Emmett Honeycutt
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Quotes for
Emmett Honeycutt (Character)
from "Queer as Folk" (2000)

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"Queer as Folk: Premiere (#1.1)" (2000)
Emmett Honeycutt: When did seventy's night become eighty's night?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I remember this song from high school. Talk about feeling ancient.
Emmett Honeycutt: Speak for yourself, honey. I was a mere child.

Emmett Honeycutt: [referring to the hot guy who walks by at Babylon] My God..., have you ever seen anything more beautiful.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Venice. At sunset.
Emmett Honeycutt: Fine. You go down the Grand Canal. I'll go down on him.
[jokingly follows after guy]
Michael Novotny: [voice over narration] Emmett can be a little campy. Okay, a lot campy. But you gotta admit, these days it takes real guts to be a queen in a world full of commoners.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: The problem with perfection... is its inability to recognize anything less perfect than itself.
Emmett Honeycutt: In other words, you hit on him and he turned you down.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...Yeah.
Michael Novotny: [voice over narration] Ted's this really smart guy, and he's got a really big heart. Only nobody here's interested in the size of that organ.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Why am I wasting my time staring at a bunch of over-pumped princesses with I.Q.'s smaller than their waists...?
[Ted froze as a hot guy walked past him]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Jesus, look at him!
Michael Novotny: [voice over narration] Like I said, it's all about sex. 'Except when you're having it. And then it's all about, "Will he stay?", "Will he go?", "How am I doing?", "What am I doing?". Unless, of course, you're Brian Kinney. And then it's "Who gives a fuck what you think? You're lucky to have me".

Michael Novotny: That was quick.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Hell, when you've had as much practice as he's had.
Brian: I got bored.
Emmett Honeycutt: I know. Getting your dick sucked can be so tedious.

Emmett Honeycutt: Don't look now but somebody's wat-ching.
Michael Novotny: Oh, him. He's been cruising me all night.
Emmett Honeycutt: Hmm... playing hard to get. I love that in a man.
Michael Novotny: Not playing, just not interested.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Check out that bubble butt. And that basket? Enough in there for the Big Bad Wolf.
Michael Novotny: Would you quit staring! There's more to a guy than his cock size... Or his perfectly shaped ass.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Which is why you read all those comic books, with those superheroes in their little tights - for the plot.

Michael Novotny: [voice over narration] And that's when it happened. When he came along.
Brian: How's it going? Had a busy night?
Justin: Just eh... Checking out the bars, you know. Boy Toy, Meat Hook.
Brian: The Meat Hook? Really? So you're into leather?
Justin: [hesitating] ...Sure.
Brian: Where're you headed?
Justin: No place special.
Brian: I can change that.
[both of them got into the jeep.]
Emmett Honeycutt: Hey! Hey, what about us?
Brian: You can ride with Ted.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Thanks a lot!
Michael Novotny: Asshole!

Emmett Honeycutt: Oh my God, look. He must've followed us.
Michael Novotny: Christ! That's just what I need.
Emmett Honeycutt: Honey, it's what we all need.
[Michael shakes his head, ready to go into his house. Emmett stopping Michael.]
Emmett Honeycutt: Hey, when was last time you got laid?
[Michael opens his mouth, doesn't know how to respond.]
Emmett Honeycutt: My point exactly: if you can't remember, then it's time.

Emmett Honeycutt: [Michael is making out with a guy when Emmett walks into them.] Woo! Don't mind me, just eh... can't sleep without my milk and Oreos.
Michael Novotny: This is my friend Emmett. He's staying with me temporarily since the hooker who lived down the hall from him burnt his apartment building down two years ago.
Trick: Two years is a long time to be temporary.
Michael Novotny: And yet it hasn't interfered with my love life... Which I suppose says a lot about my love life.

Michael Novotny: He calls me, practically begs me to go with him, knowing full well I'm with someone, for the first time in I don't know how long...
Emmett Honeycutt: Seven months, two weeks, and three days.
Michael Novotny: Thank you. And even though the guy wasn't always cracked up to be...
Emmett Honeycutt: We'll let that remark pass.
Michael Novotny: At least he wanted me. Me!
[sitting down on the couch]
Michael Novotny: God, I'm so horny!
Emmett Honeycutt: Poor baby. Well I have just the thing. A new porn video.
[running to get the video]
Emmett Honeycutt: It all takes place in a prisoner of war camp. Hot, horny men starved for action.
Michael Novotny: I can relate to that.
Emmett Honeycutt: [Emmett hands over the video to Michael.] Guaranteed to make your private stand up and salute.
Michael Novotny: "Schindler's Fist"?
Emmett Honeycutt: Ah... Here.
[handing Michael the remote]
Emmett Honeycutt: I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you're going to have a deep, meaningful relationship. Good night!

[first lines]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [on the phone] Brian Kinney, a father.
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] It's true. I was there. I saw it happen with my own eyes.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [on the phone] Talk about conceiving the inconceivable. Or is it the other way around?
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] Would you give the guy a break?
Emmett Honeycutt: [on the phone] Couldn't be any worse than my Daddy was.
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] Or mine. Not that I remember him.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [on the phone] So what's next? PTA Parent, Little League coach, Scout master?
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] They don't allow queers into the scouts. They're afraid we'll induct new recruits.
Emmett Honeycutt: [on the phone] I only go out with men who already enlisted. So, uh, who's he look like?
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] Well, he's got Brian's eyes and mouth, and... Lindsay's nose.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [on the phone] Well, if he's got Melanie's dick, we're in big trouble.
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] You should see the pictures I took. He is so adorable. In one of them, he's actually playing with himself.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [on the phone] Who, Brian?
Michael Novotny: [on the phone] No, the baby. Imagine, he's only been in the world an hour and already he's pulling his pud.

