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Quotes for
Peripetchikoff (Character)
from One, Two, Three (1961)

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One, Two, Three (1961)
C.R. MacNamara: You've defected?
Peripetchikoff: Is old Russian proverb: "go west young man."

Peripetchikoff: Well, Comrades, what are we going to do? He's got it - we want it. Are we going to accept this blackmailing capitalist's deal?
Mishkin: Let's take a vote.
Peripetchikoff: I vote yes.
Mishkin: I vote yes.
Peripetchikoff: Two out of three. Deal is on!
Borodenko: Comrades, before you get in trouble, I must warn you, I am not really from Soft Drink Secretariat. I am undercover agent assigned to watch you.
Mishkin: In that case I vote no. Deal is off.
Borodenko: But I vote yes!
Peripetchikoff: Two out of three again! Deal is on!

Otto Ludwig Piffl: Is everybody in this world corrupt?
Peripetchikoff: I don't know everybody.

C.R. MacNamara: Cigarette? Cigar?
Peripetchikoff: Here, take one of these.
C.R. Macnamara: Thanks. Hm, 'Made in Havana'.
Peripetchikoff: We have trade agreement with Cuba. They send us cigars, we send them rockets.
C.R. Macnamara: Good thinking.

C.R. MacNamara: You know something? You guys got cheated. This is a pretty crummy cigar.
Peripetchikoff: Do not worry. We send them pretty crummy rockets.

Borodenko: When will papers be ready?
C.R. Macnamara: I'll put my secretary right to work on it.
Mishkin: Your secretary? She's that blond lady?
C.R. Macnamara: That's the one.
Peripetchikoff: [after conferring with the others] You will send papers to East Berlin with blond lady in triplicate.
C.R. Macnamara: You want the papers in triplicate, or the blond in triplicate?
Peripetchikoff: See what you can do.

Peripetchikoff: We have emergency meeting with Swiss Trade Delegation. They send us twenty car-loads of cheese. Totally unacceptable... full of holes.

Peripetchikoff: Is old Russian proverb: you cannot milk cow with hands in pockets.

Peripetchikoff: No formula, NO DEAL!
C.R. MacNamara: OK, NO DEAL!
Borodenko: We do not need you! If we want Coca-cola, we invent it ourselves!
C.R. MacNamara: Oh, yeah? In 1956 you flew a bottle of Coke to a secret laboratory in Sverdlosk. A dozen of your top chemists went nuts trying to analyze the ingredients. Right?
Mishkin: No comment!
C.R. MacNamara: And in 1958, you planted two undercover agents in Atlanta to steal the formula. And what happened? They both defected! And now they're successful businessmen in Florida packaging instant borscht. Right?
Peripetchikoff: No comment!
C.R. MacNamara: Last year you put out a cockamamie imitation "Kremlin-kola!" You tried it out in the satellite countries, but even the Albanians wouldn't drink it. They used it for SHEEP DIP! RIGHT?
Mishkin: No comment!
C.R. MacNamara: So either get down to business or get off the pot!

Peripetchikoff: [trying to trade for Ingeborg] Would you take new automobile? 1961 Moskvich hardtop convertible, two-tone.
C.R. MacNamara: You mean that Russian hot rod parked outside?
Peripetchikoff: Is wonderful car. Is exact copy of 1937 Nash.

Peripetchikoff: While they are putting Uncle Sam in cuckoo clock, we will put Soviet cosmonaut on moon.
C.R. MacNamara: Okay, so you guys may be the first to shoot a man to the moon, but if he wants a Coke on the way, you'll have to come to us.

Peripetchikoff: Do you know what happens if I defect? They will line up my family and shoot them! My wife, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law.
[pauses]
Peripetchikoff: Let's do it!