Cadet Alex Stone
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Quotes for
Cadet Alex Stone (Character)
from Major Payne (1995)

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Major Payne (1995)
Major Payne: Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.
Alex Stone: Try it.

Cadet Alex Stone: What about family and unity and all that other bullshit you said?
Major Benson Winifred Payne: I never said family don't break up. Don't you watch Oprah?

Cadet Alex Stone: It's slippery!
Major Payne: Slippery he say. You think Charlie cares anything about slippery? The only thing he know is to slip your throat. What if this were a life or death situation?
Cadet Alex Stone: But it's not a life or death situation.
Major Payne: [Pulls out grenade and pulls the pin] It is now.
[Dotson and the other cadets run, clearing the assault course in several seconds in their attempt to escape. Cadet Stone stands his ground, smirking]
Cadet Alex Stone: Oh come on, it's just a dummy grenade.
[Major Payne tosses the grenade into some trees. It explodes and Stone dives into the mud]
Major Payne: Who's the dummy now?

Major Payne: Let's move it, you turds. You'll get no sympathy from me. You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphillis. That's where you'll find my sympathy. This ain't no walk in the park. Let's go. Hustle, hustle, hustle.
[Woliger has barely got out of the tube]
Major Payne: Hey Dumbo, you should be able to be able to fly through those tubes with the big ass ears, boy.
Cadet Dotson: Yeah Dumbo, fly baby, fly.
Major Payne: Hey Williams.
[Cadet Williams as turns around and taps the deaf kid]
Major Payne: You two Marlee Matlin son. If you don't get across that rope. I'm a hang you with it.
Cadet Dotson: He'll hang you with it.
[laughs]
Major Payne: Heathcoat, you get your fat body up over that wall.
Cadet Dotson: Get your fat pork body over that...
Major Payne: [to Dotson] You shut up.
[to the cadets]
Major Payne: Nobody leaving here until you can get off this wall one minute and twenty seconds.
Cadet Alex Stone: Come one, he can't do it. Leave him alone, I can barely. It's slippery out here.
Major Payne: Slippery he says. Does Charlie care about slippery? Only thing he knows is slip your throat! What if this was a life or death situation?
Cadet Alex Stone: Well it's not a life or death situation.
Major Payne: [pulls the pin from his hand grenade] It is now. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
[the cadets scream as the bolted out the course, except for Alex]
Cadet Alex Stone: Come on, guys. What are you crazy? It's just a dummy grenade.
[Major Payne tosses the grenade and it explodes. Stone ducks as a tree falls off]
Major Payne: Who's the dummy now?

Cadet Dotson: Let's go, let's go, giddyup, let's ride!
[Makes whipcrack noise]
Alex Stone: What happened to knocking first, Dotson?
Cadet Dotson: You assholes don't need to worry about that.

Heathcoat: Why do I have to wear the dress?
Alex Stone: Because you are the one with the biggest tits!
[laughter]
Heathcoat: SHUT UP!

Woliger: [Sees that Alex is putting on his dress blues] Where are you going?
Alex Stone: To the games. You guys better get ready - we gotta be there in an hour.
Woliger: Alex... we don't have a chance without Payne.
Alex Stone: Listen - Payne or no *Payne,* I'm gonna go out there and get that *stupid* trophy. We busted our asses off out there! Now, I didn't go through all that to come out empty handed.