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Quotes for
Vic Grassi (Character)
from "Queer as Folk" (2000)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Queer as Folk: Smells Like Codependence (#1.7)" (2001)
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: [David is having dinner at Michael's Mom's place] Have some more carbonara, David.
Dr. David Cameron: Hmmm... I'm stuffed. Thanks.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Oh, come on. With that body, you can afford to carbo load.
Vic Grassi: Yeah, you must work out all the time.
Dr. David Cameron: Well, when I can.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Feel those biceps.
[reaching over to touch David's arm]
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: I could never resist a hard body.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Like mother, like son.
Vic Grassi: Like uncle.
Michael Novotny: Like, will you two please leave him alone? Next you'll be asking what kind of car he drives and how much he makes.
[David laughs. Debbie and Vic look at him, staring with anticipation.]
Dr. David Cameron: I drive a Jag, and I'm comfortable.
Vic Grassi: Michael, if you don't marry this man immediately, I will!
Dr. David Cameron: I think I will have a little more.
Michael Novotny: Me too.

Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Just like "Lady And The Tramp".
Dr. David Cameron: "Lady And The Tramp"?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: It's Michael's favorite movie.
Michael Novotny: When I was nine!
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: You see Lady and Tramp go on this date to an Italian restaurant. And then the waiter...
Vic Grassi: Tony.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: What else would his name be?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: ...brings over this big bowl of spaghetti and meat balls. And... ehm, and they put their heads in the bowl... They're... they're dogs.
[David laughs.]
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: And they come up with this one single strand of spaghetti. And then they chew, and they chew and...
Vic Grassi: ...and they get closer, and closer...
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: ...until finally their lips meet.
Michael Novotny: [to David] It is, in my estimation, the greatest screen kiss ever.

"Queer as Folk: Premiere (#1.1)" (2000)
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: It's a miracle you're still alive.
Vic Grassi: It's a miracle how I'm gonna pay for all of this?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Hustle?
[they both laugh]

Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Are you in pain?
Vic Grassi: Yeah.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Where? Tell me.
Vic Grassi: My wallet.
[hands her a paper]
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Holy shit!
Michael Novotny: What is it?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: It's the MasterCard bill from our trip to Italy.
Vic Grassi: First class airline tickets. The Excelsior in Rome. The diamond and coral earrings I bought you in Capri. They're all there. The problem is, so am I.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Don't say that! It's a miracle you're still alive.
Vic Grassi: It's a miracle how I'm gonna pay for all of this.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Hustle?
[They both laugh]

"Queer as Folk: Stop Hurting Us (#3.7)" (2003)
Vic: I thought I'd make a turducken.
Michael: A what?
Vic: Turducken. You take chicken, you stuff it up a duck, then stuff that up a turkey.
Debbie: Kind of like a three-way, but with poultry!

Vic: Eggplant.
[Vic holds up an eggplant for Michael to see]
Vic: I mean, is this not a thing of beauty? Touch it, stroke it.
Michael: Insert it?

"Queer as Folk: Surprise! (#1.11)" (2001)
Debbie Novotny: Michael Charles Novotny!
Vic Grassi: Oh, oh! Middle name! Look out!
Debbie Novotny: Do listen to me and listen carefully! Do not f*ck this up. Now, I want you to call David right now, and apologize for whatever it is that you did.
Michael: What makes you think I did anything!
Debbie Novotny: I'm your mother!

Vic Grassi: Listen, why are you so interested in me all of a sudden?
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, I was just wondering.
Vic Grassi: Bullshit. You boys never talk to anyone over forty unless you have to.
Emmett Honeycutt: I think I have it.
Vic Grassi: 'It' doesn't mean what it used to, you know?
Emmett Honeycutt: That's what they say. People still
Vic Grassi: die. All the time. But they die from other things, too. You can't think about that.
Emmett Honeycutt: I just can't believe this is happening to me. I mean I'm not promiscuous.
Vic Grassi: Let me tell you about promiscuous. Promiscuous is anyone having more sex than you.
Emmett Honeycutt: I thought I was been safe, careful
Vic Grassi: Sex isn't careful. And if it is, you're doing it wrong. It's messy. And it's human. And it's mixed up with other things. It's a genie that won't stay in the bottle. Listen, Emmett, if you think you made a mistake, move on. And accept it like a man.

