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: Dad, it's Big Foot! Goofy
: Could you back up a bit, Mr. Foot, uh, you're out of focus.
: [Half awake
] How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon? Max
: Uh... three and a half?
: This is a vacation with me and my best buddy. Max
: Donald Duck? Goofy
: No, silly, with you!
: Hey, Maxie. Let's play a game. You think of someone and I'll try to guess who it is. Man or woman? Max
: Aw, man. Goofy
: Man? Hmm... That's a toughy... let's see... Walt Disney! Max
: Right. Goofy
: Boy, I'm good at this! Now I'll think of one.
: Why are you doing this to me, Dad? Goofy
: 'Cause, I don't want you to end up in the electric chair.
: Well, I think the only thing for us to do now is to get you up on stage with this Powerline feller. Max
: How are we gonna do that? Goofy
: Now, you just leave that up to me. Max
: No, Dad, really. I think we should just forget it. Goofy
: Now, how come you always think I'm gonna lead you into some sort of calamity? Max
: Uh, d-d-d-dad? Goofy
: What's wrong now? Max
[Max turns Goofy around; he sees that they are headed for a waterfall
: Hyuk, a waterfall.
: A waterfall?
: Roxanne, I'd like you to meet my dad. Goofy
: [taking Roxanne's hand
] Enchantée, mademoiselle.
[he kisses her hand
: Come on, Maxie, let's get this show on the road! Max
: Um, just a minute you... Party... Animal... You!
[the car is rolling down a hill
: You should've put the brake on! Goofy
: Why didn't you just put it on yourself?
[Pulls brake lever, which breaks off
: See? You ruin everything. Goofy
: Well, you ruined the vacation! Max
: *I* ruined it? I never wanted to go on this stupid VACATION!
[Goofy enters Max's room
: Mornin', son! Max
: [in his underwear
] Dad! Goofy
: Whoops. I forgot.
[exits, knocks then re-enters
: Mornin', son!
: [at the top of his rage
] Arrrgh! This is the *stupidest* vacation! You drag me from home, jam me into this dumb car, drive me a million miles away to see some stupid rat show!
: Call me when the trip's over.
: Have a great time at the concert, Max. I'll see you on TV. Max
: [to himself
] I'm in deep sludge.
[having been distracted by Max's inability to decide which direction to go at a junction, Goofy gets mad. Max smiles nervously
: How about a song, Dad?
[Goofy gets madder
: A game? A game! Yeah, yeah, a game. Okay. Uh, man or woman?
[Goofy gets even madder
: Man? Man! Okay. Uh, Walt Disney!
: You look just like I did at your age. Max
: Please don't say that, Dad.
: I saved the best for last. It's been handed down from Goof to Goof to Goof, and now, it's yours, son. Max
: A stick? Goofy
: No, silly. A fishing pole! Max
: Fishing? We're going fishing? Goofy
: Yup. Just like my dad and me did - two best buddies fishing on Lake Destiny *away from it all*! Max
: I don't want to be *away from it all*, Dad, I like *it all*. Goofy
: Look, Maxie. We're using the same map me and my dad used. We'll take the same route, make the same stops, see the same sights. Max
: But that trip will take weeks, Dad! Goofy
: Exactly! Getting there is half the fun! Max
: Put the map away, Dad. It's not gonna happen. Goofy
: Careful, son! You'll ruin my past... and our future. What the map says... we will follow. Max
: That's very mystical and everything, Dad, but there's seriously this party I have to... Goofy
: Oh, there will be plenty of time for parties when you're older, Maxie. Why, when I was your age, I've never even been invited to a party. Look at me, now! Max
: Great, Dad.
: Came to see if you had any dirty clothes. Max
: There they are. Help yourself. Goofy
: Max, I thought we talked about this. Max
: Sorry, Dad. I'll take care of it later. Goofy
: What's the big rush? Max
: I'm running late. Goofy
: I can drive you to school on my way to work. Max
: Oh, no thanks. I need the exercise.
: [referring to electronic equipment
] Wow! All this is for us? Bobby
: Mmm... Slurpish. Max
: [taking the equipment
] Oh, this is going to be so great, man! Bobby
: [taking it back
] Dude, need fundage, bro. Max
: Oh, your fee. Yeah, right here.
[gives him a can of cheese whiz
] Cheddar! Aah-ooh! Cheddar whizzy!
: Small wilderness, dude! Didn't expect to see you here! Max
: Apparently not. P.J.