Michael Novotny: It was a trap!
Emmett Honeycutt: Hey! See that number in the red shorts?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I can work out for a hundred years and never look like that.
Michael Novotny: Pretending she didn't like her just to see what I'd say.
Emmett Honeycutt: Shawn Peters, went home with him the other night, thinking he was this brutal top...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: And?
Michael Novotny: ...And I fell for it!
Emmett Honeycutt: Turns out, he's a big, nelly bottom!
[laughing]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I could've told you that!
Emmett Honeycutt: Ugh! It's so discouraging. Are there no real man left?
Michael Novotny: Now they're expecting me to meet them?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Steroid city?
Michael Novotny: No! In a straight bar. Is there anyone here listening?
Emmett Honeycutt: [speaking really fast] There's this new girl at work who's interested in you, Fat Marley tricked you into meeting her, and some of the others for a drink after work, and now you have to go, or they might suspect.
[changing topic]
Emmett Honeycutt: Check out Mr. Peck-Deck.
[back to Michael]
Emmett Honeycutt: So what if they do?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: They could fire him?
Michael Novotny: Or I can end up an assistant manager for the rest of my life.

Emmett Honeycutt: And... the solution is to pretend you like pussy?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [sigh] Look, he's not like you, okay?
Emmett Honeycutt: What is that supposed to mean?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Meaning he's not an obviously gay man.
Emmett Honeycutt: Are you accusing me of being obvious?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: If the 'fuck-me' pump fits...
Emmett Honeycutt: Ah...
[putting down his barbells]
Emmett Honeycutt: Well... I could be a... a real man if I wanted to. You know...
[Michael stops doing his routine, raises his eyebrows, looking at Emmett]
Emmett Honeycutt: ...just lower my voice, stop... gesturing with my hands, make sure my face is expressionless, never, never use words like, like "fabulous" or "divine". Talk about... I don't know,
[deepening his voice]
Emmett Honeycutt: nailing bitches and R.B.I.'s. But I'd rather my flame burn bright! Than be some puny little pilot light.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: And a fabulous flame it is.
Emmett Honeycutt: Thank you.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Yeah, but Michael is out there in the straight world. Believe me, it isn't easy.
[reassuring Michael]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: You do what you have to do.
Michael Novotny: I better go change.
Emmett Honeycutt: For your big date? Here's a Sports mag. Better bone up. Just in case the conversation veers away from Liza's weight problem.

Emmett Honeycutt: You know, for a skinny white boy, I make one fucking fabulous black woman.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: How bout another round on me?
Brian Kinney: I got a better idea. Lets move on.
Michael Novotny: What's wrong with here?
Brian Kinney: I've had everyone here.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: My problem precisely.
Michael Novotny: You haven't had me.
Brian Kinney: [smiles] Oh, yeah?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: What? You never told us.
Michael Novotny: There is nothing to tell.
Brian Kinney: We were up in his room. We were fourteen, fifteen tops. We were supposed to be studying, whatever. Only, we're not. We're looking at this trashy photo mag his mom swiped from the beauty parlor. Anyway, there's this shot of Patrick Swayze from "Dirty Dancing"... without his shirt on. So, I've got this hard-on just from looking at it, and I glance over at Mikey and guess what? He's got one, too.
Michael Novotny: Okay, you can stop now.
Brian Kinney: [laughs] Twin stiffies. I reach over, start rubbing it. He's practically swooning.
[drops voice]
Brian Kinney: I pop it out, start stroking it, nice and slow. We're both this close. Then... his mom walks in without knocking.
Justin: They always do. Did she see you?
Brian Kinney: I don't see how she could have missed it.
Michael Novotny: Only we didn't come, so it doesn't count.


"Queer as Folk: Ted's Not Dead (#1.4)" (2000)
Emmett Honeycutt: [in leather] I feel like a nineteen ninety one Madonna video.

Michael Novotny: You went home with...
Emmett Honeycutt: An undertaker. Uh-hmm.
Brian Kinney: I fucked an undertaker once.
Michael Novotny: You did? When?
Brian Kinney: He told me sometimes they sew the mouths shut.
[raising his eyebrow]

Emmett Honeycutt: [to Brian and Michael] You know, when I go, promise you won't let them sew my mouth shut? Because when I get to heaven, and I meet Natalie Wood, I want to be able to say, "Natalie, it's Emmett. What happened that night?".

Brian Kinney: [about Ted, who is in a coma] You know, he is a first. The first almost dead guy I sort of had sex with.
Michael Novotny: You had sex with Ted?
Emmett Honeycutt: You never had sex with Ted!
Michael Novotny: When did you have sex with...?
Brian Kinney: Sort of sex. At this semi-orgy.
Michael Novotny: Semi? When?
Brian Kinney: You know that weekend that John-John's plane went down?
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, God. They kept showing him on the beach with his shirt off. I didn't know whether to jerk off or weep.

Emmett Honeycutt: [Emmett, Michael and Brian are in the steam bath, where a guy with a great ass passes in front of them.] Why I can't get my glutes to look like that?
Michael Novotny: Maybe you're not properly visualized in the muscle group.
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, I'm visualizing it alright. On my face.
Brian Kinney: [about being Ted's power of attorney] Why me? Why not his mother? Why not you?
Emmett Honeycutt: Because I can't decide what to wear in the morning. Who in their right mind would give me power of life and death?
Michael Novotny: I couldn't do it, either.
Brian Kinney: I don't even like Ted.
Michael Novotny: Oh, come on! You do so!
Brian Kinney: Not enough to be responsible for his fucking life.
Emmett Honeycutt: Well he must have wanted you for a reason.
Michael Novotny: Maybe he's secretly in love with you.
Brian Kinney: "I love you, I'm comatose: kill me".

Emmett Honeycutt: [Emmett's handphone rings, and he answers it.] Torso.
Michael Novotny: [On the phone] It's me.
Emmett Honeycutt: [On the phone] Oh, my God. Is he dead?
Michael Novotny: [On the phone] No, but he's gonna wish he was when he finds out his Mom's going to his condo tonight for pajamas.
Emmett Honeycutt: [On the phone] Oh, shit! What if she finds his porn?
Michael Novotny: [On the phone] And his magazines. And remember his thirty-third birthday last year?
Emmett Honeycutt: [On the phone]
[laughing]
Emmett Honeycutt: When we gave him those thirty-three dildos, that was hilarious.
Michael Novotny: [On the phone] Well, it's not so funny anymore. We've gotta go there and find all thirty-three.
Emmett Honeycutt: [On the phone] Wait.
Michael Novotny: [On the phone] What?
Emmett Honeycutt: [On the phone] What if he's given some as hostess gifts?

