Michael Guerin
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Quotes for
Michael Guerin (Character)
from "Roswell" (1999)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Roswell: Graduation (#3.18)" (2002)
Michael: [to Maria] The moment I kidnapped you and stole your car I knew you were the girl for me.

Michael: Well, I'm not graduating so, I guess I'll be the first to leave.
Max: Michael, look...
Michael: Ah, I'm traveling light so, you can have my Metallica CDs.
Max: I know things between us have been a little ah...
Michael: Maxwell don't. 'Cuz I can't.
[Max hugs Michael as the others look on]

Michael: [about Kyle] Does he really get to start referring to us as his "own kind"?

Michael: Modesty prevents me from taking a bow.

Maria: I thought you were leaving.
Michael: I am... but I just wanted... I dunno.
Maria: To say goodbye?
Michael: I wanted to say that this thing has been screwed up from the beginning. You and me. Us. Just the whole long, stupid story...
Maria: Thanks...
Michael: But I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's meant so much to me, y'know. From day one, from the moment I kidnapped you and stole your car... I knew you were the girl for me. I never wanted anyone else...
Maria: Michael...
Michael: I still don't. Just... Wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doin', just know I'll always love you.
[Michael puts his helmet on and starts his bike]
Maria: Wait. No... wait. You - you can't just say that and then...
[Michael rides off, leaving Maria looking after him]

Michael: I dream we get whacked every other night, why the meeting

Michael: A team? Look at us it's ridiculous!


"Roswell: I Married an Alien (#3.11)" (2002)
Max: No, no, that's wrong. It was a Navajo White. That's more Eggshell.
Michael: And I'm the one who needs a hobby?

Jesse: Were you guys just talking about me?
Isabel: No, silly. The world doesn't revolve around you!
Max: Yeah, it revolves around Michael.
Michael: That's me!

Max: [Sees Michael watching "Bewitched"] Okay, this is officially not funny anymore.
Michael: I'd ask what your problem is, Maxwell, but I really don't care.
Max: Michael, you have got to get a life.
Michael: Thanks for the heartfelt advice. You can leave now.

Jesse: [On the golf course] You want to take a mulligan?
Michael: No, I don't take drugs.

Isabel: Michael, what are you going to tell Eric?
Michael: I'll think of something.
Isabel: I don't know what worries me more, when you don't think or when you do.
Michael: That's funny. You should be on a sitcom.

Isabel: Did you forget something?
Jesse: Yeah, my balls.
[Max and Michael laughs]
Jesse: Were you guys just talking about me?
Isabel: That's a little paranoid, don't you think? I mean the whole world doesn't revolve around you.
Max: It revolves around Michael.
Michael: That's a fact.


"Roswell: Sexual Healing (#1.16)" (2000)
Max: Uh, listen Liz is on her way over.
Isabel: [Looking to Michael] Okay we'll leave.
Max: You guy's don't have to leave.
Michael: Go, poor Maxwell. For the good of all mankind.
Max: Michael, that's not what this is about for me.
Michael: Don't make me beg you to do what you and Liz obviously wanna do any ways. I really don't see a problem with it.
Max: The problem is treating someone I care about as a thing. To be used.
Michael: What and that's what I'm about. That's what your saying?
Max: The words are coming from your mouth Michael.
Isabel: Ok, guys stop. Enough.
Michael: Listen Maxwell, you are a sensitive guy, and you have available to you, one of the top pre-seduction lines in history with "it's gonna help me find my home planet", and you're refusing to use it? No guy's that sensitive. Use it.

[At school, Alex and Maria are walking down a hallway]
Maria DeLuca: I have never seen her like this.
Alex Whitman: So this was like the kiss of the millennium?
Maria DeLuca: Alex, if they actually do it, she'll probably explode.
Alex Whitman: Or maybe she'll explode if they don't do it.
[Max and Michael are also walking through a hallway at school]
Max: Did anything like that ever happen to Maria when you two...
Michael: No. Maxwell, let me assure you, you have not experienced anything I have not experienced many times or caused to be experienced.
Max: Then how can you call yourself my friend?
Michael: What?
Max: A friend wouldn't have kept something like that to himself.

