J.R. Ewing
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
J.R. Ewing (Character)
from "Dallas" (1978)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Dallas: Jock's Trial: Part 2 (#3.23)" (1980)
Reporter # 1: Apparently, Cliff Barnes was a moving force behind this arrest. Do you have any comment on that?
J.R. Ewing: Yes, it's something Mr. Barnes dreamed up. He's hated this family since the day he was born.
Bobby Ewing: The whole thing is a personal vendetta, that's all.

Scotty Demarest: J.R., you were only a kid, but you're old enough to have killed Hutch McKinney.
J.R. Ewing: I don't find that particularly funny.
Scotty Demarest: Well, I didn't mean it to be funny. Miss Ellie could've killed him also.
Scotty Demarest: What the hell you getting at?
Scotty Demarest: There are five people in this room. And out of this group here, only one, just one could not have killed Hutch McKinney, and that's Bobby. Because he was busy getting born.

Sue Ellen Ewing: Well, if your daddy goes to jail, then you'll be in charge of Ewing Oil again. Are you trying to tell me you're not on Cliff Barnes' side?
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, after nine years of marriage you still don't know much about me, do you?

J.R. Ewing: I'll tell you one thing: no matter how the case comes out, I'm gonna drive Cliff Barnes outta the state of Texas.
Bobby Ewing: You're gonna have to stand in line behind me, brother.

J.R. Ewing: Always knew that you didn't do it, dad.
Jock Ewing: Well, the way that prosecutor was going, I was beginning to believe I did.
J.R. Ewing: I'm sorry about having to testify against you. I sure didn't wanna do that.
Jock Ewing: Well, you did what you had to do, J.R., and you did it like a man.

J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, what are you doing right here in the middle of the courthouse, drinking?
Sue Ellen Ewing: Isn't that what you've always wanted? You should be surpremely happy.
J.R. Ewing: Here, use this mouthspray. Here! My daddy's in enough trouble without you sitting in the courtroom smelling like a distillery.

"Dallas: The Kristin Affair (#3.5)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: [J.R. has just been flirting with Kristen when Sue Ellen comes out in a bathing suit] Sue Ellen? Pretty hot out here. Maybe we ought to go back upstairs.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Oh?
J.R. Ewing: Yeah, it's early yet. We got plenty of time before I have to go to work.
Sue Ellen Ewing: [gives him an ice-cold look] I love your sudden urges, J.R. They're almost as romantic as, eh, your daddy's pet bull.

Kristin Shepard: I need a little time to think. Can you understand that?
J.R. Ewing: I'm not exactly a patient man.

J.R. Ewing: Nothing's gonna stop me now, Vaughn. And Mr. Barnes can go straight to hell.

J.R. Ewing: Why you little rascal.
[stands up and walks over to Kristen]
J.R. Ewing: You're what they call a devious wench.
Kristin Shepard: Why J.R., I thought you liked devious.
J.R. Ewing: I love devious.

J.R. Ewing: Kristen, with your mind and your body, it just might take me a lifetime to figure you out.
Kristin Shepard: J.R., you just pushed all the right buttons.
[they kiss passionately]

J.R. Ewing: If you don't wanna fight Cliff Barnes, just tell me. Just come out and say so.
Bobby Ewing: Look, I'm as commited as you are to getting Cliff Barnes out of office but it doesn't entail a daily trip to Austin. Unless you're trying to cover up something down here. And I'm not talking about your considerable attention to your wife's sister.

"Dallas: A House Divided (#3.25)" (1980)
Vaughn Leland: It was crooked! And I believe you knew that! You'll regret this!
J.R. Ewing: Is that a threat Vaughn?
Vaughn Leland: No threat. A Promise!

J.R. Ewing: [to Sue Ellen] I swear, you're heading at ninety miles an hour towards a nervous breakdown. Gonna have to do something about those ravings of yours.

Sue Ellen Ewing: Tell me, J.R., which slut are you going to stay with tonight?
J.R. Ewing: What difference does it make? Whoever it is has got to be more interesting than the slut I'm looking at right now.

Kristin Shepard: You can't scare me.
J.R. Ewing: It takes brains to know when to be scared, honey. And since that's something in short supply around here, I'm gonna help you: now is the time to be scared.

J.R. Ewing: [quietly] Bobby's getting weak, daddy. Just plain weak. doesn't hardly sound like a Ewing any more.
[Jock nods sorrowfully]

"Dallas: Second Thoughts (#3.20)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: Maybe if you spend a little less time chasing Betty Lou and more time trying to get Lucy to name the date, you might be a little more successful.
Alan Beam: What do you know about Betty Lou?
J.R. Ewing: Everything that's important.

Lucy Ewing: [about J.R] You know, I believe he'd really like to see me flunk out of school.
J.R. Ewing: Well, now Lucy, if you wanna be the first member of the Ewing family to get your Ph.D, you just go right ahead.

J.R. Ewing: [about Alan Beam] What does that little snake got, anyway? I mean, I can understand a nitwit like my niece going for that line of blabber, but... not a pretty, intelligent girl like you... Betty Lou, Alan Beam is a liar and a cheat. And whatever he's promised you, he's not gonna deliver. So the way I look at it, I got two ways of breaking up this marriage: with you or without you.

J.R. Ewing: Bobby, are you job-hunting for your brother-in-law?
Bobby Ewing: Yes I am. He's in pretty bad shape.
J.R. Ewing: Are you out of your mind? Don't you realize that anything you get him, it's just gonna backfire on us?
Bobby Ewing: He is defanged and declawed and we can't do anything more to him. We've won. He's defeated, J.R. What more do we need?
J.R. Ewing: The only time he's gonna be out of our hair is when he's six feet under and then I wouldn't trust him not to come back and haunt us!

J.R. Ewing: [Alan Beam returns to his apartment and finds J.R. already there] You two-timin' double-crossin' little rat.

"Dallas: The Price You Pay (#1.3)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: [Ann is pointing a shotgun at J.R] Bullets don't seem to have much of an effect on me, darling.

J.R. Ewing: The best way to understand a man, is to talk to his friends... and his enemies. My friends are in the State House. My enemies are gonna be harder to find.

J.R. Ewing: [to Cliff Barnes] I'll be there when they put you in the ground, Barnes. Listen close, I'll be the one dancing on the dirt overhead.

J.R. Ewing: [to John Ross] I spent most of your childhood chasing after women I didn't love, makin' deals that didn't really matter. I will get Southfork back. Because you shouldn't have to pay for my sins.

Cliff Barnes: Well, you're lookin' pretty spry for all you've been through, old pal. Cliff Barnes, remember me?
J.R. Ewing: Time has not been kind to that face. But I do recall the smell of brimstone and crazy...

"Dallas: The Dove Hunt (#3.6)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Hey Bobby, where's Pam? Y'all have another argument?
Bobby Ewing: She's working late, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: Short of cash, are you?

J.R. Ewing: [annoyed that Lucy is having contact with Valene] I knew that tramp mother of hers would start filling her up with false hope if she came back to Dallas.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Somehow the role of social worker doesn't fit you, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: Well, she is my niece.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Well, I'm touched by your concern with children. I'm just sorry you didn't adopt me instead of marrying me.
J.R. Ewing: [her sarcasm is not getting through to J.R] Hm. What?

J.R. Ewing: Now hold on, Ray, you're just a hired hand around here, don't try to shift the blame on me!

J.R. Ewing: You bring a sheriff?
Bobby Ewing: There's no law in Land Down. And damn little help.

"Dallas: Mother of the Year (#3.13)" (1979)
Bobby Ewing: I'm still your brother.
J.R. Ewing: Bobby, as far as I'm concerned, I'm an only child.

J.R. Ewing: Kristen, place an overseas call to Hank Johnson at the drilling site.
Kristin Shepard: Right away.
J.R. Ewing: What time is it over there, anyway?
J.R. Ewing: It's about two a.m.
J.R. Ewing: Good. He's half asleep, he won't lie to me.

