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: So, do you get hungry just like the rest of us?
: [pointing to the hotel bed
] I don't suppose we could share? Maria
: Not if you were the last alien on Earth.
: Come on. Wiggle your nose, blink your eyes. Do your Samantha/Jeannie/alien thing. Michael
: I can't. Maria
: Why not? If there was ever a time to have a secret power, this is it.
: You kidnap me and blow up my car and you expect me to spend the night with you in here? Michael
: Not exactly my fantasy evening either.
: We thought you were in trouble. I guess we were wrong. Maria
: No, no. You don't think, I mean that is like so unreal. Come on,
: would you tell them? Michael
: Come on honey. We don't have to lie. Isabel
: I believe you. The day Michael calls anyone honey, it's all over.
: It's like the porno version of "Aladdin."
: I think we just took a huge step in human-alien relations. I love you Michael. Micheal
: I love you too... but I have to leave. Max, Isabel, and Tess and I are going home. Maria
: Yeah, I know. Like eventually, right? Micheal
: We're leaving in a few hours. We have to, I have no choice. I don't want to leave you. But we both knew someday this would happen. Maria
: How much time do we have? Micheal
: About an hour.
: [to Liz
] I've been really wrong about a lot. But I was right about one thing. To get you into my life, to be around you. To love you. Maria
: [to Michael
] You opened the door and you came out, why?
[Michael doesn't say anything
: You stayed for me. Isabel
: What happens now, Max? Max
: I have to save my son.
[Michael leaves the Granolith Chamber and finds Liz, Maria and Kyle outside the door
: Liz! Maria
: [to Michael
] Tess killed Alex! Micheal
: What? Maria
, Liz Parker
: [Michael, Liz, Maria, and Kyle rush into the Granolith Chamber
] Liz Parker
: Max stop! It was Tess. Tess killed Alex. She mindwarped Alex and sent him to Las Cruces to decode the book, but he broke out of the mindwarp and she killed him. Kyle
: It's true, I was there, I witnessed it. Max
: Why didn't you ever say anything? Kyle
: Because she mindwarped me! Kyle
: [to Tess
] You lived in my home, you were like my sister! Max
: [looking at Tess but to Micheal
] How long? Micheal
: About 3 minutes. Max
: Everyone out. Micheal
: Max... Max
[everyone else leaves besides Tess and Max
[Max gets out of the Granolith chamber
: MAX! Max
: Quick, go. Let's go!
[Max, Liz, Michael, Maria, Isabel and Kyle run away from the chamber, and stand to watch as the chamber disintegrates and a ship shoots out into the sky
: [to Liz
] I've been really wrong about a lot. But I was right about one thing: To get you into my life, to be around you, to love you. Maria
: [to Michael
] You opened the door and you came out - why?
[It dawns on her
: You stayed for me. Isabel
: What happens now, Max? Max
: I have to save my son...
: No, there's no way I've been mindwarped. I'd remember it. Maria
: Uh, Kyle? That's the point of being mindwarped, so you don't remember it.
: There's a lot about you, Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know, I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes. How much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you. Maria
: I see you too. Micheal
: No. No, you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss and Liz would see get the flashes? Maria
: Yeah. Micheal
: And when we would kiss you didn't. I know how much that hurt you. Maria
: That doesn't matter to me anymore, Michael. Micheal
: The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before. Because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not too proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me. Take my hands.
: This is the second time you've dragged me into some cheap motel. Michael
: Yeah, well, don't spread it around; you'll ruin my reputation.
: How long is this going to last, us waiting out here like this? Michael
: Why? You got a date? Maria
: Maybe. Isabel
: You know, I'm the one that should be complaining stuck out here with you two.
: Clear as a bell, no mistake, that's right. Miss Topolsky, all American guidance counselor and big, fat liar. Michael
: Never trust a blonde.
: I need your help. Alex
: [to his audience while he holds his arm around Maria
] Okay, I'm making a point here. The point here is, the musicians get the ladies.
: Relax! God, you guys act like I've never tailed anyone before.
[she has trouble starting her car. When she does, she goes a couple of feet in reverse
: Well, he'll never notice us going backwards.
: Oh my god, its just not kissing that goes on in the eraser room. The Eraser room does two things: Cleans erasers and takes our innocence. Do you know what I mean by "takes our innocence", Liz? The Eraser room has taken some of the best of us...
