Stuart Alan Jones
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Quotes for
Stuart Alan Jones (Character)
from "Queer as Folk: Episode #2.1" (2000)

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"Queer as Folk: Episode #2.1" (2000)
Stuart Allen Jones: We don't do hammers, or nails, or saws. We do joints and screws, but that's different.
Marie Jones: Who does?
Stuart Allen Jones: Queers. Because I'm queer. I'm gay. I'm homosexual. I'm a poof, I'm a poofter, I'm a ponce. I'm a bumboy, baddieboy, backside artist, bugger. I'm bent. I am that arsebandit. I lift those shirts. I'm a faggot-ass, fudge-packing, shit-stabbing uphill gardener. I dine at the downstairs restaurant, I dance at the other end of the ballroom. I'm Moses and the parting of the red cheeks. I fuck and I am fucked. I suck and I am sucked. I rim them and wank them, and every single man's had the fucking time of his life. And I am not a pervert. If there's one twisted bastard in this family, it's this little blackmailer here. So congratulations, Thomas. I've just officially outed you.

Stuart: I'm queer. I'm gay. I'm homosexual. I'm a poof, I'm a poofter, I'm a ponce. I'm a bum-boy, batty-boy, backside-artist bugger. I'm bent. I *am* that arse bandit, I *lift* those shirts. I'm a faggot-assed, fudge-packin', shit-stabbin' uphill gardener. I dine at the downstairs restaurant, I dance at the other end of the ballroom. I'm Moses and the parting of the red cheeks. I fuck and I'm fucked. I suck and I'm sucked. I rim them and wank them, and every single man's had the fuckin' time of his life. And I am *not* a pervert.

Nathan Maloney: But you're coming back, though...?
Stuart Allen Jones: What, come back to this? The ghetto: alleyways stinking of piss, beggars in every doorway, straights and students coming to look at the freak show, and all the idiots saving all week, saving their stupid money from their stupid idiot jobs so they can come and shoot their load with some stranger. And just you look after it, this stupid little street. It's the middle of the world. Cos on a street like this, every single night, anyone can meet anyone. And every single night, someone meets someone.
Vince Tyler: It's all yours now; all of them -- all the poofs and all the dykes, and all the people in between. And this lot, they'll shag ya. They'll rob ya. Some of them might even love ya. And they'll all forget you in the end. Just stick with your friends -- you'll be fine.
Stuart Allen Jones: You fuck it up, and I'll come back


"Queer as Folk: Episode #1.8" (1999)
Stuart Alan Jones: You've done nothing Vince. You go to wrok, you go for a drink, you sit and watch cheap science fiction. Small and tiny world. What's so impressive about that, what's there to love?
Vince Tyler: ...yeah.
Stuart Alan Jones: It was good enough for me.