Tommy Solomon
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Quotes for
Tommy Solomon (Character)
from "3rd Rock from the Sun" (1996)

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"3rd Rock from the Sun: Just Your Average Dick (#3.22)" (1998)
Sally Solomon: It says here the average American uses 4.1 pounds of butter a year.
Tommy Solomon: Orally?

Tommy Solomon: Statistically, at least one of us should be divorced by now.
Harry Solomon: Oooh! Can I have that one?
Tommy Solomon: And 10% of us should be gay.
[everyone looks at Harry]
Harry Solomon: That's not why we got divorced.

Tommy Solomon: [Tommy enters the room with his hair cut short] Hey guys
Sally Solomon: Who are you?
Tommy Solomon: It's me, Tommy.
Dr. Dick Solomon: You can't be Tommy, Tommy looks like a girl.
Tommy Solomon: I went to Mega cuts
Dr. Dick Solomon: If you're Tommy, answer me this, are we or are we not aliens?
Tommy Solomon: Yeah Dick we are
Harry Solomon: Tommy

Sally Solomon: [Sally drinks from a carton of milk and spits it out]
Sally Solomon: Tommy, see if this milk's gone bad
August: Not now, we're doing a report on our family's history
August: Okay, my family came to America in 1852 on a Dutch schooner. How about yours?
Tommy Solomon: Well, um, my great-grandfather, uh... escaped from the Nazis through the Alps with his family and their singing nanny.
August: Uh, Tommy.
Tommy Solomon: Yeah
August: That's 'The Sound of Music'.
Tommy Solomon: Yeah, I know. And don't think that we're not suing!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick Puts the 'Id' in Cupid (#5.11)" (2000)
Harry Solomon: [watching a pay-per-view] Are those two women naked?
Tommy Solomon: Yes they are.
Harry Solomon: So... What did that guy do to deserve that spanking?

Alissa Strudwick: Hey guys!
Tommy Solomon: Hey Alyssa! How you doin'?
Sally Solomon: Hey! Uuuuh...
[Runs to the kitchen]
Dr. Dick Solomon: Will you uh uh uh... Oh, look at the time.
[Runs out to his room]
Tommy Solomon: Harry?
Harry Solomon: Hm? Oh! I was just trying to stagger my exit for a more natural effect.
[Gets up to leave]
Harry Solomon: La la la, la la la la. And I'm out!

Tommy Solomon: This Valentine's Day is about me and Alyssa maximizing the loving and minimizing the virginity.
Sally Solomon: Yes!
Dr. Dick Solomon: About time. I've been telling you to do that since you were 14.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Auto Eurodicka (#3.17)" (1998)
[Dick is telling about his casual sex experience]
Sally Solomon: Wait... You just met her, and...?
Tommy Solomon: Did you use a...?
Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh yeah! 3-pack! Ribbed, for her pleasure. But I turned them inside out.

Bill: Say there, sport, you like girls?
Tommy Solomon: Yeah. Sorry.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Lonely Dick (#1.7)" (1996)
August: I'm August. Don't call me Auggie.
Tommy Solomon: I'm Tommy. Don't call me Auggie, either.

Tommy Solomon: August!
August: I just came for my backpack.
Tommy Solomon: Oh. It's on the bed.
August: Listen, I ran out because I was disappointed in you. I thought you were different than other guys.
Tommy Solomon: Oh, I am different. You have no idea how different I am.
August: Well, you're not totally to blame because I know I send some really mature signals.
Tommy Solomon: Okay. I can deal with that. I can forget the physical stuff and just be completely intellectual... all the time.
August: [smiling] Well... I hope not ALL the time.
Tommy Solomon: Thank God, 'cause frankly I couldn't have done that.
August: Look, it's not that complicated. Sometimes you go with the intellectual, sometimes you go with the physical, and sometimes just closeness is nice.
Tommy Solomon: Well, how will I know when to do what?
August: I'll decide that as we go along.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Charitable Dick (#5.8)" (1999)
Tommy Solomon: Hey Albright. What's with the cap?
Dr. Mary Albright: Why? Too much?
Tommy Solomon: Well not if you're fighting crime.

