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Quotes for
Professor Ben Bruckner (Character)
from "Queer as Folk" (2000)

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"Queer as Folk: Tweaked-Out, Fucked-Out Crystal Queen (#3.13)" (2003)
Michael: Still searching for that exquisite turn of phrase that in five words or less expresses the essence of what your character's feeling?
Professor Ben Bruckner: I'm frustrated as shit.
Michael: Only four, congratulations.

[Michael, Ben and Hunter just spoke to a high-school principal about Hunter returning to school]
Professor Ben Bruckner: At least now we finally get to know all about you.
Michael: Name?
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: Hunter.
Michael: Hunter what?
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: Just hunter.
Michael: You think you're an aging rock diva?
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: Last names tend to get in the way of my work.
Professor Ben Bruckner: Wait, from now on, the only work you're doing is homework. Out with it.
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: James Hunter Montgomery.
Michael: Nice to meet you, jimmy.
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: Shut up.
Professor Ben Bruckner: When were you born?
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: I wasn't born. My mother was too drunk to give birth, So i was delivered, 16 glorious years ago last tuesday.
Michael: Last tuesday? You had a birthday last week and you didn't tell us?
Professor Ben Bruckner: We could've done something to celebrate.
James 'Hunter' Montgomery: Like blow out a candle? I blew three tricks that day. Made 150 bucks. That's what I call celebrating.


"Queer as Folk: The Leper (Hath the Babe Not Eyes?) (#2.7)" (2002)
Michael Novotny: Right after my mother told me I was gay,she gave this big safe sex lecture. I knew how to put a condom on a cucumber before I knew how to drive.
Professor Ben Bruckner: Yeah, well, you know I was going to ask you out tonight, but now I'm not so sure.
Michael Novotny: Why not?
Professor Ben Bruckner: Well, Michael keep as a cucumber is a lot to live up to.


"Queer as Folk: Big Fucking Mouth (#3.9)" (2003)
Emmett Honeycutt: Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?
Professor Ben Bruckner: Yes, you are seeing it. The most historic reunification since Germany.
Emmett Honeycutt: What happened to the fiddler?
Michael: He fell off the roof.


"Queer as Folk: Hunt(Er) for Love (#3.8)" (2003)
Hunter: [emerges from bathroom] Okay, who wants to fuck me first?
Ben: That's not why we brought you up here.
Hunter: Then what do you want?
Michael Charles Novotny: For you not to get killed.
Hunter: Big loss if I did. I'm going back to work.
Ben: Not with that.
[indicates Hunters bruises]
Michael Charles Novotny: Someone should probably look at it.
Hunter: I'll try to pick up a doctor.


"Queer as Folk: Uncle Ben (#3.10)" (2003)
Ben: [Ben sees Hunter out hustling on a cold winter night, and offers him a coat] I've got an old down-filled here. It's still in good shape.
Hunter: No one wants to pick up a guy who looks like an Eskimo!