J.R. Ewing: Hey now, wait a minute, isn't anybody gonna say something like: "Thank you, J.R., for making us billionaires"? Mama, daddy, I did this for you.
Jock Ewing: You just gambled our home, that's all. And that sure as hell ain't anything to be proud of, J.R.

J.R. Ewing: Bobby, you know, I just can't believe you that and I have the same mama and daddy. You're just too danm good to be rich, you know that?

"Dallas: The Silent Killer (#3.3)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Bobby, because of your brother in law, Ewing Oil has become an endangered species.

Sue Ellen Ewing: The child is my punishment, J.R. He reminds me that I was used by two cruel men and that I let my emotions get in the way of my good sense.
J.R. Ewing: Well I've accepted the child, now surely...
Sue Ellen Ewing: [interrupting] J.R., you have always been too generous with your affections. It is your one big fault.

Alan Beam: Well here, have some coffee. Tastes like that oil you used to pump.
J.R. Ewing: I wanted a lawyer, not a comedian.

Miss Ellie Ewing: Sue Ellen, Pam told me that the doctor says the baby is just just fine, he's gained four ounces.
J.R. Ewing: Yeah, he's gettin' to be a regular little fatty, isn't he?
Jock Ewing: Yeah, just like his daddy.
[pats J.R.'s belly]

"Dallas: Truth and Consequences (#1.5)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: Daddy always said beautiful women were the most dangerous.
Bobby Ewing: [impatient to get to the point] I know all the things daddy used to say.

J.R. Ewing: Ewing Oil is back in business, Bobby!
Bobby Ewing: That's not gonna happen, J.R.
[holds up a deed stating J.R. owns Southfork]
Bobby Ewing: This is not going to happen. That's why I wanted to sell Southfork in the first place: to stop all this feuding. And leave a legacy to mama.
J.R. Ewing: You wanna carry on mama's legacy? Well, I wanna carry on daddy's.

Ann Ewing: They warned me. My whole marriage, they told me about you. But in my wildest imagination, I never thought you could stoop to this.
J.R. Ewing: Well Annie, you're just gonna have to work on your imagination.

J.R. Ewing: [to John Ross] Just start drillin'. By the time I'm back, Bobby will have gotten used to oil being pumped on Southfork and the damage will be done. Just don't screw it up.

"Dallas: Conundrum (#14.22)" (1991)
J.R. Ewing: So you're like an apprentice angel trying to earn his wings, right.
Adam: You've got it upside down and backwards, but close enough.

Adam: Then why don't you just kill yourself?
J.R. Ewing: And send you back to heaven a failure? You'll never become an angel
Adam: [laughing] An angel. What makes you think I'm from Heaven?
[evil laugh]

[on seeing the young Jason Ewing]
J.R. Ewing: He's a damned disgrace to the Ewing name!

[observing Sue Ellen telling off her slimy agent]
J.R. Ewing: Go on, Sue Ellen. Tell that scumbag off.

"Dallas: Call Girl (#2.20)" (1979)
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: What? You gonna hit your pregnant wife?
[JR grabs her and forces her to the mirror]
JR Ewing: Come here, Miss Texas. I want you to look at something. Pretty ain't it? A lush! A TRAMP!
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: [pause] And the mother of your child.
JR Ewing: Really?
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Chances are.
JR Ewing: You listen to me carefully, Sue Ellen. You take care of that baby, you hear? Make sure it's a happy, healthy one. 'Cause it's the only thing standing between you and the gutter!

[a picture of Pam with a call-girl and a politician is front page of the newspaper]
Bobby Ewing: This is your style, J.R. My wife and the man that put Cliff Barnes in office.
JR Ewing: Your wife got in plenty of trouble before you all got married. And I, I don't understand why you'd think she'd change...
JR Ewing: [Bobby grabs JR] Hey, wait a...
Jock Ewing: [Jock comes between them] Knock it off, both of ya! Before I beat the hell out of ya!

Jock Ewing: J.R. If I find out you had anything to do with this, I'll kick your tail over to the next county, do you hear?
JR Ewing: There's no sense in looking a gift horse in the mouth, Dad.

Leanne Rees: All I ever did was sell myself. But you, you'd sell yourself, your family, your friends for power! J.R., you're a prize pimp.
JR Ewing: You know, coming from an expert, I consider that a compliment.

"Dallas: Love and Marriage (#3.15)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Hey Pamela, you working this late?
[Pamela does not answer]
J.R. Ewing: Hey, you better be careful. All that overtime money is gonna push Bobby up into a higher income tax bracket.

J.R. Ewing: [Sue Ellen is asleep and J.R. is angry & drunk] Sue Ellen, you tramp... The trouble you've caused me... I'm gonna see to it that your lover, the wonderful Mr. Clifford Barnes, is gonna end up on the street. And that goes for his sister, too.

Bobby Ewing: [referring to the skeleton that was found on Southfork property] Strange. I wonder who he was. J.R., you didn't shoot somebody when you were a kid and just forget to tell us, did you?
J.R. Ewing: Bobby, I don't think that's particularly amusing.

J.R. Ewing: Say, you know, it, eh, might not be a good idea to leave Bobby too much alone at night. Know what I mean? Heh heh. Until he met you, Bobby was the stud in Dallas. Might still be, for all I know.
Pamela Barnes Ewing: Maybe you haven't heard, J.R., Bobby's not standing at stud anymore. He retired when we got married. He left the field wide open for you. Of course, from what I hear, that still leaves the field wide open.
[turns his back on him to enter the house]
J.R. Ewing: Anytime you wanna find out, it can be easily arranged.
Pamela Barnes Ewing: [turns round and looks at him with a mixture of surprise and disgust] Don't bother, J.R. Even if I weren't married to Bobby, you aren't man enough.
J.R. Ewing: Well, I was certainly man enough for me and Sue Ellen to produce a son and heir. Something which you and Bobby seem incapable of.
Pamela Barnes Ewing: Sue Ellen and Cliff!

"Dallas: Hedging Your Bets (#1.2)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: [to John Ross] And son, never pass up a good chance to shut up.

J.R. Ewing: [at the Cattle Baron's Ball, to John Ross] Watch and learn.

J.R. Ewing: [on meeting the real Marta] I'm gonna have to introduce you to my son, John Ross. He's a chip off the old block.

Ann Ewing: [J.R. has just given Ann a compliment] Why thank you, J.R. It's nice to be in a company of a legend.
J.R. Ewing: Mostly in my own mind, darlin'.

"Dallas: Carousel (#12.1)" (1988)
[In the evening at the Dallas Memorial Hospital. Knocking on the door, is the Detective Kane to questioning J.R. Ewing while eating his dinner in bed]
Detective Kane: Mr. Ewing?
J.R. Ewing: Hmm?
Detective Kane: I'm Detective Kane, Dallas P.D.
[Showing his Police Detective I.D. badge from his jacket]
Detective Kane: I'd like to talk to you about last night, the, uh, shooting?
J.R. Ewing: Yeah. Well, it's about time. I assume you got that fruit cake wife mine locked up.
Detective Kane: Uh, no, sir, we don't.
J.R. Ewing: You don't?
Detective Kane: As a matter a fact she wants us to bring charges against you for the murder of Nicholas Pearce and attempted assault on her.
J.R. Ewing: This a joke, right? You're not really a policeman? Somebody hired you to do this to me? Yeah, I know who. Cliff Barnes and it's sound like that moron sense of humor. Huh?
Detective Kane: Mr. Ewing, I am who I say I am, and your wife wants charges filed against you.
J.R. Ewing: God, it's not an option try to kill me. She's filing charges against me, too?
Detective Kane: Well, now, you threw Nicholas Pearce off your terrace?
J.R. Ewing: Well, of course I do. Hell, the man was intend on killing me, I just trying to protect myself, that's all.
Detective Kane: That's not what Mrs. Ewing said.
J.R. Ewing: Well, Mrs. Ewing is a flat out all faced liar. Uh, did you see my door in my apartment? They kicked it in, came in, threatened me, both physically and otherwise?
J.R. Ewing: I'll tell you, I - I just did what any good Texans will do. I was defending my home against intruders.
Detective Kane: You mean you pulled the gun on him?
J.R. Ewing: Well, I had no choice. But I didn't start that fight. Pearce jumped me. He was pounding on me and I was trying get away. He was after me all the time. And, well, when he went over the balcony, he was only because slipped trying to pushed me over. And then I turned around, there was Sue Ellen, standing there with the gun in her hand, she looked me straight in the eye, pull trigger. You want to know why?
Detective Kane: She says you came after her?
J.R. Ewing: That's a damn lie. She shot me. Because her lover was dead, or didn't she tell you they were lovers, huh? Well, if you don't know, you're the only one on Dallas. Nope. Vengeance. It was vengeance, pure and simple on her part. And I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna file attempted murder charges against her.
Detective Kane: Now, Mr. Ewing, you can both be guilty of attempted murder?
J.R. Ewing: That's right. So the sooner you get out of here and lock that woman up the safer I'm gonna feel.