[Max is at Michael's apartment talking to Michael and Isabel about what happened with Liz. Isabel is putting away some groceries]
Max: She said it was as if she was inside the ship looking out... when it came crashing toward Earth.
Michael: Did she see anyone else on the ship? Like our parents?
Isabel: Yeah, or Captain Kirk and the Klingons? You got a paper-towel holder?
Michael: No. What if it's real?
Isabel: It's not real. What's wrong with you guys?
[Isabel opens the refrigerator and takes a step back from the smell]
Isabel: Oh, God! Not even baking soda's gonna help with that.
Michael: You know what, Isabel? If you don't like my new place, you can leave. Continue.
Max: I see things from inside her head. Maybe she's seeing things stored deep inside me.
Michael: What do you see inside her head?
Max: I can't tell you. It's private.
Michael: Since when do we keep secrets from each other? Maxwell, come on.
Isabel: Do you have a juicer?
Michael: Isabel, you're pushing it.
Max: They're Liz's personal thoughts, Michael... not secrets.
Michael: Ok, yeah, so they're personal thoughts. How do you know they're real?
Max: I'm not sure.
Michael: Can't you just ask her?
Max: I don't want to embarrass her.
Michael: Maxwell, if this is real... if there's any chance this is real, you owe it to us and to yourself to find out. And in the meantime, I'm gonna pursue my own avenues.

[At Michael's apartment, Isabel and Michael are discussing how these images could be created]
Isabel: That would mean each of us has this information in some part of us we're just not not conscious of.
Michael: Or she's getting messages from somewhere or someone else.
Isabel: Nasedo?
Michael: I don't know. I mean, why did she see the crash, the soldiers? Maybe it was all planned this way... that this is how we'd find out who we really are... by connecting with humans.
Isabel: Connecting?
Michael: The more they connect, the more we find out.

[Liz opens the door of Michaels house and enters]
Isabel: Hi.
Liz: Hi.
Michael: How's it goin'?
Liz: Strange.
Isabel: I'll bet.
Michael: All right. We're leaving now. But I got some Chaka Khan cued up in the CD player.
Isabel: We're leaving. Bye.


"Roswell: Interruptus (#3.7)" (2001)
Isabel: What are you guys doing here?
Michael: Taking care of your problem.
Max: Why didn't you tell us before you left?
Isabel: Well, I didn't expect him to follow me here.
Michael: He sure as hell doesn't have the hots for us now, does he?
Isabel: You can't kill him.
Max: We know.
Michael: We're going to.
Max: Michael.

Michael: Let's go scuba diving.
Max: Are you serious?
Michael: When else? You gotta seize the moment, Max.
Max: I've gotta get back home.
Michael: There'll be plenty of time for intense brooding moments with Liz later.
Max: We were just almost obliterated by an alien killer.
Michael: Which is why we need to chill.
Max: Chill?
Michael: Exactly, chill. See some stingrays.
Max: You're really serious about this.
Michael: Yeah.

Max: Get him out of here. You ok?
Michael: Hey, whatever-your-name-is.
Isabel: I think so.
Kivar: Where am I?
Michael: La Jolla. Come on, you need to call your wife.
Kivar: How did I get in California?
Michael: I don't know. Maybe you were kidnapped by aliens or something. Come on, let's go.

Max Evans: [Isabel opens the door] Hi.
Michael Guerin: We're here to kill your boyfriend.
[Isabel slams the door shut]


"Roswell: 285 South (#1.6)" (1999)
Michael: [pointing to the hotel bed] I don't suppose we could share?
Maria: Not if you were the last alien on Earth.

Maria: Come on. Wiggle your nose, blink your eyes. Do your Samantha/Jeannie/alien thing.
Michael: I can't.
Maria: Why not? If there was ever a time to have a secret power, this is it.

Maria: You kidnap me and blow up my car and you expect me to spend the night with you in here?
Michael: Not exactly my fantasy evening either.

Liz: We thought you were in trouble. I guess we were wrong.
Maria: No, no. You don't think, I mean that is like so unreal. Come on,
[kicking Michael]
Maria: would you tell them?
Michael: Come on honey. We don't have to lie.
Isabel: I believe you. The day Michael calls anyone honey, it's all over.


