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Quotes for
Julie Teeger (Character)
from "Monk" (2002)

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"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Miracle (#7.9)" (2008)
Julie Teeger: [looking at Monk's cardboard tree] Is that your tree?
Adrian Monk: Uh-huh.
Julie Teeger: It's cardboard.
Adrian Monk: Right. No muss, no fuss. A lot of people are doing it.
Julie Teeger: Who?
Adrian Monk: People... you know, who are me.

Julie Teeger: Christmas doesn't mean anything to you?
Adrian Monk: Not anymore.
Julie Teeger: Why don't you believe in anything, Mr. Monk? What are you so afraid of?
Natalie Teeger: I'll tell you what I think. I think Mr. Monk has been afraid of so many things, for so many years, he's afraid of not being afraid.
Adrian Monk: What does that mean?
Natalie Teeger: Think about it.
Adrian Monk: I'm afraid to.

Julie Teeger: So, why do they call you the Professor?
Natalie Teeger: Julie, it's probably because he loves to read and probably because he's curious about the world and other cultures...
The Professor: I eat books.
Natalie Teeger: Oh.

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees (#6.5)" (2007)
Adrian Monk: [whispering] I'm supposed to be giving you "the big talk."
Julie Teeger: [also whispering] Why?
Adrian Monk: Because you're dating an older boy...
Julie Teeger: No, I mean, why *you*?
Adrian Monk: That's what I said!

Adrian Monk: [loudly] We certainly have had a very productive talk.
[edges toward the door]
Adrian Monk: This is the end of the talk...
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, wait. How do you know if what you're feeling is real?
Adrian Monk: [whispering] What are you doing?
Julie Teeger: No, I'm serious. When you met Trudy, how did you know?
Adrian Monk: Julie, listen, this is not real. It's just for your mother. I'm not really here, you understand?
[Julie starts to cry]
Adrian Monk: No, no, please, don't cry. I can't leave if you're crying.
Adrian Monk: What you're feeling is perfectly normal!
Adrian Monk: What you're feeling is probably normal.

Julie Teeger: It's just... how did you know?
Adrian Monk: All right...
[gives her his handkerchief and sits down]
Adrian Monk: I used to wonder the same thing. When I met Trudy, I thought, "now I see! Now I see why I'm here!"
Julie Teeger: Was it wonderful?
Adrian Monk: Yes. I loved falling in love with her. Every day, every morning, I fell in love with her again. I think what your mother has been trying to say is, just don't worry. All your dreams will come true. But they don't have to come true *this weekend*, right? You can take your time. You can wait...
Julie Teeger: Until I find "Trudy"?
Adrian Monk: Just wait for Trudy. Believe in Trudy. Trudy will come. Just... please stop crying, and let me out of here.

"Monk: Mr. Monk Gets Stuck in Traffic (#3.13)" (2005)
[stuck on a long stretch of Highway 101, Julie warns that she has to go to the bathroom]
Adrian Monk: No, no... here.
[gives her a ten dollar bill]
Adrian Monk: I'll give you ten dollars to hold it in.
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, what are you doing? You can't pay a kid not to pee!
Adrian Monk: Best money I ever spent.
Julie Teeger: Sure he can, it's called the free market. I learned about it in school. So, Mr. Monk... how much would you pay me not to vomit?

[about ten minutes later, Julie hands back the ten dollar bill]
Adrian Monk: What is this?
Julie Teeger: I'm returning your money. I'm not gonna make it.

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Red Herring (#3.10)" (2005)
[Monk is looking around Natalie's kitchen]
Adrian Monk: Is there money in the house?
Natalie Teeger: No.
Adrian Monk: What about the coffee can, isn't that where you hide your money?
Natalie Teeger: ...How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: There's coffee grounds on the counter, indicating it's been opened recently. But you don't have a coffee maker.
Julie Teeger: [whispering] Wow, he's like Velma from Scooby-Doo!

