Kelly Kapowski
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Quotes for
Kelly Kapowski (Character)
from "Saved by the Bell" (1989)

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"Saved by the Bell: All in the Mall (#3.16)" (1991)
Kelly Kapowski: Wow, look at this line.
Lisa Turtle: [sigh] Man, we'll never get tickets to the U2 concert.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Oh, ye of little faith.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: That's right. Yeah, we told you we had a plan. Hey, have I ever let you guys down before?
Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: Yeah!
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: When?
Lisa Turtle: The time you snuck us into the drive-in movie in the trunk of your car.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: So I forgot the trunk key! You still got to hear the movie.
Kelly Kapowski: But it was a Japanese movie!
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, I tried to read the subtitles as fast as I could.

Kelly Kapowski: [the gang have gone to the front of the line, where Screech is asleep] Hey, how did Screech get ahead of the line?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [Sniggers] He slept here all night.
Lisa Turtle: How'd you get him to do that?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Simple. We bribed him with a new teddy bear.

Kelly Kapowski: Hey, where's Screech? Shouldn't he have the tickets by now?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Uh, well, uh, you see... Hey, let's go eat! Come on!
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah!
Kelly Kapowski: What happened, guys?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: He was born. Need I say more?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Look, I'm sorry, Kelly. He accidentally stepped outta line and lost his place.
Kelly Kapowski: Well, you better call a priest.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Why?
Kelly Kapowski: Because Lisa's gonna kill him, and I'm gonna have bad thoughts.

Lisa Turtle: [Finds a bag] Hey, whose bag is this?
Kelly Kapowski: Not mine.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: It's not mine.
Lisa Turtle: Whoa, Mama!
Kelly Kapowski, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater, Zachary 'Zack' Morris: *Whoa*, Mama!
Kelly Kapowski: Is that real money?
Lisa Turtle: [Smells the money] Smells like it.
[Holds money to her ear and ruffles it]
Lisa Turtle: Sounds like five thousand, give or take a twenty.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, yes! Yes! This is going to be a good day after all.
Kelly Kapowski: Wait a second. I mean, this isn't our money. I mean, some poor person lost it and we have to return it.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, get real, Kelly, what poor person has five thousand dollars?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Well, if they weren't poor before, they're poor now.
Kelly Kapowski: We can't keep this. It's somebody else's money.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alright, alright, let's be fair. I mean, if it is someone's money, we should give them time to reclaim it. Agreed?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Alright.
Lisa Turtle: Yeah.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Okay, good, good. Then I hereby invoke the five foot, five second rule.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: The what?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: If no-one is within five feet of this money when I count to five, it's ours. Huh? One, two, three, four...
Kelly Kapowski: Cut it out, Zack. We have to ask around and see if anybody lost five thousand dollars.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Okay, okay.
[Whispering]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Has anybody lost five thousand dollars?
Lisa Turtle: Look, I don't know what you two are arguing about. This is my money. I'm the one who found the bag.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Wha - Your money? You never would've found the bag if Zack and I didn't slide over so you could sit down.
Lisa Turtle: Okay, I'll split it with you.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alri-i-i-i-i-ight!
Kelly Kapowski: Split it with them? There wouldn't be a bag to find if I didn't sit at this bench. You'd still be rattling on about Eddie and his Air Jordans!

Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Whoa, Screech! How'd you move up in line so fast?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Old Disneyland tactic. I hid under a fern until I could blend into line.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: You're goofy.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: No, but that's who taught me.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Look, Screech, we've got a little secret to tell you, but you gotta promise to keep it quiet.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Hey, did I ever tell Slater how you filled his locker with tapicoa pudding?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: That was you?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Uhhhhh...
[Snickers]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: We don't have time for that.
[Lisa hands him the bag]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Look, Screech, we want you to buy a lot of tickets 'cause we just found five thousand dollars.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [Loudly] Five thousand dollars?
[Lisa puts her hand over his mouth]
Lisa Turtle: [to Screech] Okay?
[He murmurs yes, she removes her hand]
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Hmm. Did you have a doughnut for breakfast, Lisa? Your hand tastes good.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, man!
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: Urgh!

Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [Trying to get elderly woman to let Screech go ahead of her in line] Excuse me, ma'am? Hi! I wonder if you'd let my friend go ahead of you. He missed last year's concert.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yes, and you see, he was so depressed that he locked himself in the basement for a year.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Uh huh, and today is his first day out.
Old Woman: No way, blondie. I never miss a U2 concert!
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Well, uh, would fifty dollars help you change your mind?
[Takes a bill out of the bag]
Kelly Kapowski: What are you doing? That's our ticket money.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, you're forgetting about our find.
[Hands Slater two bills]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Um, did he say fifty, beautiful? 'Cause I think he meant one hundred, little darlin'.
Old Woman: One hundred smackers? Make it two and I'm outta here.
[Zack hands Slater two more bills]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Here you go.
[Hands her the money and she leaves]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alright! One more customer and we're rich!
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Alright!
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [a "sold out" sign is placed in the ticket window] What?

Zachary 'Zack' Morris: I can't believe the concert's sold out.
Kelly Kapowski: I can't believe we gave so much money to that old lady.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [Reading a magazine] I can't believe there's a planet of Elvis impersonators on a collision course with Earth.
Lisa Turtle: Can you believe this?
[Hits him with the magazine]

Kelly Kapowski: I think we should turn the money in right away.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, hey, hey, let's not be so rash. There are plenty of ways to make a quick buck.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yeah! We could invest in the stock market and double our money.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: That's right.
Kelly Kapowski: And what if we lose?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Who cares? It's not our money!

Lisa Turtle: [Loudspeaker announcement has revealed that a new concert has been added due to demand for the first] This is great! We have a second chance to go to the concert!
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Better yet, another chance to make a killing selling tickets.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Oh, no, I'm not sleeping here again. Last night, the security dogs were nipping at my underwear.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: No, Screech, this time, we're all staying so we're guaranteed to be first in line.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Well, wait, how are we gonna pull that off, Preppie?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: I don't know yet. But I do know we have a lot of money and, uh, a lot of hours to kill.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Hey, how about a little advance on tomorrow's profits, huh?
Lisa Turtle: Yeah. Tickle my palm, honey. I've got places to go and shoes to try on.
Kelly Kapowski: And I guess it'd be alright to look at some bathing suits. They were selling them for half off.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Oh, which half are you gonna buy?
Kelly Kapowski: You know, I've always defended you. But you really are a bozo.

Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [the girls arrive at the movies, flustered] What's going on?
Lisa Turtle: It's those weird guys, they were following us! We saw them at the boutique!
Kelly Kapowski: They're obviously killers! I mean, we've stolen their money and now we're gonna die! I'll never get married, I'll never have a little white picket fence, I'll never get a letter from Ed McMahon again!
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Oh, Kelly, shut up! They're not killers, they're just shoppers. This is a mall, you know.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah. Look, this money's making us paranoid. I'm sure nothing weird is gonna happen while we're in here.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Relax.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [Screech enters, dressed in a muscle filled superhero costume] Hi, guys.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Take that back.
Kelly Kapowski: Screech, why are you dressed like that?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: 'Cause they wanted three hundred dollars for the Little Bo Beep costume.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah, but why are you wearing this costume?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Ha. See, that way, when the bad guys come, they won't notice me.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: The only place you wouldn't be noticed is in a nuthouse.
Lisa Turtle: Don't be so sure.

Woman in Film: [the gang are watching a movie] Don't go, Jonathan. I can't live without you.
Man in Film: If you want me to stay, Lydia, let me hear those three special words.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] Oh, Jonathan. Not here. Not now.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In deep voice] Oh, Lydia, don't tease me so. You know how weak I am.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] It doesn't matter, Jonathan. You're rich.
Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: Ssssshhhhh!
[the girls move to the seats in front]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: What? Girls!
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: What? You gonna move?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [Slater places his fake hand between the girls]
[In ghostly voices]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Mwahahahaha!
Lisa Turtle: [Both turn round and swipe at them] You're so infantile, Slater!
Kelly Kapowski: We're trying to watch the movie!
Woman in Film: Oh, Jonathan, I love you. Let's ask the warden to marry us.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In deep voice] Are you proposing to me, my precious flower?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] Oh, yes, darling. You're the only man I ever loved.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In deep voice] Lydia.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] Jonathan.
[the two embrace then laugh]
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Can I be the best man?
Lisa Turtle: [Turns round] No, but you can be the dork of honor! Now shut up, I'm trying to watch the movie!
[Zack giggles]
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: You can't scare Screechman.
Lisa Turtle: Oh, no? Watch this.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Lisa Turtle: [Turns round, shakes fist then spots the two men] It's them! They're here.
Kelly Kapowski: "Oh, just shopping, it's a mall, you know." Right. I hope they kill you two first!

Kelly Kapowski: [the gang have discovered the money is gone] How could it just disappear?
Lisa Turtle: [Holding shoe in her hand] How could I buy these *ugly* shoes?

Kelly Kapowski: We have checked every box in the store! Where could it be?
Old Woman: [Zack spots an unopened box and reaches for it at the same time as the old woman from earlier] You again?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, good morning, ma'am. I'll be taking this if you don't mind.
Old Woman: Over my dead body!
Lisa Turtle: [Pointing into the distance] Look! There's Kevin Costner!
Old Woman: Where?
[She leaves]

Kelly Kapowski: [the gang are dressed in the outfits the wedding store mannequins had on] We should've returned the money right when we found it! Lisa, why'd you have to be so nosey and pick up that bag?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yeah!
Lisa Turtle: Hey, don't blame this on me! Zack's the one with all the bright ideas!
[Suddenly smiling]
Lisa Turtle: Hey, Kelly, is my corsage on straight?
Kelly Kapowski: [Smiling] Yeah, it looks great!

Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, officer, officer! I'm glad we found you.
Kelly Kapowski: We need your help.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: These two mob guys are chasing us.
Lisa Turtle: They want this money back that we found here yesterday.
Kelly Kapowski: Or they're gonna kill us!
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Is that a jelly doughnut?
Mall Cop: Yes! Which means I'm on break. Heh. Come back in ten minutes.
Kelly Kapowski: Ten minutes? In ten minutes, we're gonna be wearing cement boots, sleepin' in the ocean with the fishies!

Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Save us from those guys!
Mall Cop: Why should I? I'm with them.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: What?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: I want my Mommy!
Louie: Alright, kids, hand over the dough.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alright. Alright. Here you go, see ya!
Louie: You're not goin' anywhere! We've got a surprise for you.
Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: [Tearfully] We're dead!
Frankie: No, kids, you're on Candid Video!
[Camera crew reveal themselves]
Frankie: Wave to everyone at home!
Kelly Kapowski: [They all wave halfheartedly in disbelief] The television show?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: You mean you've been videotaping this whole thing?
Louie: That's right. The ticket line, the movies, the boutique, everything.
Lisa Turtle: Urgh. Well this is terrible! I was wearing the same outfit for two days!
Mall Cop: And for being guests on our show, Candid Video's gonna give you five front row tickets to the U2 concert!
Samuel 'Screech' Powers, Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: What?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Five front row tickets? Do you know how much money we could get for these?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: *No*!


"Saved by the Bell: The Prom (#2.1)" (1990)
Kelly: [Kelly is talking about choosing between Zack and Slater] Guys, this is hard. It's like choosing between two great pieces of chocolate.
Zack: Sorry, Kelly, from now on, you only get zits from one of us.

Kelly: Why aren't you at the prom?
Zack: Oh, is that tonight? Gosh, I must have forgotten.
Kelly: There must have been a hundred girls who would love to go with you.
Zack: Hmm, actually 106.

Kelly: Is something wrong?
Mr. Frank Kapowski: Well, yeah, afraid so. World peace broke out.
Kelly: That's good, isn't it?
Mr. Frank Kapowski: For the world, yes, but not if you work in a defense plant.