"Roswell: Behind the Music (#3.8)" (2001)
Max: We still need your healing stone.
Michael: I think it's at Maria's.
Max: You think it's at Maria's?
Michael: Yeah, I don't know. Most likely.
Max: I bet if it was one of your Metallica CDs, you'd know where it was.
Michael: Hey, you wanna bring that up again? The reason I got pissed is because you put "And Justice For All" before "Master of the Puppets".
Max: Yeah, in alphabetical order.
Michael: They go in order of the release date.
Max: And you don't know where your healing stone is?
Michael: Do you still wanna sleep on my couch?

Liz: Everything is going to be fine between you and Maria. Trust me.
Michael: She cooked him Italian food last night.
Liz: Oh.
Michael: I knew it. It's a problem.
Liz: No, it's not a problem. It's just, um, it's food.
Michael: No, Liz. It's Italian food.
Liz: Michael, please don't do anything stupid. Or alien! Or both! Please!

Maria: Do we have a problem?
Michael: No, we don't. I do.
Maria: How can I help?
Michael: Be patient with me.
Maria: Always.
Michael: Don't say it like that, like I'm a kid.
Maria: That's not what I meant. What are you worried about? Really. What can I do?
Michael: Tell your friend to leave. He shouldn't be here. It's not a good time.
Maria: Not a good time? Let me ask you a question, Michael.
Michael: Here we go.
Maria: No, don't do that.
Michael: You ask 'What can I do?' and I tell you.
Maria: When is it a good time?
Michael: To step out with an old boyfriend?
Maria: He is not an old- Would you just-?
Michael: Where's your patience now?

Michael: It's a pretty busy night, huh?
Liz: Mm-hmm.
Michael: How much money do you think we pull in on a night like tonight?
Liz: Do you know that you really suck at small talk? Why don't you just tell Dr. Parker what's on your mind.
Michael: Okay, tell me, do I need to be worried about this Billy guy?
Liz: No, you don't. He's completely harmless.
Michael: But you think he's good-looking, right?
Liz: Well, yeah, if you like that sort of thing, I guess.
Michael: The good-looking sort of thing?
Liz: Michael.
Michael: Do you really think he missed his bus?
Liz: Yes, I do. Haven't you ever missed a bus before?
Michael: No, because I don't take the bus. And I don't write songs. And I don't cook with freaking half-and-half!
[makes the salt containers explode]
Liz: Hey, Michael!
Michael: Sorry, my powers are out of control.


"Roswell: Blood Brother (#1.8)" (1999)
Maria: This is the second time you've dragged me into some cheap motel.
Michael: Yeah, well, don't spread it around; you'll ruin my reputation.

Maria: How long is this going to last, us waiting out here like this?
Michael: Why? You got a date?
Maria: Maybe.
Isabel: You know, I'm the one that should be complaining stuck out here with you two.

Maria: Clear as a bell, no mistake, that's right. Miss Topolsky, all American guidance counselor and big, fat liar.
Michael: Never trust a blonde.

Michael: Stick a fork in us, Maxwell, we're done.


"Roswell: Samuel Rising (#3.9)" (2001)
Max: So did you and Maria officially break up?
Michael: I thought so. But the more she says, the more confusing it gets. She wants space, but she still wants me in her life. All I know for sure is that I'm not getting any. Let's grab a burger.
Max: That's not exactly giving her space.
Michael: I'm not gonna starve because I have a weird girlfriend.
Max: You know, Liz's dad is still freaked. I'm not allowed in the Crashdown.
Michael: Do it anyways, it'll make her hot.

Maria: I want to break up. I want out because I love you so much. I love you more than you could possibly know.
Michael: I'm lost.
Maria: No, I'm lost. And you've been there the whole time to help me through all of it.
Michael: All of what?
Maria: This whole thing. Alien, human, the scary stuff, the bad stuff.
Michael: There was fun stuff too.
Maria: Yeah, but I haven't been honest through any of it.
Michael: Listen, if you're tying to tell me you're a bisexual or something I'm cool with that. I'm- Why do you want out?
Maria: Because, Michael, I don't think I've ever been in. I mean, this girl you've known for the past three years, this Maria, it's just not me.
Michael: Of course it's you.
Maria: No, it's not the me I used to be.
Michael: Things change.
Maria: Yeah, things change.
Michael: Just like that? Will you come back to me?
Maria: I don't know.

Michael: So, Paul, are you a football player because you look like a football player.
Paul: Hockey.
Michael: Hockey. Now there's a man's sport. What's your favorite team?
Paul: The Rangers.
Michael: Okay, that's where we go our separate ways.


