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Quotes for
J.R. Ewing (Character)
from "Dallas" (1978)

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"Dallas: Conundrum (#14.22)" (1991)

J.R. Ewing: So you're like an apprentice angel trying to earn his wings, right.
Adam: You've got it upside down and backwards, but close enough.

Adam: Then why don't you just kill yourself?
J.R. Ewing: And send you back to heaven a failure? You'll never become an angel
Adam: [laughing] An angel. What makes you think I'm from Heaven?
[evil laugh]

[on seeing the young Jason Ewing]
J.R. Ewing: He's a damned disgrace to the Ewing name!

[observing Sue Ellen telling off her slimy agent]
J.R. Ewing: Go on, Sue Ellen. Tell that scumbag off.

"Dallas: Call Girl (#2.20)" (1979)

Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: What? You gonna hit your pregnant wife?
[JR grabs her and forces her to the mirror]
JR Ewing: Come here, Miss Texas. I want you to look at something. Pretty ain't it? A lush! A TRAMP!
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: [pause] And the mother of your child.
JR Ewing: Really?
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Chances are.
JR Ewing: You listen to me carefully, Sue Ellen. You take care of that baby, you hear? Make sure it's a happy, healthy one. 'Cause it's the only thing standing between you and the gutter!

[a picture of Pam with a call-girl and a politician is front page of the newspaper]
Bobby Ewing: This is your style, J.R. My wife and the man that put Cliff Barnes in office.
JR Ewing: Your wife got in plenty of trouble before you all got married. And I, I don't understand why you'd think she'd change...
JR Ewing: [Bobby grabs JR] Hey, wait a...
Jock Ewing: [Jock comes between them] Knock it off, both of ya! Before I beat the hell out of ya!

Jock Ewing: J.R. If I find out you had anything to do with this, I'll kick your tail over to the next county, do you hear?
JR Ewing: There's no sense in looking a gift horse in the mouth, Dad.

Leanne Rees: All I ever did was sell myself. But you, you'd sell yourself, your family, your friends for power! J.R., you're a prize pimp.
JR Ewing: You know, coming from an expert, I consider that a compliment.

"Dallas: Hedging Your Bets (#1.2)" (2012)

J.R. Ewing: [to John Ross] Son, never pass up a good chance to shut up.

J.R. Ewing: [at the Cattle Baron's Ball, to John Ross] Watch and learn.

J.R. Ewing: [on meeting the real Marta] I'm gonna have to introduce you to my son, John Ross. He's a chip off the old block.

J.R. Ewing: [at the Cattle Baron's Ball, in a display of modesty when he's complimented as a legend] Mostly in my own mind, darlin'.

"Dallas: Changing of the Guard (#1.1)" (2012)

J.R. Ewing: [in the nursing home, to John Ross] Bobby always was a fool.

J.R. Ewing: The courts are for amateurs and the faint of heart. No, this is personal.

J.R. Ewing: Blood may be thicker than water, but oil is thicker than both.

J.R. Ewing: Southfork is mine! Always has been, always will be!

"Dallas: Reunion: Part 1 (#2.1)" (1978)

[J.R. has promised to help Gary find a job]
J.R. Ewing: [on phone] Tom, what's the name of that company I asked you to liquidate?
Control: [on other line] Q&R, makes those byproducts.
J.R. Ewing: Eh, I want you to re-activate it and rework the books so that, eh, Q&R looks like the IBM of Texas. And get the books out here just as soon as you can.
Control: Now Mr. Ewing, I don't think I heard you right. Now that company is a loser.
J.R. Ewing: Fine, fine. I found *just the loser* to run it!

J.R. Ewing: [about his brother, Gary] He's a loser, Sue Ellen, been a loser every day of his life. Now if he's wants something, he's gonna lose it all by himself. No, he'll mess up this visit without any help from me. You can count on that.

Sue Ellen Ewing: [Gary intends to stay on Southfork with Valene] What are you going to do about Gary?
J.R. Ewing: I'm going to do what my family wants me to do. Become just what they want me to become.
Sue Ellen Ewing: And what exactly is that?
J.R. Ewing: My brother's keeper.