Harry Solomon: So what is this thing you're going to anyway?
Dr. Dick Solomon: It's a charity auction.
Tommy Solomon: And what's charity again?
Dr. Dick Solomon: Well all I know is they're giving out free drinks and paddles with numbers on them.
Harry Solomon: Well I guess that's what charity's all about: getting liquored up and spanking your neighbor.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: What's Love Got to Do, Got to Do with Dick? (#4.5)" (1998)
Harry Solomon: Hey. Why so blue, little buddy?
Tommy Solomon: I'm a cold fish. I'm destined to live my life alone, unable to ignite the faintest flicker of lust in any woman.
Harry Solomon: Oh, yeah. I know how you feel.
[Harry touches the lover machine, and it jumps up to Hot Stuff]
Tommy Solomon: How can you know how I feel? You're "Hot Stuff"! The whole world is your frigging hoister, man!

Harry Solomon: Oh come on, Tommy. Who cares what the machine says! You got a lot going for you. You're cute.
Tommy Solomon: [depressed] Great.
Harry Solomon: Oh come on, Tommy. There's someone out there for everyone. You're a cold fish. So what? Find yourself a nice frigid girl.
Tommy Solomon: [hopeful] Really?
Harry Solomon: Yeah! Go on! Rock on, fish boy!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick Is from Mars, Sally Is from Venus (#1.4)" (1996)
Coach Strickland: Fine, you don't wanna climb the rope, you can go sit over there with the girls.
Tommy Solomon: [looks towards girls] So, let me get this straight. If I don't climb the rope, then I sit with the girls?
Coach Strickland: That's right.
Tommy Solomon: Now, help me out here, cause I'm not seeing the down side.

Dr. Dick Solomon: Come on, sport. I'll drive you to school.
Tommy Solomon: Bite me.
Dr. Dick Solomon: "Bite Me" what?
Tommy Solomon: Bite me, Daddy.
Dr. Dick Solomon: That's better.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Post-Nasal Dick (#1.2)" (1996)
[explaining a wedding]
Dr. Dick Solomon: The ceremony begins with the bride being given away.
Sally Solomon: Excuse me? Given away? Like an object? As in 'free girl with every large fries'.
Tommy Solomon: Hey, there are free girls? Can I go?
Harry Solomon: Fries? Can I go?

Dr. Dick Solomon: So, how was school today?
Tommy Solomon: The best ever. I had my very first make-out session.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Good for you.
Tommy Solomon: It was with Dina, my lab partner.
Sally Solomon: Dina, the one with the--?
Tommy Solomon: [slyly] Oh, yeah.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Tell us everything, I want details.
Tommy Solomon: At first, I was conflicted. We come from very different backgrounds. I'm and alien and she's a Presbyterian. I have a highly developed mind and she's got that... big, pouty mouth. I tell you, Dick, it was a tough decision.
Sally Solomon: What tipped the scales?
Tommy Solomon: She let me.
Dr. Dick Solomon: What happened next?
Tommy Solomon: Well, I don't know what came over me, but... they were so big and round and beautiful... I just had to touch them.
Dr. Dick Solomon: And then what?
Tommy Solomon: She screamed "Ow, my eyes!" and that just basically killed the mood.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Fifteen Minutes of Dick (#2.23)" (1997)
Tommy Solomon: Sally, they want you to appear on 'Good Afternoon, Rutherford'.
Harry Solomon: That's my second-favorite show!
Dr. Dick Solomon: What's your first-favorite?
Harry Solomon: 'Good Morning, Rutherford'.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Moby Dick (#3.6)" (1997)
Tommy Solomon: Did you hear about that guy who cut off his finger in Shop class, and then sewed it back on in Home-Ec?

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Body & Soul & Dick (#1.8)" (1996)
Tommy Solomon: Matter into energy?
Sally Solomon: Could you have been more trite?
Harry Solomon: Why didn't you just phone it in?

"3rd Rock from the Sun: The Thing That Wouldn't Die: Part 2 (#6.20)" (2001)
Dr. Dick Solomon: Lieutenant. Information officer. Transmitter.
Sally Solomon, Harry Solomon, Tommy Solomon: High commander.
Dr. Dick Solomon: My family.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Truth or Dick (#1.10)" (1996)
Tommy Solomon: [complaining to Mrs. Dubcek] You know, it's really not fair. I can grow a pimple, but not a moustache. What's your secret?