"Roswell: Viva Las Vegas (#2.15)" (2001)
[In the episode Viva Las Vegas]
Michael: These are your aliases. You will use these aliases for the duration of our trip. Sound off.
Kyle: Harvey Wallbanger
Tess: PiÒa Colada
Alex: Tom Collins
Isabel: Brandy Alexander
Maria: Margarita Salt
Liz: Shirley Temple
Max: Rob Roy
Michael: And I'm your host Dr. Love

Maria: Do you wanna know where I was tonight? I was auditioning to be a stripper! Little innocent me.
Michael: You get the job?

Sheriff Jim Valenti: Each one of your parents is going to hear from me later today. I expect you back in Roswell this afternoon. Kyle get in the car.
Kyle: I was up sixteen hundred.
Sheriff Jim Valenti: Now.
Michael: Glad I'm an orphan.
Tess: Yeah me too.
Sheriff Jim Valenti: Tess, don't make me come back in there.


"Roswell: Heat Wave (#1.9)" (1999)
Max: Did anything like that ever happen to Maria when you two...
Michael: No. Maxwell, let me assure you, you have not experienced anything I have not experienced many times or caused to be experienced.
Max: Then how can you call yourself my friend?
Michael: What?
Max: A friend wouldn't have kept something like that to himself.

Michael: [about Maria] It feels so wrong, but it feels so good.

Michael: I just figured "go for it", you know? I don't know what I was thinking.
Max: Yeah, I just thought we had guidelines about this. We agreed to discuss before we acted on any, you know... urges.
Michael: I hate to tell you this, Max, but when I have urges, you're not exactly the first person I think about.


"Roswell: Significant Others (#3.3)" (2001)
Isabel: Okay. I'm just going to make it simple. And I don't even think is that big of a deal anyway so I'm just gonna say it and you can react. There's, there's someone I want to tell about us.
Michael: I'm glad you don't think that's a big deal.
Max: Who?
Isabel: He's name is Jesse Ramirez. You both know him. He's...
Max: The lawyer that works for Dad?
Isabel: Yeah.
Max: And why do you wanna tell him?
Isabel: Because we've gotten close.
Max: Close?
Isabel: Yes, close.
Max: Meaning you and he are...
Isabel: Involved.
Michael: Are you pregnant?
Isabel: No. We haven't even slept together.
Michael: Has he seen you use your powers?
Isabel: No.
Michael: Why are we having this conversation?
Max: Why do you need to tell him?
Isabel: I don't need to, I want to. I want him to know because I want to be honest with him. I love him and I want him to know me. I don't wanna hide. God, do you know how humiliating this is for me? To have to come here and ask your permission to have an open conversation with my boyfriend? Can you just imagine it for a second, put yourself in my position.
Michael: I'm gonna put this as simple as possible. Isabel, I'm happy you have a boyfriend. Congrats. That said, lie about the alien thing.
Isabel: He's gonna leave, Max. If I'm not honest with him, he's gonna leave.
Max: How long have you two been?
Isabel: Three months. But I know him. I know him. This is the first time I've ever felt his way. I'm in love with him. If I lose this, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here on Earth. I mean, you have Liz, Michael has Maria. This is the first time I've had someone.

Maria: Where were you?
Michael: Where was I supposed to be?
Maria: We were supposed to have lunch at school today.
Michael: Today's Saturday.
Maria: Today's Friday. Hello, where are you?
Michael: I'm right here. Where's Saturday?
Maria: What, are you guys saving the world from alien invasion?
Michael: Would that keep you from kicking my ass?

Michael: You guys are always giving me crap about being impulsive and stupid. Well, you know what's stupid? Sneaking around the desert while your father's watching our every move.
Max: Shut up, Michael.
Michael: Whose idea was it to bury the alien stuff anyway? I mean, what are we? Eight? It's called a safety deposit box.


"Roswell: The Convention (#1.13)" (2000)
Isabel: I want to get the hell out of here. This place is psychologically damaging.
Michael: This place could hold the answers to everything.
Isabel: Yeah, I'm sure it's a real mecca for factual information

Max: Michael, I have to talk to you about something... personal.
Michael: Nothing's too personal.
Max: How do you do it with Maria?
Michael: Too personal.