: You're just jealous, man, cos you ain't got the moves! Max
: You can keep the moves, but I wouldn't mind having this R.V. You're so lucky. P.J.
: Me? Oh, come on, man! You're the star. Going to the Powerline concert? Oh, it's unbelievable! Max
: Who told you about that? P.J.
: Hey, come on! Everybody in town knows about it, Max! You are going to be famous, buddy... especially with Roxanne! Max
: There's only one person who doesn't know about it yet, Peej. P.J.
: Who? Max
: My dad.
] Dear Roxanne, couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd drop you a line. My dad and I are having a great time. We're only days away from L.A., and I can hardly wait for the big concert! Goofy
: [in his sleep
] More "Hi, Dad" soup, please? Max
] Dear Roxanne, sorry I lied, I'm not really going to the Powerline concert. You may never want to see me again...
: Oh, man! I'm dead no matter what I do!
: You really had him fooled, Pete! Max
: Me? You jumped out of your skin! Goofy
: Uh-uh! I was just pretending for your sake! Max
: Oh, right! Sure!
: Dad... listen, about my directions... will you listen to me? I gotta tell you something, Dad. Goofy
: Why bother? I'm probably too stupid to understand anyway, right? Max
: Forget it.
: Hey, the car! Goofy
: What? Now you want to drive too? Max
: No, Dad! The car! Look! Goofy
: The car? What did you do now, Max? Max
: I didn't do anything, Dad! I only touched it!
: You locked it! Max
: *I* locked it? It's your door! *You* locked it! Goofy
: Well, *you* distracted me!
: You're doing the right thing, son. Max
: I know, but she'll probably never talk to me again. Goofy
: Well, if she doesn't, maybe she's just not the one for you. Max
: That's what I'm afraid of.
[Max's stomach growls
: Max, was that Bigfoot or your stomach? Max
: Man, I'm STARVING!
: [sees Goofy loading the car
] Goin' somewhere, Pop? Goofy
: Yep! Max
: Cool. Have a good time. If you're gonna be more than a month, drop me a line.
: Let's get you on stage! Max
: Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
[a pair of *very* attractive dancers walk past
: Hmmm, then again...
: Are you okay, Maxie?
[He slaps his face to wake him up
: What did you say? Goofy
: That's right. A vacation, son! We'll spend some real quality time together.
[hugs him tight against his belly
: [traumatically shocked
] I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Goofy and Max are trapped by Bigfoot in their car, and it is about Max's suppertime. They are waiting for his soup to warm up, and Goofy starts chuckling with his mouth closed
: What's so funny? Goofy
: "Hi Dad" soup. Max
: Huh? Goofy
: Don't tell me you don't remember "Hi Dad" soup? Oh, come on. Sure you do. You used to spell things out using the letters. Like, uh, "Hi Dad", or "Maxie" ,or... Max
: "Ambidextrous"? Goofy
: Yeah, that's... Huh? Naaa, little words, like, uh... Max
: "Hasta la vista"? Goofy
: Like "bye-bye". Max
: Or "I pledge allegiance"-... Goofy
: A-hyuk, or "I love you."
[They suddenly get a shock of sadness, then turn to face at the windshield
: [happy again
] Is it, uh, is it soup yet? Goofy
: Oh, oh. I almost forgot.
[Punches holes on can with buck teeth
: My life's a living... Lester
: HELL-O, little buddy!
[Max turns his back and tries to ignore Lester, who comes around to Max's front
: Who's your favorite possum? Max
: Don't touch me! Lester
: Aw, why such a long face? You're so sad! Boo hoo hoo! I know! You need a big hug from Lester! Max
: Don't even think about IIIIIITTT...
[Lester gives Max a giant bear hug
: See? Now you feel all good inside! Max
: [Slaps Lester which turns his false head backwards
] BEAT IT, doofus!
: It's only Powerline, Dad, the biggest rock star on the planet. Goofy
: Not bigger than Xavier Cugat, the mambo king. Everybody mambo!
: But, Dad, I don't even know how to fish. Goofy
: That's never stopped me. I'm gonna show you a little secret that has been handed down for twelve or thirteen Goof generations: the Perfect Cast. Max
: The perfect what? Goofy
: The Perfect Cast. My dad taught it to me when I was your age, and now I pass it on to you. Watch carefully now. You gotta stay loose, relaxed. Keep your feet apart. Now, ten o'clock, two o'clock, quarter to three, tour jeté, twist, pas de deux, I'm a little teapot, then the windup... and let 'er fly! The Perfect Cast.