Lisa: Okay, now we have exactly 214 minutes to shop at the Palisades Mall before dinner.
[Pulls scroll down from inside her locker, revealing a map of the mall]
Lisa: Here's our route.
Jessie: You have a map of the mall?
Lisa: I have a map of every mall from here to Tijuana.
Kelly: Um, Lisa, I can't go to the mall with you.
Lisa: Why?
Kelly: I'm not going to the prom.
Jessie: Oh, no. Don't tell me Slater killed Zack?

Screech: [Screech sits beside Lisa in the theater] Guess who?
Slater, Jessie, Zack, Kelly, Rest of Audience: [Lisa screams] Ssssshhhh!
Screech: [He has bought popcorn] I got the wide container so both our hands can fit in at once.
Lisa: Um, Screech, would you go get me some chocolate malt balls?
Screech: [Produces a pack of chocolate malt balls] I knew you'd want them!
Lisa: You know, popcorn really makes me thirsty. Do you think you could go and get me...
Screech: [Produces two drinks containers] Cola? Or Uncola?
Lisa: Uncola, please.
Screech: [Puts his arm around her shoulder to give her the drink, she tries to remove his arm] Hey, no arm, no soda.
Lisa: [Watching the film] When do the zombies fall in love?
Screech: Ssh, you'll see.
Lisa: Is that the zombie?
Screech: No, that's his mother-in-law, his mombie.
Lisa: Where's Matt Dillon?
Screech: [sighing] He's not in this movie. Just watch.
Lisa: Look, there's the zombie!
Screech: Sssh!
Lisa: What?
Slater, Jessie, Zack, Kelly, Rest of Audience: Quiet!
Lisa: He's cute for a dead guy.
Screech: That's the female zombie. Can't you see she's wearing high heels? You're into fashion.
Lisa: Are you sure Matt Dillon's not in this movie?
Screech: Yes, Alan Thicke is the zombie. Everybody knows that.

Screech: Gee, Lisa, I can't believe we're finally on a date together. Are you having a good time?
[Screech is sitting next to Slater, with the entire gang sitting between Screech and Lisa]
Slater: [Passing the message on to Jessie] Are you having a good time?
Jessie: [Passing the message on to Zack] Are you having a good time?
Zack: [Passing the message on to Kelly] Are you having a good time?
Kelly: [Passing the message on to Lisa] Are you having a good time?
Lisa: Yes!
Slater, Jessie, Zack, Kelly: Yes!

Kelly: [Zack has laid out a table with a candle] Zack, what are we doing here?
Zack: Told you I had a surprise.
Kelly: What is all this?
Zack: It's a prom picnic.
Kelly: You're crazy.
Zack: Only about you.


"Saved by the Bell: The Aftermath (#3.3)" (1991)
Lisa: Hey, Kelly!
Kelly Kapowski: Hey!
Lisa: Here's an invitation to my party.
Kelly Kapowski: Thanks.
Lisa: And here's a list of all my favorite stores in the mall.

Miss Simpson: [Miss Simpson is extremely hard of hearing] Good morning, class.
Jessie, Slater, Zack, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa, Samuel 'Screech' Powers, Rest of Class: Good morning, Miss Simpson.
Miss Simpson: I said, "Good morning, class." Didn't your parents teach you any manners?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Uh, Miss Simpson, I have a doctor's appointment today. May I leave class early?
Miss Simpson: Yes, your hair is curly. Now, let's get started. Today, we turn to the romantic poems of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. So, let's have Bayside's most loved couple recite a poem for us. Zack and Kelly, if you please.
Jessie: No! No, n-I, well, I mean, let's me and Slater read it instead.
Miss Simpson: Oh, Miss Spano, don't be such a ham.

Lisa: Why are you ruining Zack's life?
Kelly Kapowski: Whoa, what are you talking about?
Jessie: Zack was at the movies last night.
Kelly Kapowski: People go to the movies all the time.
Lisa: But not all of them make out in front of their ex-boyfriends.
Kelly Kapowski: We were *not* making out. We were just cuddling.
Jessie: You know, Kelly, I'd hoped you'd be a little more sensitive. You know, at least you've got somebody.
Lisa: Yeah.
Kelly Kapowski: What am I supposed to do? Call ahead before I go anyplace to see if Zack's there?
Lisa, Jessie: Yes!
Kelly Kapowski: You know, you're the one who told me to be honest about Jeff. And now you're telling me to hide it?
Lisa, Jessie: *Yes*!
Kelly Kapowski: If you two are sharing a brain, why don't you get one that works?

Kelly Kapowski: [Trying to smooth things over] Hi, guys. How ya doin'?
Slater: Okay. I'll have a double cheeseburger.
Jessie: Cheeseburger.
Lisa: Cheeseburger.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Do you have any specials?
[Lisa hits him]
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Oh. Cheeseburger.
Kelly Kapowski: How's Zack doing?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: See? You guys are wrong! She does remember his name.

Zack: [Taking Kimberly into The Max] Well, this is the place. Hey! Look who's here.
[Goes over to the gang's table]
Zack: Kimberly, I want you to meet some of my friends. This is Jessie, this is Slater, this is Lisa, and of course you know Screech.
[Ignores Kelly]
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Hey, cuz. Missed you at Aunt Gertrude's birthday party. We played "Pin the Tail on Uncle Fred" again.
Kelly Kapowski: Hi, Zack.
Zack: Oh, hi. Oh, I'm glad you're here. Can you get us a table? Something really romantic.
Kelly Kapowski: Yeah, sure, right this way.
Zack: See you guys later.
Lisa: Wow, look at him! He's really happy.
Slater: [to Screech, after looking at Kimberly] How could *you* be related to *her*?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Well, she's adopted.
Slater: Oh, that makes sense.