Emmett Honeycutt: [Emmett and Michael are at Ted's home. Emmett moves the light on the table to another position.] That's better. I'm always telling him not everything in life needs to be centered.
Michael Novotny: We can redecorate later. His mother's coming!
[opening the fridge, throwing things out at Emmett]
Michael Novotny: Poppers, cheddar, Brie...
Emmett Honeycutt: I don't think there are particular strong shame issues attached to cheese, Michael.
Michael Novotny: Fine, whatever. You check out the bedroom. I'll work out here.
Emmett Honeycutt: Okay.
Michael Novotny: Falcon...Falcon... "You've Got Mail"? He masturbates to Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks?

Michael Novotny: So what do you think it means?
Emmett Honeycutt: I think it means he likes you.
Michael Novotny: I think it means he loves me.
Emmett Honeycutt: Kind of flattering, in a way. He collects you the way you collect comics.
Michael Novotny: It's just that... All this time, I... I never knew.
Emmett Honeycutt: [softly] There's a lot of things we don't know about each other. Like, did you know..., I used to walk down the street in Hazlehurst, Mississippi, and the postman would spit at me?
Michael Novotny: I don't know where my father was born... Or even who he is.
Emmett Honeycutt: I sat with my dead grandma for an hour, and held her hand before I told anyone she was dead.
[Michael reaches over to hold Emmett's hand.]
Emmett Honeycutt: How come we never tell each other these things, huh?

Emmett Honeycutt: [to Ted] Now, say it three times and click your heels: "Theres no place like home".

Michael Novotny: Okay, just so you don't freak out... Your dildos are missing. And your porn. We had to move it all... in case your Mom found it.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Well, I expect all thirty-three back.
[to Emmett and Brian]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Cleaned.
Emmett Honeycutt: You should eat something, honey.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I'm not hungry.
Michael Novotny: We bought you a whole fucking chicken!
Brian Kinney: And you're gonna eat it.
Emmett Honeycutt: [to Brian] Oh, my God. Look at this. Who keeps lube in their front kitchen cabinet?


"Queer as Folk: No Bris, No Shirt, No Service (#1.3)" (2000)
Emmett Honeycutt: Isn't he gorgeous? His name is Katsuo.
Katsuo: [holding a glass of juice in his hand] Jews?
Emmett Honeycutt: No, no, no.
[pointing at the Jewish people at the brisk]
Emmett Honeycutt: Jews.
[pointing at the glass]
Emmett Honeycutt: Juice. Okay?
[Emmett turns to Michael.]
Emmett Honeycutt: He gives "Pacific Rim", a whole new meaning.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Where did you find him?
Emmett Honeycutt: He found me. I was having drinks in the losers lounge. He comes over, starts chattering away. Only he doesn't speak any English and the only Japanese I know is "Sony" and "Toyota".
Michael: So how do you communicate with him?
Emmett Honeycutt: There's other ways than talking.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: We all know it's not polite to talk with your mouth full.

Katsuo: [Katsuo talks away in Japanese.] Kane. Kane.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...Yeah, okay, alright. Let's go ask Melanie. She's fluent in sushi. Come, come, come, come.
[guiding him to Melanie]
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus: [talking to someone on camera] Ha-ha... Okay, have a bagel.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Mel. Hi, Mel. Okay, and cut. Great! Look, we need you to translate.
[to Katsuo]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Talk to Melanie. Melanie speak all Axis Powers.
[Katsuo begins to tell his story while Melanie listens.]
Michael: He keeps saying "Kane".
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus: Yeah...
[pulling Michael away from Katsuo]
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus: "Kane" is money! He's saying he expects Emmett to pay him.
Michael: For what?
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus: He's a God damned male prostitute!
Michael: Oh, shit!
Katsuo: [Emmett walks over to Katsuo before Michael could stop him.] Kane!
Emmett Honeycutt: Come, come, sweetie.
Michael: Melanie says, "Kane" means...
[long pause]
Michael: ..."love". He says he loves your voice. It's like a silent wind chime, and your smile is like cherry blossoms floating on a still breeze.
Emmett Honeycutt: That... That is... That is the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me.

Melanie 'Mel' Marcus: This is Rabbi Protesh. He'll be doing the brisk.
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, I love pot roast.
[Rabbi Protesh laughs.]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: That's "brisket"! I believe in the Jewish faith the "brisk" is a circumcision ceremony.

Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Okay, boys, what'll it be?
Emmett Honeycutt: Nothing for me, thanks.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Em, honey, you should try to eat some of your protein off a plate!
Emmett Honeycutt: I read, that, that for every thirty pounds you lose, you gain an entire inch of cock.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: So, if you just dropped another ninety pounds, you'll have a four-inched pecker!

Emmett Honeycutt: Time to organize a search party.
Michael: Who's missing?
Emmett Honeycutt: Katsuo! I was talking to Dungeon Master Don, who wants to mummify me. Have you noticed that the world's getting weirder? Anyway, I turned around, and he was gone.
Michael: I have a feeling he'll be alright.
Emmett Honeycutt: He doesn't speak a word of English! And... and he's so sweet, so innocent. What if some hot, hungry queen tries to have his way with it?
Brian: I thought you already did.
Michael: He's around somewhere. Im sure you'll find him.
Emmett Honeycutt: Thanks.

Emmett Honeycutt: [to Mel on the phone] How do you say "tacky little cocksucker" in Japanese?

Emmett Honeycutt: The worst part is not that he's unfaithful, or even a slut. I mean, nobody's perfect. It's that he said he loved me. I mean, he lied to me!
Brian: How could he lie to you? He doesn't speak English!
Michael: Look, I'm the one who told you that. I'm sorry.
Emmett Honeycutt: My own fault. Why do I always give my heart away to trash, huh?
Brian: Because you want to see it in the dumpster?

Emmett: What... I can be a... a real man if I wanted to. You know... just lower my voice, stop... gesturing with my hands, make sure my face is expressionless, never, *never* use words like, like 'fabulous' or 'divine'. Talk about... I don't know,
[deepens his voice]
Emmett: nailing bitches and RBI's. But I rather my flame burn bright! Than some puny little pilot light.


