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Quotes for
Eunice Burns (Character)
from What's Up, Doc? (1972)

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What's Up, Doc? (1972)
Eunice: I'm not looking for romance, Howard.
Howard: Oh?
Eunice: No, I'm looking for something more important than that, something stronger. As the years go by, romance fades and something else takes its place. Do you know what that is?
Howard: Senility?
Eunice: Trust!
Howard: That's what I meant.

Eunice: [while Judge Maxwell is making a list of crimes with which to charge a group of people] They tried to molest me.
Judge Maxwell: That's...
[looks at Eunice]
Judge Maxwell: unbelievable.

Eunice: Don't you know the meaning of propriety?
Judy: Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette."

Fritz: I am afraid one of our guests has lost something.
Eunice: Well, I fail to see how it could possibly be in here unless it crawled here under its own power.
Fritz: Precisely Miss Burns.
Eunice: What are you saying?
Fritz: It appears one of our guests, a wealthy eccentric, has lost his pet snake.
[Eunice screams and jumps onto the bed]
Fritz: Calm yourself, Miss Burns. May I suggest you shut yourself in the bathroom for a few moments while I search your room?
Eunice: What if it's in there?
Fritz: Impossible, madam. Snakes, as you know, live in mortal fear of... tile.
[Eunice scurries into the bathroom]
Fritz: [reaches under bed and pulls out one of the cases] It's all right Miss Burns. You can come out now.
Eunice: What more can they do to me?

Judy: Steve, you didn't tell me you were married.
Howard: We're not married.
Judy: Congratulations.
Eunice: But we will be soon.
Judy: Condolences.

Banquet Receptionist: This woman claims to be a Eunice Burns.
Eunice: I am not "A" Eunice Burns, I am "THE" Eunice Burns!

Eunice: Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself.
Howard: What? Oh, well, I'll probably say something like "Hello there, Mr Larrabee. I'm Howard."
Eunice: You are not.
Howard: I am not Howard.
Eunice: You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard." Anyone could say that! Anyone.
Howard: Anyone named Howard.

Eunice: [fighting off a waiter trying to restrain her] Howard! Howard Bannister! They're trying, they're trying to keep me out!
Frederick Larrabee: [to Howard] Who is that dangerously unbalanced woman?
Eunice: Howard! Howard! Tell them who I am. Tell them who I am. I *demand* that you tell them who I am right this minute.
Howard: [after a long pause] I never saw this woman before in my life.
[Eunice faints and is dragged from the room, leaving scuff marks on the floor. Judy whistles]

Eunice: Well come in, I'll do your tie.
Howard: What tie is that Eunice?
Eunice: Your tie. The tie in your hand.

Howard: Eunice. Eunice. Eunice, please open the door, I have wonderful news.
Eunice: I do not want your apologies Howard. I think it is too late for that.
Howard: All right. No apologies.
Eunice: Have you no heart? I would have thought after all you have done you would come crawling for forgiveness.

Eunice: Mr Larrabee.
Frederick Larrabee: Frederick.
Eunice: Frederick. Will you help me?
Frederick Larrabee: Yes, I will. Who are you?
Eunice: I am Eunice Burns.
Hugh: Who cares who she is. We're going to be killed.

Eunice: Since when have you taken bubble baths?
Howard: It came out of the faucet that way, Eunice.

Eunice: Why are your rocks in the bathroom?

Judy: I think I'll get dressed now.
Eunice: [on telephone] Howard, who was that?
Howard: Who was what?
Eunice: I heard a voice say something about getting dressed.
Howard: It's the television set, Eunice. There's a movie on, a war movie. They're getting dressed for the big battle.
Eunice: It was a woman's voice!
Howard: Yes, they're lady soldiers, Eunice. It's called the "Fighting WACs".

Judy: [to operator on hotel phone] Uh, Miss Eunice Burns, please.
Eunice: [Answers phone] Yes?
Judy: [Switches to heavy Brooklyn accent] Miss Burns, uh this is Sylvia, Mr. Larrabee's personal secretary. There's been a little mixup in the invitation for this afternoon.
Eunice: Yes.
Judy: Yes. The luncheon has been switched from Mr. Larrabee's home to one of the Larrabee Foundation offices.
Eunice: Oh, but Mr. Bannister has already gone for the...
Judy: Oh yes, I managed to catch Mr. Bannister on his way out and tell him. The address of the luncheon is - uh do you have a pencil, darling?
Eunice: Yes.
Judy: 459 Dirello Street.
Eunice: Dirello...
Judy: Yes, Second floor.
Eunice: I see. Well thank you, Miss...
Judy: Uh Louise.
Eunice: I thought you said 'Sylvia'?
Judy: Uh yes, Sylvia-Louise, you know, with a hyphen.

Eunice: What is that?
Howard: It's a bath, Eunice. I was going to take a bath.
Eunice: Since when do you take bubble baths?
Howard: It came out of the faucet that way.

Judge Maxwell: Officer! What are these people being charged with
Arresting Officer: It's kind of hard to explain, Judge.
Judge Maxwell: Give it a shot.
Arresting Officer: Well we picked most of them out of San Francisco bay.
Judge Maxwell: Entering the country illegally?
Arresting Officer: No sir, they drove in.
Judge Maxwell: Into the country?
Arresting Officer: Into the bay.
Judge Maxwell: Ah, that's better. Unauthorized use of public water.
Arresting Officer: Mostly in stolen cars.
Judge Maxwell: Ah ha, that's grand larceny.
Arresting Officer: Then there was a shooting...
Judge Maxwell: That's assault with a deadly weapon.
Frederick Larrabee: They broke into my home.
Judge Maxwell: That's breaking and entering.
Frederick Larrabee: [indicating Eunice] And brought her with them forcibly!
Judge Maxwell: That's kidnapping.
Eunice: They tried to molest me.
Judge Maxwell: That's... unbelievable.

Fritz: Don't touch his rocks.
Eunice: I'll take care of those.

Eunice: Don't kick those rocks, you Philistine!