Jim Lahey
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Quotes for
Jim Lahey (Character)
from Trailer Park Boys: The Movie (2006)

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"Trailer Park Boys: What in the Fuck Happened to Our Trailer Park? (#2.1)" (2002)
Mr. Lahey: [Drunk] Oooh, nice Mall-Cop uniform, Ricky!
Ricky: Don't even fuckin' start with me today, Lahey! I'm not in the mood.
Mr. Lahey: I beg your pardon; I was only a real cop. I was never an important Mall-Cop like you, Rick.
Ricky: Knock knock.
Mr. Lahey: Who's there, Rick?
Ricky: Somebody.
Mr. Lahey: Somebody who?
Ricky: Somebody whose ex-wife owns the trailer park is the only reason you got the job as trailer park supervisor; you got fired from the police force 'cause you fucked up bigtime, but we're not gonna' talk about that, are we? And now, you're gonna' get fired from this job 'cause you're nothin' but a drunk fuckin' idiot who can't even run the trailer park! You're drunk right now, I can smell the fuckin'liquor on ya' from here. Go away for 18 months to jail and everything goes to fuckin' shit, doesn't it, Lahey? Let your little buddy with the no fuckin' shirt move in with my girlfriend and ruin my whole fuckin' life; now there's fuckin' shit everywhere in this fuckin' trailer park! Ya' fuckin' idiot.
[Lahey has been dumbstruck throughout all of this]

Ricky: Knock knock?
Mr. Lahey: Who's there, Rick?
Ricky: Somebody.
Mr. Lahey: Somebody who?
Ricky: Somebody whose ex-wife owns the fuckin' trailer park. It's the only reason you got the job as trailer park supervisor, 'cause you got fired from the police force, 'cause you fucked up big time, but we're not gonna talk about that, are we? And now, you're gonna get fired from this job 'cause you're nothin' but a drunk fuckin' idiot who can't even run the trailer park! You're drunk right now, I can smell the fuckin' liquor on ya' from here!


Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day (2009)
Jim Lahey: The liquor are calling the shots Randy.

Jim Lahey: Randy, I've decided to lay off the food for a bit, and go on the booze.


"Trailer Park Boys: A Shit River Runs Through It (#7.10)" (2007)
Mr. Lahey: You guys are under arrest for grand theft swayze train!
Ricky: You're under fuck off for grand fuckin' offin'!

Ricky: How fuckin' drunk are you right now?
Mr. Lahey: ...6 out of 10.


Say Goodnight to the Bad Guys (2008) (TV)
Randy: [Randy on walkie talkie to Mr. Leahy] This is Randy, come in.
Jim Lahey: [Mr. Leahy not pressing walkie talkie, filling a watermelon with Vodka] Randy I heard you bud I'll be over in a minute.
Randy: Come in Mr. Leahy, come in.
Jim Lahey: [Mr. Leahy now pressing walike talkie button] Randy I copy you I'll be over in second bud, I'm busy right now. Can I wear your cowboy boots bud?


"Trailer Park Boys: The Shit Blizzard (#5.10)" (2005)
Jim Lahey: Feel that?
Randy: Feel what Mr Lahey?
Jim Lahey: The way the shit clings to the air Randy...
Randy: Shit clings to the air?
Jim Lahey: Its already started my dear good friend.
Randy: Whats started, Mr Lahey?
Jim Lahey: The Shit Blizzard.


"Trailer Park Boys: Halloween 1977 (#6.5)" (2006)
Jim Lahey: You know whats at work here? Its shit tectonics. When two shit plates strike and come together under incredible pressure, what happens Bubbs?
Bubbles: What Mr Lahey?
Jim Lahey: ...Shit-quake.


"Trailer Park Boys: Let the Liquor do the Thinking (#7.8)" (2007)
Jim Lahey: Hi Bubbles. You might be able to fool the FBI, but you can't fool the FBme.


"Trailer Park Boys: Dear Santa Claus: Go Fuck Yourself (#4.9)" (2004)
Jim Lahey: You write your little letter to Santa Claus yet, Rick?
Ricky: Thats pretty fucking funny. Actually I did. You know how it starts? Dear Santa Claus: Go Fuck Yourself!


"Trailer Park Boys: A Man's Gotta Eat (#4.2)" (2004)
Randy: I need a cheeseburger!
Jim Lahey: Whats that got to do with the...
Randy: I need a store bought cheeseburger.
Jim Lahey: ...Smoky outfit? Your not thinking about going back on the street are you Randy?
Randy: A man's gotta eat.


"Trailer Park Boys: You Want the Lot Fees, Suck Them Out of the Tip of My Cock (#10.2)" (2016)
Jim Lahey: I'm sober enough to know what I'm doing, and drunk enough to really enjoy it.


"Trailer Park Boys: Where in the Fuck Is Randy's Barbeque? (#3.6)" (2003)
Jim Lahey: I'm watching you Julian, like a Shit Hawk. Like a Shit Hawk.


"Trailer Park Boys: I Am the Liquor (#5.9)" (2005)
Randy: But Mr. Lahey, someone could get killed!
Jim Lahey: Wouldn't that be nice.
Randy: Mr Lahey, is this you talking or the liquor?
Jim Lahey: Randy... I am the liquor.


Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It (2014)
Jim Lahey: Feelin' a little sluggish, think I need a snap of the white liquor.


"Trailer Park Boys: Three Good Men Are Dead (#7.3)" (2007)
Jacob Collins: Baaaaaaammmmm!
Phil Collins: Peanut butter and jaaaaaaaaammmmmmm!
Mr. Lahey: What the fuck are ya doin', Phil?


"Trailer Park Boys: A Dope Trailer Is No Place for a Kitty (#2.4)" (2002)
Mr. Lahey: Let's cut to the chase Rick. There will be no jeopardization of the people in this park. Do you understand that?
Ricky: No.