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: [about the girls Burt picked for the Classics
] They just get their spots handed to them? What about the rest of us? Joanne
: I don't like what you're 'instimulating', Haley. Haley Graham
: [Whispers to herself
] 'Instimulating'? Joanne
: I have totally earned my spot. Burt Vickerman
: Girls. Joanne
: I'm practically a Dalmatian. Haley Graham
: Dalmatians are born with spots, they don't earn them. Which is exactly my point. Joanne
: Dogs are people, too, Haley! Burt Vickerman
: Very nice, Joanne! Touche! Joanne
: Thank you!
: [to the girls
] I'm Poot, and this is my hetero life mate, Frank. And we are here to be your hosts for this evening, because we are going out! *Ow*!
: No, we aren't. We have work-outs to finish. Mina Hoyt
: Who died and made you Nadia? Wei Wei Yong
: Come on, Joanne, you know we wanna go. Joanne
: We can't just leave. Championships are three weeks away. Our routines need to be perfect. Frank
: Put some clothes on and get in the truck. We're going out!
] Mina Hoyt
: Come on! Wei Wei Yong
[They run inside
: Come on. Can you speak?
: Can you do anything besides gymnastics? Joanne
: [Joanne looks around at the other girls
] Okay. Anything to get out of this 'tard. That's 'leotard' without the 'leo', in case you were wondering.
: Vick? When can we scrap the old long-sleeved leotards? We need new ones for Championships. Every college will be scouting me!
: Not that *you* have to worry about any of that. Haley Graham
: New leotards might disctract, you know, the judges and scouts from you... lack of talent. It's a solid strategy. Joanne
: Gee, *Pariah* Carey, I wonder why no one's scouting you. Oh, I forgot! You don't matter!
] Haley Graham
: [to Burt
] That she can even say the word 'college' is an indictment against the whole institution. Burt Vickerman
: Hey, filibuster, no one cares.
: [Falls asleep, snores, then jumps awake
] What'd I miss?... Just kidding!
[Tricia hugs her coach after beam event
] Why don't you just make out?
: Vick? Can we retire the old long-sleeved competition leos?
: I have a Constitutional right to bear arms.
: Stop being so nasty, Joanne. Joanne
: It's not called gym-nice-stics.
: You know boys? Haley Graham
: Yes. They're called 'friends'. You should try it sometime.
: Why not an in house competition? Joanne
: Because we no long need-o! Burt Vickerman
: Let's get back to work, ladies. No killing Haley in her sleep!
: When is your prom? I need time, dates, transportation. And you better be getting me a corsage. Frank
: Are you kidding me? She's a bitch. Poot
: Dude. Joanne
: What? Frank
: You heard me, Miss Bossy Booty. I don't like how you act. Poot
: Dude, I totally hate you right now!
: See, what Frank is really trying to say is, um, it would be my honor. Joanne
: You think I'm a bitch? Poot
: [a beat
] No. Yeah, kinda, I do. But, I don't have the problem with it that Frank does. I mean, he's gay! Joanne
: Call me. Poot
: Stalk you.
: [Making a phone with her hands
] Mina, right? Mina Hoyt
: [Makes the phone as well
] Yeah, Mina. Joanne
: Mina, put down the phone! Haley Graham
: Can you tell Joanne that I'm gonna take over and do a *real* dismount? Mina Hoyt
: Joanne, Haley's on the phone. She says she's gonna do a real dismount. Joanne
: I heard her, thank you! Haley Graham
: How about a double back? Burt Vickerman
: You will not throw a double back without training it first, Haley! Haley Graham
: Close your eyes. Burt Vickerman
: Over my dead body. Haley Graham
: A little CPR might do you good. Haley Graham
: So is Frank your, like, boyfriend or something? Haley Graham
: Like, no. Joanne
: Is Poot? Haley Graham
: No. Joanne
: Why not? Haley Graham
: Ew! Joanne
: So they're, like, fair game? Poot
: [Runs up and pushes Haley away
] Hey, Stupid.
: I prefer the term 'meat', please. Joanne
: That was spastic. Poot
: Thank you. May I accompany you to the jelly beans? Joanne
: You may. Poot
: After you, milady.
: [Three good-looking guys walk past them into the arms of some girls
] What do they have that we don't have? Wei Wei Yong
: Uh, lives. Mina Hoyt
: Time? Haley Graham
: [Shakes her head
[Mina and Wei Wei look down at their chests
] Haley Graham
: [Mina and Wei Wei look at their chests
: [Yawns at Tricia's mind-numbing beam routine
] Is this how you feel when you watch my routines? Haley Graham
: Uh, yeah. Joanne
: I am *so* sorry.