: OK, I want some answers, all right? Because first of all, there are rumors going around that last week you were shot here in the cafe. And then at the crash festival you
[motions to Maria
: were seemingly run over by a car, but then you weren't. And everytime I walk up to you two, you go silent or make up some ridiculous story about Czechoslovakia, which is a country that has not existed for 10 years. So I want the truth, and I want it now. Liz
: Alex, the reason that we keep on changing the subject is... Maria
: Cramps. We have cramps, Alex. Liz
: Yeah, and we didn't even want to talk about it in front of you because we thought it would make you feel really uncomfortable. Maria
: But if you want really want to know, we can tell you. Liz
: In really excruciating detail. Alex
: No. I'm eating.
: I mean, what do we even know about these people? Nothing. How do we know that they're not three feet all, green and slimy? Liz
: I guess we don't. Maria
: And you know what else doesn't, like, particularly please me? The powers. How do we know they can't just, like, wiggle their noses and, like, poof us into an oblivion? Liz
: I guess we don't. Maria
: Okay, you're being, like, so casual about this. I want to choke you!
: The thing is, we don't know anything about these Czechoslovakians. Are they good Czechoslovakians? Are they bad Czechoslovakians? We don't know. They're just random Czechoslovakians. For all we know, they don't have their passport.
: The guy with the gun was kind of like a, like a muscular Beavis. And... the other one was like a, like a beefy Butthead.
: Oh my God Maria that's them. Cut a U-ie. Maria
: Cut a U-ie? Liz
: Maria. Maria
: Who are you?
: Ok, why are they here? No, don't tell me there's three? Liz
: Well... Maria
: I think I'm gonna be sick... Liz
: Maria knows. Michael Guerin
[Liz and Maria are walking back to the cash register together
: You are sooo bad girl. Oh, and Max Evans is staring at you again. Liz
: No way. Maria, that is so in your imagination.
[Liz looks at Max who is sitting at a booth with Michael at the far end of the restaurant. He looks at her and then quickly away
: Max Evans? This? No, un uh... it's not... Maria
: And with those cheeks! Preciosita tan linda! Liz
: Maria! Liz
: And, and even if it weren't I'm going out with Kyle. I mean, he's steady and loyal, and he appreciates me. Maria
: Sounds like you're describing a poodle.
: What's that stench? Is that you? Maria
: I don't have a stench. Max
: Might be your perfume. Michael
: It smells like road kill. Maria
: It's 50 bucks an ounce, man. Michael
: That stuff stinks. Maria
: You know, you're an ass, man.
: Who still wants to find a party? Liz
: Oh, I think that might be this guy right here. Maria
: Oh, Max, the chaperone thing, really, it's getting old and it's completely unnecessary right now. Max
: All right, that's it. I'm going to that party. Wish me luck. Liz
: Good luck. Max
: Let's go. Party train is leaving. Maria
: Is he serious? Liz
: You should have seen him standing there all brave and noble. It was enough to make you fall in love with him all over again. Max
: Yeah, well, I have to live with him, that's enough.
: We've both been kind of busy. Michael
: [looking at her chest
] Yeah, I can see that.
: It's an aqua bra. You know, all the fun of implants without the invasive surgery part.
: It's not that cold. Maria
: You're not wearing an ice bra.
: I'm not involved with Tess. Maria
: Just taking midnight strolls with her? Max
: You saw us? Maria
: Yeah. *We* saw you... as in, Liz and I saw you together. Looked like a pretty romantic evening to me. Maybe a little patty-cake on the front porch before you said good night? Max
: No. It's just... it's a long story. Maria
: Oh, well, I certainly don't want to hear a long story unless there's a Kennedy involved. Max
: I love Liz. Maria
: I know you love Liz, Max. You've been telling me that the entire summer. But now that she's back, I'm the one who's doing all the work here.
: Yes, yes. You're trying to figure out how to be a leader. All right. Here's a little insight. JFK. He's not so great. Cheated on his wife with tramps. Ohhhh... now there's something you and Jack have in common. You're both involved with tramps. How is Tess, by the way?
: Cover me? Maria
: What else is new?
[Courtney goes into the bathroom, rips a layer of skin off her face and flush it down the toilet
: What are you doing here? Isabel
: I just thought we should talk, and since we can't seem to do it when we're awake, I thought I'd visit you in your dreams. Maria
: What do you mean visit me? Isabel
: I'm not really a part of your dream. I can't change it or anything. I just wanted to see what you were thinking.
