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Mrs. Anna Smith
: Sure, don't mind what happens to your family. At a time like this you think about the chickens.
Katie the Maid
: Would it start a minor revolution in this household if dinner was served an hour early today? Mrs. Anna Smith
: Mr. Smith hates to eat early on a hot day. Katie the Maid
: Eating early on a hot day gives you more time to digest your food before retiring. Besides, I'm due at my sister's at seven o'clock on a family matter. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Is there something wrong with your sister? Katie the Maid
: She's having trouble with her husband. Him bein' a man. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Well, eating early is all right with me, but you'll have to explain it to Mr. Smith. Katie the Maid
: Oh, he won't mind, seein' as how tonight's corn beef night.
Mrs. Anna Smith
: Rose, Esther, the water's hot. We're eating early tonight, so if you're going to wash your hair, you better do it now. Rose Smith
: All right, Mama. Es, why are we eating early? Esther Smith
: Well, you certainly don't want the whole family sitting there drinking in every word while a man proposes to you long-distance. Rose Smith
: Proposes? I don't see why you think Warren's going to propose to me. Esther Smith
: Well, why else would he be calling you long-distance? Do you know what it costs? Rose Smith
: I'm not even sure I'll be in. My dear, when you get to be my age, you'll find there are more important things in life than boys!
: I can't get hungry till it gets dark. Katie the Maid
: Dinner's at five-thirty. You can eat blind-folded! Mrs. Anna Smith
: We have to be out of the dining room by six-thirty. Warren Sheffield is telephoning Rose from New York. And Rose, if I were you, I wouldn't committ myself one way or another. After all... Rose Smith
: Mama, for goodness sakes! Mrs. Anna Smith
: After all, we know very little about him. Why, we haven't even met his folks. Rose Smith
: It seems to me that one little phone call is causing an awful lot of excitement in this family! Mrs. Anna Smith
: Besides, you're entirely too young and I don't think your father will allow it. Katie the Maid
: Mrs. Smith, if I'm going to keep lying to your daughters, I'll have to ask for more money. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Now, remember, not a word of this to your papa. You know how he plagues the girls about their beaus. Agnes Smith
: Everybody knows but Papa? Grandpa
: Your papa's not supposed to know. It's enough we're letting him work hard every day to support the whole flock of us. He can't have everything.
: Papa, if losing a case depresses you so, why don't you quit practicing law and go into another line of business? Mr. Alonzo Smith
: That's a good idea. Starting tomorrow, I intend to play first base for the Baltimore Orioles. I'm sorry, Anna, if I was a little bombastic. Mrs. Anna Smith
: That's all right, dear, you'll feel better once you've had your dinner. Mr. Alonzo Smith
: I suppose so, but right now I'm going to soak in that cool bathtub for one solid hour. Esther Smith
: But that's impossible. Dinner's being served in five minutes. Mr. Alonzo Smith
: It's only five twenty-five, not six twenty-five. Mrs. Anna Smith
: We've planned on eating an hour early tonight. Mr. Alonzo Smith
: Well, the plans have just been changed. I'm taking a bath. Mrs. Anna Smith
: We're eating early for Katie's sake. Family trouble. She wants to go over there as soon as we've finished eating. Her sister's fighting with her husband. Mr. Alonzo Smith
: I see. And I suppose they'll stop fighting if I don't take a bath? Mrs. Anna Smith
: Now she's been with us for ten years, and she never asks favors. We don't want to risk losing her. Esther Smith
: No, nowadays you can't get a maid for less than twelve dollars a month. Mr. Alonzo Smith
: I don't care if we have to pay a maid fifteen dollars a month! Dinner's at six-thirty, and if Katie wants to hand in her notice, she can reach me in the bathtub!
: Rose, it's six-thirty and Warren hasn't called yet. 'Tootie' Smith
: Maybe he found another girl. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Quiet, you two. Rose Smith
: Mama, I assure you that I'm not the slightest bit sensitive about Warren Sheffield. Grandpa
: The queen has spoken. Alonzo 'Lon' Smith Jr.
: I suppose Warren's too young, too. Every fellow I introduce her to is too young. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Now, listen. Your papa will be down in a minute, and if we all eat quickly, we may still get out of here before the call comes through. Esther Smith
: Warren is twenty-one and I think that's a perfect age. Rose Smith
: He's practically a child. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Your father was twenty when we were married. Grandpa
: We gave him the bachelor dinner the night before. He almost missed the wedding!
: Here comes the invalid. I have to have two kinds of ice cream. I'm recuperating. Mrs. Anna Smith
: If I ever catch you fibbing again like you did about John Truett, I'll give you something to recuperate about.
Katie the Maid
: Mrs. Smith, who are these boys? Agnes Smith
: It's me, Katie, it's Agnes! Katie the Maid
: Saints preserve us, it is! You had me fooled! 'Tootie' Smith
: Mama, we fooled her! Mrs. Anna Smith
: Well, if you can fool our Katie, you can fool anyone. Katie the Maid
: Agnes, I thought you were a drunken ghost. Agnes Smith
: But I am. Tootie's a horrible ghost, and I'm a terrible drunken ghost. 'Tootie' Smith
: She was murdered in a den of thieves, and I died of a broken heart. I've never even been buried because everyone's scared to come near me.
: That doctor must be walking! Rose Smith
: Should I call Papa at his office? Mrs. Anna Smith
: Oh, heavens no, don't call your father! What could he do? There, there, Tootie, darling. 'Tootie' Smith
: He tried to kill me... Mrs. Anna Smith
: Now tell Mommy what happened. Esther Smith
: It was the streetcar. I think it hit her. Rose Smith
: It must have knocked her onto the sidewalk, didn't it, Tootie? 'Tootie' Smith
: No, it wasn't a streetcar. It was John Truett. He tried to kill me. Mrs. Anna Smith
: John Truett hit you? 'Tootie' Smith
: He tried to kill me, and when I screamed, he ran away. Esther Smith
: Tootie Smith, that's a monstrous falsehood. John Truett would never hit a girl, least of all my sister.
: I wanna sleep right here. Mrs. Anna Smith
: Of course you will, darling. 'Tootie' Smith
: And I wanna wear Esther's nightgown. Rose Smith
: I'll get it for you right now. Mrs. Anna Smith
: I hate to think about what your papa's going to do when he hears about all this. He may strike that Truett boy. Rose Smith
: I'll do that, Mama. Mrs. Anna Smith
: All right. And I'll get you some ice cream and cake, Tootie. 'Tootie' Smith
] Feed a cold, starve a fever. I was drunk last night, dear Mother, I was drunk the night before. But if you'll forgive me, Mother, I'll never get drunk anymore! Esther Smith
: I got him! He didn't even have a chance to scratch me. Rose Smith
: Why, your dress is torn. Esther Smith
: Oh, that must've happened while he was trying to hold me off. I bit him! 'Tootie' Smith
: [clapping her hands
] I bit him, too!
: Rose Smith, we can't go on like this any longer. I've positively decided we're going to get married at the earliest opportunity and I don't want to hear any arguments. That's final. I love you. Merry Christmas. Rose Smith
: Merry Christmas Mr. Alonzo Smith
: Anna, who is that boy? Mrs. Anna Smith
: Now Lonny he's a very fine young man. We'll talk about it later. Grandpa
: That young man is so excited he's liable to leave on his honeymoon without Rose.