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Quotes for
Bernie Litgo (Character)
from About Last Night... (1986)

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About Last Night... (1986)
Bernie: Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?
Danny: What?
Bernie: To you, I'm saying. Does she give head to you?
[Silence]
Bernie: Forget it.

Bernie: I stole it
Danny: You did not.
Bernie: Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar.

Bernie: Was that the chick from last night?
Danny: Yeah, I picked up the phone and she was already on the line.
Bernie: Yeah, right. Pull this leg and it plays jingle bells.

Bernie: [Danny tells Bernie that he told Debbie he loves her] Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
[pauses]
Bernie: Who said it first?
Danny: I did.
Bernie: Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
[pauses]
Bernie: Was it before you came, or after?

Bernie: What do you do?
Joan: Me?
Bernie: Well, yeah for a living?
Joan: I'm a neurosurgeon, you?
Bernie: I'm a prizefighter. Do you know much about boxing?
Joan: No...
Bernie: I'm the heavyweight champion of the world.

Mr. Favio: Business is business! You cut the son of a bitch off!
Danny: Oh, fuck you!
Mr. Favio: Fuck me? Fuck you!
Danny: Fuck You!
Mr. Favio: Fuck You, Martin!
Bernie: Ah, Mr Favio?
Bernie: Fuck you!

Bernie: You know what your problem is? Your face. Come on, you're too good-looking. Girls go out with you and get nervous. They feel dumpy, they don't want to compete. They want a guy like... like me. A guy who'll make them look good. A basic Neanderthal type. The swarthy type. A man's man.

Bernie: Interesting broad. Where'd she develop her personality? A car crash?

Bernie: I'm gonna let you guys do what you guys gotta do. Don't worry about me, I'm just gonna go home, make a little macaroni and cheese, seal the windows, and turn on the gas.

Bernie: You don't go here. You don't go there. You're about as much fun as a stick.

Bernie: You know something Joan, if you didn't have a pussy there'd be a bounty on your head.
Joan: And you are a schizophrenic, psychopathic, maladjusted social misfit who is clearly in the middle of a very deep homosexual panic.
Bernie: So you want to dance or what?