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[holding an unlit cigarette
] J.J. Hunsecker
: Match me, Sidney.
: Mr. Falco, let it be said at once, is a man of 40 faces, not one - none too pretty, and all deceptive. You see that grin? That's the, eh, that's the Charming Street Urchin face. It's part of his helpless act: he throws himself upon your mercy. He's got a half-dozen faces for the ladies. But the one I like, the really cute one, is the quick, dependable chap. Nothing he won't do for you in a pinch - so he says. Mr. Falco, whom I did not invite to sit at this table tonight, is a hungry press agent, and fully up to all the tricks of his very slimy trade.
[Pulls out an unlit cigarette and faces Falco
] J.J. Hunsecker
: Match me, Sidney. Sidney Falco
: Not right this minute, J.J.
: What's this boy got that Susie likes? Sidney Falco
: Integrity - acute, like indigestion. J.J. Hunsecker
: What does that mean - integrity? Sidney Falco
: A pocket fulla firecrackers - looking for a match!
] Sidney Falco
: It's a new wrinkle, to tell the truth... I never thought I'd make a killing on some guy's "integrity."
: You're dead, son. Get yourself buried.
: Everybody knows Manny Davis - except Mrs. Manny Davis.
: President? My big toe would make a better President!
: If I'm gonna go out on a limb for you, you gotta know what's involved! J.J. Hunsecker
: My right hand hasn't seen my left hand in thirty years.
: I love this dirty town.
: Son, I don't relish shooting a mosquito with an elephant gun, so why don't you just shuffle along?
: I'd hate to take a bite outta you. You're a cookie full of arsenic.
: Well son, it looks like we have to call this game on account of darkness.
: Don't remove the gangplank, Sidney - you may wanna get back onboard.
: Sure, the columnists can't do without us, except our good and great friend J.J. forgets to mention that. You see, we furnish him with items. J.J. Hunsecker
: What, some cheap, gruesome gags? Sidney Falco
: You print 'em, don't ya? J.J. Hunsecker
: Yes, with your clients' names attached. That's the only reason the poor slobs pay you - to see their names in my column all over the world. Now, I make it out, you're doing *me* a favor?... The day I can't get along without a press agents' handouts, I'll close up shop and move to Alaska, lock, stock, and barrel.
: Sidney, this syrup you're giving out with... you pour over waffles, not J.J. Hunsecker.
: Look, Manny, you rode in here on the Senator's shirt tails, so shut your mouth! Sen. Harvey Walker
: Now, come, J.J., that's a little too harsh. Anyone seems fair game for you tonight. J.J. Hunsecker
: This man is not for you, Harvey, and you shouldn't be seen with him in public. Because that's another part of a press agent's life - he digs up scandal among prominent men and shovels it thin among columnists who give him space. Sen. Harvey Walker
: There is some allusion here that escapes me... J.J. Hunsecker
: We're friends, Harvey - we go as far back as when you were a fresh kid Congressman, don't we? Sen. Harvey Walker
: Why does everything you say sound like a threat? J.J. Hunsecker
: Maybe it's a mannerism - because I don't threaten friends, Harvey. But why furnish your enemies with ammunition? You're a family man. Someday, with God willing, you may wanna be President. Now here you are, Harvey, out in the open where any hep person knows that this one...
[points at Manny Davis
] J.J. Hunsecker
: [points at Linda James
] ... is toting THAT one... J.J. Hunsecker
: [points at Senator
] around for you.
: Manny, what exactly are the UNSEEN gifts of this lovely young thing that you manage? Manny Davis
: Well, she sings a little... you know, sings... Linda James
: Manny's faith in me is simply awe-inspiring, Mr. Hunsecker. Actually, I'm still studying, but... J.J. Hunsecker
: What subject? Linda James
: Singing, of course... straight concert and... J.J. Hunsecker
: [glance flicks between the Girl and the Senator
] Why "of course"? It might, for instance, be politics... Linda James
: Me? I mean "I"? Are you kidding, Mr. Hunsecker? With my Jersey City brains? J.J. Hunsecker
: The brains may be Jersey City, but the clothes are Traina-Norell.
: Harvey, I often wish I were deaf and wore a hearing aid. With a simple flick of a switch, I could shut out the greedy murmur of little men.
: Sidney, conjugate me a verb. For instance, "to promise."
: How do you spell Picasso, the French painter?
[Taps out three letters on his manual typewriter upon hearing Sidney's response
] J.J. Hunsecker
: It's an item - I hear he goes out with three-eyed girls.
: Here's your head; what's your hurry?
: Yes, Sidney. You sound happy, Sidney. Why should you be happy when I'm not? How do you spell Picasso, the painter? One S or two? Sidney Falco
: Now don't kid a kidder.
: I like Harry, but I can't deny he sweats a little.