Zack: Would you like to dance?
Kimberly: I'd love to.
Zack: Alright.
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [Zack chooses song on the jukebox and starts dancing with Kimberly] Whoa. That's A-12. Zack and Kelly's song.
Lisa: Why would he do that? That's so cruel!
Jessie: To get even with her.
Lisa: What a creep. Kelly does not deserve that.
Jessie: And she didn't deserve to be snubbed by us either.
Slater: Right.
Kelly Kapowski: [Kelly returns with the milkshake Zack ordered and hears the song; she puts the milkshake on the table] Excuse me, Zack, can we talk?
Zack: [to Kimberly] This'll only take one second.
[Kisses her]
Zack: So. What's up, Kimber - oh, I'm sorry, Kelly.
Kelly Kapowski: Zack, this is our song, A-12. It's sacred.
Zack: No, no, no. A-12 *was* sacred. Right up until you dumped me for that jerk.
Kelly Kapowski: Don't you dare call him a jerk. You don't even know Jeff, and right now, the only jerk I see is you.
[Slaps him]
Zack: My gosh, can you believe her? I told her I wanted a strawberry shake instead, and she gets all upset.
Kimberly: I heard every word, you creep. How dare you use me to get back at your old girlfriend?
Zack: No, no, wa - oh!
[Kimberly throws the milkshake over him]


"Saved by the Bell: Driver's Education (#2.4)" (1990)
Mr. Tuttle: [Teaching Driver's Ed class] Now, Jessie, what's the speed limit on most freeways? You know this one, you know this one, you know this one.
Jessie: 55 miles per hour.
Mr. Tuttle: Excellent! I wish you were my child. Now, can you pass someone over a double yellow line? Kelly.
Kelly: No, you can't.
Mr. Tuttle: This is why I went into teaching! Okay, Lisa, listen up. Why do you put your left arm straight out the window?
Lisa: That's easy: to dry your nails.

Mr. Tuttle: [Teaching Driver's Ed class] Zack, what is the correct driving position?
Zack: Well, sir, for me, it's one hand on the wheel, and one arm around Kelly.
Kelly: Zack!
Slater: Mr. Tuttle, sir, the correct driving position is the left hand at ten o'clock and the right hand at two o'clock. That way, you'll have full control of your car.
Mr. Tuttle: Mr. Slater, my brain salutes you!
Zack: [to Slater] Teacher's pet.
Mr. Tuttle: But you're the one who belongs on a leash, Morris.

Male Student #1: Hi, Kelly.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [Lifts Kelly's hand and shows ring] Hey, see the ring?
Male Student #2: Hi, Kelly.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [Lifts Kelly's hand and shows ring] *See* the *ring*?
Kelly Kapowski: Zack, we are not going steady. This is just a friendship ring.
Female Student: Hi, Zackie.
Kelly Kapowski: [Lifts her hand and shows ring] *See* the *ring*?

Slater: Hey, guys, I've got some great news!
Zack: Your last baby tooth fell out!
Slater: No, I just bought a car!
[Zacks spits out his drink in horror]
Kelly: Can we see it?
Slater: Well, sure, come on over to the house.
[the others gather their things and leave]
Zack: You know, Slater, if I hadn't gotten that ring for Kelly, I could've bought a car.
Slater: Batteries or wind up?

Slater: We were gonna confess, and Zack was behind it the whole time.
Kelly: Yeah, he should be the one to confess.
Lisa: Fat chance. You'd have an easier time trying to get that thing off Gorbachev's head.

Lisa: [Waiting for Mr. Belding to arrive] I'm so nervous my make-up is cracking.
Kelly: Why are you nervous? You didn't do anything.
Lisa: Oh, yeah, right!


"Saved by the Bell: Save the Max (#2.3)" (1990)
Lisa: [Talking about Slater's sports broadcast on the radio] Do you think we should be honest and tell him he stinks?
Jessie: How can we without hurting his feelings?
Screech: Why don't we just wave a skunk in front of him?
Screech: You know, Screech, for once you have a good idea?
Kelly: We can't do that. This is Slater's dream.
Jessie: You know, maybe we're being overcritical because we expected him to be better.
Lisa: I hope you're right.
Kelly: I bet the average listener thinks he's just fine.
[Spots three guys walking past the table]
Kelly: Excuse me, what do you guys think of Tiger Radio?
Student #1: Radical!
Student #2: Really cool!
Student #3: The best, man!
Zack: And, uh, what do you think of our sports reporter, A.C. Slater?
Student #1: Awful!
Student #2: The worst!
Student #3: Someone should wave a skunk in front of him.
Screech: [Looking self satisfied] See?

Kelly: Wow, I haven't seen Max that depressed since the time he made his dog disappear and forgot how to bring Fluffy back.
Zack: I know. I wonder whatever happened to that dog?
Screech: [All except Screech stop and look at their hamburgers in disgust, Screech bites into his] What?

Zack: Goo-oo-oo-oo-ood morning, Bayside! Hey, and all you kids cuttin' school in the Palisades and at the beach, this is Wolfman Zack.
[Points to Screech, who then howls like a wolf]
Zack: Hey, it's Bayside's freshest, hottest, hippest new station, KKTY-FM, Tiger Radio!
[Points to Screech, who then roars like a tiger]
Jessie: [Cuts to Jessie's segment] Bad food hits Bayside, students hit bathrooms. This is Jessie Spano for KKTY News. I caught up with Mr. Belding running out of the cafeteria today, and he assured me that green meat would no longer be served.
Lisa: [Cuts to Lisa's segment] Hi, this is Lisa, your Galloping Gossip, with everyone you wanna know that's none of your business. Flash! Debbie DeMarco's new curves came with Debbie's new sweater.
Kelly Kapowski: [Cuts to Kelly's segment] Hello, this is Kelly Desire. It's evening, the candles are lit, and you're with the one you love. All that's missing is that special romantic song.
[Points to Screech, who puts on a rock 'n' roll record, she grimaces]
Screech: [Cuts to Screech's segment; he speaks with a strange accent] Thunder and lightning raged outside the old Victorian house. There was a scream...
[Screams]
Screech: Evelyn's heart pounded...
[Imitates heart beat by hitting his chest]
Screech: as she slowly opened the bedroom door.
[Imitates creaking door]
Screech: She saw an axe, and recognised the face of...
Zack: [Stops background music] Well, that's all the time we have today. Tune in tomorrow for another excitement installment of...
Screech: Screech's Mystery Theater!
Zack: And now, look alive, sports fans, 'cause on deck it's Tiger Radio's sportiest reporter, A.C. Slater!
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In a stilted monotone] Hey. Thanks, Wolfman. Okay. First things first. Let's check out the old scoreboard, huh? I mean, hey, ha, gimme a break, it's not *that* old, right?
[Honks horn, Kelly jumps]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Anyway. In local, uh, high school action, it was - it was, Bayside 5, Valley 4. I guess that means we won, right Math majors?
[Honks horn again]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [a while later, the rest of the gang are all clearly bored and tired] This *is* A.C. Slater. And just remember, fans, in the airport of life, sports is just the baggage. Think about it.
[Honks horn, Zack puts music on]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Right. So what do you think?
Zack: [All exchange glances] Uh... we're thinkin' about it.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: See, Preppie. I told you I was good.
[Leaves]
Zack: Hey, guys, I think I know what'd help Slater.
Jessie, Lisa, Kelly Kapowski: What?
Zack: A muzzle.