"Queer as Folk: The Art of Desperation (#1.6)" (2001)
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [Ted and Emmett are at Torso, where Emmett is checking out new clothes.] I'm out.
Emmett Honeycutt: At work? That's fabulous.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I'm out of the scene, I mean. I've made up my mind. No more bars, no more baths, no more clubs... You'll never see my face at Babylon again.
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, please. You can't let one little drug-induced coma get you down.
[putting on a tee]
Emmett Honeycutt: What do you think?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: You look unbelievably trashy.
Emmett Honeycutt: Tuck me into it. I'll buy it.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: You missed my point entirely. Everything we do, even the clothes we wear, is a conscious or, worse yet, unconscious attempt to get laid.
Emmett Honeycutt: Yes, it's true. There's an overemphasis on sex. But why not buy two sizes too small and come with it?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Because, tragically, some of us were not born to wear Lycra.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [reading from the ad in the paper] "Date Bait. Meet other single gay man in a civilized evening of conversation. No pick-ups, no face-to-face rejection". They have an over thirty night.
Emmett Honeycutt: Where? The morgue?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: And just for that, you're going with me.
Emmett Honeycutt: I am not over thirty!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: And I am not going alone.

Emmett Honeycutt: Faggots, faggots everywhere, and not a drop to drink. I can honestly say I have no desire to have sex with any of these people.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Me neither. That's a start.

Emmett Honeycutt: [Emmett meets David for the first time.] Oh my God. That guy over there looks exactly like Matthew McConaughey. Maybe he smokes pot, naked.
[to David]
Emmett Honeycutt: Excuse me!
Dr. David Cameron: [laughs] He doesn't hold anything back.
Michael: He was toning it down for you.
Brian: [sits on Michael's lap] Where the fuck have you been?
Michael: Brian, this is David.
Brian: Oh, fuck me, the new beau!
Dr. David Cameron: I've heard a lot about you.
Brian: I've heard a lot about you too. Sixteen right, eleven left?
Dr. David Cameron: Excuse me?
Michael: Nothing.
[to Brian]
Michael: You're tweaked, what are you on?
Brian: Oh, E, K, G.H.B. Most of the letters on "Sesame Street".
Michael: You'll get dehydrated, taking all that shit. I'm gonna get you some water.
[to David]
Michael: You want a beer?
Dr. David Cameron: Sure.
[Michael leaves]
Dr. David Cameron: You've got him well trained.
Brian: Well, he takes care of me, and I take care of him. So, Doc, do you fuck all of your patients?
Dr. David Cameron: Well, if you're referring to Michael I released him from my care, before we went out together. What about you? What do you do?
Brian: Advertising.
Dr. David Cameron: Well, you must know a thing or two about screwing people yourself.
Brian: Yeah, I could do it in my sleep.
Dr. David Cameron: I bet you could.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: [Ted is admiring Roger, who's playing the piano.] He plays beautifully, doesn't he?
Emmett Honeycutt: I'm all a tingle. So have you two had sex yet?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: No!
[whispering]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Would you keep your voice down?
Emmett Honeycutt: Well, when are you?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: When we both know it's the right thing to do.
Emmett Honeycutt: Sex is never the right thing to do! Feeding the poor is the right thing to do; hiring the handicapped is the right thing to do; donating blood... is the right...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Alright, alright, you made your point.

Brian: [to Justin and Daphne] Oh, look, it's the cast of "Zoom".
Daphne Chanders: We're celebrating. Justin sold some of his art today.
Justin Taylor: The one of you... naked.
Michael: Who'd buy that?
Emmett Honeycutt: Probably some desperate queen who's always pined for you.
Brian: Oh, Ted, how thoughtful.

Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I was rejected by everybody.
[Emmett looks unsure]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: It's good to be back!
Emmett Honeycutt: [to Ted] Let's get you a cock-tail!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Okay.

Emmett Honeycutt: I didn't know he could draw.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Oh, he can't. I bought him tracing paper when he was a kid so he could copy his comic books. His Spiderman always ended up looking more like little orphan Annie.
Emmett Honeycutt: Well, what's his talent?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Well, it's nothing he'd be famous for. You won't ever see his paintings hanging in an art gallery or hear him playing at Carnegie Hall. But when it comes to taking care of people, knowing what you need better even than you do, he's a fucking Picasso.


"Queer as Folk: Surprise! (#1.11)" (2001)
[first lines]
Brian Kinney: Hey, see that guy?
[points to an old man]
Brian Kinney: He just turned thirty. That's what you're gonna look like in a couple of days, Mikey.
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, don't listen to him. You look like you're ten.
Brian Kinney: Yeah, but this strange thing happens on your thirtieth. You look great the night before, but then you wake up the next morning and your ass is down to there, and your dick disappears.
Ted: Well, I'm thirty three, what does that make me!
Brian Kinney: Did you guys just hear something, like a voice from the dead?

Emmett Honeycutt: Why did I eat those god damn pancakes?
[burps]
Emmett Honeycutt: They're repeating more than "I Love Lucy".

Emmett Honeycutt: [to Ted] I need to go into a phone booth and jerk off.

Emmett Honeycutt: [to Ted] I am so scared.

[last lines]
Ted: He's cute. If you don't want him, I'll take him.
Emmett Honeycutt: You can have him. I made a promise to God.
Ted: A promise to God? What promise to God?
Emmett Honeycutt: I prayed, and I told God that if I were negative, I would never have sex with another man. And I'm negative. So I can never touch a man again.

Emmett: This is about what a certain someone's going to say, isn't it? Well, I say that you deserve to be loved. And don't let any man, queen, or Brian tell you otherwise.