[Isabel notices Michael sitting at a table, dressed in a tuxedo
: Interesting. Maria
: When he's dressed like that, it makes me feel much less afraid. Isabel
: Afraid of what?
: Strong man. Strong hands. And he had this theory, you know? About aliens? That they were real. Sounds awfully silly, doesn't it? Maria
: Yeah. Valenti
: That's what everybody thought. But my father, he was a very stubborn man, and he wouldn't let it go. He believed, and he lost his job over it. And, uh, he lost his family over it. Now I would hate to see that happen to any other family in this town, wouldn't you? Now there's one more thing that you and I have in common, isn't it? (Maria begins to cry.) We've both seen things recently. Things that have made us start to wonder, made us question ourselves, our beliefs, and I think that if we share those things with each other, we're both going to feel a little bit safer. Now Isabel Evans she's just a girl? Maria
: She's a special girl. Valenti
: What makes her special? Maria
: Where she comes from. Valenti
: Where is she from? Maria, where are they from? Where did they come from? Maria
: (Maria looks at him and makes a decision) A very nice family. And like you said sheriff, we wouldn't want to destroy any other families in this town, would we?
: My mother does stupid things too. Maria
: She does? Isabel
: Don't all mothers? Maria
: Yeah, I guess. Does she know? Isabel
: That she does stupid things? Maria
: No that, uh, you and Max are, like, you know, different. Isabel
: You mean horrible disgusting creatures from outer space who sneak into your room at night and perform excruciating experiments?
: Well, if it isn't Prince Charming and Quasimodo.
: Max likes cherry cola. What does Michael like? Maria
: Cherry cola with arsenic?
: You broke up? Why didn't you tell me? Michael
: I don't know if we did or we didn't. It's kind of confusing. Liz
: Cherry cola on the house Maria
: Yours is $1.25 Michael
: "I guess it's not so confusing anymore.
: So how does electricity work? Kyle
: Why are you lookin' at me? We were both in the same remedial science class for 3 years.
: Ok, we've got ginko, bee pollen, echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St.John's wort , and pamprin... What? I was dating Michael Guerin.
: I'm so confused. Alex
: I'm so depressed. Maria
: This boy... very volatile. Maria
: That's good for sex, right?
: Can you really look at me and say this? I am most likely to get killed in 12 days, and what are you saying? You are saying you're pissed off because you're not getting killed too. Maria
: [starting to cry
] Yes- I don't-I'm falling apart here, Liz, okay? I know I'm ridiculous, I know I sound crazy but... Liz
: It's just that all I have heard for the past 5 months is how you want out of the alien chaos, and now, what you want back in? Maria, Maria, which one is it? Do you want in? Or do you want out? Maria
: I don't know. I don't know. Which one is better for me? You can see the future, Liz, please tell me. Hold my hand, maybe you'll have a flash or something. Tell me which one is better? Liz
: Maria. Maria, listen to me, you've got to stop, okay? Who knows, all right? I can see the future, and I have no idea. Maybe you just need to decide what you want and then go get it. Okay?
: I thought you were leaving. Michael
: I am... but I just wanted... I dunno. Maria
: To say goodbye? Michael
: I wanted to say that this thing has been screwed up from the beginning. You and me. Us. Just the whole long, stupid story... Maria
: Thanks... Michael
: But I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's meant so much to me, y'know. From day one, from the moment I kidnapped you and stole your car... I knew you were the girl for me. I never wanted anyone else... Maria
: Michael... Michael
: I still don't. Just... Wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doin', just know I'll always love you.
[Michael puts his helmet on and starts his bike
: Wait. No... wait. You - you can't just say that and then...
[Michael rides off, leaving Maria looking after him
: I did a striptease in front of her mother. Are you listening to me? Maria
: One nipple does not constitute a striptease, Alex. Alex
: She saw my nipple? Oh, God.
: Chill out, NYPD blue. Alex
: Chill out? Chill out? I spent $150 to rent this costume. And do you have any idea how it feels to walk around all day with a thong up your ass? Courtney
: Girlfriend. Like, I know that we bonded over the summer, but I'm not quite ready to show you the bod just yet. Max
: No. I was just wondering if you'd heard from Liz yet. Maria
: Not since you asked me an hour ago. No. Max
: I heard you on the phone with her. Maria
: Max, little advice. The girl goes off to some aunt in Florida for the entire summer and barely says good-bye to you. In layman's terms, she blew you off big time. I mean, and look at you. Look, you're like a groveling dog.
[in a whiny voice
: Have you heard from Liz today? Did Liz call?