"Dallas: A House Divided (#3.25)" (1980)

Vaughn Leland: IT WAS CROOKED! And I believe you knew that! You'll regret this!
J.R.: Is that a threat Vaughn?
Vaughn Leland: A Promise!

JR Ewing: You know, Sue Ellen, I do believe you're going ninety miles an hour toward a nervous breakdown. We're going to have to do something about your ravings.

Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Tell me, J.R., which slut are you going to stay with tonight?
JR Ewing: What difference does it make? Whoever it is has got to be more interesting than the slut I'm looking at right now.

"Dallas: The Family Ewing (#9.1)" (1985)

[Gary has offered to help J.R. run Ewing Oil, just after Ray did]
J.R. Ewing: So, Gary, you want to help run the company too? Well, I don't need your help, or your pity. I only had one brother and he's dead! No one can replace him! Least of all you two!

J.R. Ewing: [alone after the funeral service] Never really told you how much you meant to me. All the fights, all that time butting' heads with one another I'm sorry we were never friends. I wish I'd taken time to tell you that I loved you... I do... and you tell Daddy I love him too. Goodbye, Bobby. I miss you!

J.R. Ewing: Of course, you didn't know. How could you have known? You were too busy rollin' around in bed with that saddle-tramp. Or maybe it was gettin' stinkin' drunk at some motel.
Clayton Farlow: J.R., stop it!
J.R. Ewing: You're never around when anybody needs you. John Ross almost died; Bobby did die. All you ever think about is yourself.
Sue Ellen Ewing: That isn't true.
J.R. Ewing: Get out of here, Sue Ellen. Go back to your cowboy, go back to your bottle. I don't care where you go, just *get out of my sight!*

"Dallas: Reunion: Part 2 (#2.2)" (1978)

Valene Clements: [Gary has just left Southfork for good] So what's my future?
J.R. Ewing: None around here.
Valene Clements: Any choices?
J.R. Ewing: Well... $5000 and an escort out of the state.
Valene Clements: Any others?
J.R. Ewing: An escort out of the state.
[Val attempts to slap his face but J.R. catches her hand]

J.R. Ewing: [Val is outside wearing a nightie, having just said goodbye to Gary] You'll catch your death on a morning like this.
Valene Clements: I'll catch my death anywheres around you.
J.R. Ewing: Then don't hang around me, honey.

[Lucy, having been told her mother took J.R.'s money and left, smacks J.R. across the face hard]
J.R. Ewing: [rubbing his face] In the old days, they used to kill the bearer of bad news. Guess I got off lucky.

"Dallas: The Wheeler Dealer (#3.24)" (1980)

J.R. Ewing: [regarding Pam] She's clearly cracking up. Truly and surely. And who can blame her? She just found out her *Daddy* Digger Barnes is no relation at all and her real father's a saddle tramp and a thief. And her mother's a *whore*! I mean, who can help feeling sorry for that poor little girl...
[Bobby proceeds to give JR a beating]
Jock Ewing: Break it up!
[to Bobby]
Jock Ewing: You watch that temper of yours!
Jock Ewing: [to J.R] And you watch that mouth of yours!

[the news of the nationalized oil fields in SE Asia is on TV]
Jock Ewing: How much did we lose?
J.R. Ewing: On the contrary, Dad. We just made ourselves a killing.

"Dallas: Election (#2.8)" (1978)

JR Ewing: [about Cliff Barnes] He's clean, I, there must be something wrong with the man, he's just clean!
Jock Ewing: Nobody's gotten that far in politics and stayed clean. He's just been careful, that's all. And don't forget, he's a Barnes. There's bound to be a body in that closet someplace. Find it!
JR Ewing: Alright, if I can't find it, I'll put it there!
Jock Ewing: Whatever.

J.R.: Barnes just broke the cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

"Dallas: John Ewing III: Part 1 (#2.23)" (1979)

Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: [Sue Ellen is being committed to Fletcher Sanitatium] Don't leave me here, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: I've got no choice, Sue Ellen. You can't take care of your own life, much less the life of your child. And I can't trust you to keep your mouth shut when you've been drinking. We've both got too many secrets to risk them getting out.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: I'll be careful, J.R. I promise.
J.R. Ewing: Damn right you will. At least until the child is born. Now it's best for everybody, darling.
[the men in white coats drag Sue Ellen away]
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Please don't, J.R. I'll do anything you say. Anything. Just don't...
J.R. Ewing: [calls out to the men] You boys take care of her now!
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: I'll get you for this, J.R. if it's the last thing I do. I don't know how yet, but I'll get you...