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick's Big Giant Headache: Part 2 (#4.24)" (1999)
Sally Solomon: Are you guys implying that I got this job because of my body?
Tommy Solomon: We're not implying anything. We're saying it right to your face.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: See Dick Continue to Run: Part 2 (#2.2)" (1996)
Evil Dick: Now watch as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio with my demon progeny.
Tommy Solomon: Wait... even the men?
Evil Dick: Well... no, not the men.
Sally Solomon: What about little girls?
Evil Dick: No, not them, either.
Tommy Solomon: What about elderly women?
Evil Dick: I don't think so.
Harry Solomon: What about women who are already prenant?
Evil Dick: Enough! Suffice it to say that I will not be impregnating the *entire* population of Ohio, but all fertile women of child-bearing age who are not currently pregnant-and that *a lot*- will now find themselves pregnant by me.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: The Physics of Being Dick (#3.21)" (1998)
Dick: Using Coulomb's Third Law, I was able to prove that he did it.
Tommy: What does that have to do with it?
Dick: Nothing. All I proved was that he's rotating around the sun, but he didn't know that. That's the wonderful thing about physics, nobody understands it.
Sally: So you can use your knowledge to bully people into submission.
Dick: That's the plan. As long as America's educational system remains woefully inadequate, I rule!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Angry Dick (#1.13)" (1996)
Tommy Solomon: I'm invoking a Supreme Directive. I'll need witnesses.
Dr. Dick Solomon: What is it?
Tommy Solomon: I want you to remember who you are.
Dr. Dick Solomon: I'm the High Commander!
Tommy Solomon: And what is "The High Commander's Oath?"
Dr. Dick Solomon: [quoting] "As High Commander, I vow to handle all problems with restraint and deliberation; I will strive to understand other life-forms; I will avoid aggression, and make peace with all those who piss me off."

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dickmalion (#2.20)" (1997)
Tommy Solomon: I am now the coolest punk in school.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, congratulations. What did you do?
Tommy Solomon: I got suspended for setting off the fire alarm.
Dr. Dick Solomon: They suspended you? You saved hundreds of lives.
Tommy Solomon: That's the best part, there was no fire.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Tommy, this is outrageous. The next time you set off the fire alarm, you'd damn well better start a fire first!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: This Little Dick Went to Market (#5.14)" (2000)
Tommy Solomon: And you expect to make enough money in the stock market to take Albright to Cancun?
Dr. Dick Solomon: Yeah. But if we found out about the stock market when we first landed here we would *own* freakin' Cancun.
Tommy Solomon: Excuse me. I read all about it right after we landed.
Dr. Dick Solomon: But why didn't you say anything?
Tommy Solomon: Dick, I was thirteen years old. I wasn't obsessed with *money*. I was obsessed with boobs.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Why haven't you said anything since?
Tommy Solomon: Again: boobs.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Hotel Dick (#2.3)" (1996)
Tommy Solomon: Harry, get me the laptop, the modem, the magnetic strip key that got us into this room... and a shower cap.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Fun with Dick and Janet: Part 2 (#3.2)" (1997)
Sally Solomon: What did they do to you?
Tommy Solomon: It was pretty scary! As a juvenile, I could have spent 200 hours cleaning up other people's trash on the highway.
Officer Don: But I wanted to teach him a lesson, so I charged him as an adult.
Sally Solomon: What does that mean?
Tommy Solomon: I got a $40 fine.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dial M for Dick (#5.4)" (1999)
Sally Solomon: I don't get it. For free, murder it's a horrible tragedy, but if you charge a hundred bucks for it, it suddenly it's a sophisticated night out.
Tommy Solomon: But it's inappropriate for kids.
Dr. Dick Solomon: This world does need more entertainment that it's acceptable for children.
Harry Solomon: Something where people are nice to each other. Something where people just love one another.
Tommy Solomon: They have that. It's called pornography.
Dr. Dick Solomon: And that's what kids should watch.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Eleven Angry Men and One Dick (#3.7)" (1997)
Tommy Solomon: [regarding the five day silence they just took part in] It sure is a relief to be able to talk again.
Harry Solomon: You're telling me.
Tommy Solomon: Yeah.
Harry Solomon: [after a LONG silence] You know, during the silence, I sorta noticed how good looking you are.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Brains and Eggs (#1.1)" (1996)
Tommy Solomon: Why are you talking to me like I'm a child?
Dr. Dick Solomon: You are a child.
Tommy Solomon: I'm older than you.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, now I'm bigger. And on this planet, size matters.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: The Big Giant Head Returns Again: Part 1 (#5.21)" (2000)
Dr. Dick Solomon: Hey, Tommy. How was school?
Tommy Solomon: Terrible. I got called into the principal's office, because of my grades.
Harry Solomon: What'd he do to you?
Tommy Solomon: He made me valedictorian! Apparently, I have the best grades in school. Damn it!
Dr. Dick Solomon: But, you barely ever go to class.
Tommy Solomon: I know. That's how stupid everyone else is. Damn it!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick, Smoker (#1.5)" (1996)
Harry Solomon: After a couple hours, I was hearing my inner voice, too.
Tommy Solomon: What was it saying?
Harry Solomon: I don't know, I don't speak French.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick Strikes Out (#5.16)" (2000)
Dr. Dick Solomon: I'm sorry, there is simply no room in the budget for raises. But I can go you one better: promotions! Sally, you are now *Senior* Security Officer.
Sally Solomon: That'll look good on the old résumé.
Dr. Dick Solomon: Tommy, you are now *Senior* Information Officer.
Tommy Solomon: It's about time.
[everybody is quiet for a moment]
Harry Solomon: What about me?
Dr. Dick Solomon: Harry, you are now... Harold.
Harry Solomon: Champagne for everyone!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick the Vote (#2.6)" (1996)
Tommy Solomon: OK... Let's move on to the candidates... this should be a "NO-BRAINER" city council District 9 HARRY SOLOMON!
Dr. Dick Solomon: YEAHHHH...
Tommy Solomon: WHAT? Don't tell me you're voting for GANSMILLER!
Dr. Dick Solomon: Don't tell me you're voting for HARRY!
Tommy Solomon: Well YES I'm voting for Harry!
Dr. Dick Solomon: Then you're voting WRONG!
Tommy Solomon: There's no such THING as "VOTING WRONG"!
Dr. Dick Solomon: YES! THERE IS! You're doing it! You're making a MOCKERY of this WHOLE ELECTION by voting wrong!
Tommy Solomon: It's MY VOTE I get to use it ANY WAY I want!
Dr. Dick Solomon: What's the point of having a DEMOCRACY if people go around voting WRONG?
Tommy Solomon: In my opinion democracy is doing JUST FINE the way it IS!
Dr. Dick Solomon: Then your OPINION is WRONG!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Same Old Song and Dick (#2.17)" (1997)
Sally Solomon: You could never handle my job.
Harry Solomon: I could do it with my eyes closed.
Tommy Solomon: You do everything with your eyes closed.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Gobble, Gobble, Dick, Dick (#2.10)" (1996)
Sally Solomon: How did you afford all this?
Tommy Solomon: You know the jar of pennies I keep in my room?
Sally Solomon: Yeah.
Tommy Solomon: Well that's where I keep Dick's credit card.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Red, White & Dick (#6.8)" (2000)
Tommy Solomon: Wow wow wow. What's with the new shoes?
Sally Solomon: They ain't new. I got 'em four hours ago!