: [watching P.J. dance
] What a goob.
: [Max lip-synching
] I watch you watching every move that I make, you gotta believe that I got what it takes. Max
: [trips over a cord
: [after Max slams the car door
] All right, then. Guess I'll just have to go... all alone, that's all. Just sit in the boat... all alone. And talk to myself. All alone. Max
: I guess so.
] Good-bye, hopes... Good-bye, dreams... Good-bye, Roxanne...
[the first day of Goofy's road trip
: [holding a video camera while driving
] Day 1: Well, here we are, out on the open road, retracing the steps of my boyhood. And here's...
[he aims the camera toward a brooding Max
: Maxie! Say, "Hi", Max!
[Max pays no attention
: Well, how about a wave? Max
: [putting his hand in front of the camera lens
] Not now, Dad. Goofy
] What a kidder.
: Now look where you got us, Dad! Goofy
: Where *I* got us? Max
: You should've let me stay at home! Goofy
: Why? So you'd end up in prison? Max
: Prison? What are you talking about? Goofy
: Your principal called me! Max
: It's not what you think, Dad! Goofy
: You even lied to me! Max
: I had to! You were ruining my life! Goofy
: I was only tryin' to take my boy fishin', okay? Max
: I'm not your little boy anymore, Dad! I've grown up! I've got my own life now! Goofy
: I know that! I just wanted to be part of it.
: You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you'll always be my son.
: [Max is about to perform in front of the whole school
] I hope this works.
: [lip syncing to Powerline
] Some people settle for the typical things; spendin' all their lives swaying in the winds, it ain't a question of if, just a matter of time; before I move to the front of the line! I watch you watchin' every move that I make! You gotta believe that I got what it takes! To stand out! Above the crowd! Even if I've got to shout out loud! Till mine is the only face you see; I gotta stand out! Till you notice me!
: Roxanne, I lied to you. I don't even know Powerline.
: Is he gone yet? Goofy
: [Bigfoot does a "Punch and Judy" sock puppet show on the hood
] Nope, still here.
] I've got less than an hour and when this is ended, I'll either be famous... Principal Mazur
] ... Or you'll be suspended!
] Roxanne, please don't forget me. I will return someday. Though I might be in traction when I do!
] Do you need a break from modern living? Do you long to shed your weary load? If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried, just grab a friend and take a ride, together upon the open road.
: C'mon, Maxie! Max
] All in all, I'd rather have detention. All in all, I'd rather eat a toad. And the old man drives that's such a klutz that I'm about to hurl my guts directly upon the open road.
] She looked right through me, and who can blame her? I need a new me, plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof.
] Me and Max relaxing like the old days... Max
] This is worse than dragon breath and acne. Goofy
] ... in a buddy-buddy kind of mode. Max
] I'm so mad, I think I'm may explode! Goofy
] When I see that highway, I could cry. Max
] You know, that's funny. So could I. Goofy
] Just being out on the open road.
[Goofy and Max have stopped bickering about the car, the vacation and Max's life
] There are times you drive me, shall we say, bananas, and your mind is missing, no offense, a screw. Goofy
: None taken. Max
] Still, whatever mess I land in, who is always understandin'? Nobody else but you. Goofy
] Oh, your moodiness is now and then bewildering, and your values may be, so to speak, askew. Max
] Gesundheit. Goofy
: Who deserves a hero's trophy as we face each catastrophe? Nobody else but you. Max
: [singing in unison
] Nobody else but you. It's just our luck. We're stuck together. Nobody else but you. It's crazy enough to believe we'll come through.
] So your jokes are all, let's face it, prehistoric. Goofy
] And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo. Max
: [singing in unison
] But when life becomes distressing, who will I be S-O-S-ing? Max
] If you're having trouble guessing, here's a clue: though he seems intoxicated, he's just highly animated, and he's nobody else but... Max
: [singing in unison
] Nobody else but you. We've turned into a true blue duo. Hard times, we've had a few... Goofy
] Like we're thrown in the drink... Max
] Like we're tossed out of town... Max
: [singing in unison
] But when I start to sink, hey, I'd rather go down, with nobody else but Y-O-U!
[Goofy kisses Max
] Aw, Dad!
: Now listen, son, that there X-Games fiddle-fadle may be all well and fun, but remember, you're going off to college to make something of yourselves. Max
: Exactly! Goofy
: You'll get a degree and the world will be your clam. Max
: Uh, oyster, Dad? Goofy
: Oh, No, thanks. I'm saving room for wienies.