J.R. Ewing: You were carried into this house drunk last night. My momma saw you, my father, everybody in the family.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Obviously it wasn't you who did the carrying.

"Dallas: The Red File: Part 2 (#2.18)" (1979)

J.R. Ewing: You've wrecked me at the cartel, you know that. Stripped me of all my power.
Bobby Ewing: That's wonderful, J.R. You forged daddy's will, set Cliff Barnes for a murder, and all you can think about is your power.

Bobby Ewing: It's your Red File, isn't it, J.R.? I mean that's everything that you didn't think I was ready to see.
J.R. Ewing: Well, you are my baby brother. Some of the stuff's pretty gamey.

"Dallas: Swan Song (#8.30)" (1985)

JR Ewing: You're a drunk!
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Joan of Arc would be a drunk too if she was married to you.

JR Ewing: [tearfully as Bobby begins to flatline] Don't do this to me, Bobby! Don't leave me.

"Dallas: The Decline and Fall of the Ewing Empire (#14.21)" (1991)

[John Ross has informed J.R. of his intention to stay in England, for good]
J.R. Ewing: [angrily] Do I have to come out there and pound some sense into you?
John Ross Ewing: Just TRY IT! You have no legal claim on me whatsoever! Why don't you go play with James and his *stupid* baby, 'cause I'm never coming BACK!
[hangs up]

J.R. Ewing: Don't forget, I do control the voting rights to 25% of Westar.
Carter McKay: Oh, right. Clayton gave them to you. They carry a lot of weight. But maybe the rights aren't enough. Don't you need the shares to go with them?
J.R. Ewing: [grinning] Don't worry. I'll get those soon enough.
Steven 'Dusty' Farlow: Not this time, J.R.

"Dallas: Mama Dearest (#6.13)" (1982)

JR Ewing: Well, hello Clayton. Come to take mama out?
Clayton Farlow: Yes, we're going out to dinner.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: She'll be down in a minute. Oh, excuse me. Clayton Farlow, Roy Ralston.
Roy Ralston: How do you do?
Clayton Farlow: Oh yeah, you're the fellow that has the talk show J.R.'s been on.
Roy Ralston: Yes I do. I'm sure you share my enthusiasm for J.R.'s appearances on my show.
Clayton Farlow: Not really.
Roy Ralston: Well, J.R.'s becoming the champion of the underdog. "I have a feeling he'll be leaving for Washington right after the next election.
Clayton Farlow: Well, Dallas's gain'll be Washington's loss!
Eleanor Southworth Ewing Farlow #1: Clayton, I'm so sorry I kept you waiting.
JR Ewing: No more than we are, mama.

JR Ewing: [to Ray Krebbs] Boy, you're just one dumb ole cowboy, ain't you?

"Dallas: The Red File: Part 1 (#2.17)" (1979)

J.R. Ewing: You're supposed to be in Midland. Now what are you doing here in Dallas?
Charlie Waters: Well I got this girl...
J.R. Ewing: I pay you enough for six girls.

J.R. Ewing: Are you gonna punch me out?
Bobby Ewing: No, I'm not.
J.R. Ewing: Good. 'Cause you're younger and stronger than I am, and I don't look forward to having dinner with our mother with a split lip. Lets eat.

"Dallas: Rock Bottom (#9.2)" (1985)

JR Ewing: Don't worry about her; the good Lord has ways of looking after drunks like her!

JR Ewing: Sue Ellen, you're not a wife, you're not a mother, and you sure as hell are not a Ewing! You're just a bad memory that refuses to go away.

"Dallas: For Love or Money (#2.15)" (1979)

J.R. Ewing: Well, I got to hand it to Sue Ellen. Never in the world would I have thought of that man.
Dan Marsh: Shall we continue or surveillance?
J.R. Ewing: Yes... I suppose it's time we do something... about old Cliff Barnes...

