Judy Maxwell
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Quotes for
Judy Maxwell (Character)
from What's Up, Doc? (1972)

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What's Up, Doc? (1972)
Hugh: I find that as difficult to swallow as this potage au gelee.
Judy: How would you like to swallow one sandwich d'knuckles?

Judy: You don't wanna marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined and flabby!
Howard: Everyone gets wrinkled, lined and flabby!
Judy: By next week?

Howard: What am I gonna tell Eunice?
Judy: That's the easy part. You go up to her room. She answers the door; now she will have been crying so her eyes will be all bloodshot and her nose will be all red and runny, but you look past all that. You stare purposefully into those red-rimmed, swollen eyes, and you say, "Eunice, my dear, there's been a terrible mistake. I've behaved like a cad, a bounder! But now I see everything clearly and I've decided that Judy and I are gonna put you into a home."
Howard: That is not funny!

Judy: I know I'm different, but from now on I'm going to try and be the same.
Howard: The same as what?
Judy: The same as people who aren't different.

Judy: I don't know who he is but I hate him.

Eunice: Don't you know the meaning of propriety?
Judy: Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette."

Judy: I can't see!
Howard: There's nothing to see really, we're inside a Chinese dragon.

[Meeting Mr. Larabee]
Howard: You! You!
Judy: Eu-nice. Eunice. We've almost gotten that stammer cured.
Howard: How! How!
Judy: How-ard. Howard. He always gets stuck on names. It must be the excitement of meeting you for the first time.

Judy: Love means never having to say you're sorry.
Howard: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Judy: Eunice? That's a person named Eunice.

Judy: Well, this last time was not my fault.
Howard: What happened?
Judy: Nothing, nothing, really. It was just a little classroom, it sort of burned down.
Howard: Burned down?
Judy: Well, blew up actually.
Howard: Political activism?
Judy: Chemistry major.
Howard: I see.

Judge Maxwell: You. You in the blanket! You seem to have caused all this trouble. Exactly what have you got to say for yourself?
[Judy lowers the blanket]
Judge Maxwell: Judy!
Judy: Hello, Daddy...

Judy: Steve, you didn't tell me you were married.
Howard: We're not married.
Judy: Congratulations.
Eunice: But we will be soon.
Judy: Condolences.

[Judy and Howard's Volkswagen Beetle is speeding along a pier towards a departing ferry]
Judy: We can make it...
Howard: No.
Judy: We can make it...
Howard: No.
Judy: [the beetle arcs gracefully into San Francisco Bay] I don't think we can make it.

Judy: Has anyone ever told you that you are very, very sexy?
Hugh: Well, actually no.
Judy: They never will.

[Judy and Howard have their heads under the table, Howard is trying to convince Judy to leave, Frederick joins them]
Frederick Larrabee: What's going on down here? You two just can't keep away from each other, can you?
Howard: Oh, we were just talking.
Hugh: [Joins them] Are you all right Mr Larrabee? Can I help?
Frederick Larrabee: No, it's fine, we were just chatting.
Musicologist: [Joins them] What's the matter?
Musicologist: [Joins them] Anything wrong?
Frederick Larrabee: No.
Judy: We're just testing a theory Howard has about Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure.
Professor Hosquith: [Joins them] What? Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure?
Judy: You know, V.R.U.S.P.?
Musicologist: Oh yes!
Musicologist: I think I read a monograph on that.

[Howard walks into the hotel gift shop, wanders around, picks up a big rock, a souvenir of Alcatraz, and taps it with a tuning fork]
Judy: What's up, Doc?
Howard: I beg your pardon?
Judy: We've gotta stop meeting like this.
Howard: I think you're making a mistake. You see, I just came in here for something for a headache.
Judy: You're gonna need an awful big glass of water to get that down.
Howard: What? Oh no, no you see I'm a musicologist. I was just testing this specimen for inherent tonal qualities. I have this theory about early man's musical relationship to igneous rock formations. But I guess you're not really interested in igneous rock formations.
Judy: Not as much as I am in the sedimentary or metamorphic rock categories. I mean, I can take your igneous rocks or leave 'em. I relate primarily to micas, quartz, feldspar. You can keep your Pyroxenes, magnetites and coarse grained plutonics as far as I'm concerned.
Howard: I forgot why I came in here.
Judy: Headache.
Howard: Oh, yes. Thank you. And good bye.