[Here is the United States and Texas flags flows next to the Dallas Memorial Hospital]
Detective Kane: I know it's an unusual procedure, but, uh, you were the only two people there and you're telling diametrically opposed stories.
J.R. Ewing: I told you she was a liar.
Sue Ellen Ewing: And he's a murderer.
J.R. Ewing: The only murder in that apartment was you, darling!
Sue Ellen Ewing: I wish I'd have been. Then I would've had my son, and you would've just been a bad memory.
J.R. Ewing: You wait a damn minute!
Detective Kane: Whoa. Now, whoa, this isn't what I wanted it all. Now, Mr. Ewing, do you still want us to press charges against Mrs. Ewing?
J.R. Ewing: You're damn right I do.
Detective Kane: And you, Mrs. Ewing?
Sue Ellen Ewing: No. I've decided to drop all charges against him.
Detective Kane: You are? Does this mean you're changing your story?
Sue Ellen Ewing: No. It just means that I remember I had a son. And as much I wanna see J.R. punished. I want my son to exposed to any of this.
J.R. Ewing: Well, I hate to see it, but she's right. It's best this never gets at trial.
J.R. Ewing: I'm... willing to drop charges and forget the whole damn thing.
[Detective Kane sees that both J.R. Ewing and Sue Ellen Ewing are going to drop the charges and be dismissed]
Detective Kane: Well, you can both drop your charges, but there's a dead body to think about, and I'm not going to call this off until I find out what did happen.
[Sue Ellen doesn't know. So does J.R., too unknown]

[Back at the Dallas Police Department in Dallas]
Detective Kane: I'm not happy about it. But that doesn't seem to be in anyway for us to find out what really happened. I've talked to District Attorney's office, there will be no prosecution in the death of Nicholas Pearce. As far as they're concerned, this case is closed.
J.R. Ewing: Well, if it'll make you feel better, it was an accident.
Sue Ellen Ewing: He'd be alive today, if it weren't for you.
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, you heard the man. It's over.
Sue Ellen Ewing: What is over is our marriage. You should be getting your divorce papers any day now.
J.R. Ewing: Good!
Sue Ellen Ewing: And you can kiss your son goodbye once and for all.
J.R. Ewing: You'll never keep John Ross from me.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Just watch me.
Detective Kane: Enough. We don't want any trouble from the two of you. This is not your personal police force. And the first one of you that gives us trouble is gonna to regret it.
J.R. Ewing: They'll be plenty of trouble until I get my boy back.
Sue Ellen Ewing: You'll get him back over my dead body.
J.R. Ewing: Whatever it takes, Sue Ellen. Whatever it takes.

J.R. Ewing: How could you leave that little ninny alone in the house? If she's still at Southfork when I get back there, I'm gonna have her barbecued.
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: You moved out of Southfork, J.R. Lucy moved in.
J.R. Ewing: Where were you when she was handing my son over to Sue Ellen?
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: I was flying back here to see you to make sure you were all right. I even worried about you. I shouldn't have.
J.R. Ewing: Hmm. Now that female assassin's got my son.
Clayton Farlow: He's better off with her than hidden way some school.
J.R. Ewing: You butt out of this, Clayton. We're talking family here.
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: J.R., you keep a civil tongue in your head. Clayton is family.
J.R. Ewing: No matter what you say, mama, he's never going to be a family to me.
Clayton Farlow: J.R., wounds are no. I'll kick your butt around this room.
J.R. Ewing: Oh, that's great, yeah. Attack me when I can't defend myself. That figures. Yeah, ha, ha.
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: Well, obviously, J.R., you're not suffering from any serious effect from the shooting. And there's no other reason for us to stay here.
[Miss Ellie and Clayton are leaving]
J.R. Ewing: Doesn't anybody care that I was almost killed? I was almost killed!
[Door slams]

"Dallas: Changing of the Guard (#1.1)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: [in the nursing home, to John Ross] Bobby was always a fool. Stubborn as a mule.

J.R. Ewing: Son, the courts are for amateurs and the faint of heart. No, this is personal.

J.R. Ewing: Blood may be thicker than water, but oil is thicker than both.

J.R. Ewing: I'm the one who belongs on Southfork. It's mine! And only mine.

"Dallas: Reunion: Part 1 (#2.1)" (1978)
[J.R. has promised to help Gary find a job]
J.R. Ewing: [on phone] Tom, what's the name of that company I asked you to liquidate?
Tom: [on other line] Q&R, makes those byproducts.
J.R. Ewing: Eh, I want you to re-activate it and rework the books so that, eh, Q&R looks like the IBM of Texas. And get the books out here just as soon as you can.
Tom: Now Mr. Ewing, I don't think I heard you right. Now that company is a loser.
J.R. Ewing: Fine, fine. I found *just the loser* to run it!

J.R. Ewing: [about his brother, Gary] He's a loser, Sue Ellen, been a loser every day of his life. Now if he's wants something, he's gonna lose it all by himself. No, he'll mess up this visit without any help from me. You can count on that.

Sue Ellen Ewing: [Gary intends to stay on Southfork with Valene] What are you going to do about Gary?
J.R. Ewing: I'm going to do what my family wants me to do. Become just what they want me to become.
Sue Ellen Ewing: And what exactly is that?
J.R. Ewing: My brother's keeper.

"Dallas: Jock's Trial: Part 1 (#3.22)" (1980)
Kristin Shepard: I'm sorry, J.R., the only thing I had to eat in the kitchen was caviar.
J.R. Ewing: Kristen, when you learned about all the ways to please a man, you got an A in bedroom and flunked kitchen.
Kristin Shepard: We'll, I'd learn if I had a man to cook for.

Lucy Ewing: Pamela, how's your daddy?
Pamela Barnes Ewing: Well, he's really very sick. Thank you, Lucy.
J.R. Ewing: You mean drunk? A lot of that going around.

Sheriff Fenton Washburn: You got a powerful enemy there, gentlemen. That Barnes is real gung ho on this case.
J.R. Ewing: I knew it, I knew it! That man just won't quit. An old derelict's body is found on Southfork, and he's gonna make it look like the biggest case since Bonnie and Clyde.

"Dallas: Return Engagement (#3.14)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, I hope you're not thinking of taking advantage of my absence.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Well, of course not, J.R. There's no need to worry. I intend to be just as discreet as you are.

J.R. Ewing: That's Eugene Bullock over there, he's just as rich as Croesus, has his own fleet of tankers.

J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, why didn't you call me and let me know what was going on?
Sue Ellen Ewing: Well, maybe it's because I don't care anymore who rules the roost at Southfork. Or maybe, it's, eh, because I enjoy seeing you not get what you want.
J.R. Ewing: Well, If I lose, you lose, too, honey. Just remember that.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Well, maybe I don't care about that anymore either.

