Christian Markelli
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Quotes for
Christian Markelli (Character)
from Latter Days (2003)

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Latter Days (2003)
[on the phone with Julie]
Christian Markelli: Where did we end up last night?
Julie: I don't know, but I woke up without my bra and that's never a good sign.
[notices he's wearing it]
Christian Markelli: I wouldn't worry about it.

Elder Paul Ryder: God hates homos.
Christian Markelli: You're gonna come into my house and tell me God hates homosexuals?
Elder Aaron Davis: And the French.
Elder Paul Ryder: [puzzled] God hates the French?
Elder Aaron Davis: Everybody hates the French.

[reading a tabloid]
Christian Markelli: Oh... Say it isn't so.
Keith Griffin: What?
Christian Markelli: Well, apparently, poor Pam Anderson has had her breast implants taken out and put back in so many times that her entire chest is collapsing.
Christian Markelli: Oh, they have bikini pictures! They're horrible!
Keith Griffin: Shut up.
Christian Markelli: No, they are - seriously. They're down to her knees. Eat your chicken and I'll show you.
Keith Griffin: Prick.
[does as he's asked]
Keith Griffin: Give me the fucking magazine.

[joking around with Christian]
Elder Aaron Davis: Dude, you're way too easy.
Christian Markelli: [seductively] So I've heard.

Julie Taylor: Why don't we just play two-on-two?
Ryder: But you're...
Julie Taylor: A girl? So I can't play? But then I am black so maybe I can. Your only problem's gonna be deciding which one of your narrow-minded stereotypes is gonna kick your lily-white ass. Afraid you'll get beaten?
Christian Markelli: By a girl and a fag?

[playing basketball]
Elder Aaron Davis: You can play.
Christian Markelli: Yeah, we can learn a skill. I played in high school and I learned out all the jocks were doin' it, but only with other jocks.

[chastising a major actress]
Traci Levine: Thank God she's leaving!
Andrew: Can you believe Entertainment Weekly called her "the new sweetheart of American cinema?"
Traci Levine: That cunt? She made Julie take my table because she thought I hadn't bathed recently - like she should talk. Did you see her eat?
Andrew: Yeah. Did you check out her legs? Now I know why they call 'em calves.
Christian Markelli: I bet after sex, she smokes a ham.
[Lila appears]
Lila Montagne: Darling, give me a glass of Cuvée. I do hope we're not speaking disparagingly about our clientele. Gossip is so ignoble, especially regarding those less fortunate.
Traci Levine: Less fortunate, that bitch?
Andrew: You know somethin', tell!
Lila Montagne: No, I would never... tell tales such as... with the frequency she does it, the poor child must think that binging and purging are aerobic exercise.
Christian Markelli: She hardly looks bulimic!
Lila Montagne: Yes, if I were a different sort, I'd suggest a little more of the purging and a little less of the binging.

Christian Markelli: [about them having sex] It's okay, this doesn't have to mean anything.
Elder Aaron Davis: Yes, it does.
Christian Markelli: It can be just a little fun between friends.
Elder Aaron Davis: My first time can be just a little fun for you? Maybe you equate sex with a handshake. And that's what? Like a badge? What do you want me to? Congratulate you?
Christian Markelli: Hey. Don't preach to me. Okay? Haven't heard you are some kid from the sticks? You come in here and you're gonna fuckin' judge me?
Elder Aaron Davis: Yeah. Yeah, I'm just some doodah pudknocker from Pocatello. They ship us here from Dork Island.
Christian Markelli: What?
Elder Aaron Davis: I'm saying I know how retarded you think I am, okay? You found me out, all right? My worst secret. Now I'm humiliated so your work is done here.
Christian Markelli: Wait, I don't think you're a dork. But if you know how ridiculous you look, why would you do it?
Elder Aaron Davis: Don't you believe in anything?
Christian Markelli: Yeah!
Elder Aaron Davis: Then tell me! You tell me one thing in your life beyond a shadow of a doubt that you really believe.
Christian Markelli: I believe Ann Margret has never been given her due as an actress.
Elder Aaron Davis: Duh, for Tommy alone, I mean did you see her when she was...
[catching himself]
Elder Aaron Davis: But is that something you can build a life on? Look at yourself! You're so pretty and colorful on the outside, but inside you're nothing but fluff? You're like... You're like a walking, talking marshmallow Peep?
Christian Markelli: That's not fair.
Elder Aaron Davis: It doesn't matter when it's true. I can't believe what I was about to do when there is nothing, Christian, nothing about you that's not skin-deep.