J.R. Ewing: Barnes, I should'a killed you out in that field when I had the chance.

"Dallas: Digger's Daughter (#1.1)" (1978)

JR Ewing: [referring to Pam] I asked her how much she'd take.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: You did what?
JR Ewing: I tried to pay her off.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: You jackass.

[J.R. tried to set Pam up, unsuccessfully]
JR Ewing: I underestimated the new Mrs. Ewing. Well, I surely won't do that again.

"Dallas: Revelations (#1.10)" (2012)

J.R. Ewing: [talking to Bobby] Come on, wake up, you hear me? Wake up and you get better. And you keep fighting. You keep fighting me! Now I'm gonna tell you something you never heard me say before: I love you Bobby, and I don't know who I'd be without you.

J.R. Ewing: Life is cheap in prison, Vicente, and I'm a very rich man.
Vicente Cano: Hm. So am I.

"Dallas: The Fat Lady Singeth (#11.30)" (1988)

Sue Ellen Ewing: Where is my son, you bastard!
J.R. Ewing: Where you'll never find him.
Nicholas Pearce: Not good enough! Where is he?
J.R. Ewing: None of your damn business, Pearce!
Nicholas Pearce: I'm *making it* my business! Now do you tell me or do I start tearing you apart!
[shoves JR]
Nicholas Pearce: You are one sorry excuse for a man.
J.R. Ewing: Get out of here.
Nicholas Pearce: Not without some answers! And believe me, I will truly enjoy kicking the crap out of you!
Sue Ellen Ewing: Where is he, JR!

J.R. Ewing: [JR pulls a gun] You're trespassing! If I have to use this, the law will be on my side, so get the hell out of here!
Nicholas Pearce: You don't have the *guts* to use it!
J.R. Ewing: [to Sue Ellen] Call off your gigolo, honey!
[Nicholas jumps JR and two get into a major brawl]
Sue Ellen Ewing: NOOOOOO!
[the brawl continues with JR dropping the gun. The fight goes out onto the balcony where Nicholas plunges to his death]
Sue Ellen Ewing: NOOOOOOO!
[Sue Ellen picks up the gun, JR turns to face her, Sue Ellen shoots him three times]
Sue Ellen Ewing: [on the phone to the police] I'd like to report a double murder. This is Sue Ellen Ewing.

"Dallas: Kidnapped (#2.13)" (1978)

Pamela Barnes Ewing: J.R., it sounds to me like Cliff was almost killed this morning.
J.R. Ewing: Killed? What, with me there, he was never safer in his life.
[gives her the old J.R. grin]

Sue Ellen Ewing: [Sue Ellen and Cliff share a moment when they notice J.R. is coming] Eh, any. Eh, news yet, Mr. Barnes?
Cliff Barnes: No, no, not yet.
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, I know your manners are impeccable, but there are some people there's just no need to be polite to.
[takes her away from Barnes]

"Dallas: Julie's Return (#2.16)" (1979)

J.R. Ewing: [Bobby and J.R. suspect their father may be having an affair] I know it's hard to believe some times, but daddy's only human. And if I know that lady - and I do know that lady - she wouldn't object.

Julie Grey: I wanted to apologize.
J.R. Ewing: A two-day apology? That sets some sorta record, don't it?

"Dallas: Sue Ellen's Choice (#3.19)" (1980)

JR Ewing: Sue Ellen, you're a drunk, a tramp, and an unfit mother! No court in the State of Texas will ever let you have custody of my son!

Donna Culver: I don't know how you can do it?
JR Ewing: Do what?
Donna Culver: How you know exactly where to hurt people in the worse way, and do it with such unerring instinct! I swear you've made a pact with the Devil!
JR Ewing: Are you trying to flatter me or insult me? I can't tell the difference.
Donna Culver: Know this. Dave and I are going to pick up where Cliff Barnes left off. We're going to destroy you!

"Dallas: The Oil Baron's Ball (#7.8)" (1983)

JR Ewing: [to Sue Ellen] Well, I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use me like some stud-service!

