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: I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61!
: Actually, I am in really bad shape financially. I pay money to my ex-wife as part of our divorce settlement, among other bills... I just had no choice but to make you pay for lunch the other day. I'm really sorry.
[When the player equips an enemy uniform
: Raiden, don't act in any way that will excite the enemy's suspicion. A perfect disguise can be ruined by a single odd behavior. Be careful. If you make physical contact with the enemy while in disguise, the disguise will be deselected. Rose
: That uniform's probably not even close to your size. Raiden
: Yeah, to tell you the truth, it feels pretty tight. Colonel
: It's probably a better fit for Rosemary here than you.
[Raiden loses all of his gear and is forced to sneak around in the nude
: Raiden, you won't be able to Hang, throw, or chokehold anyone in your current state. Raiden
: Why not? Colonel
: Is it really necessary to ask? It's just not a good idea to perform those maneuvers. There could be... complications. Rose
: Oh really, Jack. Do we have to spell it out for you? Really!
: I was a North American Fall Webworm in my past life. Those were the good old days... What were you in your former life?
: There are certain things that cannot be contained in digital information. Raiden
: What's that? Colonel
: Human memories, ideas, culture, and history. Isn't it something that should be passed on? Should that information be kept at the mercy of nature?
: So, Jack The Ripper. Will it be Solidus, the Patriots' creation, or Raiden, Solidus' creation? Our beloved monsters. Enjoy yourselves.
: There's a terminal in front of the elevator, a node. Raiden
: Did you say "nerd"? Colonel
: Not "nerd" - "node."
: To begin with, we're not what you'd call "human." Over the past 200 years, a consciousness appeared layer by layer at the crucible of the White House. It's not unlike life started in the oceans four billion years ago. The White House was our primordial soup, a base of evolution. We are formless. We are the very discipline and morality that Americans invoke so often. How can anyone hope to eliminate us? As long as this nation exists, so will we. Raiden
: Cut the crap! If you're immortal, why would you take away individual freedoms and censor the Net? Rose
: Jack, don't be silly. Colonel
: Don't you know that our plans have your interests - not ours - in mind?
: That reminds me, I saw Gubayama the other day in Shibomnigee. He said to give you his best.
[after his extensive VR Training
: I feel like some kind of legendary Mercenary. Colonel
: Okay, we'll skip that part.
: You enjoy all the killing!
: An anemone or clematis plants juice can cause a rash. When pruning them, its a good idea to wear gloves.
: Raiden something happened to me last Thursday when I was driving home. I had a couple of miles to go - I looked up and saw a glowing orange object in the sky, to the east! It was moving very irregularly... suddenly there was intense light all around me - and when I came to, I was home. What do you think happened to me?
: Even my patience has its limits. I just can't leave it to you any longer. I'll do the fighting! You can just go home!
: Munch, munch... Um? Raiden? I'm eating right now. Get back to me later... munch, munch...
[When Raiden takes a picture of the hostage Jennifer's panties
: ...Colonel, was I wrong in what I did...? Colonel
: Perhaps. There are certain things that a person can and can't do. Raiden
: Yeah, maybe you're right... Colonel
: Do you understand? Come out of this thing alive, both for yourself and so as not to waste your training. Raiden
: No need to tell me that, Colonel. Colonel
: Right. And... I recommend you not throw away that picture.
: I'm not home right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
: Don't test it! You'll be bacon!
: [while an enemy is urinating onto Raiden
] Uh, Raiden... my sympathies.
: Raiden, what's your status? Raiden
: Colonel? I've got Emma Emmerich here... we've managed to avoid drowning.
: [during the briefing of the mission
] I told you. Even if I do owe you, I don't owe anything to this army or this country! Roy Campbell
: You will accept this assignment. Solid Snake
: Why should I be stupid enough to do that? I'm no patriot. Roy Campbell
: Snake, there's enough dirt in your file, from your days as an agent, to keep you in the stockade until you're a very old man. Solid Snake
: Oh I see... blackmail. Roy Campbell
: No, Snake. I prefer to look at it as helping you come to a decision more easily.
: [Talking about Snake face his twin Liquid
] That's why we really need you for this mission. Naomi
: You're the only one who can beat him. Now that I've met you, I know. You've got something that he doesn't. I can see it in your eyes. Snake
: Why don't I find that thought more conforting?
: I'll only accept orders directly from you, Colonel. No cutoffs involved, okay? Roy Campbell
: Agreed. That's why I was called. But one thing... Solid Snake
: What? Roy Campbell
: I'm not a Colonel anymore, just a retired old warhorse. Solid Snake
: I understand... Colonel.
: I just invited you here so we could have this chat. Solid Snake
: Invited? That's what you call sending armed soldiers after me? Roy Campbell
: Sorry if they were a little rough with you.