"Dallas: Whatever Happened to Baby John?: Part 1 (#3.1)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Ewing Enterprises has enough problems with oil at the moment, it doesn't need short beef sales on top of that.

Jeb Ames: We're gonna see to it you're real sorry for this, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: The only thing I'm ever gonna be sorry for is it wasn't you who fell off that roof instead of Julie.

Alan Beam: I've been stuying the problem, sir. Has some very interesting aspects.
J.R. Ewing: I 'd call what Cliff Barnes is trying to do to my business something stronger than 'interesting'.
Alan Beam: Oh, yes sir, like shutting down production on that Odessa well, claiming contamination? Masterstroke.
J.R. Ewing: This is not a tennis match, it's business.

"Dallas: Ellie Saves the Day (#3.12)" (1979)
Sue Ellen Ewing: You're scared aren't you? Really scared.
J.R. Ewing: Is that a little insight you picked up from your psychiatrist?
Sue Ellen Ewing: No. Just from listening to you for the past eight years. It's the first time I've truly heard fear in your voice, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: Why don't you go to sleep, Sue Ellen? You know how haggard you look in the morning if you don't get your full eight hours.
[gets up to leave the bedroom]
Sue Ellen Ewing: Are you gonna visit my sister and spend the night? It's gonna be quite a change for her. I don't think she's ever been to bed with a poor man.

Bobby Ewing: I don't feel like celebrating. Pam finds out what you did to her brother, that's the end of our marriage.
J.R. Ewing: Well, that's like killing two birds with one stone, I guess.
[snickers and starts to pour himself a drink]
Bobby Ewing: You can leave your celebrating to me.
[walks up to J.R. and tries to punch him in the face, but Jock comes between them]

J.R. Ewing: [on phone] Hank, if you don't strike oil within the next week, Ewing Oil is out of business and so are you, boy!
[hangs up]
J.R. Ewing: Typhoon!
Kristin Shepard: J.R., I'm sorry.
J.R. Ewing: Well, that's not for you to worry about, I'll write you a nice reference.
J.R. Ewing: You know I'd work for you for nothing.
J.R. Ewing: I know it, I know it, I know it.
Kristin Shepard: Well maybe Mr. Leland will give you an extension on the Southfork mortgage. It's due next week.
J.R. Ewing: Now listen, that is defeatist talk, I don't want to hear any more about it. Why don't you go do some filing or something? I got some phonecalls to make.

"Dallas: Revelations (#1.10)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: [talking to Bobby] Come on, wake up, you hear me? Wake up and you get better. And you keep fighting. You keep fighting me! Now I'm gonna tell you something you never heard me say before: I love you Bobby, and I don't know who I'd be without you.

J.R. Ewing: Life is cheap in prison, Vicente, and I'm a very rich man.
Vicente Cano: Hm. So am I.

J.R. Ewing: Well, hello Lou, what you doing here?
[Lou leaves without saying anything]
J.R. Ewing: Well, you know you've hit a low when even a lawyer won't take the time to insult you.

"Dallas: Triangle (#2.11)" (1978)
J.R. Ewing: Krebbs, I want you off Southfork by sun up.
Ray Krebbs: I was gonna leave, But I think I just changed my mind about that. I'm staying now. You want me off that ranch, you're gonna have to get Jock to fire me if you can.

J.R. Ewing: Does Ray give you enough?
Garnet McGee: He gives me everything he's got. And if he had more, he'd give me that, too. There aren't a lot of men like him.

Lucy Ewing: I want your help, J.R. I know you all just think I'm dreamin' about being a singer, but I'm not, I've got talent, I really have, I kow it.
J.R. Ewing: [interrupting] Now if I remember correctly, last year, you wanted to join a circus and put on black tights and dance on a horses back...
Lucy Ewing: That was different, J.R., I'm older now. I'm older.
J.R. Ewing: No, no, it's exactly, exactly the same thing to me, honey.
Lucy Ewing: No it's not J.R, please, just back me with granddaddy, he'll let me if you say it's ok, he will.

"Dallas: The Family Ewing (#9.1)" (1985)
[Gary has offered to help J.R. run Ewing Oil, just after Ray did]
J.R. Ewing: So, Gary, you want to help run the company too? Well, I don't need your help, or your pity. I only had one brother and he's dead! No one can replace him! Least of all you two!

J.R. Ewing: [alone after the funeral service] Never really told you how much you meant to me. All the fights, all that time butting' heads with one another I'm sorry we were never friends. I wish I'd taken time to tell you that I loved you... I do... and you tell Daddy I love him too. Goodbye, Bobby. I miss you!

J.R. Ewing: Of course, you didn't know. How could you have known? You were too busy rollin' around in bed with that saddle-tramp. Or maybe it was gettin' stinkin' drunk at some motel.
Clayton Farlow: J.R., stop it!
J.R. Ewing: You're never around when anybody needs you. John Ross almost died; Bobby did die. All you ever think about is yourself.
Sue Ellen Ewing: That isn't true.
J.R. Ewing: Get out of here, Sue Ellen. Go back to your cowboy, go back to your bottle. I don't care where you go, just *get out of my sight!*

"Dallas: Reunion: Part 2 (#2.2)" (1978)
Valene Clements: [Gary has just left Southfork for good] So what's my future?
J.R. Ewing: None around here.
Valene Clements: Any choices?
J.R. Ewing: Well... $5000 and an escort out of the state.
Valene Clements: Any others?
J.R. Ewing: An escort out of the state.
[Val attempts to slap his face but J.R. catches her hand]

J.R. Ewing: [Val is outside wearing a nightie, having just said goodbye to Gary] You'll catch your death on a morning like this.
Valene Clements: I'll catch my death anywheres around you.
J.R. Ewing: Then don't hang around me, honey.

[Lucy, having been told her mother took J.R.'s money and left, smacks J.R. across the face hard]
J.R. Ewing: [rubbing his face] In the old days, they used to kill the bearer of bad news. Guess I got off lucky.

"Dallas: Secrets (#3.4)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: [hands his half emptied glass to Sue Ellen] Here, why don't you finish this for me, Sue Ellen? And maybe you ought to start drinking again. At least when you were drunk you didn't talk so much.

Jock Ewing: Bobby, J.R. thinks you ought to run down to Austin and call in some of our markers.
Bobby Ewing: What sort of markers, daddy?
Jock Ewing: Any kind that'll set a barn fire under the OLM.
J.R. Ewing: They got us over a barrel, Bob. And I mean a barrel of oil.

Valene Ewing: You think money's the answer to everything to you, don't you?
J.R. Ewing: I think it's an answer to you. And you're using Lucy to get at it.

"Dallas: Jenna's Return (#3.18)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: A jealous woman is never a very pretty sight.
Kristin Shepard: And what about a jealous man? Is that what I have to do to get your attention? Find myself a lover?
J.R. Ewing: It might be worth a try. I'll see you in the morning.

J.R. Ewing: [talking to Ray about Donna] You know, Sam used to say that she was, eh, she was the real politician in the family. If she ever decided to run for public office, she'd win by a landslide. And I believe it, I really do. Yeah, with all that loot he left her and her looks, there's just about nothing in the world she couldn't have. Which is why it just beats hell out of me how you think she's gonna be happy living in a cabin on Southfork, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

J.R. Ewing: [to Sue Ellen] I wouldn't be at all surprised if the first word this child learns is 'where's mamma?'

"Dallas: Sue Ellen's Choice (#3.19)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, you're a drunk. And a tramp. And with your history there isn't a court in the State of Texas that would let you have him
Sue Ellen Ewing: No... J.R., you can't be serious. You couldn't do that to me. You couldn't take my son.
J.R. Ewing: My son.

Donna Culver: How is it you always know exactly what to do to cause the most harm, and you always do it with such unerring instinct? If I didn't know better, I'd swear you made a pact with the Devil!
J.R. Ewing: Are you trying to flatter me or insult me? I can't make out which.
Donna Culver: I can promise you this: Dave and I are gonna take up where Cliff Barnes left off. We'll destroy you!