"Dallas: Reel Life (#12.26)" (1989)

Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: You have nothing to worry about. I have no intention of releasing the film - at the moment.
J.R.: What the hell does that mean?
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: It means the movie will be locked securely in a vault. However, if I think you're coming after me - or if you cross me for any reason - or if I feel you're not doing well for John Ross, or anyone else for that matter- or if I get up on the wrong side of the bed one morning - or if I'm simply bored - then I will release the movie. And then, J.R., you will be the laughing stock of Texas.

"Dallas: Farlow's Follies (#11.20)" (1988)

Dr. Herbert Styles: Lots of men have tried to run roughshod over me. I'd be happy to show you their tombstones.
JR Ewing: Yeah, well I'll bet none of those men were named J.R. Ewing.

"Dallas: Unchain My Heart (#13.15)" (1990)

JR Ewing: So, you just remember who you're working for, keep a civil tongue in your head, and try to answer my questions with a bit of civility.

"Dallas: The Prodigal Mother (#4.9)" (1981)

JR Ewing: [after Mitch walked out on Lucy] Lost another one, did you, sugar? Hell, I got to hand it to you, you sure can pick them. A pansy, a crook, and an up-and-coming pauper. You are a veritable magnet for losers and failures.
Lucy Ewing Cooper: At least I can't do any worse than Sue Ellen, can I?

"Dallas: Daddy Dearest (#13.9)" (1989)

JR Ewing: Marilee, if you don't hurry, someone else is gonna get your street corner.

"Dallas: Blast from the Past (#9.31)" (1986)

J.R.: [Angelica secretly arms the bomb in her suitcase and hands it to J.R] This stuff looks authentic...
Angelica Nero: I guarantee you it is!
J.R.: You had me worried there for a while,
Angelica Nero: About what?
J.R.: About doing business with the woman wanted for murder...
Angelica Nero: I'm not wanted for murder... I am wanted for questioning.
J.R.: Same difference! If you weren't guilty. you'd answer those questions,
Angelica Nero: Let's just say that if I did not kill them, somebody else would have... they deserved to die! As do you and Jack!
J.R.: Does that mean you're going to kill Jack and me too?
Angelica Nero: Some day probably...
J.R.: [Presses his intercom on his desk] Well boys if that isn't enough I don't know what is!
Angelica Nero: What are you doing?
J.R.: Well I asked some friends of mine to come in to listen to this, just in case you know?
Angelica Nero: [Det. Harry McSween enters and restrains Angelica] Call them off!
J.R.: Well he's just doing duty, I can't interfere!
Angelica Nero: Call them off if you don't want to die!
J.R.: You get all you needed?
Det. Harry McSween: We got plenty!
Angelica Nero: You fool! You're as good as dead and so is Jack if he isn't dead already!
J.R.: Get her out of here!
Angelica Nero: I just want you to know it's too late! It's too late J.R! IT'S TOO LATE!
J.R.: [Angelica is dragged from the office] Too late? My God Jack!

"Dallas: The Phoenix (#5.16)" (1982)

JR Ewing: Ray never was comfortable eating with the family. After all, we do use knives and forks.

"Dallas: Act of Love (#2.10)" (1978)

J.R. Ewing: [taking his seat on a plane] We are gonna have a wonderful Washington flight.
J. R. 's Mistress: I'm looking forward to it.
J.R. Ewing: Heh. Just wait 'till you look back on it!
[laughs]

"Dallas: Three, Three, Three: Part 2 (#13.27)" (1990)

James Richard Beaumont: You know something, I think you look right at home here.
J.R. Ewing: Don't get used to it. 'Cause when I get out I'm gonna destroy you!
James Richard Beaumont: No threats, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: That's no threat. Now get those release papers to the desk and get me out of here.
James Richard Beaumont: Uh-uh. Daddy. It's PAYBACK TIME! You're in here for GOOD!
J.R. Ewing: WHAT!
Attendant #1: Let's go, Ewing!
J.R. Ewing: He's got my release papers!
James Richard Beaumont: Not anymore!
[tears them up]
James Richard Beaumont: [as JR is being dragged away] Enjoy your stay!