[after receiving a "special favor" from Christian]
Quinn: You're not worried about Elizabeth comin' in?
Christian Markelli: Elizabeth? My roommate is Julie.
Quinn: I'm here for a date with Elizabeth.
Christian Markelli: Elizabeth lives in 243D, as in "down the walk". This is 243B... as in "blow job". You're not Str8Curious from AOL?
Quinn: No.
Christian Markelli: [laughing] Not again.

Christian Markelli: You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. What if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you, right here in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous.

Christian Markelli: God, I hate the snow.
Elder Aaron Davis: What are you doing here?
Christian Markelli: I came after you. How could you leave without saying anything?
Elder Aaron Davis: It's not my choice. I'm being sent home in shame. And I'm probably gonna be excommunicated.
Christian Markelli: For just a kiss? Don't get me wrong, it was a nice kiss but come on. We didn't even get to use our tongues.
Elder Aaron Davis: You wouldn't understand.
Christian Markelli: I'm sorry, I'm not... I'm not very good at this. See, I've never made a fool out of myself in front of anyone before. But I've never felt this way before about anyone in my entire life.
Elder Aaron Davis: What for me, some guy you can't have. And then next week you're gonna be on to your next conquest?
Christian Markelli: But what if you're not? Huh? What if everything in my entire pathetic life, which I happen to love, has led to this point right now? What if, what if you're the blinding light in the middle of the road that, that strikes me like the guy in, in...
Elder Aaron Davis: The Bible?
Christian Markelli: Yeah, him.
Elder Aaron Davis: Paul?
Christian Markelli: Yeah. And what if everything's changed like that? And lions lay down with lambs and colors mix with whites. What if you're the one that I've been waiting for my whole life and I let you go?
Elder Aaron Davis: You have no idea what I'd be giving up.
Christian Markelli: Dammit! What is wrong with you? You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. What if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you. Right here - in the snow. I think that's pretty miraculous. But if you don't, I... I'll... I'll go. You can pretend that this was just some coincidence. You can pretend that there wasn't some reason that we met, and that you're sorry I ever walked in your life.
[Christian walks to the door, but it won't open]
Christian Markelli: God, I hate the snow!
[Aaron grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss]

Christian Markelli: Look, if there's a problem, I could come back.
Elder Aaron Davis: Look, maybe I'm just homesick.
Christian Markelli: Homesick? For Idaho?
Elder Aaron Davis: Okay, fine, but...
Christian Markelli: I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I'm... It's just... When I left home, it was just 'zoom', like a rocket. But if you've never been away from home before... Have you?
Elder Aaron Davis: What? I've been away from home, just not for two whole years.
Christian Markelli: [in an English accent] 'Could be worse, could be raining.'
Elder Aaron Davis: That's Young Frankenstein.
Christian Markelli: Yeah. So two years, huh?
Elder Aaron Davis: Yeah. We're not allowed to call or go home in the holidays and they're not allowed to visit.
Christian Markelli: Wow, where do I sign up?
Elder Aaron Davis: Hey. Happen to like my family. 'After all, a boy's best friend is his mother.'
Christian Markelli: [confused for a while, then gets it] Psycho, that's Psycho, right? 'She goes a bit mad sometimes. We all go a bit mad sometimes.'
[Aaron laughs]
Christian Markelli: Least you got your friends here, right?
Elder Aaron Davis: What, Ryder? No. We just got assigned to each other a few weeks ago.
Christian Markelli: Oh. Well, better you than me.