"Roswell: Baby, It's You (#2.19)" (2001)
Michael: Where are you going?
Maria: Santa Fe.
Michael: Maria, where are you going?
Maria: Michael.
Michael: Liz doesn't want us to know because she and Max are at war, so here's the thing: I'm not going to tell Max, but I need to know, because if wherever you're going turns out to be dangerous, I'm sure as hell gonna be there to protect you. So, where are you going?

[about the baby]
Michael: Maxwell, if this thing comes out green with four fingers and three eyes, that puts a major crimp in our 'hide in plain site' strategy.


"Roswell: Skin and Bones (#2.1)" (2000)
Max: No rock stands a chance against Michael Guerin.
Michael: Our fearless leader.

Michael: You're our leader. Why don't you lead us?
Max: Fine! Crack some more rocks.


"Roswell: Cry Your Name (#2.17)" (2001)
Max: You are so full of it.
Michael: I just call it like I see it.
Max: You can't compare The Matrix to Crouching Tiger.
Michael: Crapping Tiger is a chick flick with kung-fu.
Max: First of all, Crappi... Crouching Tiger is actually about something. Love. Honor. Trust.
Michael: Matrix is about something. Illusion, reality, gunfire.
Max: You simply can't prefer Keanu Reeves to Michelle Yeoh. You can't... I won't let you...

Amy DeLuca: You know, I think this is the most time you've ever spent in my house.
Michael: Yeah, I... I could leave if you want. Just, it's nice to be around people.
Amy DeLuca: No, no. That's not what I meant at all. Ah, what I'm trying to say is that you've really been great for my family. And it's a wonderful thing to see my daughter loved. And I would like to see a lot more of that. And, as far as I'm concerned, you'll always be welcome in this house.
Michael: Thank you.
Amy DeLuca: Welcome on the couch.
Michael: Right.


"Roswell: Harvest (#2.6)" (2000)
Michael: So we agree.
Max: Yeah.
Michael: There's a first.

Michael: She went out the window... I tried chasing her...
Maria: But it's hard to run with your pants around your ankles?


"Roswell: Pilot (#1.1)" (1999)
Max: Liz won't tell anyone, she's different.
Michael Guerin: Really? So how's she react when you told her? 'Great, you're an alien, that's fantastic.'

Maria: Ok, why are they here? No, don't tell me there's three?
Liz: Well...
Maria: I think I'm gonna be sick...
Liz: Maria knows.
Michael Guerin: Unbelievable.


"Roswell: A Roswell Christmas Carol (#2.10)" (2000)
[Michael is fixing up a bumper for Maria's christmas gift. Isabel comes in with her arms full of presents]
Michael: It's a bumper. For a Jetta.
Isabel: Hmmm. How did what I said yesterday result in this?
Michael: It meets all your criteria. It's personal, because I personally know what a bug she has up her ass about how much we screwed up her car. It's thoughtful, because I had to go to the junkyard and get it, and it's something she would never get herself for the obvious reason that her bumper's been hanging from a string for the past half-year.
Isabel: Ok, Michael. This is what I'm gonna do. I am going to take the Christmas dog show off my calendar and take you shopping and rectify this situation.
Michael: No. I'm not gonna get obsessed over this present. This is fine. I'm not gonna make everyone else around me miserable.
Isabel: What are you saying? That I get obsessed and make everyone around me miserable?
Michael: [quickly] I didn't say that.

Michael: [about Isabel] All hail the Christmas Nazi.


"Roswell: Michael, the Guys, and the Great Snapple Caper (#3.2)" (2001)
Max: Michael, what you're about to do is not a plan. It's not an idea. It's something you think about in your mind and then you come up with something better.
Michael: Yeah, I don't have anything better.

Steve: You're a crazy bastard. You know that?
Michael: Welcome to my world.


"Roswell: Summer of '47 (#2.4)" (2000)
Liz: Oh, Max. Look, I don't know what to do. Calls keep coming in to Congresswoman Whitaker's office. Should I return them, or...
Michael: Not now!
Liz: [to Max] We'll talk in trig.
[leaves]
Max: [to Michael] You know, mean people suck.

Liz: Did Max ask you to do that?
Michael: What?
Liz: The whole being nice thing.
Michael: No. I came up with it myself.
Liz: I like it.