[Howard returns to his room after the dinner and starts changing into his pyjamas]
Judy: [calling from the bathroom] Hello out there.
Howard: [responding automatically] Hello.
[mutters to himself]
Judy: [calling from the bathroom] What?
[Howard runs to the bathroom and drops his pyjama trousers, Judy's taking a big bubble bath]
Judy: I believe you dropped something.
Howard: What do you think you are doing?
Judy: I think I'm taking a bath aren't I?
Howard: If you're not out of here in two minutes, I'm calling the police.
Judy: Who do you think they'll arrest? The girl in the tub or the guy with his pants down?
Howard: I am not joking now. I do not like to act rashly, but you are the last straw that breaks my camel's back, you are the plague, you bring havoc and chaos to everyone, but why to me? Why me? Why?
Judy: Because you look cute in your pyjamas, Steve.
Howard: GET OUT!
Judy: Right now?
Howard: YES!
[Judy starts to get out the bath]
Howard: No! Wait a minute!

Frederick Larrabee: We would like to hear the story that Miss Burns...
Judy: Burnsey!
Frederick Larrabee: That Burnsey...
Howard: He's calling her Burnsey.
Frederick Larrabee: That Burnsey was telling us. What was it Howard? Some incredible adventure you had on your flight here?
Howard: Yes. No.
Judy: I'm afraid my Howard is too modest to tell you the story himself. It all started when we passed the point of no return.
Howard: I think we just passed it.
Judy: One of the engines failed and the flux valve refused to disconnect. One of the pilots fainted from an over supply of fear and went into this power dive. So Howard took his rocks into the cockpit and selected two of them with a particularly high magnetic content and set up an electrically induced field pattern on the giro counter...
Howard: I'm having a nightmare.

Judy: ...just possibly saving 120 passengers from a tragic firey death.
Frederick Larrabee: I find that story intensely moving.

Judy: It wasn't all bad was it? Although it was terrible they took the grant away from you.
Howard: They had to do that. You see, the foundation just isn't used to having to bail its founder out of jail.

Hugh: I think the Hugh Simon theory will stand the test of time.
Judy: Exactly what *is* that theory Mr Simon?
Hugh: I doubt you are qualified to understand it but it says that the 16th and 17th century composers developed a uniform scale platform based upon the intervals utilised in the mountaineer yodel.
Judy: And you developed this theory? That should come as a shock to Professor Findelmeyer.
Hugh: I don't know what you're talking about.
Judy: Sure you do, the Findelmeyer Proposition.
Hugh: I don't know what you're talking about, besides that has never been translated.
Judy: Just once. Harvard Musicological review, 1925. It's probably out of print now...
Frederick Larrabee: Of course! Professor Heinrich Findelmeyer, the university of Zurich, 1911, the controversial Findelmeyer Proposition, no wonder it sounded so familiar. I'm sorry Simon
[rips up the grant check]
Hugh: This is despicable.
Frederick Larrabee: Hugh, you're a bad loser, you're a plagiarist and you're nasty. I don't like you and I want you to go away.

Howard: Sir, I must point out to you...
Frederick Larrabee: I must point out to you that foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
Judy: Emerson!
Frederick Larrabee: I beg your pardon?
Judy: Ralph Waldo Emerson, born 1803 died 1882.
Frederick Larrabee: You like Emerson?
Judy: I adore him.
Frederick Larrabee: I adore anyone who adores Emerson.
Judy: And I adore anyone who adores anyone who adores Emerson, your turn!
Frederick Larrabee: She's a delight Bannister, a delight and you're a lucky dog.
Howard: I...
Frederick Larrabee: Admit it! Admit you're a lucky dog.
Howard: I'm a lucky dog.
Frederick Larrabee: Miss Burns, may I call you Eunice?
Howard: No!
Frederick Larrabee: What's that?
Judy: What Howard means is that back where we come from everyone calls me Burnsey.
Frederick Larrabee: Burnsey! I like that.

Judy: Yeah, you know Banister? As in "sliding down the-"?

Judy: Having fun?
Howard: I can't find my rocks.
Judy: Lets grab the cases.
Howard: Which ones?
Judy: All of them.

Howard: What are you doing? This is a one way street!
Judy: We're only going one way.