"Queer as Folk: Ted's Not Dead (#1.4)" (2000)
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: I've always said it isn't who you love; it's how you love. Genitalia is simply God's way of accessorizing.
Michael Novotny: [to Debbie] This is not about you and the Gay Mother of the Year award. This is about Brian's one-night stand.
Justin Taylor: Not just one.
Michael Novotny: Don't bet on it. And who here even cares?
Vic Grassi: I do.
Justin Taylor: My dad threatened to disown me. He called me a big queer.
Vic Grassi: He didn't hit you, did he?
Michael Novotny: Oh, come on, Uncle Vic. You're not gonna listen to this shit?
Justin Taylor: That's why I have to see Brian. He'll let me stay with him.
Michael Novotny: I don't think so.
Justin Taylor: Well, then... I'll go to New York. I'll become a hustler, and I'll sell my body to gross old homos.
Vic Grassi: I'll give you twenty bucks.
[Debbie hits Vic on his head.]
Vic Grassi: Save him the train fare!
Justin Taylor: I'm gonna throw up. I gotta vomit.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Upstairs' bathroom. The one for guests and drama queens.
[Justin runs upstairs, while Vic and Michael laugh.]
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: It's not a joke, you know. Gay teens have a very high suicide rate.
Michael Novotny: Unfortunately, not this one.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: I'm calling his mother.
Michael Novotny: It's not our business.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: He may be telling the truth. And even if he isn't, she's gonna be worried.
Vic Grassi: She's not worried. Now she knows: It's not drugs. It's not booze. He didn't buy an automatic weapon to take down to the Spanish club... It's just cock!

Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: I'm calling your mother. I'm taking you home.
Justin Taylor: I'm not going.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: You get my tits in a knot, sunshine, and you're gonna be in deep shit! Excuse me.
Vic Grassi: [Debbie walks away from the dining table. Justin sits down across from Vic.] What are you studying in school?
Justin Taylor: Huh?
Vic Grassi: It's called conversation.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Ready?
Michael Novotny: I need to talk to Brian. I'll be there in a second.
[the others leave]
Michael Novotny: Do you have anything to say?
Brian Kinney: ... No.
Michael Novotny: Well, I do. You can fuck him at your place, you can fuck him in his gym class, you can fuck him at the zoo, but you cannot fuck him in my mother's house. In my room!
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: We're waiting.
Michael Novotny: Okay, I'm gonna go do this little job, then I'm gonna go see Ted at the hospital. You do whatever the fuck you want!

"Queer as Folk: No Bris, No Shirt, No Service (#1.3)" (2000)
Justin Taylor: You know, I'm actually looking for a friend of Michael's. His name is Brian.
Vic Grassi: I could have guessed that.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Honey, everybody's looking for Brian.
Justin Taylor: Have you seen him?
[Deb points to Brian]
Daphne Chanders: That's Brian? God, he's so old! And skinny. You can do way better than that.
Justin Taylor: Would you shut up?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: [Deb and Vic are watching Brian, who has his eyes on a trick over at the bar.] Five bucks he nails him before midnight.
Vic Grassi: You're on.

"Queer as Folk: Queens of the Road (#1.10)" (2001)
Vic Grassi: I remember it took Roberto and me six months to finally decide to live together. And a week to break up.
Debbie Novotny: Well, how did you know he was still seeing three of his exes?

"Queer as Folk: All Better Now (#2.2)" (2002)
Vic: Here, have some coconut cake.
Jennifer Taylor: Oh, no thanks.
Debbie: Vic made it himself.
Vic: Yeah, it's my warm-up for Gus' birthday.
Debbie: He used to be a pastry chef.
Vic: Black bottoms were my specialty.
[clears throat and glances over at Debbie]
Debbie: [holds up hands in defense] I didn't say a word.

"Queer as Folk: Drugs, Sex and Lies (#3.12)" (2003)
Debbie: [holds up a cheese doodle] Horvath is like a cheese doodle.
Vic: [gasps] You told me was well-endowed!

"Queer as Folk: Babylon Boomerang (#1.8)" (2001)
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: If I have to watch Martha Stewart make one more goddamn thing out of goat cheese, I'm going to kill myself.
Vic Grassi: A.M.C. has a Joan Crawford festival all week.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Nobody's that gay.

"Queer as Folk: Brat-Sitting (#3.4)" (2003)
Vic Grassi: Heterosexual love. You see Justin, they're not that different from us.

"Queer as Folk: The Dangers of Sex and Drugs (#2.14)" (2002)
Debbie Novotny: He's not my type.
Vic Grassi: He's alive and he's got a dick. What more do you need?