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: [Mr. Berg has surprised Mrs. Berg with a picnic basket but is dismayed to see Shorofsky enter
] Won't you join us? Mr. Shorofsky
: Oh no, I won't... Mrs. Berg
: Oh, we insist. Don't we, Herman? Tell Mr. Shorofsky we'd love to have him. Mr. Berg
] We'd love to have you, Mr. Shorofsky. What's mine is yours.
[indicating his head towards Mrs. Berg
] Mr. Berg
: There's plenty to go around. Mr. Shorofsky
: Well, if you're putting it that way...
] Mr. Berg
: I assume you'll help yourself to whatever you like? Mr. Shorofsky
: That's second nature to me.
: [over intercom
] If you have lost a grey wintercoat, with five frozen TV dinners and four wristwatches stuck into the inside pocket, please claim it at the administration office.
: Morning, Mrs. Berg. Mrs. Berg
: Psst. Psst! Mr. Shorofsky
: Either your having an astma attack or your trying to get my attention. Or maybe both?
: I'm thinking about a vacation in France. How much do you think that would cost? Benjamin Shorofsky
: Absolutely nothing, I think of it all the time.
: Mrs. Berg, let me explain something to you... Mrs. Berg
: If this is good news, I'm Brooke Shields.
: Mr. Morloch is allergic to Santa suits.
: I brought you the pajamas from the wardrobe department. Mr. Morloch
: That's a nightgown. I specifically asked for pajamas.
] Mr. Morloch
: I was hoping for some with those little feet...
: Oh, Mr. Shorofsky: good news. The student from Edison are beginning to arrive. Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky
: Mrs. Berg, please make up your mind. Are the students from Edison arriving, or is it good news?
: Did you ever stop to think of what would happen if we all lit just one little candle? Doris Schwartz
: We'd be up to our buns in wax.
: Mrs. Berg, have you seen Mr. Reardon? Mrs. Berg
: Oh, any number of times. Mrs. Berg
: [a beat
] I meant tonight.
: You should be very proud. Everything is going wonderfully well. Doris Schwartz
: Really? Mrs. Berg
: Oh, absolutely. Of course, the night is still young...
: Thanks, I owe you one. Mrs. Berg
: Well, actually that makes six, but who's counting?
: I'm not going to get to run the computer, am I? Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky
: [shakes head
] I don't think so. Mrs. Berg
: Fudge. I just had it programmed to play Space Invaders.
] Birds of a feather tend to... gather in the bush!
: Mind control? Elizabeth Sherwood
: Mrs. Berg, it's something you're never going to have to concern yourself with. Mrs. Berg
] Oh, thanks.
: But students always take advantage of substitutes. I've heard you and Miss Grant talk about that any number of times. Elizabeth Sherwood
: Well, the kids have their little jokes, you know. Mrs. Berg
: 'Sadistic monsters' is what you called them. Elizabeth Sherwood
: That must have been on a Friday.
: Mrs. Berg... if you're my friend, you'll do this for me. Mrs. Berg
: Miss Sherwood, if you're my friend, you'll give me the straight poop on why you need me to do this for you.
: Oh, Mr. Reardon, you still have some phone messages left from yesterday. I couldn't help but notice they're all from the same person, your father. David Reardon
: They certainly are. Mrs. Berg
: But I thought I heard you tell Mr. Shorofsky that your father was dead? David Reardon
] He was. Mrs. Berg
] Mrs. Berg
: Well, congratulations on his, uh...
: I suppose this is somebody's idea of a joke!
: You know, Mrs. Berg, it's really a shame about romance. Either it makes you feel terrific like Elizabeth or awful like Doris. There ought to be some middle ground, where you don't feel anything. Mrs. Berg
: Oh there, is, they call it ' married'.
: [on phone
] Yes, this is Mrs. Berg. I'm sorry to bother you again, but I'm still looking for 'Passion in the Night'. Well, it must be out there somewhere, it didn't just up and disappear, did it? Oh, I'm, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bark. It's just that I'm getting desperate. I'm willing to pay extra if I have to. Benjamin Shorofsky
: [having overheard and misunderstood
] Shorofsky, it's time for a sabbatical...
: The President of the United States is on line three. Mr. Morloch
: [thinking Amatullo is playing a gag
] That dipsticks at it again, huh?
: [carrying a large package
] There you are, Miss Grant. A gentleman left this for you. I think he was a basketball person. Elizabeth Sherwood
: Was he a cute basketball person? Mrs. Berg
: A stone fox.
Mrs Gertrude Berg
: I can't help wondering about her, I'm only human, after all... Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky
: Be better than human: be quiet.
: You wouldn't happen to be Mrs. Berg, would you? Mrs. Berg
: I certainly would. Quentin Morloch
: Morlock, Quentin.
[no reaction from Mrs. Berg
] Quentin Morloch
: That's my name. Mrs. Berg
: Oh, you poor dear.