: If you ask me, these so-called Next-Generation Special Forces should to be called "simulated soldiers". They have no real battle experience. Solid Snake
: Video game players, huh?
: Colonel, about Meryl... Roy Campbell
: I... I already know! Roy Campbell
: Meryl was... my daughter! Solid Snake
: You okay, Snake? Snake
: I'm not the right guy. I can't save the world. Naomi
: What's wrong? Snake
: I gave into the pain. I'm sorry, Colonel. I sacrificed Meryl to save myself... Roy Campbell
: Snake... She was a soldier. She knew the risks. Battlefield casualties are always tragic, but they're an unavoidable part of war. Naomi
: Don't blame yourself. You still have a mission to do.
: [Opening Lines
] The nuclear weapons disposal facility on Shadow Moses Island in Alaska's Fox Archepeligo was attacked and captured by Next Generation Special Forces being lead by members of FOX-HOUND. They're demanding that the government turn over the remains of Big Boss, and they say that if their demands aren't met within 24 hours, they'll launch a nuclear weapon. You'll have two mission objectives. First you're to rescue DARPA Chief Donald Anderson, and the President of Armstech, Kennith Baker. Both are being held as hostages. Secondly, you're to investigate whether or not the terrorists have the ability to make a nuclear strike, and stop them if they do.
: This guy kind of gives me the creeps. Roy Campbell
: That's Wario, Snake. Wario first appeared as Mario's rival, but he really made his name in the WarioWare games. Watch out for Wario's bite. It's not just damage you take from it. Solid Snake
: What do you mean, Colonel? Roy Campbell
: Wario loves garlic. He eats whole cloves of it day and night. So try not get caught in his mouth. Once that smell gets on you, it'll stick to you for quite a while. Solid Snake
: That's a scary thought. Roy Campbell
: He also attacks by farting. He can fart to fly around, too. Solid Snake
: By farting? are you kidding me? Roy Campbell
: Sadly, no. I am not kidding. If his belly starts to bulge, watch out.
: Snake, you know who that is? Solid Snake
: You're kidding, right? It's Mario. Roy Campbell
: Mario made his first appearance in 1981, and since then, he's become a worldwide phenomenon. There's probably not a single person who doesn't know Mario. He's that famous. Solid Snake
: Good thing I survived long enough to meet him on the field of battle, huh. Roy Campbell
: This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, Snake. Now get out of there and show him what you're made of. No regrets. Solid Snake
: Got it.
: Colonel! That fox is fast! Roy Campbell
: You're fighting Fox, eh, Snake? His full name is Fox McCloud. He's the leader of the commando-for-hire unit Star Fox. Roy Campbell
: They're mostly active in a galaxy known as the Lylat System. Fox and his comrades pilot all-terrain fighter crafts called Arwings. His skills in combat can turn the tide of any battle. Roy Campbell
: ...You seem to have a thing with foxes, don't you, Snake? Solid Snake
: Eugh, don't remind me. First FOXHOUND and now this guy... I'm sick of foxes... Roy Campbell
: You and foxes have a long history together. You ought to be proud.
: That guy with the mustache... Roy Campbell
: Ha. You mean the "King of Second Bananas?" Solid Snake
: Hey, that's Luigi! Show him a little respect! Roy Campbell
: Look at that pale skin. He's been living in his brother's shadow for too long. Solid Snake
: That's a low blow, Colonel! Roy Campbell
: Face it, Snake! Once a kid brother, always a kid brother! Solid Snake
: Colonel, what's gotten into you? Roy Campbell
: La li lu le lo! La li lu le lo! La li lu le lo! Solid Snake
: Colonel, snap out of it! Colonel! Cooooooloneeeeeeel!
: Careful, Snake! That's the great and terrible Bowser! Solid Snake
: 'Bowser'? Looks like a... cheap movie monster. Roy Campbell
: Hardly. Bowser leads an entire army of monsters. But I'd worry more about his claws and fire, if I were you. Solid Snake
: Doesn't look that tough to me... seems kind of slow, actually... Roy Campbell
: Well, he is the King of Koopas. It's only natural he'd be slow. But that's only because he's the heaviest fighter here - by far! He's a powerhouse of destruction! Careful he doesn't flatten you!
: Snake, I see you're fighting Zelda. Solid Snake
: Yeah, I guess. Doesn't feel right fighting someone in a dress, though... Roy Campbell
: Don't underestimate her just because she's a woman. Zelda's attacks are backed by powerful magic. Roy Campbell
: Her hand-to-hand combat may look weak, but her magic makes it cut to the bone. Solid Snake
: So,this rose has thorns... interesting... Roy Campbell
: ...This is no time for pick-up lines, Snake. Solid Snake
: Don't worry. I know from experience that it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.