J.R. Ewing: Oh, by the way, your wife is home.
Bobby Ewing: Already?
J.R. Ewing: Yeah.
Bobby Ewing: You didn't happen to mention Jenna's name to her, did you? By accident of course.
J.R. Ewing: Bobby, I'm sorry, I- I did let it slip.
Bobby Ewing: Yeah. You know, you did a good day's work yesterday breaking up Donna and Ray. That should be enough for one week, don't you think? Even the Lord rested on the seventh day.
[turns his back and enters the house]
J.R. Ewing: Donna and Ray...
[smiles contently, puts on his hat and walks to his car]

"Dallas: The Wheeler Dealer (#3.24)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: [regarding Pam] Well, everybody can see that she's cracking up. Slowly and surely. And who can blame her? I mean, she finds out that her daddy, Digger Barnes is no relation at all and her real father is a saddle tramp and a thief. And her mother's a whore! Now who could find it in their heart to hate, that poor little girl, huh? Could you?
[Bobby punches J.R. in the gut. Jock comes between them before Bobby can land a second punch]
Jock Ewing: Now you knock it off! Both of you! You watch that temper of yours, Bobby!
[Bobby turns and leaves]
Jock Ewing: And you, J.R., watch that mouth of yours!

[the news of the nationalized oil fields in SE Asia is on TV]
Jock Ewing: [shouting] How much did we lose?
J.R. Ewing: Well, Daddy, the way I look at it, we just made ourselves a killing.

"Dallas: Election (#2.8)" (1978)
JR Ewing: [about Cliff Barnes] He's clean, I, there must be something wrong with the man, he's just clean!
Jock Ewing: Nobody's gotten that far in politics and stayed clean. He's just been careful, that's all. And don't forget, he's a Barnes. There's bound to be a body in that closet someplace. Find it!
JR Ewing: Alright, if I can't find it, I'll put it there!
Jock Ewing: Whatever.

J.R.: Barnes just broke the cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

"Dallas: John Ewing III: Part 1 (#2.23)" (1979)
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: [Sue Ellen is being committed to Fletcher Sanitatium] Don't leave me here, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: I've got no choice, Sue Ellen. You can't take care of your own life, much less the life of your child. And I can't trust you to keep your mouth shut when you've been drinking. We've both got too many secrets to risk them getting out.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: I'll be careful, J.R. I promise.
J.R. Ewing: Damn right you will. At least until the child is born. Now it's best for everybody, darling.
[the men in white coats drag Sue Ellen away]
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Please don't, J.R. I'll do anything you say. Anything. Just don't...
J.R. Ewing: [calls out to the men] You boys take care of her now!
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: I'll get you for this, J.R. if it's the last thing I do. I don't know how yet, but I'll get you...

J.R. Ewing: You were carried into this house drunk last night. My momma saw you, my father, everybody in the family.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Obviously it wasn't you who did the carrying.

"Dallas: The Red File: Part 2 (#2.18)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: You've wrecked me at the cartel, you know that. Stripped me of all my power.
Bobby Ewing: That's wonderful, J.R. You forged daddy's will, set Cliff Barnes for a murder, and all you can think about is your power.

Bobby Ewing: It's your Red File, isn't it, J.R.? I mean that's everything that you didn't think I was ready to see.
J.R. Ewing: Well, you are my baby brother. Some of the stuff's pretty gamey.

"Dallas: Swan Song (#8.30)" (1985)
JR Ewing: You're a drunk!
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Joan of Arc would be a drunk too if she was married to you.

JR Ewing: [tearfully as Bobby begins to flatline] Don't do this to me, Bobby! Don't leave me.

"Dallas: Those Eyes (#9.3)" (1985)
[JR sees Farlow with his wife at the drunk tank]
J.R. Ewing: FARLOW!
[JR attacks Dusty]
J.R. Ewing: What the hell are you doing here? You let go my wife, you HEAR!
Dusty Farlow: Settle down, JR. I'm WARNING you!
J.R. Ewing: You bastard! I ought to tear your head off right now!

[Back at Southfork Ranch in the evening. The car just drove to the entrance. Miss Ellie is standing there looking at the fireplace for awhile, and get a cup of tea to drink, and sat down in the chair. But J.R. is back home]
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: J.R.?
J.R. Ewing: Mama. Are you all right?
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: We found Sue Ellen.
J.R. Ewing: Oh, well. Lucky us. Is she upstairs? Has she made a fool of herself?
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: Listen to me.
[J.R. turn back to his mother]
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: She's in the detox ward at the county hospital. The police found her passed out in the alleyway and threw her in the drunk tank. When I couldn't reach you, Clayton and I went there to get her. By the time we got there, she'd gone into convulsions. The D.T.'s, they call it. She was taken to the detox ward. She's there now, barely alive.
[J.R. sighs]
J.R. Ewing: We are we gonna do?
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: You, J.R., what are you going do?
J.R. Ewing: I don't know.
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: Well, I do. You're going to face this problem once and for all. I won't let you run away from it or pass it on to me or Clayton or Dusty or the police. Sue Ellen is your wife. And as long as she is, she's your responsibility. I don't care what shape your marriage is in. She's a woman that we have loved and a woman that has loved us. She's the mother of your son who still needs her. She's a member of this family, J.R. She is a Ewing. And your personal feelings don't change any of that or at anyway excuse you from helping her.
J.R. Ewing: She won't listen to me, mama. She doesn't want my help.
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: She doesn't want anybody's help. She's sick.
[J.R. regretted]
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: And she'll kill herself if you let her. Which is exactly why you have to make the decision for her.
J.R. Ewing: What decision?
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: You've ask me for my support before. Now you've got it. You have to commit Sue Ellen to a sanitarium where we can at least begin to help her.
J.R. Ewing: She'd never agree to that.
Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow: She has no choice. And neither do you. I'll back you up, J.R., but you've got to lead the way. Tomorrow.
[J.R. will forget tomorrow and he'll remembered. J.R. will take break and sit in a chair next to the fireplace]
J.R. Ewing: Tomorrow.

"Dallas: The Decline and Fall of the Ewing Empire (#14.21)" (1991)
[John Ross has informed J.R. of his intention to stay in England, for good]
J.R. Ewing: [angrily] Do I have to come out there and pound some sense into you?
John Ross Ewing: Just TRY IT! You have no legal claim on me whatsoever! Why don't you go play with James and his *stupid* baby, 'cause I'm never coming BACK!
[hangs up]

J.R. Ewing: Don't forget, I do control the voting rights to 25% of Westar.
Carter McKay: Oh, right. Clayton gave them to you. They carry a lot of weight. But maybe the rights aren't enough. Don't you need the shares to go with them?
J.R. Ewing: [grinning] Don't worry. I'll get those soon enough.
Steven 'Dusty' Farlow: Not this time, J.R.

"Dallas: Mama Dearest (#6.13)" (1982)
JR Ewing: Well, hello Clayton. Come to take mama out?
Clayton Farlow: Yes, we're going out to dinner.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: She'll be down in a minute. Oh, excuse me. Clayton Farlow, Roy Ralston.
Roy Ralston: How do you do?
Clayton Farlow: Oh yeah, you're the fellow that has the talk show J.R.'s been on.
Roy Ralston: Yes I do. I'm sure you share my enthusiasm for J.R.'s appearances on my show.
Clayton Farlow: Not really.
Roy Ralston: Well, J.R.'s becoming the champion of the underdog. "I have a feeling he'll be leaving for Washington right after the next election.
Clayton Farlow: Well, Dallas's gain'll be Washington's loss!
Eleanor Southworth Ewing Farlow #1: Clayton, I'm so sorry I kept you waiting.
JR Ewing: No more than we are, mama.

JR Ewing: [to Ray Krebbs] Boy, you're just one dumb ole cowboy, ain't you?

"Dallas: The Red File: Part 1 (#2.17)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: You're supposed to be in Midland. Now what are you doing here in Dallas?
Charlie Waters: Well I got this girl...
J.R. Ewing: I pay you enough for six girls.