Zack: Now, that's it. We've gotta get rid of Slater.
Jessie: Why do we have to get rid of him?
Kelly: Yeah, why don't we help him?
Zack: Hey, good idea. We'll staple his lips.

Jessie: [Lisa and Kelly appear with several copies of the school paper] The school paper just reviewed us!
Lisa: What did they say?
Kelly Kapowski: I dunno, I'm too nervous to look. What if he didn't like my outfit?
Lisa: Lisa, we're on the radio, remember? He can't see us.
Zack: [Each take a paper] Hey, look at this:
[Reading aloud]
Zack: "Tiger Radio really cooks when Wolfman Zack is on the prowl." Hey.
Lisa: [Reading aloud] "Jessie Spano has a nose for news. And I smell a winner."
Jessie: [Reading aloud] "Kelly Desire's voice could heat your jacuzzi. The girl is H-O-T."
Kelly Kapowski: [Reading aloud] "Lisa's Galloping Gossip is off to a fast start. She's funny, charming, and a great dresser."
[Looks at Jessie]
Kelly Kapowski: See?
Zack: This guy really liked us.
Jessie: Uh, most of us.
[Reading aloud]
Jessie: "A.C. Slater stinks."
Lisa: [Reading aloud] "Someone should wave a skunk in front of him"?
Kelly Kapowski: Poor Slater.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [Slater appears] Hey, guys! What's up?
[the others move toward the lockers and stand with their backs to them, hiding the papers]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: What are you doing?
Kelly Kapowski, Zack: Uh...
Kelly Kapowski: We're scratching our backs!
Zack: Yeah, you know, there's an itch going through the school.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: What?
Screech: Hey, guys! The station just got reviewed!
[Zack groans]
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Oh, really? What'd he say about me?
Screech: You stink!


"Saved by the Bell: The Friendship Business (#1.11)" (1989)
Lisa: [Lisa hands Kelly and Jessie bracelets] Here guys, these are for you.
Kelly: Gee, thanks.
Jessie: These are nice.
Lisa: I made these friendship bracelets in Fashion Club.
Screech: Did you make one for me?
Lisa: For you, I'm making a friendship muzzle.
Screech: I'm speechless.
Lisa: That's the idea.

Student: [Zack puts a student off buying one of Jessie's Buddy Bands] I want my money back.
Kelly: Why? Is there something wrong?
Jessie: We'll be glad to refund your money if your Buddy Band's defective.
Student: *Belding's* wearing one! You can't *get* more defective than *that*!

Screech: It's all my fault, it's all my fault!
Kelly: Why is it your fault?
Screech: 'Cause I was afraid to blame greedy Miss Jessie. She's bigger than I am.

Kelly: Poor Zack. He looks so alone.
Jessie: Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
Screech: Yeah, let's get more fries!


"Saved by the Bell: The Substitute (#1.7)" (1989)
Slater: Okay, Preppie. While you're treading cola, Kelly and I are going to the beach.
Zack: Kelly, this news disappoints me verily! I thought you and I could go over some more lines from Romeo and Juliet.
Kelly: Oh, that's a good idea, Zack! Sorry, Slater.
Slater: What? I don't believe this. You'd rather study than go to the beach?
Zack: Parting is such sweet sorrow... chump.

Tony Crane: [the class is rehearsing Shakespeare, Crane reads as Romeo] With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls. For stony limits cannot hold love out. And what love can do, that dares love attempt.
Kelly: [as Juliet] If my kinsmen see thee, they will murder thee.
Slater: Go kinsmen!

Tony Crane: I said we'll continue this tomorrow.
Kelly, Lisa, Jessie: We'll wait.

Tony Crane: Well, I just wanted Vicki to meet some of my students. Ms. Simpson will be back on Monday, so this was my last day. "O, that a joy past joy calls out on me, that it were a grief, so brief, to part with thee."
Kelly, Lisa Turtle, Jessie Spano: Goodbye, Mr. Crane!


"Saved by the Bell: My Boyfriend's Back (#3.8)" (1991)
Kelly: Maybe he's giving us all raises.
Jessie: Kelly, are you taking stupid vitamins again? We're lucky he pays us in American money.

Kelly: [the girls go to answer the door late at night and Jessie holds a baseball bat] Jessie, put the bat down.
Jessie: No, if that's a robber, this bat's gonna scare him away.
Lisa: You're not gonna need the bat, honey, just nag him to death like you do everyone else!

Lisa: Yup, this is gonna be a *long* night.
Kelly: Yeah, somebody better put the coffee on!
Lisa: Does anybody know how to do that?


"Saved by the Bell: The Last Dance (#3.1)" (1991)
Jeff: [Kelly has got the job] I'll hire you on a probationary basis.
Kelly: Oh, thank you, thank you! You won't regret this.
[pauses]
Kelly: What does that mean?
Jeff: It means we'll try it out for a couple of days and if you do well, the job is yours.
Kelly: Oh, it'll be great! I promise!
[Bumps into a waiter, who drops the tray of food he is carrying]
Kelly: Today doesn't count, does it?