: P.J., isn't ten hot dogs enough?
: Let's do it to it!
: [as Bobby drives the van away
] Goin' already? What about breakfast? You need your three squares a day! Max
: [Hanging out of the window
] Don't worry, Dad! We'll pick up some donuts on the way!
: Gentlemen, welcome to the first day of the rest of our lives! Bobby
: That's pretty deep. You get that line off a bumper sticker?
: Did you brush your teeth? Max
: Uh-huh. Goofy
: Comb your hair? Max
: Yeah, Dad. Goofy
: Did you put on clean underwear? Max
: We'll dethrone you and your friends, Your Royal LOWNESS.
: Help me! Anyone! 911, baby. Max
: Tank, talk to me! Tank
: Dog boy, am I glad to see you, sweetheart.
[Goofy has walked into Max's classroom in full 70s attire, and Max is shocked and horrified
] Oh no, oh no, oh... Bobby
: Hey Max, is my vision blurred, or doesn't that guy look like your dad? Goofy
: Maxie! Max
: [grabbing and ringing at Bobby's shoulders
] Kill me, just kill me now!
: I'm not gonna be at college to pick up after you.
[sadly, to his son
: In fact, it's gonna be a long time before you see your old man again. What, maybe Christmas?
[puts his finger up to his eye, wiping away a tear
: Ah, Dad, it'll go by fast. Max
: [chuckles, then mutters under his breath
: Not TOO fast, I hope.
: Hey, dudes! Check out who's following us!
: Let's just make sure it stays that way.
: Try hangin' a Louie. No, no, wait, that's the other Louie. Max
: Louie, Huey, Dewey? What are you talkin' about here, huh? Bobby
: Yo, it's right here, it's this way. Max
: Yeah, P.J., Bobby's right. Max
: Um... Hey Bob, um, who's driving?
: [watching Goofy and Sylvia dance disco
] If the Gammas don't keep my dad out of our hair, his new girlfriend will!
: [pulls off Goofy's afro wig
] Dad, you're scaring people.
[throws the wig directly into the garbage can
: [to Goofy, who admitted he wanted to get closer to him at college
] Don't you get it? I'm trying to get AWAY from you! I'm not a little kid anymore! Now just leave me alone, and GET YOUR OWN LIFE!
[at work, Goofy puts a toy robot together and daydreams that the robot's head is Max
: [in Goofy's imagination
] Hiya, dad! Goofy
[Goofy hugs the toy robot tightly
] Toy Factory Boss
: [over the intercom
] Mr. Goof, an assembly line is for assembling! Stop daydreaming and get back to work... or else!
Young Max Goof
: Did you know that there are over two billion children in the world? Goofy
: Hmm. No wonder I keep trippin' over roller skates. Young Max Goof
: That means Santa would have to make, like, 800 visits a second, not including bathroom breaks. Goofy
: Well, I guess ol' Santy's been at it so long, he figured out all the shortcuts.
: Why, looky here. It's your ol' stuffed bear. 'Member what you named him? Young Max Goof
: Old Stuffed Bear.
: [to Max thinking he's Santa Claus
] You sure do look a lot shorter than you do in your pictures... and slimmer too. Young Max Goof
: [imitating Santa
] Oh, you know. Camera adds 50 pounds.
: [Writing a letter to Santa
] Hmm. Let's see now. Oh! How about one of them snazzy electrical recliners? Young Max Goof
: Y-Yeah, Dad. Whatever. Goofy
: Oh. Don't want to turn into some highfalutin fancy-pants.
: We should slow down before we break the sound barrier! Young Max Goof
: What? Goofy
: We're heading straight for the mall!
Young Max Goof
: Low bridge! Goofy
: Really? Where?
Young Max Goof
: Do you actually know Santa Claus? Poor Boy
: He's got a big white beard.
: Every year, we do the same thing, put up a ton of stuff and burn a turkey.
: The lights'll be up in a minute, Maxie! Max
: That's what you said an hour ago.
: There's somethin' me and Max used to do to get in the Christmas spirit. Max
: Dad! Not the Reindeer dance!
: Dad, let's not overdo it this time. Goofy
: This is the perfect time of year to overdo it!
: No cabin, no food, no car... Pete
: So long, Goof. Have a nice hitchety-hike back home! Peg
: Fiddle sticks. You can stay at our cabin. Pete
: Remember when we invented the Reindeer Dance? Max
: I was 5 years old. Legally stupid.
