Mary Lane
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Quotes for
Mary Lane (Character)
from Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005) (TV)

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Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005) (TV)
Mary Lane: I think I've been shot!
[collapses, Sally screams]
Sally DeBains: She fell down!

Mary Lane: Say, is this a fraternity sweater? Is Jimmy hanging out with college boys?
Ralph Wiley: Why, yes, yes, he is. We at Phi Beta Cannabis were so taken with Jimmy, we decided to pledge him... early... while he's still in high school... to avoid the rush.
Mary Lane: Well, that's the bee's knees! Wait 'til that Suzy Mayberry hears about this!
Ralph Wiley: Let's celebrate... with a smoke!
Mary Lane: Hold on! This isn't that reefer I've read about, is it?
Ralph Wiley: Oh, no, of course not. This is a special cigarette. All the rage with the college girls... in Paris.
Mary Lane: Paris?
Ralph Wiley: Oh, yes.
Mary Lane: Well, if I'm going to be dating a fraternity man...
[Ralph shoves a reefer stick in her mouth]

[Ralph, hallucinating, opens a closet door and sees Satan sodomizing Mary]
Mary Lane: Remember me, Ralph? I've been sent to hell! A pubescent edition of Jezebel. It hurts a lot to bend! But, at least, I've made a friend.
Ralph Wiley: Shut up!
Satan: You murdered her, Ralph!
Mary Lane: Murdered me!
Ralph Wiley: Murdered you!
Jimmy: Murdered me!
Ralph Wiley: Murdered them!
Jack Stone: [to Mae] What's eating him?
Ralph Wiley: Jack! I saw Satan! And the kid. And Satan! And the girl. And *Satan*!

Mary Lane: [singing after smoking a joint] I feel a little naughty.
Ralph Wiley: Baby I'll help you relax!
[giggles]
Mary Lane: I'll tie you up with phone cord. We'll play with whips and nipple clips and candle wax!
Ralph Wiley: Now hold on, Mary Sunshine. Let's not get carried away!
Mary Lane: Just call me Mary Juana and Mary's got some scary little games to play! I'll lather you up...
Ralph Wiley: Who, me?
Mary Lane: And give you a shave...
Ralph Wiley: *Shave*?
Mary Lane: I'll paddle you while straddling my little slave!
Ralph Wiley: Hey, now!
Mary Lane: Down on your knees! It's pointless to fight! Save your strength, it's gonna be a lengthy night!
Ralph Wiley: Help! This crazy tomato's raping me!

Mary Lane: Jimmy, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? It's almost nine p.m.!

Mary Lane, Ralph Wiley: [Mary has just taken her first hit] Goodbye Mary Sunshine! Reefer has blown out her mind! She's now a hot-head hussy!
Mary Lane: Don't you run! I'm not done! Can't you tell we've just begun? What's your rush? You're not having fun?
Ralph Wiley: No, I'm really not!
Mary Lane, Ralph Wiley: Mary, Mary Sunshine! Burned for, yearned for dirty life!
[Mary stuffs Ralph's mouth with an apple and straddles him]
Ralph Wiley: Mmmph?
Mary Lane: Shut up, bitch!

Mary Lane: Is your finger swollen? Are you putting on weight?
Jimmy: Maybe. Lately, I seem to be hungry all the time.
Mary Lane: A moment on the lips, forever on the hips!

Mary Lane: Jimmy, is something wrong?
Jimmy: [Extremely high] Why? Should something be wrong? Stop hounding me! Stop... hounding... me!
Mary Lane: I didn't think I was, I... Oh, it's me, isn't it? You don't love me anymore. You haven't even tried to kiss in almost a week.
Jimmy: Kiss? Is *that* what you want? Let me show *you* a few new moves!
[Jimmy pushes Mary down and gags her with his tongue]
Mary Lane: [Jumps up] That was your tongue! Jimmy Harper, what's come over you?

Mary Lane, Jimmy: We are just like Romeo and Juliet! We're happy, young and bubbling with love!

Mary Lane: [dying] We are just like Romeo and Juliet. We're happy, young and...
[coughs]
Mary Lane: ...hemorrhaging blood!

Jimmy Harper: I can't wait to read the ending!
Mary Lane: I can't either! But I bet it turns out real swell! I bet Romeo marries his Juliet...
Jimmy Harper: They have a baby
Mary Lane: And make lots of friends!
Mary Lane, Jimmy Harper: That's prob'ly the way the play ends!

Jimmy: You fill my life with all the colors/Of the Sunday funnies/Innocent splendor/Kisses so tender/Softer than a pillow stuffed with bunnies!
Mary Lane: Bunnies? I don't know what you're talking about, but I like the sound of it!