Zack: I know there's something going on between you and Jeff. Please, just talk to me.
Kelly: I don't know how to say this. It's just that Jeff and I have been working together and...
Zack: Do you really like him?
Kelly: No.
[pauses]
Kelly: Yes.
[pauses]
Kelly: I don't know. It's just all happening so fast.
Zack: Kelly, what happened? I-I thought you loved me.
Kelly: I do love you, Zack. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Not for us. I didn't want to hurt you for anything in the whole world.
Zack: I thought we'd always be together.
Kelly: [Crying] Zack, I'm so sorry.
Zack: I'll miss you, Kelly. Well, hey, how about one last dance?
Kelly: I'd like that.

Kelly: [after breaking up] Can we still be friends?
Zack: Forever.


"Saved by the Bell: Beauty and the Screech (#1.10)" (1989)
Kelly: Okay, so when do we start?
Screech: Well, tonight, but it has to be at my place. I'm not allowed out after Alf.

Kelly Kapowski: [Looking at Kelly, who is daydreaming] Well, she's got all the symptoms: glassy eyes, goofy look.
Lisa Turtle: Mismatched wardrobe. It can only mean one thing.
Lisa Turtle, Jessie Spano: [Turning to look at each other] Crush!
Jessie Spano: Come on, Kelly. Who are you thinking about?
Lisa Turtle: Is he cute?
Kelly Kapowski: Well, kind of. He's real intelligent, got a great sense of humor, and he's really fun to be with.
Lisa Turtle: Oh, if I found someone like that, I'd never let him go.
Jessie Spano: So give already. Who is it?
Kelly Kapowski: Screech.
[Lisa spits out her drink in horror]
Jessie Spano: Kelly, you're kidding, right?
Kelly Kapowski: No, I had so much fun studying with Screech in his room last night.
Lisa Turtle: You were in his room? Urgh, didn't the bats bother you?
Kelly Kapowski: That is just a rumor. None of his creatures can fly. You know, Lisa, you really oughta give Screech a chance.
Lisa Turtle: I'd rather give Chickenpox a chance.
Kelly Kapowski: Hey, I'm telling you, Screech can be really charming.
Jessie Spano: He *definitely* did something to her brain.
Kelly Kapowski: He did. I'm seeing Screech in a completely different way.
Lisa Turtle: The best way is blindfolded.


"Saved by the Bell: Screech's Birthday (#4.19)" (1992)
Zack Morris: Wait. I've got it. This is genius. Today, we'll give Screech a surprise party.
A.C. Slater: But his birthday was yesterday.
Lisa Turtle: That's the surprise.
Zack Morris: Now this will make Bayside history. It won't be just any surprise party. It'll be the most daring birthday party ever!
Kelly Kapowski: Sounds exciting.
Jessie Spano: Wait, I don't know about this. It sounds dangerous. I'm getting nervous!
A.C. Slater: Will someone shoot her with a tranquilizer dart?

Lisa Turtle: [Pretending to bicker] Oh, you guys don't stand a chance. I'm gonna win that drama festival.
Jessie Spano: Oh, no way! My Joan of Arc will light up the stage!
Kelly Kapowski: Only if they burn you at the stake!


"Saved by the Bell: Model Students (#2.10)" (1990)
[the girls find out that Zack has used their pictures in the "Girls of Bayside" calendar]
Jessie: You didn't have the right!
Kelly: You didn't get permission!
Lisa: You didn't get my good side!

[Lisa, Kelly, and Jessie look at the calendars]
Kelly: Lisa, you're October. I'm November?
Lisa: Well, who's December?
Kelly: [gasps] Mr. Belding is December?
[Mr. Belding's face is shown on a girl's body]
Zack: Ho, ho, ho!
Screech: Well, there's only 11 girls on the swim team, so we had to put Belding's head on one of the girls' bodies.
Jessie: That is MY body!
Slater: Ugh, I'm gonna dream about *Belding* tonight.


"Saved by the Bell: The Last Weekend (#3.12)" (1991)
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Whoa, fifty bucks!
Kelly Kapowski: That's nothing. I got seventy-five from her husband.

Billy: Would you go with me to my little league banquet?
Kelly Kapowski: Oh, that's so sweet!
Billy: You're looking at little slugger of the year.
Kelly Kapowski: Oh, Billy, you're really cute, and I'm very flattered, but I can't go out with you. You're just a little boy.
Billy: Little boy?
[He walks off]
Kelly Kapowski: Oh, Billy, wait, I didn't mean...
Jessica 'Jessie' Myrtle Spano: Don't worry, Kelly. He'll get over it.
[pause]
Jessica 'Jessie' Myrtle Spano: After *many* years of therapy.


"Saved by the Bell: The Gift (#1.3)" (1989)
Lisa: I cannot run track today. You know, I have so much food inside of me, you could put a quarter in my mouth and a bag of Doritos would come poppin' out?
Kelly: Lisa, you have got to stop doing this to yourself.
Lisa: That's easy for you to say, nothing bothers you.
Kelly: Oh yeah? Lots of things bother me. I just don't let them drive me bananas.
Lisa: You have one?
Kelly: Lisa, come on. If you keep obsessing about your grades, you know what you're gonna end up like?
Jessie: [Jessie rushes in] You know, you guys, I just remembered there was one time that I did not get an "A"? I was in the fourth grade. Mr. Simmons had a nervous breakdown and gave the entire class "L"s and "Q"s.

Kelly: You guys might be right. I think we should cut gym and hit the books. I mean, this test is gonna be no piece of cake.
Lisa: Cake? Who has cake?


"Saved by the Bell: Zack's Birthday (#3.2)" (1991)
Norman Schmeltzer: Hey, babe, you the new lifeguard?
Kelly Kapowski: Yeah, but the name's Kelly.
Norman Schmeltzer: So, um, what do you gotta do to get a little mouth-to-mouth?
Kelly Kapowski: Try drowning. Now excuse me, I have to concentrate on the swimmers.