: What could be more fun than fishing with you dad? PJ
: Eating glass! Do you have any idea what fishing with him is like? Not to mention when I turn green and toss three meals a day.
: How can my dad's fish finder help us find gold? Max
: We set it for GOLDfish, Einstein.
: DAD! PJ says Pete's a better fisherman than you! Pete
: What do you mean lettin' your kid hit my kid just for tellin' the truth?
[Pete has caught the boys with his video camera
: You boys have some serious grovelin' to do! PJ
] D-don't kill us, Dad. We swiped it for a good cause. Max Goof
: Yeah. Every summer, you take your family on a mondo expensive vacation: France one year, Egypt the next; while my pop can't afford anything but bucket fishing for minnows in the backyard. Pete
: Yeah, yeah, it's a cruel world. So? PJ
: So, Max is gonna win his dad a $10,000 vacation. PJ
, Max Goof
: [in unison
] For free! Pete
: That doesn't give you any excuse to swipe my... Did you say 10,000, for free?
: Of all the two-faced... Pistol Pete
: no good down daddy... Peg
: pot belly melon headed... Pistol Pete
: you, you, you Hawaii stealer... Peg
: vacation stealing globs! PJ
: Forgot 'slimy'. Goofy
: You mean, we don't get to go to Hawa-ii? Max Goof
: Oh, Dad. Peg
: Oh now, don't give up yet! You just waist until ol' lardo gets home.
: I'll use my secret weapon. Max Goof
: What's that? Peg
: MY MOUTH!
: [Max watches the tape that has Pete pretending to be Goofy on it
] A summer rip-off! Pete stole my dad's vacation!
: [imitating the horror movie preview
] Don't send out for pizza because
] Max Goof
: he's baaack.
: [to Max
] Creepy movies don't agree with you, son. Max Goof
: What are you talking about? Goofy
: Remember that old witch in "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"?
: You were so scared, you had hiccups for a week! P.J. Pete
: "Snow White"? Max Goof
: No way! I mean, that was pickles. Goofy
: Max, you can't watch Grandma stuff a chicken without getting faint. Max Goof
: The past, Dad. You're talking about the past. I'm 11 1/2 now. Nothing scares me. P.J. Pete
: Except math tests. Max Goof
: That's different, P.J.
: Get the answer right and you get a fudgy wudgy bar... mmmmm, your fave... but answer wrong and the yolk's on you.
: We have to go to school! Max Goof
: Not if we're sick we don't. P.J. Pete
: Sick? My dad won't let me stay home unless I'm a walking corpse. Max Goof
: We can arrange that.
[Max and PJ are admiring Pete's skateboard ramp
: Think how much speed we could get with a ramp like that! Then we'd... PJ
: Kill ourselves?
: Dad, did people really used to call you the Skull? Goofy
: Sure did, Numb-skull!
: Look that way, Maxie, these footprints could only belong to one person. Max Goof
: The swamp beast from Planet Nine? Goofy Goof
: No, Maxie, the President of Slime Co.!
: Mr. Sludge figures that he didn't have to listen to you because you're just darn too public. Goofy Goof
: You mean the fella they name the public library after?
: Hold it! Would everybody PLEASE stop fussing over us! Mickey Mouse
: Max, something wrong? Max Goof
: Oh, well YES! I mean, I hate to complain but I asked for us to be left alone, and I've never seen so many people in my life. What's next? A marching band?
: I'm SO glad you came by. And I'm REALLY sorry everything got so weird. Roxanne
: Max, I've only got one thing to say to you about tonight. *she whispers in his ear* *giggle*
: [to a terrified Waffles
] C'mon, boy, tell daddy what's bothering ya. Max Goof
: [coming in with a violin
] The same thing that's bothering me: these dweeby violin lessons.
: Well, I want to apologize for being so greedy, and mean, and, well, y'know... P.J. Pete
: [to Max
] He says he's sorry! Max Goof
: [to Goofy
] He says he's sorry for being himself, pop!
[Peg sees Max and Goofy unloading their car
: What happened? I thought you were on your way to your family reunion. Max
: We're gonna miss the reunion. Car broke down. Took our plane fare to fix it. Mr. Pete said we had an upset battery. Peg
: Loaded repair bill's more like it. That tub of butter is not gonna get away with this.
[Max and PJ are watching a music video with the volume turned way up
: That music sure is loud! Max
: WHAT? Goofy
: You gotta turn it down! Max
: It doesn't go any louder!