: [Trying to discourage Burt, the one against the many
] If you get on this tramp, you will have a cardiovasectomy. *I* will have a cardiovasectomy! Think about your weenis!
] V... G... A. Otherwise known as the Vickerman Gymnastics Academy. There's only one thing worse than having no control over your life. It's being forced to live it with people who hate you. And I was suddenly the filling in the middle of an 'I-Hate-You' sandwich. Meet the bread. Burt Vickerman
: [Watching over the practice
] Ladies, read my mind. Read my mind, ladies. Haley Graham
: Burt Vickerman *used* to whip up the best gymnasts west of the Mississippi. That is, until his gym started producing more injuries than champions. We'd never met, and I'd been hoping to keep it that way. Burt Vickerman
: Is my mind saying 'relax'? Maybe you can read my mind, and it's completely lost. Have I lost my mind? Is that why you're staring off into space?
] Burt Vickerman
: Ah. Join us. Joanne
: What is *she* doing here? Haley Graham
: Joanne Charis. Four time National Team member. Five time National Haley-Hater. Why all the hate? Well, when you walk out on Worlds and lose Team USA some team gold, it's not personal. It's national. And in the world of gymnastics, hating me was practically a sport, in and of itself.
: [Claps sarcastically as Joanne finishes her beam routine
] Wow. Joanne
: Deja jealous, Haley? Bring back memories? We trained together at DeFrank's for how long? Haley Graham
: That would be... *too* long. Joanne
: And he'd give you so much attention because... you sucked. Haley Graham
] Right. Yeah, I *sucked* my way to Worlds. Glad to see you haven't lost your love of accuracy, Joanne. Joanne
: Well, at least I didn't make it all the way to Worlds and um,
: choke. Haley Graham
: Here. Let me show you how, you little...
[Starts choking Joanne
: [Haley does a skill and tumbles on her landing
] Shall we share out philosophy with Haley, ladies? Speak my mind. What are we about? Joanne
, Mina Hoyt
, Wei Wei Yong
: Clean, safe routines, guaranteed to stick. Haley Graham
] Is he keeping your brains in jars? Or should I be concerned about the water?
: [Trying to sabatoge the Mina and Wei Wei
] You know, I would be nervous if I were you, too. The judge on the end is a tumbling tyrant. You even *think* about under rotating, she'll deduct. I know. The one next to her? Obsessive compulsive about handstands. I'm talking hit your vertical or die, ladies. And please, please for me, watch out for the vault dick on the end. If you don't stick it, you pretty much don't exist. Am I right, Haley? Haley Graham
: [Walks up
] You still pimping that speech? Joanne
: I don't know what you're talking about.
: [Lying to Mina and Wei Wei
] Don't you see what she's doing? She wants you to do your hardest tricks because she knows you'll mess up. She's been practicing that stuff in old gym for weeks now. She's trying to get you guys to mess up so she can win the prize money. Duh.
: Joanne, I need you to lend Haley your team leo for the Classic. Joanne
: Ew! Unsanitary! Burt Vickerman
: [Lacey does a trick and falls, injuring her leg
] Joanne, pack your bags. Lacey, I need you to lend Haley your leo for the Classic. Joanne
[Does a dance and falls on her face
: [about another gymnast
] She should get at least two tenths deducted for that hair.
[Haley gives her a dirty look and walks away
: Or not.
: [Hops up on the counter wearing a dress
] So, uh, why are you buying a dress? Joanne
: Because you're taking me to your prom. Poot
: Well, shouldn't you be buying a tux? Just kidding. We can both wear dresses.
[Looks at his underarms
: Don't worry, I'll totally shave.
: [Phyllis wants to leave
] Joanne, you're more than welcome to stay. Mrs. Charis
: Josie, let's go. Joanne
: [Joanne walks toward the exit, then stops
] I think... I'm gonna go to prom first.
[Phyllis walks out
: Oh, my god. I'm the new vault champ! Joanne
: I know! And I loved not going! I mean, if we chose the winner on every event, we could actually control the results for once. Haley Graham
: Oh my God, you're right! Since when are you brilliant? Joanne
: I don't know. Since now?
: Did she just scratch?
: [On the phone
] Poot? I wanted a pink corsage! But white will work.