Kelly Kapowski: Hey, Zack, we heard you really blew it with Carosi's daughter yesterday.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Ho-ho, yeah, the word is you needed a shoehorn to get your foot outta your mouth.


"Saved by the Bell: Rent-a-Pop (#2.7)" (1990)
Mr. Belding: Alright, let's make this quick. I have a school to run.
Zack: Well, Mr. Belding, I think you're of one the best, no, *the* best Principal in the history of principalisms. Does everybody agree?
Jessie, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, Screech: Oh, yeah!
Mr. Belding: Zack, you're not a matador, so take the bull outside.

Kelly: Guys, we have got a real problem. How are we gonna pay for the ski trip?
Lisa: Well, I make money the old fashioned way: I pout until Daddy gives it to me.


"Saved by the Bell: Dancing to the Max (#1.1)" (1989)
Kelly: [talking about Slater's dancing] Wow Slater that was hot!
Zack: Ha ha. Are you kidding? I moved better last summer when a bee flew in my shorts.

Kelly: What happened to you?
Lisa: I kicked the TV and sprained my ankle.
Jessie: Why?
Lisa: I was watching the new Revlon commercial and they discontinued my nail polish.


"Saved by the Bell: Cream for a Day (#1.8)" (1989)
Kelly: Hey, guys. The truth: how do I look?
Lisa: Full of cheer!
Kelly: I'm serious. I wanna be Queen.
Lisa: Well, we'll let you know if anything happens to Princess Di.
Kelly: I'm talking about Homecoming Queen.
Jessie: Come on, you're a shoo-in. Guys bribe teachers just to sit beside you in class.
Kelly: What if they find out I wear a retainer at night?
Lisa: [Loudly] How is *anyone* gonna find out you wear a retainer?
Nerd: Wanna join our retainer club?

Kelly: It may look like a freckle now, but by the end of the day, I'll look like Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Jessie: Fine. Then you lead the way.


"Saved by the Bell: Slater's Friend (#4.23)" (1992)
Kelly Kapowski: Jessie, I thought you were gonna picket the oil company.
Jessie Spano: Urgh, we never got there. We ran out of gas. Mom *refused* to fill up out of principle.

Kelly Kapowski: [Looking at Artie] Aww, he looks so peaceful when he sleeps.
Lisa Turtle: Oh, please. You're going gaga over something that burps bugs.
Jessie Spano: I think he looks a little pale.
Kelly Kapowski: Maybe he's sick.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Why would he be sick? Hey, Screech, come here. Take a peek at Artie. Does he look any different to you?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: No.
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: See?
Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Except for the fact that he's dead.


"Saved by the Bell: From Nurse to Worse (#2.16)" (1990)
Lisa: What's wrong, Kelly?
Kelly: Men! Especially Zack Morris!
Slater: Hey. Don't judge us by our worst specimen.

Jessie: I need an honest answer. How do I look in these frames?
[Puts on glasses]
Lisa: Ridiculous! You're lucky you don't have to wear 'em.
Kelly: Well I don't think they're that bad.
Jessie: Thanks, Kelly.
Screech: Hey, nice glasses, Jessie!
Jessie: Oh, do you really like them?
Screech: Yeah, all my grandmother's friends wear the same kind!


"The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Vin Diesel/Carl Reiner/Kobe Bryant/Iggy Azalea and Jennifer Hudson (#2.91)" (2015)
Kelly Kapowski: Hi Zack.
Zack Morris: Hey Kel, I can't wait, I'm so excited for the big dance.
Kelly Kapowski: Listen, you and I have to talk. I'm pregnant.
[Crowd gasps]
Zack Morris: Time out. Well, on the downside I'll probably be grounded for life. But on the plus side, I got Kelly Kapowski pregnant.
[Zack winks to the camera]
Zack Morris: Time in. Kelly, that's great!
Kelly Kapowski: Really?
Zack Morris: Of course! I love you, and I'll always love you. You know what we should do? We should run off to Las Vegas and get married and then we should move to a new zip code in Beverly Hills.
[Crowd laughs and Kelly kisses Zack]


"Saved by the Bell: The College Years: The Rave (#1.14)" (1994)
Alex Tabor: There it is! There it is! I got another slamin' tune from Psycho John. But first, will the guy who brought the Doberman please go to Room 214? Your dog is attacking and eating a Chinese exchange student.
Zack Morris: Oh, no! I'd better get in there.
Kelly Kapowski: Zack, it could be dangerous.
Zack Morris: I know, but I have to. Besides, Wing Ling owes me money.


"Saved by the Bell: Zack's War (#2.2)" (1990)
Mr. Belding: I'd like to introduce to you Lieutenant Chet Adams.
Kelly: [Lisa wolf whistles] Lisa, what are you doing?
Lisa: I can't help it. He is so hot.
Lt. Chet Adams: Are you alright, young lady?
Lisa: Yes, Lieutenant Hot.


"Saved by the Bell: Boss Lady (#3.10)" (1991)
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alright, who knows how to make what?
Kelly Kapowski: I make scrambled eggs.
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: I can make hotdogs.
Lisa Turtle: All I can make are reservations.


"Saved by the Bell: Wicked Stepbrother: Part 1 (#3.13)" (1991)
Kelly: Jessie let's go to the lost and found.
Jessie: Why?
Kelly: Because you've lost it.


"Saved by the Bell: Screech's Woman (#1.5)" (1989)
Kelly: [to Jessie and Zack, who is dressed as "Bambi"] I'm going to the girls' room. You wanna come?
Zack: Oh, why not? Sounds like fun!
Jessie: Freeze!


"Saved by the Bell: No Hope with Dope (#3.21)" (1991)
Kelly: [the "Don't Do Drugs" commercial] Dumb.
Slater: Stupid.
Lisa: Crazy.
Jessie: Dangerous.
Screech: Stinks.
Zack: In one word, would I use dope? Nope.
Brandon Tartikoff: These kids are right. Drugs will your hurt your mind, your body and your life. Hi, I'm Brandon Tartikoff, chairman of NBC Entertainment, and I've got a hit idea for the new fall season: don't do drugs.
Kelly, Slater, Lisa, Jessie, Screech, Zack: There's no hope with dope!