"Roswell: Control (#3.5)" (2001)
Isabel: Why is it that you feel that you are above doorbells?
Michael: Got your message. Is it a joke?
Isabel: No, I'm getting married.
Michael: We agreed not to bring anyone else into this.
Isabel: Michael, I don't want to put my life on hold. This is my one chance to be happy, to love someone and have him love me back without all of this garbage that has made us miserable our whole lives getting in the way. I've put a lot of thought into it and I don't see any reason to why Jesse has to know the truth.
Michael: Well, knowing what I know about alien sex he's gonna have questions after the honeymoon.
Isabel: OKay, Michael, get out of my room.
Michael: What did Max say?
Isabel: I'm going to tell him when he gets back. Come on, Michael, just congratulate me.
Michael: On what?

Michael: What's going on with your mom?
Isabel: I'm getting married in two weeks and she told me she wanted nothing to do with the wedding. I'm all alone in this, Michael. Do you have any idea how that feels? Max found out the other day. You can imagine what his reaction was. That's why I wanted- I just- I needed you to congratulate me the other night. Can you be on my side just this once?
Michael: Isabel, you don't care what I think.
Isabel: How can you say that?
Michael: Because if you did, then you wouldn't have had Maria break the news.
Isabel: I'm sorry. That was stupid. I just- I was afraid you would freak out, and I didn't think that I could handle it, so- I'm sorry. I know that you're worried about Jesse but I'm going to keep him safe.
Michael: I hope you can.
Isabel: Michael, your opinion means as much to me as Max's. You're like a brother to me too.
Michael: So in two weeks?
Isabel: Less than, actually.
Michael: Congratulations, Isabel.
Isabel: Thank you.


"Roswell: Four Aliens and a Baby (#3.17)" (2002)
Michael Guerin: [Max, and Tess with the baby, enter Michael's apartment. Michael is sitting watching television, but jumps to his feet, incredulous, when he sees her, and raises his hand to blast her... ] Tess, you are not here!
Max Evans: [rushes forward to get between Tess and Michael] Michael, no!
Michael Guerin: Maxwell, get out of the way.
Max Evans: Not until you calm down.
Michael Guerin: Whatever she told you, she's lying.
Max Evans: She has my son.
Michael Guerin: Well, get the baby out of the way.
Max Evans: No, he needs her. If you kill her, my son will die.
Michael Guerin: [Hesitates, but backs off] Max, what the hell's she doin' here?
Max Evans: It's a long story. But we need to get them out of Roswell.
Michael Guerin: Yeah. My heart bleeds.
Tess Harding: Nice to see you, too, Michael.
Max Evans: [warning Tess] Hey, don't start.
[He reaches down to take the baby from her]
Michael Guerin: [Outside Michael's apartment, Liz arrives. She preens and smiles as she reaches for the door, eagerly anticipating her evening with Max.Inside, Tess has just finished telling her story to Michael] Oh, so you're the one that crashed in the desert the other night.
Tess Harding: You always were the quick one, Guerin.
Liz Parker: [Suddenly Tess is blasted through the air. She lands hard in the adjoining room and Max and Michael are shocked. They look back towards the door] Get up, bitch!
[Liz's outstretched hand crackles with green sparks. Without waiting, Liz blasts Tess again, knocking her back into the wall as a stunned Max and Michael watch for a moment in disbelief]
Liz Parker: I'll kill you!
Max Evans: - Liz- -No-
[Max quickly hands the baby to Michael and lunges to stop Liz]
Liz Parker: You're a murderer! I'll kill you!
Max Evans: Liz...!
[Max restrains Liz and pulls her outside onto the patio]
Max Evans: [Tess has a stunned look on her face because of her not knowing about Liz's powers]
Michael Guerin: [smirking at Tess] ... Welcome back.