"Dallas: Showdown at the Ewing Corral (#12.7)" (1988)

JR Ewing: It'll be sub-zero in hell before I let you work here.
Cliff Barnes: Sharpen up your ice skates, JR. It's gonna be a long winter.

"Dallas: Bypass (#2.4)" (1978)

Sue Ellen Ewing: [having just learned Jock has had a seizure] I thought it was you, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: Hoping, you mean.

"Dallas: End of the Road: Part 2 (#4.12)" (1981)

Bobby Ewing: [after telling Jock he wants out of Ewing Oil] I want out! I almost did something today that I never would have been able to forgive myself for.
J.R. Ewing: Almost? That mean you didn't sign with Westar Oil?
Bobby Ewing: So you know about Westar, do you? Well, I can't say I'm too surprised.
J.R. Ewing: Well, Bobby... I built Ewing Oil into a power because I knew everything that was happening in Dallas. I still do. That's how you run a successful business.
Bobby Ewing: Well, maybe you're right. And maybe you can't care for the people.
[turns to Jock]
Bobby Ewing: I wanted to run this company on the up and up, Daddy. Only after awhile, the deals became more important than the people. I was borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, all the time pretending it was for the right reasons. And then I realized, after a while, that you can only lie to yourself just so long... that I could pretend that whatever was good for Ewing Oil was all right, but it's not. It's not all right for me.
J.R. Ewing: Well, if you didn't sign with Westar, that means you blew the deal with Jordan Lee and the cartel. And on top of that, we still owe them $12 million, money we don't have.
Jock Ewing: Is that true, Bobby? Did you go back on your word with the cartel?
Bobby Ewing: I hate to disappoint you, J.R. But we're just fine with the cartel.
[turns back to Jock]
Bobby Ewing: I phoned Jordan Lee and I told him why I couldn't go in on the deal with him. Then I put him together with Nick Hammond, Hammond Oil? Nick agreed to take over our part of the investment completely, with the blessing of the cartel.
[Jock smiles]
Bobby Ewing: We're in real solid with 'em, Daddy. Till they find out J.R.'s back.
J.R. Ewing: You're crazy, Bobby. You lost us millions of dollars.
Bobby Ewing: Well, I'm sure you'll find a way to get it back. You're very good at that sort of thing. A lot better than I wanna be.
[Bobby walks out]
J.R. Ewing: Well, if that don't tear the rag off the bush. He almost bankrupts us, he leaves, and I gotta cover his tail. I tell you!
[chuckles]
Jock Ewing: Just what are you talkin' about, J.R.? Nothing wrong with the company! We got a refinery we didn't have before, plenty of product. We're even back in with the cartel. I'm proud of the way Bobby acted. He showed people that the Ewing name stands for something! He's a hell of a son! And a hell of a man!

"Dallas: The Fabulous Ewing Boys (#14.7)" (1990)

JR Ewing: [to James] You got no morals, you got no scruples, You may just be worthy of me yet.

"Dallas: Home Again (#2.14)" (1979)

Sue Ellen Ewing: [about Garrison Southworth] Well, that old man is not gonna cheat my child out of his inheritance!
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, the Ewings are on Southfork to stay, honey, I'll take care of that.

Dallas: The Early Years (1986) (TV)

[first lines]
J.R. Ewing: Well, I don't know how much help I can give you. Daddy didn't keep any records in the early years.

"Dallas: The Investigation (#5.24)" (1982)

J.R. Ewing: [to Cliff Barnes] You have succeeded in becoming the *perfect* failure! I just don't believe it.
[diabolical laughter]

"Dallas: Ellie Saves the Day (#3.12)" (1979)

J.R.: Sue Ellen, shouldn't you get some sleep? You know how haggard you look in the morning without your full eight hours.

"Dallas: Barbecue Three (#6.12)" (1982)

JR Ewing: All that matters is winning.

