for a moment] What was the question again?

Basil Fawlty: Tie's a bit bright, isn't it, Major?
Major Gowen: What?
Basil Fawlty: For a memorial service?
Major Gowen: Why... I didn't like the chap.

"Fawlty Towers: The Builders (#1.2)" (1975)
Basil Fawlty: Oh, good morning, Major. I'm so sorry, I'm afraid the dining room door seems to have disappeared.
Major Gowen: Oh yes, oh yes, so it has! It used to be there!
Basil Fawlty: Yes, well, I was silly enough to leave the hotel for a few minutes, and...
Major Gowen: Yes, well, well, these things happen, you know.
Major Gowen: [looking around lobby] Now, I wonder where it's got to.
[Looks at the Major in disbelief]
Major Gowen: Oh well, don't worry, it's bound to turn up.

Sybil Fawlty: Good morning, Major.
Major Gowen: Very well, thank you.

Basil Fawlty: Now while we're away - gone - clean the windows.
[Manuel looks very confused]
Basil Fawlty: Oh, look... Cuando nosotoros somos... away. What's "away" in Spanish?
Manuel: Eh...?
Basil Fawlty: You know, away, AWAY!
Manuel: Oh, si si!
Basil Fawlty: [grabbing Manuel before he scurries away] No, not you! While we're away, CLEAN the windows!
Manuel: Green?
Basil Fawlty: No, no, look. Clean...
[Pulls handkerchief from pocket, puts it in Manuels hand and makes a cleaning motion]
Basil Fawlty: ...the windows! Clean...
Manuel: [still not comprehending but parroting Basil] ... clean... clean...
Basil Fawlty: ...the windows.
[exasperated, Basil picks up Manuel and carries him under his arm into the dining room]
Manuel: AHH!
Major Gowen: [as the two pass] Morning, Fawlty!
Basil Fawlty: [carrying Manuel] Morning Major!
Major Gowen: [setting Manuel down and forcing him to clean the windows] The windows, see? Look. Clean the windows!
Manuel: [finally getting it] Si! Comprendo, comprendo.

"Fawlty Towers: Basil the Rat (#2.6)" (1979)
[the Major is in the bar with a rifle, stalking a rat. Basil is behind him, unaware of what the Major is doing]
Basil Fawlty: Do you need any help, Major?
Major Gowen: Don't move!
[Points the rifle at Basil]
Major Gowen: ...Vermin
[Basil mishears and rolls eyes]
Basil Fawlty: We haven't got any this week, Major.
Major Gowen: Hm?
Basil Fawlty: No Germans staying this week, Major.

Major Gowen: But they spread disease, Fawlty! He was sitting there, on that table! Eating the nuts, if you please!
Basil Fawlty: [to himself] He's really gone this time...
Major Gowen: [measuring the length with his hands] It was like that, about that size.
Major Gowen: [widens the length] That with a tail.
Basil Fawlty: [confused] I'm sorry? What did you say it was?
Major Gowen: Vermin. A dirty rat!

"Fawlty Towers: Waldorf Salad (#2.3)" (1979)
Mr. Hamilton: What I'm suggesting is that this place is the... the crummiest, shoddiest, worst-run hotel in the whole of Western Europe.
Major Gowen: No! No, I won't have that! There's a place in Eastbourne.

"Fawlty Towers: The Wedding Party (#1.3)" (1975)
Basil Fawlty: Did you ever see that film "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Major Gowen: "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Basil Fawlty: Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times.

"Fawlty Towers: The Psychiatrist (#2.2)" (1979)
Major Gowen: I... I... I thought you ought to know!
Basil Fawlty: What?
Major Gowen: There's... There's a psychiatrist in the hotel.
Basil Fawlty: Yes, I know.
Major Gowen: Oh, you know?
Basil Fawlty: Yes.
Major Gowen: Oh! Well, apparently he's... he's dressed up as a guest.
Basil Fawlty: Well, he IS a guest, Major.
Major Gowen: Oh! Well, your guess is as good as mine.

"Fawlty Towers: The Kipper and the Corpse (#2.4)" (1979)
Major Gowen: Why, I say... I say, Fawlty, he doesn't look, uh... he doesn't look quite the ticket.
Basil Fawlty: Well, Major, um, don't say anything to anybody, but he's dead.
Major Gowen: Ah! Shot, was he?
Basil Fawlty: No, no. No, no. Died in his sleep.
Major Gowen: In his sleep? Ah, well. You're off your guard, you see!