Andrew: Quit bitching. It's the early bird who gets the worm.
Christian Markelli: There's an incentive... Especially as we don't get pizza till two AM.
Andrew: Okay, here's the deal: After your training, I'm gonna set you up on a route.
Christian Markelli: A route? On my first day?
Andrew: It's what you do already. It's deliverin' food. Only this time you're drivin'. Think of yourself as a waiter on wheels.
Christian Markelli: [sarcastically] Great. Give me some hot pants and roller skates, this will be the fulfillment of a dream.
Andrew: [looks Christian up and down] For all of us.

Julie Taylor: We're shirts. You're skins.
Elder Aaron Davis: [pulls down the hem of his shirt blushing] Uh... no.
Christian Markelli: Fine, we'll be skins.
[both him and Juile take off their shirts]
Elder Paul Ryder: [looking at Juile's chest] Whoa!
[walks into the basketball pole]
Elder Paul Ryder: Ow!

Keith Griffin: Where are you going with my goddamn flowers?
Christian Markelli: But they are...
Keith Griffin: We don't throw anything out that's not completely dead. Deal?
Christian Markelli: Deal.
Keith Griffin: And another thing, you got to quit coming over here and moping around. You're fucking depressing me.
Christian Markelli: I'm depressing you?
Keith Griffin: That's what I'm sayin'. If we've reached the point where you're dragging my day, oh, then... we got a problem. Seriously, you gotta do somethin'. Somethin' to make a move, just... find a way to get past this.
Christian Markelli: Are you being the oracle guy now?
Keith Griffin: No. I'm... just bein' your friend.

Lila Montagne: Chris? Sit down.
[he comes over and sits down, as she pours him a brandy]
Lila Montagne: Drink that.
[he takes a small sip]
Lila Montagne: Toss it, that way it's medicinal.
[he knocks back the drink]
Lila Montagne: Good! It's vital for a man to have a couple of slugs in him before discussing heartache. I think Hemingway told me that.
Christian Markelli: You knew Ernest Hemingway?
Lila Montagne: Margaux, actually. But beauties don't always escape tragedy.
Christian Markelli: Oh, God, this is hell! I've done something... I'm guilty. And I'll burn for it.
Lila Montagne: Funny thing about guilt: There's nothing so bad that you can't add a little guilt to it and make it worse; and there's nothing so good you can't add guilt to it and make it better. Guilt distracts us from a greater truth: we have an inherent ability to heal. We seem intent on living through even the worst heartbreak.
Christian Markelli: How?
Lila Montagne: Hm. Practice.

Keith Griffin: It's back.
Christian Markelli: Yeah, this must be your lucky fuckin' day.
Keith Griffin: Or maybe I'm just not suffering enough yet. I didn't expect to see you again.
Christian Markelli: Oh, come on now. You don't think you going all 'Miss Cleo the Psychic' on my ass is gonna scare me off that easy - now do you?
Keith Griffin: Maybe it's just dementia setting in. Sometimes I read people and I... I think I'm the oracle of Delphi.
Christian Markelli: Well, sometimes I growl at people. Doesn't make me Eartha Kitt. I'm just goin' to put this right about here.
Keith Griffin: It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry.
Christian Markelli: I don't remember asking you if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this, and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends. So the least you could do is tryin' to be polite, and eat it.
Keith Griffin: I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've... I think I've earned that right.
Christian Markelli: Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that. Now eat it.
Keith Griffin: Impervious? Bet you don't know how to spell that.
Christian Markelli: Sure I do. It's spelled 'Bite me.'

Christian Markelli: [after having sex] Wow. How long did we do that?
Elder Aaron Davis: [retrieves his pocket watch and looks at the time] Two and a half hours. It's okay, ain't it?
Christian Markelli: Okay? It's amazing!

Christian Markelli: I thought I'd rather die than be gay. I got a pretty good idea of what dying felt like. But lying there in the arms of that man, I thought if this is what being gay feels like... bring it on.

Christian Markelli: It might be nice to stop equating sex with a handshake and it might be nice to have it mean something.
Julie: Listen to you, you are turning into a chick!
Christian Markelli: Shut up!
Julie: You are! Wait Christian wait, seriously you dropped something!
Christian Markelli: What?
Julie: Your balls! Must have fallen over under somewhere.
Christian Markelli: This is me not talking to you.