"Dallas: The Venezuelan Connection (#4.6)" (1980)

Bobby Ewing: [Bobby arrives at the Cattlemen's Club] Well, this looks like some kind of party! Why wasn't I invited?
J.R. Ewing: Well, sit down Bobby! We've got a lot of room, a lot of booze!
Bobby Ewing: [icily] Well thank you, J.R. That's real kind of you. Maybe you can explain something to me. Like why wasn't I told that Daddy was going to pull ten million dollars out of Ewing Oil accounts? Did that slip your mind?
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: [gently] Now you just hold on, Bobby. J.R. don't discuss my business with you or anybody else unless I tell 'em, you understand?
Bobby Ewing: [still seething] OK, Daddy. Then why didn't you tell me? Didn't you think I should know?
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: I was gonna tell you tonight.
Bobby Ewing: Tonight? I want those kind of things discussed with me before you act, not after! Your dealing behind my back makes me look like a fool!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: [tersely] Now just what the hell are you talkin' about?
Bobby Ewing: I... I called Les at the bank and asked him to transfer twelve million dollars from the account.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: So what? We got a hundred times that much.
Bobby Ewing: I'm talking liquid assets! Cash, Daddy... cash! And we don't have that amount! And you know why? 'Cause you TOOK ten million dollars!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: [rising to his feet and toe to toe with Bobby] You're damn right I took it. It's mine!
Bobby Ewing: That money belongs to Ewing Oil!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: And who in the hell do you think Ewing Oil is? It's ME! Ewing Oil belongs to me... and don't you forget it, boy!
Bobby Ewing: And you gave me Ewing Oil to run, in writing! And that makes you obliged to consult me before you do anything that concerns that company!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: Obliged! You telling me that I'm obliged to ask you how to spend my own money? Any damn way I see fit?
Bobby Ewing: That's right! You gave me the power to run that company, and dammit, I intend to run it!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: So I gave you power, huh? Well, let me tell you somethin' boy, if I did give you power, you've got nothin'! Nobody gives you power. Real power is something you TAKE!
Bobby Ewing: [nods slowly with a sigh] Well, I'm gonna remember that.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: You do that.
[Bobby turns and walks out in a huff... Jock sits back down]

"Dallas: Phantom of the Oil Rig (#13.1)" (1989)

JR Ewing: The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it to ole J.R. Ewing.

"Dallas: Barbecue Five (#8.11)" (1984)

JR Ewing: [speaking to Sue Ellen regarding Lucy] She changes her men like other women change their stockings.

"Dallas: My Father, My Son (#5.17)" (1982)

JR Ewing: Anything worth having is worth going for-all the way.

"Dallas: Barbecue Two (#5.12)" (1982)

JR Ewing: [to Lucy] Say, why don't you have that junior plastic surgeon you married design you a new face: one without a mouth!

"Dallas: The Outsiders (#2.22)" (1979)

Sue Ellen Ewing: [J.R. is whistling while pouring a drink] You seem mighty happy with yourself tonight, J.R. You managed to evict some widows today?
J.R. Ewing: You keep drinking like that, and you're gonna be evicted onto a trash heap, dear.

"Dallas: Spy in the House (#1.3)" (1978)

Julie Grey: I gave the file to Cliff Barnes.
JR Ewing: Why?
Julie Grey: I liked the way he made love. I thought he deserved a reward.
JR Ewing: Do you love him?
Julie Grey: I don't love anybody.

"Dallas: Fallen Idol (#2.12)" (1978)

J.R. Ewing: Well the next thing you know, the name of that actress is gonna be 'Farah Fawcet-Guzzler'. I never heard a man talk so much in my whole life. Babbles on like a... blue idiot.

"Dallas: Rodeo (#3.8)" (1979)

[JR is forcing himself on Sue Ellen after seeing her with Dusty Farlow]
JR Ewing: DOn't worry, darlin'! Just pretend I'm that cowboy!

"Dallas: The Missing Link (#9.15)" (1986)

Sly Lovegren: ...Maybe Cliff just put two and two together.
JR Ewing: If Barnes put two and two together, he'd get three.

"Dallas: Family Plot (#13.24)" (1990)

JR Ewing: A marriage is like a salad: the man has to know how to keep his tomatoes on the top.

"Dallas: The Lesson (#1.2)" (1978)

J.R. Ewing: [Lucy is going out on a date] Makes me feel old...
Miss Ellie Ewing: Junior, you were born old.

"Dallas: The Sting (#6.22)" (1983)

JR Ewing: I wouldn't give you the dust off my car.