Howard: I can't see!
Judy: Here, I'll clean your glasses.
[removes his glasses]
Howard: Now I really can't see. Judy, I can't see.
[Judy returns his glasses]
Howard: Oh God. I can see.
[throws his glasses out of the car window]

Judy: Ah, I got an idea.
Howard: What?
Judy: Stick with me. Stick with me kid.
Howard: This is a terrible thing we're doing.
Judy: Nonsense, you're gonna love it.
[they hijack a blue VW Beetle that has been decorarted as a get away car]

Judy: I think there's a good road right down there.
[the road turns out to be a long flight of steps]

Judy: Ooh, hey look at that! Go up there!
Howard: What? No!
Judy: Yes!
[they drive onto a car transport full of other vw beetles]
Howard: Now what?
Judy: Back up.
Howard: I knew you'd say that.

Judy: [resisting hiding on the ledge outside the window] I can't I'm terrified of heights.
Howard: There's a ledge.
Judy: I have ledge-o-phobia.
Howard: [Eunice bangs on door] Just until I can get rid of her.
Judy: I can't!
Howard: [Eunice bangs again] She's got a terrible temper!
Judy: I can't!
Howard: She studies karate.
Judy: Maybe I can.

Judy: Aw come-on, Steve, you don't want to marry Eunice.
Howard: I'm not Steve. I'm Howard.
Judy: Well neither of you wants to marry Eunice.
Howard: Why do you say that?
Judy: Because you don't want to marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined, and flabby.
Howard: Everybody gets wrinkled, lined, and flabby!
Judy: By next week?

Judy: I forgot. I forgot to give you this letter. It was under your door when I came back to your room last night.
Howard: Did you open this?
Judy: How else could I have read it?

Judy: I think I'll get dressed now.
Eunice: [on telephone] Howard, who was that?
Howard: Who was what?
Eunice: I heard a voice say something about getting dressed.
Howard: It's the television set, Eunice. There's a movie on, a war movie. They're getting dressed for the big battle.
Eunice: It was a woman's voice!
Howard: Yes, they're lady soldiers, Eunice. It's called the "Fighting WACs".

Judy: [to operator on hotel phone] Uh, Miss Eunice Burns, please.
Eunice: [Answers phone] Yes?
Judy: [Switches to heavy Brooklyn accent] Miss Burns, uh this is Sylvia, Mr. Larrabee's personal secretary. There's been a little mixup in the invitation for this afternoon.
Eunice: Yes.
Judy: Yes. The luncheon has been switched from Mr. Larrabee's home to one of the Larrabee Foundation offices.
Eunice: Oh, but Mr. Bannister has already gone for the...
Judy: Oh yes, I managed to catch Mr. Bannister on his way out and tell him. The address of the luncheon is - uh do you have a pencil, darling?
Eunice: Yes.
Judy: 459 Dirello Street.
Eunice: Dirello...
Judy: Yes, Second floor.
Eunice: I see. Well thank you, Miss...
Judy: Uh Louise.
Eunice: I thought you said 'Sylvia'?
Judy: Uh yes, Sylvia-Louise, you know, with a hyphen.

Judy: [dressed in a towel on the ledge looking at the burning hotel room] Miss Burns what are you doing in Howard Banister's bedroom? Don't you know the meaning of propriety?

"What's Up Doc" (1978)
Judy Maxwell: [disguised as a delivery boy from a Chinese restaurant] And now is time for fortune cookie.
Claudia: [incredulously] At the beginning of the meal?
Judy Maxwell: That's right.
[breaks open a cookie and pretends to read fortune]
Judy Maxwell: Get ready for big surprise because we -
[gesturing to Howard]
Judy Maxwell: he and I - are in love!
Claudia: Oh my God! A gay Chinese!

Claudia: You took Howard away from me.
[looks closely at Judy]
Claudia: And you did it by being cute, didn't you?
Judy Maxwell: [trying to be modest] Yes.
Claudia: Well, I'm going to be cute, too. I'm going to be so cute that Howard won't know what hit him!
Judy Maxwell: Claudia, that's great! Would it be too much to suggest that you come down from the roof with me now?
Claudia: Don't be ridiculous! I said I was going to be cute. Cute people always do what they say they're going to.
[jumps off roof and lands, unhurt, in bushes]
Claudia: [as she tries to untangle herself] Some days it's not even worth getting up!