Kyle Valenti: [Liz walks out just as Kyle is coming in] Gee, Liz. Is everything okay?
[Liz just blows on past him]
Kyle Valenti: ... 'guess not...
Tess Harding: Kyle! Thank God you're here!
Kyle Valenti: [comes into the room, but paces back and forth in front of Tess, frowning] Don't come near me.
Tess Harding: [obviously sad] Kyle, at least give me a chance to explain!
Kyle Valenti: [to Michael] Why haven't you killed her yet?
Michael Guerin: Max wouldn't let me.
Max Evans: [Max comes up and takes the baby away from Tess] Come on, Zan, - I don't want you to see this...
Tess Harding: Be careful with him, Max.
Kyle Valenti: So, what are you doing here?
Tess Harding: Ask one of them, I'm sick of explaining.
Kyle Valenti: Okay, why don't you explain what the hell you were doing at our house earlier.
Tess Harding: I thought you'd help me.
Kyle Valenti: Then why'd you run away in such a hurry?
Tess Harding: I was protecting my son.
Kyle Valenti: He wasn't in danger!
Tess Harding: Your father had a gun! Instincts took over! You're lucky I didn't kill you!
Kyle Valenti: [laughs ironically] Oh... I guess I owe you one. Oh, actually... No.
Tess Harding: [Still sad] Kyle...
Kyle Valenti: We took you into our home, Tess. We protected you. And how did you repay us? You brainwashed me into carrying Alex's dead body!
Tess Harding: I never meant to hurt...
Kyle Valenti: Well, too late!
Tess Harding: You've never even heard my side of the story.
Kyle Valenti: You have a side? The murderer has a side!
Tess Harding: I was raised by a killer, Kyle... a sick and twisted man...!
Kyle Valenti: Don't play the victim here, Tess. You know, of all the aliens I've met... you're the only one who has no soul.
[He walks away from her, leaving her stung and frowning]


"Roswell: Disturbing Behavior (#2.13)" (2001)
Michael: I'm not completely emotionally retarded. I have feelings.

Maria DeLuca: [Maria and Michael on on top of a convenient store with binoculars when Maria sees something through hers] Whoa.
Michael: What?
Maria DeLuca: Someone's in Garrison's Hardware Store.
Michael: Maria, you're supposed to be watching the sheriff's station.
Maria DeLuca: [another look through her binoculars] I think they're having sex!
Michael: [Michael points his binoculars in the same direction as Maria's] Whoa.


"Roswell: A Tale of Two Parties (#3.10)" (2002)
Michael: What's that stench? Is that you?
Maria: I don't have a stench.
Max: Might be your perfume.
Michael: It smells like road kill.
Maria: It's 50 bucks an ounce, man.
Michael: That stuff stinks.
Maria: You know, you're an ass, man.


"Roswell: To Have and to Hold (#3.6)" (2001)
Michael Guerin: [On the phone to Max] We've got bad news Maxwell. Jesse Ramirez is 'ta dah' human. Yeah, nice red blood cells. Not a green one in the bunch.


"Roswell: Busted (#3.1)" (2001)
Michael: Now if I'm gonna have a chance of graduating this year I need to get into your Bio 101 class.
Mr. Seligman: Why didn't you come to my Bio 101 class when you were in it?
Michael: I'm turning over a new leaf.
Mr. Seligman: Excuse me while I take a moment to chuckle within.


"Roswell: Meet the Dupes (#2.8)" (2000)
Maria: Hello? I'm singing on Saturday at the new performance space next to the museum.
Michael: Yeah. But I've heard you sing before. What's the big deal?


"Roswell: Into the Woods (#1.12)" (2000)
Maria: We've both been kind of busy.
Michael: [looking at her chest] Yeah, I can see that.


"Roswell: Off the Menu (#2.20)" (2001)
Elizabeth "Liz" Parker: That was weird.
Michael Guerin: What was?
Elizabeth "Liz" Parker: Maria just hung up on me.
Michael Guerin: Happens to me all the time.


"Roswell: The Balance (#1.10)" (1999)
Max: You broke up? Why didn't you tell me?
Michael: I don't know if we did or we didn't. It's kind of confusing.
Liz: Cherry cola on the house
Maria: Yours is $1.25
Michael: "I guess it's not so confusing anymore.


"Roswell: How the Other Half Lives (#2.14)" (2001)
Michael: Look, Laurie, I know a lot of people think you're pretty crazy. But the truth is, knowing everything you've been through, you seem pretty normal to me. I just want you to know that whatever you are to me - a sister, a cousin, whatever - you're the only family I've ever known, and I just found you. I don't... I don't want to let you go. I know you're scared to death of me, but... if you could find some way to trust me... I mean, I got all kinds of faults. And this one over here, you know
[gestures to Maria]
Michael: she can list them off for you if you want later on, but... the one thing I am is loyal. I will not turn my back on you. That's all I got to say. I don't know.