"Dallas: Revenge of the Nerd (#10.22)" (1987)

JR Ewing: Well, last night we went to the Oil Baron's and we ran into that termite brother of yours!
Pamela Ewing: Are you talking to me?
JR Ewing: Anyone else in here gotta termite for a brother?
Pamela Ewing: Just Bobby.

"Dallas: Double Wedding (#2.6)" (1978)

J.R. Ewing: What do you want out of this, Mr. Haynes?
Ed Haynes: Pamela.
J.R. Ewing: Well I'm afraid you got the wrong Mr. Ewing. You see, my brother Bobby is married to Pamela. But I wanna assure you I will help you to see that justice is done. The Ewings would never turn their backs on a veteran.

"Dallas: Sunset, Sunrise (#13.5)" (1989)

JR Ewing: [to Marilee Stone] By the way honey, your a little too old to be running around without your clothes on.

"Dallas: Sue Ellen's Sister (#2.19)" (1979)

J.R. Ewing: Why is it everybody always thinks I'm up to something, huh? Explain that to me.

"Dallas: Triangle (#2.11)" (1978)

J.R. Ewing: Krebbs, I want you off Southfork by sun up.
Ray Krebbs: I was gonna leave, But I think I just changed my mind about that. I'm staying now. You want me off that ranch, you're gonna have to get Jock to fire me if you can.

"Dallas: Family Business (#1.9)" (2012)

J.R. Ewing: I don't see how this it's my fault.
Ann Ewing: Of course you don't, you're a sociopath!
J.R. Ewing: Well there's no need to call names.

"Dallas: The Lady Vanishes (#11.5)" (1987)

JR Ewing: Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you; and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves.

"Dallas: The Two Mrs. Ewings (#12.11)" (1989)

Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: J.R., I want to talk to you.
J.R. Ewing: Hello, darlin'. I thought you'd be real busy building marinas or something. What are you doing at the Oil Baron's Ball?
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Slumming! I just met your child bride. Tell me, what Junior High School were you cruising this time?
J.R. Ewing: That's real funny darlin'. I'm sure you can find someone else around here to annoy.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: J.R.! You got that little girl into your bed by telling her I was a drunk and a cheat and I neglected my child!
J.R. Ewing: Well, it's true. Just ask anyone here.
[Sue Ellen knocks J.R. to the ground with one punch]

"Dallas: And the Winner Is... (#7.22)" (1984)

JR Ewing: Once you lose your integrity, the rest is easy.

"Dallas: Fall of the House of Ewing (#10.29)" (1987)

[Jeremy Wendell reveals himself as the one responsible for Ewing Oil's demise]
Jeremy Wendell: [referring to the portrait of Jock] Now. Get out of my building! And take this eyesore with you.
JR Ewing: WENDELL! You touch that painting and I'll *kill you where you stand*!
[JR goes and takes the portrait down]
JR Ewing: [to John Ross] John Ross. *This* is Ewing Oil. Let's go, boy.

"Dallas: Heart and Soul (#14.6)" (1990)

[JR just found out Cally is pregnant as she prepares to drive off]
J.R. Ewing: If you think for one second I'm going to let you raise our child in that little hick town, you've got another thing coming!
Cally Ewing: It doesn't matter what you think, 'cause you're not the father!
[starts the ignition]
Cally Ewing: JAMES IS!
[speeds off]

"Dallas: Black Market Baby (#2.5)" (1978)

J.R. Ewing: You'd better stop drinking, Sue Ellen. There's nothing uglier than a woman who can't handle her liquor!

"Dallas: The Price You Pay (#1.3)" (2012)

J.R. Ewing: Bullets don't seem to have much of an effect on me, darling.

"Dallas: Who Done It? (#4.4)" (1980)

Sue Ellen Ewing: I am NOT going to jail for HER!
J.R. Ewing: No ones going to jail! I'll handle Kristin my own way.

"Dallas: The Sting (#12.10)" (1989)

Teresa: There is a Mrs. J.R. Ewing at the door.
J.R. Ewing: What the hell is Sue Ellen doing here?
Teresa: It's not that Mrs. Ewing, sir.
[in walks Cally]