: [Conversation at the end of the 2006 E3 trailer, on a codec, subtitled from Japanese
] Snake! Sorry to bother you, but I've got big news! Snake
: What? Not another absurd objective, I hope. Roy Campbell
: Are you familiar with Super Smash Bros.? Snake
: Ah... That Nintendo thing... Roy Campbell
: Yes. Actually, we've received an invitation for you to join. Are you up for it? Snake
: ... Roy Campbell
: Where are you right now, anyway? Snake
: [Cut to outside the cardboard box, on the Battlefield, where Mario, Link, Pikachu, and Kirby are fighting
] I'm on reconnaissance duty. Roy Campbell
: Reconnaissance? Of what kind? Snake
: Knowing your enemy is the quickest path to victory.
[Snake jumps out from under his cardboard box
: It's showtime!
: [on radio before starting Snake vs Monkey
] I'll say this once and only once. I'm not taking out any more Metal Gears! Not rescuing any old men, or VIP. If it's a hot damsel in distress, I'll think about it. Colonel Campbell
: Well, it's not exactly a hot damsel, but it is a rescue mission. Solid Snake
: What are we rescuing? Colonel Campbell
: Apes. Solid Snake
: What? Colonel Campbell
: Monkeys. Solid Snake
: Again, what?
: [after "accidentally" killing Ocelot
] Snake, what have you done? You've changed history. You've created a Time Paradox!
: This is Snake. I've made it to the sneaking point. Colonel Campbell
: You're right on time, Snake. Solid Snake
: For being dragged out of the sack at two in the morning, I did my best. Colonel Campbell
: Rise and shine. Don't you love mornings! Solid Snake
: Colonel... nobody loves being dragged away from their vacation. Colonel Campbell
: I'm sorry but we needed you. Something big is going down... very big. That's why... Solid Snake
: Alright, so what is this important mission? I'll say it once and only once... I'm not taking out any Metal Gears. Colonel Campbell
: Don't worry. Solid Snake
: And no saving some VIP or old man. Colonel Campbell
: It's nothing like that. Solid Snake
: If it's a hot damsel in distress, I'll think about it. Colonel Campbell
: Well, it's not quite a... hot damsel in distress... but it is a rescue mission. Solid Snake
: Rescuing who? Colonel Campbell
: Apes. Solid Snake
: ... Colonel Campbell
: ... Solid Snake
: What? Colonel Campbell
: Monkeys! But not just any monkeys. Solid Snake
: You said monkeys? Colonel Campbell
: Just listen. Your mission is to infiltrate the jungle and capture all of the monkeys. Solid Snake
: Again, you said monkeys? Colonel Campbell
: Yes, monkeys. Solid Snake
: This isn't really my thing... If you want your monkeys, you better ask Spike or Jimmy. Colonel Campbell
: Unfortunately, they weren't available. Solid Snake
: What about me? I was on vacation!
: Snake, we need you. If you don't do this, who will? Solid Snake
: It's not like someone else couldn't handle a stealth mission. Colonel Campbell
: Don't say that. This is the genre we turned over every leaf in. Solid Snake
: Why don't you make Sam or Gabe do the job? Colonel Campbell
: Snake... Solid Snake
: Isn't this just some monkey catching action? Colonel Campbell
: Snake, I'm asking you. It's a request from the Professor himself. Solid Snake
: THE Professor...? Natalie's grandfather? Solid Snake
: That's the one. Solid Snake
: The one who came up with the monkey helmet? Colonel Campbell
: Well, that was the Professor's classmate. Solid Snake
: His classmate? Colonel Campbell
: From high school. Not only that, but the Professor is a friend of Otacon's. Solid Snake
: He's Otacon's friend, too? Colonel Campbell
: It's because of the Professor that Otacon has been able to come up with some of his inventions. Solid Snake
: ...Alright... what are the details? Colonel Campbell
: So you'll do it, great! Solid Snake
: I'm not against some "monkey catching." But I'd rather be collecting pants. Colonel Campbell
: Snake, the monkeys have fled into the jungle. When you find them, knock them out for capture. Solid Snake
: Right. I'm not going to be able to grab them when they are jumping all around the place. Colonel Campbell
: Right. When you've grabbed all of the monkeys, your mission is complete. Solid Snake
: Gotcha. Commencing Operation Ape Snake. Colonel Campbell
: Snake, when you capture a monkey, yell out the password. With the password, a warp device will activate. Solid Snake
: Understood. Colonel Campbell
: Good. I'm counting on you, Snake.
] Colonel Roy Campbell
: War is to the 21st century what oil was to the 20th; the pillar that supports the global economy.