Vic Grassi: Listen, why are you so interested in me all of a sudden?
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, I was just wondering.
Vic Grassi: Bullshit. You boys never talk to anyone over forty unless you have to.
Emmett Honeycutt: I think I have it.
Vic Grassi: 'It' doesn't mean what it used to, you know?
Emmett Honeycutt: That's what they say. People still
Vic Grassi: die. All the time. But they die from other things, too. You can't think about that.
Emmett Honeycutt: I just can't believe this is happening to me. I mean I'm not promiscuous.
Vic Grassi: Let me tell you about promiscuous. Promiscuous is anyone having more sex than you.
Emmett Honeycutt: I thought I was been safe, careful
Vic Grassi: Sex isn't careful. And if it is, you're doing it wrong. It's messy. And it's human. And it's mixed up with other things. It's a genie that won't stay in the bottle. Listen, Emmett, if you think you made a mistake, move on. And accept it like a man.


"Queer as Folk: Smells Like Codependence (#1.7)" (2001)
Emmett Honeycutt: I say if it walks like a boyfriend...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...and talks like a boyfriend...
Emmett Honeycutt, Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...Then it must be a boyfriend!
Brian Kinney: Would you two please shut the fuck up? I think it's great that Mikey's got a steady.
Michael Novotny: He's not a steady! We went out twice!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Around here, that's a long-term relationship.
Emmett Honeycutt: The next thing you know, you'll be exchanging rings...
Brian Kinney: Hmmm... And then there'll be one of those commitment ceremonies; where like, all two hundred of the guests have slept with one, if not the both of the happy couple.
Emmett Honeycutt: Just, ehm, promise me you won't wear matching white suits.
Michael Novotny: There is no way that is ever going to happen.
Emmett Honeycutt: Well, then I suggest you, watch out for the warning signs.
Michael Novotny: What warning signs?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Like when he brings you flowers...
Emmett Honeycutt: ...or, or invites you away for a romantic weekend to the country.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Not that you'll see much beside the bedroom ceiling.
[Emmett laughs]
Brian Kinney: Your shot, Mikey.
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, or the most tell-tell sign of all: When he meets your mother, and ah... she invites him over for dinner.
[Michael hits the cue ball right off the pool table.]
Emmett Honeycutt: Something the matter?
Michael Novotny: I lost my grip.

Brian Kinney: [to Michael] Don't forget about this Friday.
Justin: What's this Friday?
Brian Kinney: You're too young to know.
Justin: Tell me!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: It's just some heathen ritual called "Studs and Suds".
Justin: "Studs and Suds"? What's that?
[Brian looks over to Michael, and Michael shakes his head.]
Emmett Honeycutt: Well,
[clears throat]
Emmett Honeycutt: first, they flood the dance floor of Babylon with soap suds...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...then everyone strips down to their undies...
Emmett Honeycutt: ...Or less. And dances. Cheek to cheek...
[bumps Ted with his butt]
Justin: Sounds awesome!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: It's disgusting!
Emmett Honeycutt: See you there?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Can't wait!

Emmett Honeycutt: [someone's knocking on the door.] Woo... That must be prince charming.
[Emmett runs to the door, opens it, and finds Brian standing there.]
Emmett Honeycutt: Make that the Wicked Witch.
Michael Novotny: What are you doing here?
Brian Kinney: I'm hungry; let's go get something to eat.
Michael Novotny: I'm going to my Mom's, remember?
Brian Kinney: Oh, right, din-din with Doc. I forgot.
Michael Novotny: He's gonna be here any minute, so you better go.
Brian Kinney: [opens a box] What's this?
Michael Novotny: Chocolate Éclairs from the Big Q bakery. I bought them for dess...
Emmett Honeycutt: [Brian puts the whole bun into his mouth, in one single mouthful.] Wow, it takes years of practice, develop technique like that.
Michael Novotny: [comes over to Brian, taking over the box] Look, I know you don't like him...
Brian Kinney: Who said I don't like him? And why do you give a fuck what I think?
Emmett Honeycutt: I've been saying that for years.
Brian Kinney: What matters is what you think. If you like him, that's all that's important.
[looking at Emmett]
Brian Kinney: Even though he is... quite a bit older than you, and lives in a world you know nothing about.
Emmett Honeycutt: Shut-up!
Michael Novotny: Are you saying he's too good for me?
Brian Kinney: Nobody's too good for you, Mikey. You're better than anyone.
Michael Novotny: Because he happens to think I'm hot. You know, some people do!
Brian Kinney: Haven't I always told you that?
[kisses Michael on the lips]

Michael Novotny: [David approaches Michael with a bouquet of flowers.] Hi.
[David kisses Michael on the lips. Michael is looking at the flowers]
Michael Novotny: These are great. My Mom will love these.
Dr. David Cameron: [laughs] Hers are in the car; those are for you.
Emmett Honeycutt: [comes over to get the flowers, whispering] The second sign: flowers.
[to David]
Emmett Honeycutt: I'll just put these in some water.
Dr. David Cameron: [puzzled] Everything alright?
Brian Kinney: He's allergic to boyfriends bringing bouquets.

Michael Novotny: [talking on the phone] It's my neck again. I can barely move it.
Emmett Honeycutt: [referring to Michael's clothes] Do you want the periwinkle, or the apricot?
Michael Novotny: [whispering to Emmett] Shhh!
Emmett Honeycutt: [also whispering] I think the apricot goes better with your eyes.
Michael Novotny: [gets back to the phone, pretending to be in agony] Ah... yeah, I... I think it'll be better in a couple of days. Oh, don't worry. I definitely plan on seeing my chiropractor. Thanks. Thanks. Bye.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: You know what grows when you lie.
Emmett Honeycutt: Too bad it's your nose.
Michael Novotny: I'm entitled to a couple of personal days.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Michael, you're entitled to a personal life!
Emmett Honeycutt: Alright, have you got everything?
Michael Novotny: Ah... Five pairs of jeans, seven shirts, four sweaters, and ten tees.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: How long are you going for?
Michael Novotny: The weekend.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Alright.
[walks over to Michael, taking things out from the bag]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: One change of undies, a pack of condoms, a tube of lube. There. You're all set.