"Saved by the Bell: Date Auction (#3.15)" (1991)
Jessie: [Jessie, Kelly and Lisa are in the girls' locker room with some other girls] Now, about this date auction, if any one of you sweeties dare bid on my Slater, I'll hunt you down in the streets like a rabid dog.
[Slams locker door shut]
Jessie: Thank you. Have a nice day.
[Other girls leave]
Kelly: [Chuckles] Come on, Jessie, lighten up. This date auction's for a good cause.
Lisa: Besides, the guys wanna do it. So it's not sexist, it's sexy.
Jessie: You both make interesting points. Really. Fascinating. But if either of you bid on Slater, you're dead. You got me?
[Slams locker door shut and leaves]
Lisa: Who put sandpaper on her toilet seat?


"Saved by the Bell: Jessie's Song (#2.9)" (1990)
Kelly: [Screech sneaks into the girl's locker room disguised as an Irish cleaning lady] Who are you?
Screech: Oh, I'm, uh, I'm- Sinead O'Connor.
Kelly: That's a very famous name. You have a hit song in the charts, you know...?
Screech: Oh, uh, that's the other O'Connor. She's my niece. She learned from me.
Lisa: You taught her everything she knows?
Screech: Oh, that I did. Now she can clean toilets with the best of 'em.


"Saved by the Bell: The Babysitters (#2.14)" (1990)
Kelly Kapowski: So where's Billy?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Uh... Bi-Billy? Billy! Uh... short, bald guy, drools a lot?
Kelly Kapowski: My baby brother. Come on, guys, where's Billy?
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Ha! Where's Billy? Uh, Jessie, why don't you go get him?
Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yeah.
Jessie Spano: Yeah, I'll go find him. I mean, I'll go get him. I mean, I'm going now. Yeah... that's it.
[Leaves]
Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Good luck! I-I mean, see you later!


"Saved by the Bell: Mystery Weekend (#3.26)" (1991)
Screech: Lisa, don't drink that!
[Lisa spits out her water]
Screech: It might be poison!
Lisa: You're right, *You* drink it!
[hands glass to Screech]
Screech: [sips] Hm. Tastes fine to me; I'll live!
Lisa, Slater, Jessie, Zack, Kelly: Darn!


"Saved by the Bell: King of the Hill (#1.15)" (1989)
Zack: [Holding the bone he pretended Screech was choking on] I got it! The bone flew out.
Kelly Kapowski: [to Screech] What'd you have for lunch? A coyote?


"Saved by the Bell: The College Years: Bedside Manner (#1.15)" (1994)
Kelly Kapowski: How could someone be so stupid?
Professor Lasky: Kelly, don't be so hard on him.
Kelly Kapowski: I'm not talking about Zack. I'm talking about me. I'm so stupid to have fallen in love with you!
Professor Lasky: Okay, okay. Why do you feel this way?
Kelly Kapowski: Why do I feel this way? Isn't it obvious? Zack is willing to go through anything for me and you... well, we both know what you are willing to do for me: nothing!
Professor Lasky: Good, Kelly. Go with your feelings.
Kelly Kapowski: I'll give you feelings. I'm tired of of hoping you'll see how wonderful I am. I'm tired of being nice. And... I'm tired of you!


"Saved by the Bell: Snow White and the Seven Dorks (#4.20)" (1992)
Kelly Kapowski: Mirror, mirror from the mall, who's the awesomest of them all? If you say Jessie, I'll brain you!
Lisa Turtle: Uh, I pass! Next question, please!


"Saved by the Bell: The Fabulous Belding Boys (#2.15)" (1990)
Rod Belding: [Simulating white water rafting] We're headin' for white water! Everybody hold on!
Zack: Hey, Kelly, look at the mountains and the trees.
Kelly: Oh, there's a deer drinking water!
Screech: Where? Where?
Lisa: It's pretend.
Screech: Well, if it's pretend, why am I getting seasick?
[Groans]
Lisa: Because when you were little, your Daddy bounced you on his knee, and the ceiling was low.


"Saved by the Bell: The Mamas and the Papas (#1.12)" (1989)
Kelly: Zack, I have that surprise for you.
Zack: You do?
Kelly: Remember in our project I told you about another child? Well, it was a girl.
Zack: A girl? That's great.
Screech: [Lifts dishcover, revealing Screech in a pink bonnet] Da-da!


"Saved by the Bell: Miss Bayside (#2.8)" (1990)
Slater: [Talking to Zack] Just wait till you hear Kelly sing; She's got a voice like a bird. Watch.
Kelly: [singing, off-key] Blue Moon, You saw me standing alone, Without a dream in my heart... Without a love of my...
[falters]
Kelly: ... own.
Slater: I didn't say *what* bird.


"Saved by the Bell: Hold Me Tight (#3.20)" (1991)
Kelly: [after Jessie storms off in a fit, a group of students are looking at her] She's my friend... but not my best friend. Actually, I hardly even know her.


Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style (1992) (TV)
Kelly Kapowski: [walks up to Brian] Brian.
Brian Hanson: Kelly, I'm really...
[Kelly punches him in the face before he could say sorry and he walks away]


"Saved by the Bell: Fake ID's (#3.9)" (1991)
Kelly Kapowski: [after catching Jeff with another girl] Why, Jeff? I broke up with a great guy for you!
Jeffrey Hunter: You're very special to me. It's just that I'm not ready for a commitment right now. I'm sorry.
Kelly Kapowski: Yeah? Well, I'm sorry I fell for a dishonest JERK like you! Goodbye!


"Saved by the Bell: 1-900-CRUSHED (#2.11)" (1990)
Kelly: [last lines of the episode, after Nicki leaves, Kelly shows up dressed as a sassy woman, to Zack] Hey, stud-muffin! I saw you with the little girl, and I like your style. How about you and I share a Kodak moment?
Zack: Oh, I'd love to, but I already got a real good girlfriend, and I'm a one-woman guy.
[smile at the audience, whispers, and points to Kelly]
Zack: It's Kelly.