[end whiny voice
: No. That's no good. Look, you've gotta play it cool, all right? Let her come to you.
: So, I hear ex-cons are really great in bed.
[In the episode Viva Las Vegas
: These are your aliases. You will use these aliases for the duration of our trip. Sound off. Kyle
: Harvey Wallbanger Tess
: PiÒa Colada Alex
: Tom Collins Isabel
: Brandy Alexander Maria
: Margarita Salt Liz
: Shirley Temple Max
: Rob Roy Michael
: And I'm your host Dr. Love
: Do you wanna know where I was tonight? I was auditioning to be a stripper! Little innocent me. Michael
: You get the job?
: Alex and I are together now. Micheal
: Maria and I are going steady. Isabel
: Great. Micheal
: Great. Maria
: Must be something in the water.
: I've been thinking. Maria
: Oh, great this usually involves me having to get my car towed.
: She went out the window... I tried chasing her... Maria
: But it's hard to run with your pants around your ankles?
: Oh please! Do your lips ever get chapped from all the ass-kissing?
: There's just so much in my head right now. I can't figure out who I am anymore. Maria
: You're Brody Davis. You're smart, you're funny, you're sensitive and you'd actually make a damn good boyfriend for someone. Brody Davis
: I sound pretty good.
: Mom, don't worry. I gave Liz a coded message. Any minute now 50 cops will be busting down that door and getting us all out of here. Amy DeLuca
: What coded message? Maria
: The Galaxy Sub with Pepper Jack, it's what Brody always orders. Amy DeLuca
: And? Maria
: Liz is my best friend, we have our own language. She'll understand. Trust me.
[At the Crashdown Cafe
: Galaxy Sub with Pepper Jack. Does that mean anything to you?
: Do we have a problem? Michael
: No, we don't. I do. Maria
: How can I help? Michael
: Be patient with me. Maria
: Always. Michael
: Don't say it like that, like I'm a kid. Maria
: That's not what I meant. What are you worried about? Really. What can I do? Michael
: Tell your friend to leave. He shouldn't be here. It's not a good time. Maria
: Not a good time? Let me ask you a question, Michael. Michael
: Here we go. Maria
: No, don't do that. Michael
: You ask 'What can I do?' and I tell you. Maria
: When is it a good time? Michael
: To step out with an old boyfriend? Maria
: He is not an old- Would you just-? Michael
: Where's your patience now?
: Nothing ever changes. Liz
: Maybe you don't really want anything to change. Maria
: Maybe. Or maybe neither one of us is strong enough or crazy enough to break the cycle.
: Repeat after me. I'm sorry Maria. Liz
: I'm sorry Maria. Maria
: Okay. You're forgiven. Liz
: But I want to know what I did that I'm sorry for. Maria
: Let it go. I have.
: Yeah, you had a lot to drink. Liz
: I should probably go take a shower. Maria
: I'm forced to agree.
: Where were you? Michael
: Where was I supposed to be? Maria
: We were supposed to have lunch at school today. Michael
: Today's Saturday. Maria
: Today's Friday. Hello, where are you? Michael
: I'm right here. Where's Saturday? Maria
: What, are you guys saving the world from alien invasion? Michael
: Would that keep you from kicking my ass?
: Are you OK? Elizabeth "Liz" Parker
: Yeah, why? Maria DeLuca
: You're making a cottage cheese milkshake.
: I want to break up. I want out because I love you so much. I love you more than you could possibly know. Michael
: I'm lost. Maria
: No, I'm lost. And you've been there the whole time to help me through all of it. Michael
: All of what? Maria
: This whole thing. Alien, human, the scary stuff, the bad stuff. Michael
: There was fun stuff too. Maria
: Yeah, but I haven't been honest through any of it. Michael
: Listen, if you're tying to tell me you're a bisexual or something I'm cool with that. I'm- Why do you want out? Maria
: Because, Michael, I don't think I've ever been in. I mean, this girl you've known for the past three years, this Maria, it's just not me. Michael
: Of course it's you. Maria
: No, it's not the me I used to be. Michael
: Things change. Maria
: Yeah, things change. Michael
: Just like that? Will you come back to me? Maria
: I don't know.
: Oh, it's that obvious? Great. Great. Hey, listen... let me ask you guys a question. As women, do you find that all men are obsessive? Amy DeLuca
: Yes. Liz
: Absolutely. Maria
: No question.
: You know, you need a better name. Alex
: Oh, come on. What's wrong with "The Whits"? Maria
: Just an S away from what you really are.