Michael Novotny: Remember when my Mom took me to Atlantic City, I got sick on all that saltwater taffy?
Emmett Honeycutt: Listen to him. He's got cold feet already.
Michael Novotny: I'm not getting cold feet! I just... don't know what to do for a whole weekend.
Emmett Honeycutt: Well, let's see. First you arrive...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Then you fuck.
Emmett Honeycutt: Then you unpack...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Then you fuck.
Emmett Honeycutt: Then you go berry picking.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Then you fuck.
Michael Novotny: I mean after you fuck
Emmett Honeycutt: You talk. You get to know each other.
Michael Novotny: What if I run out of things to say? What if I... say some stupid remark and he says, "Why am I up here with this jerk?". And what if...
Emmett Honeycutt: Hey! Hey! Would you please stop worrying?
Michael Novotny: I just want him to like me.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: He already does.
[pausing]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: He more than likes you.
Emmett Honeycutt: So you go, and you have a fabulous time. And... Bring us back some berries.
[Emmett puts his hand on Ted's shoulder. Michael smiles, and then Emmett starts groping Ted.]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: That's... not my berries.


"Queer as Folk: Daddy Dearest (Sonny Boy) (#1.9)" (2001)
[first lines]
Emmett Honeycutt: Hook up for real?

Ted Schmidt: [talking about Cyber Sex] Jesus, I think I did it with you, just last week.
Emmett Honeycutt: Eww! How was I?"

Ted Schmidt: Did you ever consider just telling him the truth?
Emmett Honeycutt: What? That I'm a big, nelly bottom who wishes he were a beefy, brutal top... and never will be.

Emmett Honeycutt: It's pathetic. My screen name has more fun than I do.

Ted Schmidt: Then we'd better get busy. Right, Professor Higgins?
Emmett Honeycutt: Right, Pickering! We'll turn you from a simple flower girl into a lady!

Emmett Honeycutt: I haven't seen so many dogs since "A Hundred And One Dalmatians".


"Queer as Folk: Queens of the Road (#1.10)" (2001)
[Michael has just volunteered to go to New York with Brian to find Justin]
Ted: Well, as long as the back seat's empty, I might as well be in it.
Emmett: Yeah, yeah, count me in.
Brian: Why do you guys want to go?
Emmett: Why? Why?
Ted: How can you even ask that?
Emmett: Brian, you're one of our closest friends!
Ted: We can't let you go off on this perilous journey all on your own.
Emmett: We are going to be with you all the way!
Brian: I'm touched. What's the real reason?
[Ted and Emmett look at each other and smile]
Ted, Emmett: [chanting] Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!

Emmett: [to Michael] Fuck, Captain Astro. You've got Doctor David.

Emmett: Alright, let's sing some Barbra.
Ted: Can't do Barbra unless you've got the lyrics on the monitor.
Emmett: Bitch!
Brian: If one of you starts to sing "People", I will leave you on the side of the road without stopping.
Michael Novotny: He's not kidding.

Emmett: This is about what a certain someone's going to say, isn't it? Well, I say that you deserve to be loved. And don't let any man, queen, or Brian tell you otherwise.


"Queer as Folk: Now Approaching... The Line (#1.5)" (2000)
Brian Kinney: If I don't get this account, I'll be fucked. And without lube.
Emmett Honeycutt: And that's a bad thing?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: It's amazing how you always work anal intercourse into the conversation.
Brian Kinney: Hey, you try spending an evening with some back-slapping breeder from out of town, smoking cigars, and talking about pussy.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I'd love to hear what you have to say about pussy.
Brian Kinney: That is a good thing you got one, because you wouldn't know what to do with a dick.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Move over. So you boys in the mood for something sweet, or are you gonna pick up a little something at Woody's?
[pinches Michael's cheeks]
Michael Novotny: Ma, stop pinching my cheeks.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Oh, bend over so I can pinch the other ones.

Emmett Honeycutt: [referring to himself, Brian, and Michael] Looks like it's ah... it's just us, the three musketeers.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: More like the Pointer Sisters.
Michael Novotny: I can't go either.
Brian Kinney: What's your excuse?
Michael Novotny: I have to go back to the store. We're restocking.
Emmett Honeycutt: Poor baby. Spend the entire evening alone in that dreary crap emporium?
Michael Novotny: Tracy will be there.
Brian Kinney: Your bride-to-be?
Michael Novotny: She's not my bride-to-be.
Brian Kinney: Then you can tell her who you really are.
Emmett Honeycutt: I agree. I always say,: "come clean, or don't come at all".
Michael Novotny: I can't. Where I work, they laugh at faggots.
Brian Kinney: And the only faggots worth laughing at are the ones who don't tell the truth. Don't be one of those assholes who hides, Mikey. And stop leading her on.
Michael Novotny: Who's leading her on? We're counting cartons of toilet paper.
Brian Kinney: Yeah, which you can use because you're so full of shit.
Emmett Honeycutt: Don't touch me.

Emmett Honeycutt: [talking about David] ...It's every mother's dream.
Michael Novotny: Just be sure not to tell mine. I don't need her to know every time I go out.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Every time you go out is once a year.
Michael Novotny: Thanks for keeping count.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Accounting is my life.
Emmett Honeycutt: So, what's he like?
Michael Novotny: Old.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: What's old?
Michael Novotny: Older than you? Probably... forty?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: That is old.
Emmett Honeycutt: On the other hand, they don't come as quick, and they have lots of money. So where's he taking you?
Michael Novotny: Some place called Pappagano.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: I hope he's paying.
Michael Novotny: Is it expensive?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: A medium-priced entrée is more than your tax return.
Michael Novotny: Shit.

Michael Novotny: [referring to his date] It was a complete waste of time! Paid for dinner, he didn't even want to fuck.
Emmett Honeycutt: Maybe he has a prostate problem. Or only one testicle.
Michael Novotny: Or maybe he doesn't like me.