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Power Mad Dick (#4.2)" (1998)
Officer Don: Hello, boys.
Tommy Solomon: Why don't you save the sweet talk for the ladies, Don?
Harry Solomon: Yeah. Did you think we wouldn't know? Did you think we wouldn't find out?
Tommy Solomon: Stupid!
Officer Don: What's the matter? Is Sally okay?
Harry Solomon: She's a mess! And we wanna know why.
Officer Don: What did she tell you?
Tommy Solomon: Nothing. That's the problem.
Officer Don: Well, how do you know something's wrong?
Tommy Solomon: Because she tells us everything about you!
Harry Solomon: The way you wear your hat.
Tommy Solomon: The way you sip your tea.
Harry Solomon: The way your smile just beams.
Tommy Solomon: The way you sing off-key.
Officer Don: No, no!
Harry Solomon: Yes! She tells us everything, and you can't take that away from me!
Officer Don: I would never do anything to harm Sally. I love her.
Harry Solomon: Oh yeah? Well then, why isn't she talking?
Officer Don: I don't know, that's her business!
Harry Solomon: Why I oughta - !
[Tommy stops him]
Harry Solomon: Okay, all right. We'll play the little game your way.
Tommy Solomon: But remember, we're watching you. 24 hours a day.
Harry Solomon: I thought we were gonna go see a movie.
Tommy Solomon: Shh!
[the two turn to leave, but then quickly turn back around to point at Don]

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Tricky Dick (#3.3)" (1997)
Harry Solomon: Can I be your roadie? Can I?
Tommy Solomon: So you want to lug around heavy equipment while we treat you like dirt?
Harry Solomon: Yeah. Plus I get my pick of the less attractive women.

"3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick and Taxes (#4.12)" (1999)
[Dick is filling out his tax form]
Dr. Dick Solomon: Line 14, 'Other gains or losses'.
Tommy Solomon: I gained two pounds.
Sally Solomon: I lost my virginity.