: Where are you going? Maria
: Santa Fe. Michael
: Maria, where are you going? Maria
: Michael. Michael
: Liz doesn't want us to know because she and Max are at war, so here's the thing: I'm not going to tell Max, but I need to know, because if wherever you're going turns out to be dangerous, I'm sure as hell gonna be there to protect you. So, where are you going?
: [about Michael
] So he wants to take me out for my birthday next week and I don't know. Kyle Valenti
: What's the harm? Isabel Amanda Evans
: Well, the harm is that a birthday dinner by definition is sentimental. Maria DeLuca
: And sentimental leads to a goodnight kiss. Isabel Amanda Evans
: And a goodnight kiss leads to sex. Kyle Valenti
: I should write that down.
: I have no where else to go. Micheal
: [turns to her
] You've got plenty of other friends. Maria
: Like who? Liz? I've tried to talk to her, she hasn't been around. Micheal
: Do you even know what's going on with her? Maria
: Yeah, she's pissy and preoccupied and doesn't return my phone calls. Micheal
: She might be dying, Maria. Maria
: [to herself as she pulls up in the car
] Why can't these aliens ever get in trouble somewhere decent? Like Graceland or Tahoe or New Orleans. No, Utah. Mormons and mountains.
: Hello? I'm singing on Saturday at the new performance space next to the museum. Michael
: Yeah. But I've heard you sing before. What's the big deal?
: No, I'm not safe. All right, I mean, I can do these things that I can't control. Look at what I did to Pierce. I'm not going to take that chance with you. I don't want you to be around for what's going to happen. Maria
: Wait. Don't do this to me Michael, please. You need me now, more than you have before, alright? Micheal
: No, I don't need anyone. Maria
: Well, maybe I do. Did you ever think of that? I mean, look at Max and Liz. They can't bear to be separated. But you, you can just throw me away. Just like that. Why is that, Michael? Why? Micheal
: Maybe because I love you too much. Goodbye.
: You guys didn't go... beyond? Liz
: No, no, no. Maria
: Gonna say... you were only out for 5 minutes. Liz
: I know. Listen, Maria, if I... when... when... when I actually do it, it is not gonna be in between a plate of Kielbasa and a deep fryer. Maria
: Hmm. Liz
: I saw things, Maria. Did you see things when you and Michael kissed? Maria
: What exactly did you see? Liz
: Voilá. M&M-Tabasco-swirl cookies. I came up with the recipe all by myself. Maria
: A care package. Max is so spoiled, man. Liz
: No, he is not. Maria
: Liz, he hasn't been gone more than a week. Liz
: Could you just let me finish? Because he's calling in less than an hour. Maria
: Really? Liz
: Uh-huh. Maria
: Are you guys gonna talk or just breathe heavy into the phone? Or are you gonna repeat each other's names back and forth, and back and forth? Liz
: Stop it!
: [Maria and Michael on on top of a convenient store with binoculars when Maria sees something through hers
] Whoa. Michael
: What? Maria DeLuca
: Someone's in Garrison's Hardware Store. Michael
: Maria, you're supposed to be watching the sheriff's station. Maria DeLuca
: [another look through her binoculars
] I think they're having sex! Michael
: [Michael points his binoculars in the same direction as Maria's
[At school, Alex and Maria are walking down a hallway
] Maria DeLuca
: I have never seen her like this. Alex Whitman
: So this was like the kiss of the millennium? Maria DeLuca
: Alex, if they actually do it, she'll probably explode. Alex Whitman
: Or maybe she'll explode if they don't do it.
[Max and Michael are also walking through a hallway at school
: Did anything like that ever happen to Maria when you two... Michael
: No. Maxwell, let me assure you, you have not experienced anything I have not experienced many times or caused to be experienced. Max
: Then how can you call yourself my friend? Michael
: What? Max
: A friend wouldn't have kept something like that to himself.
: Stop it and listen to me, all right? I need my best friend right now because our other best friend just died, and I feel lost and scared and just completely wrecked, and I know that we're supposed to go to school, and go to work, and finish this yearbook tribute, but I just can't... I don't have a handle on things. I feel like everything is just slipping by me, and I don't even... I don't even know if I'm alive right now. So please, just stop focusing on this thing, that isn't even there. And just be sad with the rest of us, ok? Please. Liz
: So you don't believe me, either. Maria
: I'm - no, I'm sorry, I guess I don't, Liz.