"Queer as Folk: Stop Hurting Us (#3.7)" (2003)
Brian: [Emmett has come to beg Brian to help Ted] You might have called first.
Emmett: If I had, you would've been in a meeting, right? So, this is the inner sanctum of the great god Kinney. Where men's fates are decided.
Brian: What, did Theodore send you down here to throw yourself on my mercy?
Emmett: He has no idea I'm here, and I have no intention of throwing myself at your mercy, or anything else for that matter.
Brian: What a relief! I can come out from behind the desk!
[walks to door and opens it]
Emmett: You realize, of course, there's a very good chance he'll go to jail.
Brian: Well tell him to look on the bright side. At least he'll get fucked regularly.
Emmett: [walks to the door and closes it again] I suppose that's meant to be witty. We all know about your charming sense of humour but we also know that deep down, you care about us, even though you'd never admit it. Which is why I've come...
Brian: I've already told Ted there's nothing I can do...
Emmett: I know what you told him. I also know what you think about Teddy and me, that we're just a couple of silly queens setting up house, that it'll never work. Well, there was a time when I would've thought exactly the same thing. But miracle of miracles, I have never been happier in my entire life. And you want to know why? Because he gives me love, and respect. And now it is my turn to give him something back. Now I swore to myself this wasn't going to wind up an old Lana turner movie, but it looks like that's the direction it's headed, so I'm going to make Lana proud. Please, Brian I am begging you. Help him.

Melanie: Stockwell is out for blood. He wants to make you an example in his campaign against porn, drugs and sex.
Emmett: Everything we hold dear.
Ted Schmidt: There must be someone you know who could pull a few strings, put in a kind word on my behalf.
Melanie: Uh, there's someone we all know.
Emmett: Brian.
Ted Schmidt: I'm a dead man.

Ted Schmidt: I doubt the state pen allows gay conjugal visits.
Emmett: They did in this film I saw.
Ted Schmidt: Which one was that?
Emmett: "Jeff Stryker does hard time".


"Queer as Folk: Babylon Boomerang (#1.8)" (2001)
Michael Novotny: [the group is discussing Brian's accident.] You don't want any more weirdoes ramming into you.
Emmett Honeycutt: Never heard him complain about that before.

Justin Taylor: So my dad was kicking him and beating him. Then I jumped on his back and pulled him off and then I started punching him.
Emmett Honeycutt: And don't forget how you single-handedly fought off the attack dogs.

Justin Taylor: It's not his fault. I'm not a child. I'm turning eighteen soon. That means I can vote, and get married, and join the army.
Emmett Honeycutt: Hopefully, not on the same day.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Maybe so. But as far as your parents are concerned, you're still their sweet, innocent, little boy. They're not ready to think of you sucking cock and taking it up the ass.
Michael Novotny: Ma, do you have to be so graphic?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Michael, I'm making a point. Would you please note interrupt when I'm talking. So, what was I talking about?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Something about...
Michael Novotny: Sucking cock...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: And taking it up the ass.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Right.


"Queer as Folk: Tweaked-Out, Fucked-Out Crystal Queen (#3.13)" (2003)
Michael: We'll if it isn't little Mary Sunshine.
Emmett: Little Mary Sunshine died! I'm a little Mary Go-FUCK-Yourself!

Emmett: You were right. I am just a silly faggot.
Melanie Marcus: No. You stood beside your partner, No matter what anyone said. And that makes you a very loyal, very brave faggot.


"Queer as Folk: Just a Little Help (#4.1)" (2004)
Emmett Honeycutt: [hungover] What I need's an Advil... or a gun.

Debbie Novotny: Oh! Look, Vic, you got a postcard. From Michelangelo.
Emmett Honeycutt: That must've been lost in the mail a long time.
Vic Grassi: Actually, we met at a faerie gathering.
Emmett Honeycutt: The Tony Awards?


"Queer as Folk: Accentuate the Positive (#2.9)" (2002)
Ted: I took viagra last night. It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. What am I going to do?
Emmett: Have you tried soaking it?
Lindsay: How about a cold shower?
Brian: How about scaring it?
Justin: That's hiccups.
Brian: Boo!
Ted: Thank you all for caring.
Melanie: What about something that would completely turn you off?
Brian: That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your tits.

Emmett: That was so moving! Wasn't that moving?
Brian: Like a case of dysentery.


"Queer as Folk: All Better Now (#2.2)" (2002)
Michael Novotny: It was awful. All those dirty-minded old men, staring at me and pinching my ass.
Emmett Honeycutt: It was fabulous! All those dirty old men staring at me and pinching my ass!

Ted Schmidt: I mean, he fired me. Me - the hardest working most devoted employee he's got. And for what?
Michael Novotny: Wanking to the web?
Ted Schmidt: No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't wanking. I was watching - same as everybody else in that office. The only difference I wasn't watching what everybody else watches.
Emmett Honeycutt: Straight sex.
Ted Schmidt: Yeah, it's fine to salivate over some bimbo with boobs the size of flotation devices stuffing a zucchini up her twat. But god forbid you should see some guy with pecs of death squatting on a road teepee. Oh, then you're instantly out on your ass!
Michael Novotny: That's discrimination on the workplace.


"Queer as Folk: Move It or Lose It (#1.12)" (2001)
Emmett Honeycutt: Ted, have you ever asked yourself: 'Is going to tea-dances with Brian and having indiscriminate sex with countless strangers is really the life I want?'
Ted Schmidt: I have. And the answer is, you bet your ass it is.
Emmett Honeycutt: Have you ever wondered yourself, 'Is this the life God wants for me?'
Ted Schmidt: Well, I suppose in his infinite wisdom, he decided that somebody had to live in Pittsburgh.
Emmett Honeycutt: Have you ever wondered 'Is there a better life?
Ted Schmidt: Yeah, I could have a ten-inch dick and look like him.


"Queer as Folk: Out with a Whimper (#2.20)" (2002)
Emmett Honeycutt: Who?
Ted Schmidt: You.
Emmett Honeycutt: You, who?
Ted Schmidt: You, you.
Emmett Honeycutt: Me, you?
Ted Schmidt: Yes, you, you.


"Queer as Folk: Liberty Ride (#4.14)" (2004)
[Ted and Emmett are lost in the middle of nowhere]
Emmett Honeycutt: I think we should have taken a left at this little squiggle here.
Ted Schmidt: I thought you knew how to read a map!
Emmett Honeycutt: Of course I know how to read a map. You go down this road, make a left at 'Up Yours', then continue on about 3 miles to 'Go Fuck Yourself'.


"Queer as Folk: Doctors of Dickology (#3.3)" (2003)
Debbie Novotny: The problem is he thinks I'm a whore!
Emmett Honeycutt: I'm so proud.