J.R. Ewing: Are you gonna punch me out?
Bobby Ewing: No, I'm not.
J.R. Ewing: Good. 'Cause you're younger and stronger than I am, and I don't look forward to having dinner with our mother with a split lip. Lets eat.

"Dallas: The Heiress (#3.11)" (1979)
Lucy Ewing: [J.R. and Alan Beam's fight has made the gossip columns] Well, it says here Alan Beam would've wiped you out if granddady hadn't stopped him.
J.R. Ewing: It doesn't say anything like that.

J.R. Ewing: [on phone in office] Hello Alan, what can I do for you?
Alan Beam: [on other line] For starters, I need more money.
J.R. Ewing: [sighs] For what it's cost me already I coud've had Barnes elected king of the Holy Roman Empire!
Alan Beam: [laughs] It all takes money, J.R.

"Dallas: Rock Bottom (#9.2)" (1985)
JR Ewing: Don't worry about her; the good Lord has ways of looking after drunks like her!

JR Ewing: [regarding John Ross] He doesn't have a mother! I don't have a wife, you don't exist! You're just a bad memory that refuses to go away.

"Dallas: For Love or Money (#2.15)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Well, I got to hand it to Sue Ellen. Never in the world would I have thought of that man.
Dan Marsh: Shall we continue or surveillance?
J.R. Ewing: Yes... I suppose it's time we do something... about old Cliff Barnes...

J.R. Ewing: Barnes, I should'a killed you out in that field when I had the chance.

"Dallas: Digger's Daughter (#1.1)" (1978)
JR Ewing: [referring to Pam] I asked her how much she'd take.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: You did what?
JR Ewing: I tried to pay her off.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: You jackass.

[J.R. tried to set Pam up, unsuccessfully]
JR Ewing: I underestimated the new Mrs. Ewing. Well, I surely won't do that again.

"Dallas: The Fat Lady Singeth (#11.30)" (1988)
Sue Ellen Ewing: Where is my son, you bastard?
J.R. Ewing: Where you'll never find him.
Nicholas Pearce: That's not good enough. Where is he?
J.R. Ewing: None of your damn business, Pearce.
Nicholas Pearce: I'm making it my business. Now do you tell me, or do I start taking you apart?
[Shoves J.R]
Nicholas Pearce: You're one sorry excuse for a man.
J.R. Ewing: Get out of here.
Nicholas Pearce: Not without some answers. And believe me, I will truly enjoy kicking the crap out of you.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Where is he, J.R.?

J.R. Ewing: [JR pulls a gun] You're trespassing. If I have to use this, the law will be on my side, so get the hell out here.
Nicholas Pearce: You don't have the guts to use it.
J.R. Ewing: [to Sue Ellen] Call off your gigolo, honey.
[Nicholas jumps JR and two get into a major brawl]
Sue Ellen Ewing: NOOOOOO!
[the brawl continues with JR dropping the gun. The fight goes out onto the balcony where Nicholas plunges to his death]
Sue Ellen Ewing: NOOOOOOO!
[Sue Ellen picks up the gun, JR turns to face her, Sue Ellen shoots him three times]
Sue Ellen Ewing: [On the phone to the police] I'd like to report a double murder. This is Sue Ellen Ewing.

"Dallas: Whatever Happened to Baby John?: Part 2 (#3.2)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: [on phone in office] Now if the call was genuine, dad would be on his way to the bank instead of City Hall.
Miss Ellie Ewing: [on other line at Southfork] J.R., not everyone is motivated by greed.

J.R. Ewing: [aiming a gun at Ames] If I had the time to clean up the mess, I'd use this on you.

"Dallas: The Last Hurrah (#1.4)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: [holding a file on Veronica Martinez aka Marta del Sol] Well, I'd say when it comes to jealousy, our girl is crazier than an outhouse rat.
Bum: Man, I hope I'm never on the wrong end of that smile, J.R.

Cliff Barnes: I will never stop fighting for what is rightfully mine. And I know you are the same way.
J.R. Ewing: I'm a changed man, Cliff. Evidence of that is the fact that you're not being wheeled out of here with two broken legs.

"Dallas: Kidnapped (#2.13)" (1978)
Pamela Barnes Ewing: J.R., it sounds to me like Cliff was almost killed this morning.
J.R. Ewing: Killed? What, with me there, he was never safer in his life.
[gives her the old J.R. grin]

Sue Ellen Ewing: [Sue Ellen and Cliff share a moment when they notice J.R. is coming] Eh, any. Eh, news yet, Mr. Barnes?
Cliff Barnes: No, no, not yet.
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, I know your manners are impeccable, but there are some people there's just no need to be polite to.
[takes her away from Barnes]

"Dallas: Julie's Return (#2.16)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: [Bobby and J.R. suspect their father may be having an affair] I know it's hard to believe some times, but daddy's only human. And if I know that lady - and I do know that lady - she wouldn't object.

Julie Grey: I wanted to apologize.
J.R. Ewing: A two-day apology? That sets some sorta record, don't it?

"Dallas: Divorce, Ewing Style (#3.21)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: How dare you have a private detective follow me!
Sue Ellen Ewing: Why J.R., you're getting positively paranoid.

J.R. Ewing: Kristen, I just came by for a quiet drink and to see you, honey. If I want screamin' and yellin', I can go home for that.

"Dallas: The Oil Baron's Ball (#7.8)" (1983)
JR Ewing: [after Sue Ellen has come into his bedroom for sex, and then gets up to leave] Well, I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use me like some stud-service!
Sue Ellen Ewing: What other possible use could I have for you? Good night.

"Dallas: Reel Life (#12.26)" (1989)
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: You have nothing to worry about. I have no intention of releasing the film - at the moment.
J.R.: What the hell does that mean?
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: It means the movie will be locked securely in a vault. However, if I think you're coming after me - or if you cross me for any reason - or if I feel you're not doing well for John Ross, or anyone else for that matter- or if I get up on the wrong side of the bed one morning - or if I'm simply bored - then I will release the movie. And then, J.R., you will be the laughing stock of Texas.

"Dallas: Farlow's Follies (#11.20)" (1988)
Dr. Herbert Styles: Lots of men have tried to run roughshod over me. I'd be happy to show you their tombstones.
JR Ewing: Yeah, well I'll bet none of those men were named J.R. Ewing.

"Dallas: Unchain My Heart (#13.15)" (1990)
JR Ewing: So, you just remember who you're working for, keep a civil tongue in your head, and try to answer my questions with a bit of civility.

"Dallas: The Prodigal Mother (#4.9)" (1981)
JR Ewing: [after Mitch walked out on Lucy] Lost another one, did you, sugar? Hell, I got to hand it to you, you sure can pick them. A pansy, a crook, and an up-and-coming pauper. You are a veritable magnet for losers and failures.
Lucy Ewing Cooper: At least I can't do any worse than Sue Ellen, can I?

"Dallas: Power Play (#3.16)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: Alan, I'm not that stupid, and you're surely not that smart. Now don't lie to me, boy.
Alan Beam: You want the truth? I'll give it to you. Lucy and I have been spending a lot of time together. And we're very much in love.
J.R. Ewing: In love?
Alan Beam: Why not? She's pretty. And intelligent. And nice.
J.R. Ewing: And rich. Don't forget rich.

"Dallas: Daddy Dearest (#13.9)" (1989)
JR Ewing: Marilee, if you don't hurry, someone else is gonna get your street corner.