Adrian Monk: You recently started dating again.
Natalie Teeger: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: [holds up a pill container] Birth control pills. I found these in your purse.
[Natalie's young daughter is staring at them]
Adrian Monk: [realizing] I'm sorry...
Natalie Teeger: [horrified] I can't believe you just did that! Do you have, like, zero social skills?
Julie Teeger: Mom, it's okay. I'm not a baby.
Adrian Monk: Oh! My mistake. These aren't birth control pills. They're... Tic-Tacs.
[to Julie]
Adrian Monk: You know, to make your breath smell better. But don't eat them, they're... adult Tic-Tacs. You know, special.
[He gives Natalie an obvious wink. She snatches the pills from him]

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Genius (#7.2)" (2008)
[Monk needs to enter the chess tournament to confront Kloster]
Julie Teeger: All right, wait here.
[She approaches one of the teenaged contestants and begins talking to him]
Adrian Monk: What's she doing?
Natalie Teeger: She's... flirting.
Adrian Monk: Well, she's good at it...
Natalie Teeger: Shut up.

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Three Julies (#6.13)" (2008)
[Captain Stottlemeyer arrives with a police detail to transfer Natalie and Julie to the police station]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You'll have a TV, your own bathroom...
Natalie Teeger: What happened?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Nothing, I'm just being extra cautious, that's all.
Natalie Teeger: Captain, something happened! You have to tell me, I'm her mother.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: All right. I thought it was a fairly common name, I thought we'd get dozens of hits, but we checked Washington, Oregon, went as far east as Colorado...
Natalie Teeger: And?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And she's the only Julie Teeger within a thousand miles.
Julie Teeger: [scared] ... You mean the only one left.

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Leper (#5.10)" (2006)
Adrian Monk: [seeing Julie making fries as a snack] Oh no. No no no no no. No junkfood. I promised your mother.
[takes the plate of fries away from Julie]
Julie Teeger: You promised?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I *am* the babysitter.
[throws Julie an apple]
Julie Teeger: Uhm. I don't think so! My mom said I was babysitting *you*.
Adrian Monk: [laughs in disbelief] O-oh-kay
Julie Teeger: Are you getting paid?
Adrian Monk: Yeah
Julie Teeger: How much?
Adrian Monk: You know, that is between your mother and me...
[makes move to throw the fries away]
Adrian Monk: ... why, how much are you getting?
Julie Teeger: [smiles] Eight dollars an hour
Adrian Monk: an *hour* ?
[silent for a moment]
Adrian Monk: I guess your the sitter.
[hands the plate to Julie]
Adrian Monk: Enjoy your fries.

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Man Who Shot Santa Claus (#6.10)" (2007)
Adrian Monk: [during a traffic jam] Oh, I hate Christmas...
Julie Teeger: How can you not like Christmas?
Adrian Monk: Well, you wouldn't like it either if you hated it as much as I did.
Julie Teeger: But it's so joyful.
Adrian Monk: Don't get me started on joy. When you're older you'll understand. Joy is a trick, a diversion. It doesn't last forever. It breaks your heart every time.
[honks the horn and yells out the window]
Adrian Monk: DAMN JOY!

"Monk: Mr. Monk and the Big Game (#5.3)" (2006)
Adrian Monk: Fine, everybody just go out there and give 100%.
Emily C.: But Coach Hayden said we should give 110%.
Adrian Monk: No, no, that's a bad idea anyway. It's mathematically impossible. Just give 100%, it's a nice round number.
Emily C.: Well I'm going to give 110%.
Adrian Monk: Fine, okay, then Julie, you give 90%.
Emily J.: Well I'm going to give 115%.
Adrian Monk: For god's sake, fine, then Julie you're down to 75%.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, how am I supposed to...?
Adrian Monk: Just do it! Okay, all right, now that's 110%, 100%, 100% 115%, 75%.

"Monk: Mr. Monk Goes Home Again (#4.2)" (2005)
[as Monk examines the crime scene]
Princess Girl: What's he doing?
Julie Teeger: You'll see, shh...
Vampire Boy: Is he drunk?
Julie Teeger: No, he's thinking.

"Monk: Mr. Monk Stays in Bed (#4.3)" (2005)
[Natalie is helping Monk re-paper his walls]
Natalie: Mr. Monk, it's level. See? The bubble is right in the middle.
Adrian Monk: I think it's broken.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the level is not broken! It's a bubble on a stick.
Adrian Monk: Let's just make sure...
[He unwraps a second level and holds it next to the first one]
Natalie: You have two levels?
Adrian Monk: I use this level to check the other levels. It's my level-checking level.
Julie Teeger: [deadpan] How do you know that one's not broken?
Adrian Monk: That's a good question. I take my level checking level to the hardware store twice a year to have it re-calibrated.