Sidney Falco
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Quotes for
Sidney Falco (Character)
from Sweet Smell of Success (1957)

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Sweet Smell of Success (1957)
J.J. Hunsecker: Mr. Falco, let it be said at once, is a man of 40 faces, not one - none too pretty, and all deceptive. You see that grin? That's the, eh, that's the Charming Street Urchin face. It's part of his helpless act: he throws himself upon your mercy. He's got a half-dozen faces for the ladies. But the one I like, the really cute one, is the quick, dependable chap. Nothing he won't do for you in a pinch - so he says. Mr. Falco, whom I did not invite to sit at this table tonight, is a hungry press agent, and fully up to all the tricks of his very slimy trade.
[Pulls out an unlit cigarette and faces Falco]
J.J. Hunsecker: Match me, Sidney.
Sidney Falco: Not right this minute, J.J.

J.J. Hunsecker: What's this boy got that Susie likes?
Sidney Falco: Integrity - acute, like indigestion.
J.J. Hunsecker: What does that mean - integrity?
Sidney Falco: A pocket fulla firecrackers - looking for a match!
[grinning]
Sidney Falco: It's a new wrinkle, to tell the truth... I never thought I'd make a killing on some guy's "integrity."

Sidney Falco: Watch me run a 50-yard dash with my legs cut off!

Sally: But Sidney, you make a living. Where do you want to get?
Sidney Falco: Way up high, Sam, where it's always balmy. Where no one snaps his fingers and says, "Hey, Shrimp, rack the balls!" Or, "Hey, mouse, mouse, go out and buy me a pack of butts." I don't want tips from the kitty. I'm in the big game with the big players. My experience I can give you in a nutshell, and I didn't dream it in a dream, either - dog eat dog. In brief, from now on, the best of everything is good enough for me.

Sidney Falco: He thinks J.J.'s some kind of a monster...
Susan Hunsecker: Don't you?
Sidney Falco: Susie, J.J. happens to be one of my very best friends!
Susan Hunsecker: I know. But someday I'd like to look into your clever little mind and see what you really think of him.
Sidney Falco: Where do you come off, making a remark like that?
Susan Hunsecker: Who could love a man who makes you jump through burning hoops like a trained poodle?

Sidney Falco: If I'm gonna go out on a limb for you, you gotta know what's involved!
J.J. Hunsecker: My right hand hasn't seen my left hand in thirty years.

Sidney Falco: Maybe I left my sense of humor in my other suit.

Sidney Falco: The cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river.

Sidney Falco: Sure, the columnists can't do without us, except our good and great friend J.J. forgets to mention that. You see, we furnish him with items.
J.J. Hunsecker: What, some cheap, gruesome gags?
Sidney Falco: You print 'em, don't ya?
J.J. Hunsecker: Yes, with your clients' names attached. That's the only reason the poor slobs pay you - to see their names in my column all over the world. Now, I make it out, you're doing *me* a favor?... The day I can't get along without a press agents' handouts, I'll close up shop and move to Alaska, lock, stock, and barrel.

Sidney Falco: Every dog will have his day.

Sidney Falco: Don't do anything I wouldn't do! That gives you a lot of leeway...

Sidney Falco: A press agent eats a columnist's dirt and is expected to call it manna.

Otis Elwell: I can't think of a good reason why I should print anything you give me. I can't even think of a *bad* reason.
Sidney Falco: [eyeing a pin-up] Suppose I introduce you to a... a lovely reason... who's both good *and* bad... and available?
Otis Elwell: [pauses] I'm not an unreasonable man.

Mary: If it's true, J.J.'s gonna hit the ceiling.
Sidney Falco: Can it be news to you that J.J.'s ceiling needs a new plaster job every six weeks?

Sidney Falco: [to Susan] Start thinking with your head instead of your hips.
[pause]
Sidney Falco: Uh - by the way, I got nothing against women thinking with their hips. That's their nature. Just like it's a *man's* nature to go out and hustle and get the things he wants.

Sidney Falco: Do you believe in capital punishment, Senator?
Sen. Harvey Walker: [amused] Why?
Sidney Falco: [pointing to the phone] A man has just been sentenced to death.

Sidney Falco: Kill me, push me through a window somewhere! I walked into this hallowed ground without knocking!

Sidney Falco: I am tasting my favorite new perfume - success!

J.J. Hunsecker: Yes, Sidney. You sound happy, Sidney. Why should you be happy when I'm not? How do you spell Picasso, the painter? One S or two?
Sidney Falco: Two.

Sally: Where do you want to get?
Sidney Falco: Way up high, Sal, where the air is balmy.

Sidney Falco: You're walking around blind, Frank, without a cane.

Sidney Falco: Dallas, your mouth is as big as a basket and twice as empty!

Sidney Falco: If you're funny, Walter, I'm a pretzel! Drop dead!