"Dallas: Blast from the Past (#9.31)" (1986)
J.R.: [Angelica secretly arms the bomb in her suitcase and hands it to J.R] This stuff looks authentic...
Angelica Nero: I guarantee you it is!
J.R.: You had me worried there for a while,
Angelica Nero: About what?
J.R.: About doing business with the woman wanted for murder...
Angelica Nero: I'm not wanted for murder... I am wanted for questioning.
J.R.: Same difference! If you weren't guilty. you'd answer those questions,
Angelica Nero: Let's just say that if I did not kill them, somebody else would have... they deserved to die! As do you and Jack!
J.R.: Does that mean you're going to kill Jack and me too?
Angelica Nero: Some day probably...
J.R.: [Presses his intercom on his desk] Well boys if that isn't enough I don't know what is!
Angelica Nero: What are you doing?
J.R.: Well I asked some friends of mine to come in to listen to this, just in case you know?
Angelica Nero: [Det. Harry McSween enters and restrains Angelica] Call them off!
J.R.: Well he's just doing duty, I can't interfere!
Angelica Nero: Call them off if you don't want to die!
J.R.: You get all you needed?
Det. Harry McSween: We got plenty!
Angelica Nero: You fool! You're as good as dead and so is Jack if he isn't dead already!
J.R.: Get her out of here!
Angelica Nero: I just want you to know it's too late! It's too late J.R! IT'S TOO LATE!
J.R.: [Angelica is dragged from the office] Too late? My God Jack!

"Dallas: The Phoenix (#5.16)" (1982)
JR Ewing: Ray never was comfortable eating with the family. After all, we do use knives and forks.

"Dallas: Act of Love (#2.10)" (1978)
J.R. Ewing: [taking his seat on a plane] We are gonna have a wonderful Washington flight.
J. R. 's Mistress: I'm looking forward to it.
J.R. Ewing: Heh. Just wait 'till you look back on it!

"Dallas: Where There's a Will... (#6.2)" (1982)
JR Ewing: [after getting Jock's will] Like my Daddy always said... Where there's a way, there's a will.

"Dallas: Three, Three, Three: Part 2 (#13.27)" (1990)
James Richard Beaumont: You know something, I think you look right at home here.
J.R. Ewing: Don't get used to it. 'Cause when I get out I'm gonna destroy you!
James Richard Beaumont: No threats, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: That's no threat. Now get those release papers to the desk and get me out of here.
James Richard Beaumont: Uh-uh. Daddy. It's PAYBACK TIME! You're in here for GOOD!
J.R. Ewing: WHAT!
Attendant #1: Let's go, Ewing!
J.R. Ewing: He's got my release papers!
James Richard Beaumont: Not anymore!
[tears them up]
James Richard Beaumont: [as JR is being dragged away] Enjoy your stay!

"Dallas: Showdown at the Ewing Corral (#12.7)" (1988)
JR Ewing: It'll be sub-zero in hell before I let you work here.
Cliff Barnes: Sharpen up your ice skates, JR. It's gonna be a long winter.

"Dallas: Bypass (#2.4)" (1978)
Sue Ellen Ewing: [having just learned Jock has had a seizure] I thought it was you, J.R.
J.R. Ewing: Hoping, you mean.

"Dallas: Ewing-Gate (#4.23)" (1981)
JR Ewing: [after Cliff is knocked out] As my Daddy always said... The opera ain't over til the fat lady sings.

"Dallas: Trouble at Ewing 23 (#4.8)" (1980)
JR Ewing: [to Ray after it is revealed that he is Jock's son] There's a difference between having oil flow through your veins and fertilizer.

"Dallas: End of the Road: Part 2 (#4.12)" (1981)
Bobby Ewing: [after telling Jock he wants out of Ewing Oil] I want out! I almost did something today that I never would have been able to forgive myself for.
J.R. Ewing: Almost? That mean you didn't sign with Westar Oil?
Bobby Ewing: So you know about Westar, do you? Well, I can't say I'm too surprised.
J.R. Ewing: Well, Bobby... I built Ewing Oil into a power because I knew everything that was happening in Dallas. I still do. That's how you run a successful business.
Bobby Ewing: Well, maybe you're right. And maybe you can't care for the people.
[turns to Jock]
Bobby Ewing: I wanted to run this company on the up and up, Daddy. Only after awhile, the deals became more important than the people. I was borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, all the time pretending it was for the right reasons. And then I realized, after a while, that you can only lie to yourself just so long... that I could pretend that whatever was good for Ewing Oil was all right, but it's not. It's not all right for me.
J.R. Ewing: Well, if you didn't sign with Westar, that means you blew the deal with Jordan Lee and the cartel. And on top of that, we still owe them $12 million, money we don't have.
Jock Ewing: Is that true, Bobby? Did you go back on your word with the cartel?
Bobby Ewing: I hate to disappoint you, J.R. But we're just fine with the cartel.
[turns back to Jock]
Bobby Ewing: I phoned Jordan Lee and I told him why I couldn't go in on the deal with him. Then I put him together with Nick Hammond, Hammond Oil? Nick agreed to take over our part of the investment completely, with the blessing of the cartel.
[Jock smiles]
Bobby Ewing: We're in real solid with 'em, Daddy. Till they find out J.R.'s back.
J.R. Ewing: You're crazy, Bobby. You lost us millions of dollars.
Bobby Ewing: Well, I'm sure you'll find a way to get it back. You're very good at that sort of thing. A lot better than I wanna be.
[Bobby walks out]
J.R. Ewing: Well, if that don't tear the rag off the bush. He almost bankrupts us, he leaves, and I gotta cover his tail. I tell you!
Jock Ewing: Just what are you talkin' about, J.R.? Nothing wrong with the company! We got a refinery we didn't have before, plenty of product. We're even back in with the cartel. I'm proud of the way Bobby acted. He showed people that the Ewing name stands for something! He's a hell of a son! And a hell of a man!

"Dallas: The Fabulous Ewing Boys (#14.7)" (1990)
JR Ewing: [to James] You got no morals, you got no scruples, You may just be worthy of me yet.

"Dallas: Home Again (#2.14)" (1979)
Sue Ellen Ewing: [about Garrison Southworth] Well, that old man is not gonna cheat my child out of his inheritance!
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, the Ewings are on Southfork to stay, honey, I'll take care of that.

Dallas: The Early Years (1986) (TV)
[first lines]
J.R. Ewing: Well, I don't know how much help I can give you. Daddy didn't keep any records in the early years.

"Dallas: The Investigation (#5.24)" (1982)
J.R. Ewing: [to Cliff Barnes] You have succeeded in becoming the *perfect* failure! I just don't believe it.
[diabolical laughter]

"Dallas: Barbecue Three (#6.12)" (1982)
JR Ewing: All that matters is winning.

"Dallas: The Venezuelan Connection (#4.6)" (1980)
Bobby Ewing: [Bobby arrives at the Cattlemen's Club] Well, this looks like some kind of party! Why wasn't I invited?
J.R. Ewing: Well, sit down Bobby! We've got a lot of room, a lot of booze!
Bobby Ewing: [icily] Well thank you, J.R. That's real kind of you. Maybe you can explain something to me. Like why wasn't I told that Daddy was going to pull ten million dollars out of Ewing Oil accounts? Did that slip your mind?
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: [gently] Now you just hold on, Bobby. J.R. don't discuss my business with you or anybody else unless I tell 'em, you understand?
Bobby Ewing: [still seething] OK, Daddy. Then why didn't you tell me? Didn't you think I should know?
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: I was gonna tell you tonight.
Bobby Ewing: Tonight? I want those kind of things discussed with me before you act, not after! Your dealing behind my back makes me look like a fool!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: [tersely] Now just what the hell are you talkin' about?
Bobby Ewing: I... I called Les at the bank and asked him to transfer twelve million dollars from the account.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: So what? We got a hundred times that much.
Bobby Ewing: I'm talking liquid assets! Cash, Daddy... cash! And we don't have that amount! And you know why? 'Cause you TOOK ten million dollars!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: [rising to his feet and toe to toe with Bobby] You're damn right I took it. It's mine!
Bobby Ewing: That money belongs to Ewing Oil!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: And who in the hell do you think Ewing Oil is? It's ME! Ewing Oil belongs to me... and don't you forget it, boy!
Bobby Ewing: And you gave me Ewing Oil to run, in writing! And that makes you obliged to consult me before you do anything that concerns that company!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: Obliged! You telling me that I'm obliged to ask you how to spend my own money? Any damn way I see fit?
Bobby Ewing: That's right! You gave me the power to run that company, and dammit, I intend to run it!
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: So I gave you power, huh? Well, let me tell you somethin' boy, if I did give you power, you've got nothin'! Nobody gives you power. Real power is something you TAKE!
Bobby Ewing: [nods slowly with a sigh] Well, I'm gonna remember that.
John Ross 'Jock' Ewing, Sr.: You do that.
[Bobby turns and walks out in a huff... Jock sits back down]

"Dallas: Phantom of the Oil Rig (#13.1)" (1989)
JR Ewing: The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it to ole J.R. Ewing.