"Queer as Folk: Big Fucking Mouth (#3.9)" (2003)
Emmett Honeycutt: Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?
Professor Ben Bruckner: Yes, you are seeing it. The most historic reunification since Germany.
Emmett Honeycutt: What happened to the fiddler?
Michael: He fell off the roof.


"Queer as Folk: A Change of Heart (#1.14)" (2001)
Emmett Honeycutt: Their not really a couple, heather.
Ted: I'm a homo.
Melanie Marcus: And I'm a lesbo.
Heather: Oh. I thought, from the hug, that maybe you were normal.
Melanie Marcus: [to Heather] We are.
[to Emmet]
Melanie Marcus: What the hell has gotten into you?
Ted: He's seen the light
Melanie Marcus: Where are they shining it, up your ass?
Heather: See the Light is helping us built a happy, heterosexual life
Melanie Marcus: Yeah, well, while you're at it, why don't you ask the Wizard for a brain?
Emmett Honeycutt: I'm so glad that we amuse you.
Melanie Marcus: Who's amused? I'm outraged.
Emmett Honeycutt: Just ignore her, Heather, they don't understand.
Melanie Marcus: I understand you assholes are setting back the gay rights movement about fifty years.


"Queer as Folk: ...Wherever That Dream May Lead You (#2.5)" (2002)
Michael Novotny: Where have you been? You didn't come home lastnight?
Debbie Novotny: Somebody get lucky.
Emmett Honeycutt: Good for him. I spent the night at Ted's. You guys he is in deep shit trouble. We need to have an invention.
Debbie Novotny: Booze?
Brian Kinney: Crystal.
Emmett Honeycutt: Whipping the Willie.
Brian Kinney: Schmuck. He couldn't even get a decent addiction.


"Queer as Folk: Running to Stand Still (#1.21)" (2001)
Emmett Honeycutt: [Talking about Mel] Compared to her, I feel so ignorant ,so useless.
Ted Schmidt: You are. On the other hand, she doesn't have your height, or your ability to wear chartreuse in the daytime, so it all evens out.


"Queer as Folk: Have Some Balls (#4.9)" (2004)
Emmett: [to Drew, talking about football] You know, I can't see the difference between how you play your game on Sunday afternoons, and how I play my games on Saturday nights.
Emmett: [Drew tackles him] ...this also isn't that much different from my Saturday nights.


"Queer as Folk: Hunt(Er) for Love (#3.8)" (2003)
[Ted and Emmet are at the Diner. Ted has hurt his back and can't stand upright]
Emmett Honeycutt: Now, let's, uh... let's have a little lunch, starting with a vicacet appetizer.
Ted Schmidt: I don't believe in drugs. I'll take my pain straight up.
Debbie Novotny: Shame you can't stand that way.
Emmett Honeycutt: Would you bring me a scoop of butter pecan, Debbie?
[starts whispering]
Emmett Honeycutt: Whenever we wanted, uh, our dog, fetch, to take a pill we'd always hide it in the ice cream.
Debbie Novotny: [whispering back] Got it.
Ted Schmidt: Do you really think I couldn't hear what you just said?
Emmett Honeycutt: Fetch heard everything we said too, but he couldn't resist the butter pecan.


"Queer as Folk: Hypocrisy: Don't Do It (#2.3)" (2002)
Emmett Honeycutt: You know, I uh, I may be a slut. But at least I'm an honest slut.


"Queer as Folk: Queer, There and Everywhere (#1.2)" (2000)
Emmett Honeycutt: You know, for a skinny white boy, I make one fucking fabulous black woman.


"Queer as Folk: The King of Babylon (#1.20)" (2001)
Emmett Honeycutt: Only it's starting to feel perilously like a couples night,seeing as I'm the only single boy left.
Brian Kinney: 'Scuse me, what the fuck do you think I am?
Justin Taylor: [Runs up and grabs Brian's arm] Are we going to Babylon?
[Emmett bursts out laughing and Brian shoves him]
Justin Taylor: What?


"Queer as Folk: Good Grief! (#1.19)" (2001)
[Blake is talking to someone in Babylon as Emmet approaches]
Emmett Honeycutt: Excuse me.
Blake Wyzecki: No, thanks.
Emmett Honeycutt: No thanks what?
Blake Wyzecki: I don't want to dance.
Emmett Honeycutt: I wasn't gonna ask.
[to the other guy]
Emmett Honeycutt: Would you excuse us?
Emmett Honeycutt: Who the hell are you?
Emmett Honeycutt: I'm Emmett Honeycutt. Ted Schmidt's friend?
[Blake whispers to the other guy who then leaves]
Emmett Honeycutt: Yeah, we um, we met here the other night when, uh when you were so tweaked, you passed out on the bathrooms floor. We had to rush you into the emergency room. Any of this starting to ring a bell?
Blake Wyzecki: I remember now.
Emmett Honeycutt: Good. Good for you. You feelin' better?
Blake Wyzecki: Now that Ted's letting me stay with him.
Emmett Honeycutt: That's our boy. So tell me: why aren't you there, talking to him instead of here, talking to a dealer?
Blake Wyzecki: Him? He's just a friend.
Emmett Honeycutt: Honey, don't bullshit me. Ted, maybe. He doesn't know about these things. But we do. Oh yes, we know what happens once you've injected crystal meth into those thinny arms. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen. Because he loves you. In fact, he loves you so much, he believes you're clean. Imagine that!
Blake Wyzecki: I love him, too.
Emmett Honeycutt: No. You love drugs. So get drugs. Here, I will even give you the money. But leave him alone. Because if you break his heart, I will break your face! Now if you'll excuse me, they're playing my song.


"Queer as Folk: You Say It's Your Birthday! I Couldn't Care Less! (#2.16)" (2002)
Emmett Honeycutt: Well boys, you date your saints - I'll stick to the sinners.


"Queer as Folk: The Dangers of Sex and Drugs (#2.14)" (2002)
Emmett Honeycutt: Did I ever mention that I have an irrational but nevertheless quite intense fear of any physical activity that doesn't take place in bed?