"Dallas: Barbecue Five (#8.11)" (1984)
JR Ewing: [speaking to Sue Ellen regarding Lucy] She changes her men like other women change their stockings.

"Dallas: The Lost Child (#3.7)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Sue Ellen, you want it all. You want the Ewing name, the privileges, the freedom to act like a tramp, and that's all you ever did want.
Sue Ellen Ewing: Believe it or not, J.R., I loved you when I married you.
J.R. Ewing: That's a long time ago. Been a lot of action since then.
Sue Ellen Ewing: On both our sides.

"Dallas: My Father, My Son (#5.17)" (1982)
JR Ewing: Anything worth having is worth going for-all the way.

"Dallas: Barbecue Two (#5.12)" (1982)
JR Ewing: [to Lucy] Say, why don't you have that junior plastic surgeon you married design you a new face: one without a mouth!

"Dallas: The Outsiders (#2.22)" (1979)
Sue Ellen Ewing: [J.R. is whistling while pouring a drink] You seem mighty happy with yourself tonight, J.R. You managed to evict some widows today?
J.R. Ewing: You keep drinking like that, and you're gonna be evicted onto a trash heap, dear.

"Dallas: Vengeance (#5.22)" (1982)
Miss Ellie Ewing: I've come to realize that you really do love your son.
J.R. Ewing: Yes, I do. And whats more, I love Sue Ellen. I just didn't realize it until after the divorce.

"Dallas: Spy in the House (#1.3)" (1978)
Julie Grey: I gave the file to Cliff Barnes.
JR Ewing: Why?
Julie Grey: I liked the way he made love. I thought he deserved a reward.
JR Ewing: Do you love him?
Julie Grey: I don't love anybody.

"Dallas: Fallen Idol (#2.12)" (1978)
J.R. Ewing: Well the next thing you know, the name of that actress is gonna be 'Farah Fawcet-Guzzler'. I never heard a man talk so much in my whole life. Babbles on like a... blue idiot.

"Dallas: Rodeo (#3.8)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: [JR is forcing himself on Sue Ellen after seeing her with Dusty Farlow] Why don't you pretend I'm that cowboy? That ought to make you smile!
Sue Ellen Ewing: You disgust me!
Sue Ellen Ewing: You want a woman? Why don't you go see if my little baby sister will oblige?
J.R. Ewing: You're right. I've wasted more than enough time on *you* already.
[JR leaves]

"Dallas: The Missing Link (#9.15)" (1986)
Sly Lovegren: ...Maybe Cliff just put two and two together.
JR Ewing: If Barnes put two and two together, he'd get three.

"Dallas: Family Plot (#13.24)" (1990)
JR Ewing: A marriage is like a salad: the man has to know how to keep his tomatoes on the top.

"Dallas: The Lesson (#1.2)" (1978)
J.R. Ewing: [Lucy is going out on a date] Makes me feel old...
Miss Ellie Ewing: Junior, you were born old.

"Dallas: The Sting (#6.22)" (1983)
JR Ewing: I wouldn't give you the dust off my car.

"Dallas: Revenge of the Nerd (#10.22)" (1987)
JR Ewing: Well, last night we went to the Oil Baron's and we ran into that termite brother of yours!
Pamela Ewing: Are you talking to me?
JR Ewing: Anyone else in here gotta termite for a brother?
Pamela Ewing: Just Bobby.

"Dallas: Collateral Damage (#1.7)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: [on mobile phone with Bum] A cheated man is a dangerous man. Just ask my son.

"Dallas: Double Wedding (#2.6)" (1978)
J.R. Ewing: What do you want out of this, Mr. Haynes?
Ed Haynes: Pamela.
J.R. Ewing: Well I'm afraid you got the wrong Mr. Ewing. You see, my brother Bobby is married to Pamela. But I wanna assure you I will help you to see that justice is done. The Ewings would never turn their backs on a veteran.

"Dallas: Paternity Suit (#3.17)" (1980)
J.R. Ewing: Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. If these tests embarrass me publicly, and it's proven that Cliff Barnes is the father of that child, I am gonna get the quickest divorce in the history of the state of Texas. And you, my dear, can walk the streets before I'll give you a dime.

"Dallas: Sunset, Sunrise (#13.5)" (1989)
JR Ewing: [to Marilee Stone] By the way honey, your a little too old to be running around without your clothes on.

"Dallas: Mastectomy: Part 1 (#3.9)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: [taking a sip from Kristen's coffee] That woman just cannot make a decent cup of coffee!

"Dallas: Sue Ellen's Sister (#2.19)" (1979)
J.R. Ewing: Why is it everybody always thinks I'm up to something, huh? Explain that to me.

"Dallas: Family Business (#1.9)" (2012)
J.R. Ewing: I don't see how this it's my fault.
Ann Ewing: Of course you don't, you're a sociopath!
J.R. Ewing: Well there's no need to call names.

"Dallas: The Lady Vanishes (#11.5)" (1987)
JR Ewing: Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you; and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves.

"Dallas: The Two Mrs. Ewings (#12.11)" (1989)
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: J.R., I want to talk to you.
J.R. Ewing: Hello, darlin'. I thought you'd be real busy building marinas or something. What are you doing at the Oil Baron's Ball?
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: Slumming! I just met your child bride. Tell me, what Junior High School were you cruising this time?
J.R. Ewing: That's real funny darlin'. I'm sure you can find someone else around here to annoy.
Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing: J.R.! You got that little girl into your bed by telling her I was a drunk and a cheat and I neglected my child!
J.R. Ewing: Well, it's true. Just ask anyone here.
[Sue Ellen knocks J.R. to the ground with one punch]

"Dallas: And the Winner Is... (#7.22)" (1984)
JR Ewing: Once you lose your integrity, the rest is easy.

"Dallas: Fall of the House of Ewing (#10.29)" (1987)
[Jeremy Wendell reveals himself as the one responsible for Ewing Oil's demise]
Jeremy Wendell: [referring to the portrait of Jock] Now. Get out of my building! And take this eyesore with you.
JR Ewing: WENDELL! You touch that painting and I'll *kill you where you stand*!
[JR goes and takes the portrait down]
JR Ewing: [to John Ross] John Ross. *This* is Ewing Oil. Let's go, boy.

"Dallas: Heart and Soul (#14.6)" (1990)
[JR just found out Cally is pregnant as she prepares to drive off]
J.R. Ewing: If you think for one second I'm going to let you raise our child in that little hick town, you've got another thing coming!
Cally Ewing: It doesn't matter what you think, 'cause you're not the father!
[starts the ignition]
Cally Ewing: JAMES IS!
[speeds off]

"Dallas: Black Market Baby (#2.5)" (1978)
J.R. Ewing: You'd better stop drinking, Sue Ellen. There's nothing uglier than a woman who can't handle her liquor!

"Dallas: Who Done It? (#4.4)" (1980)
Sue Ellen Ewing: I am NOT going to jail for HER!
J.R. Ewing: No ones going to jail! I'll handle Kristin my own way.

"Dallas: The Sting (#12.10)" (1989)
Teresa: There is a Mrs. J.R. Ewing at the door.
J.R. Ewing: What the hell is Sue Ellen doing here?
Teresa: It's not that Mrs. Ewing, sir.
[in walks Cally]