Karen Vick
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Quotes for
Karen Vick (Character)
from "Psych" (2006)

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"Psych: Talk Derby to Me (#3.7)" (2008)
[Six people are squeezing into a tiny surveillance room]
Security Guard: We never have more than two people in this room.
Shawn Spencer: It's cozy, which means I'll need everyone's hands where I can see them. That means yours, too, Chief.
Security Guard: Who is this?
Karen Vick: That's our psychic, Shawn Spencer.
Shawn Spencer: Psychic and Treasurer of the American Wicker Council. I'm up for re-elction. I'm running on a rattan platform.

Karen Vick: Eighty suspects? Really, Mr. Spencer, it wouldn't be possible perhaps to narrow it down just a bit, would it?
Shawn Spencer: Not without help. It's a tight group, Chief. It's a clique. It's a sisterhood of the Ya-Ya variety and it's going to take a lot more than a smile and a pack of Pall Malls to get them to talk.
Carlton Lassiter: Not a problem. Tough-to-crack suspects are right in my wheelhouse.
Shawn Spencer: Negative. We cannot go about this using a typical Lassiterian technique. We need someone on the inside.
Karen Vick: Are you saying you want to go undercover?
Shawn Spencer: Undercover, yes. Me, no. Unfortunately, I'm not qualified for this sort of thing.
Carlton Lassiter: Don't worry about it, Spencer. I've been itching to do some undercover work...and I got a new mustache guy.
Shawn Spencer: I like where your head's at because this is going to take a very specific skill set, and there's only one person in this room who can pull it off. I've just got one question...
[turns to Juliet]
Shawn Spencer: Can you skate?

Carlton Lassiter: Look, Chief, I can get results. Let me in on this.
Shawn Spencer: Sure, Chief, Lassie seems like a smart choice. We know he's a demon on wheels and, of course, he's so very good with women.
Karen Vick: Under the circumstances, I might consider you, Carlton, but you're never more obvious then when you're undercover. Perhaps you've forgotten the prosthetic nose debacle of 2005?

Shawn Spencer: We're available for more cases by the way. Embezzlement, extortion, espionage. Pretty much anything that starts with E. Elephant theft.
Karen Vick: I'll take that under advisement.
Juliet O'Hara: Elephant theft?
Shawn Spencer: Oh, yeah.
Juliet O'Hara: People steal elephants?
Shawn Spencer: Major problem. Pretty much out of control.

Karen Vick: Did you break somebody's nose?
Juliet O'Hara: [giddy] Yes, I did, thank you. Oh, but it was a clean hit. It was actually more of a dislocation, you know? It just popped right back in. Yeah, she curled into my wingspan, so I was totally justified. We're friends now. She has a cat.


"Psych: Disco Didn't Die. It Was Murdered! (#3.5)" (2008)
Karen Vick: [sees the girl with Shawn] I'm sorry, you are?
Shawn Spencer: Ah, sorry, Chief. I got roped into doing a silly interview with "The Independence". They've been calling and begging for weeks and I finally relented.
Reporter: But... but you called me.

Karen Vick: It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He's no longer on the force, and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?
Shawn Spencer: Yes, you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say, "It goes without saying", yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?
Karen Vick: No! And frankly, I could care less.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Now that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say, "I could care less", when they really mean, "I couldn't care less"?
Karen Vick: Well, why don't you tell me how to properly say this: if you share any official information about this case with your father or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You split an infinitive.
Shawn Spencer: Good catch, Gus.
Karen Vick: You two realize I carry a gun, right?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: That was perfectly elocuted.

Karen Vick: [Shawn and Gus are annoying her] You two realize I carry a gun, right?


"Psych: 65 Million Years Off (#2.2)" (2007)
Karen Vick: Mr. Spencer, I'm surprised you didn't take the Segway.
Shawn Spencer: She did know about that.
Karen Vick: O'Hara just told me.
Shawn Spencer: Traitor!

Shawn Spencer: Completely stumped, hmm?
Karen Vick: You getting something Mr. Spencer?
Shawn Spencer: Yes, yes I am.
[takes pad and pen from Lassiter and starts to draw]
Carlton Lassiter: No no no no no hang on! I I've got it. The wound on the head was caused by the edge of a boat. When he fell in the water unconscious and the wounds in the back were caused by a large industrial crab trap. Or a whale, definitely could have been a whale. Lost from his pod, separated. Migrating north or south, sees our man already dead floating up on the surface, thinks it's a seal and then whale.

Karen Vick: We just got a break in the case. We just found out the name of the dead man, you wanna tell them who he is detective?
Carlton Lassiter: [moodily] No.


"Psych: The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable (#3.4)" (2008)
Karen Vick: All right, Mr. Spencer, let me be frank...
Shawn Spencer: As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Why do I have to be Sammy?
Shawn Spencer: Fine he's Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want? You wanna be Joey Bishop?

Karen Vick: Now, Mr. Spencer...
Shawn Spencer, Henry Spencer: Yes?
Karen Vick: Oh, I meant the older... sorry, not "old", less...
Shawn Spencer: Handsome? Less hair? Less friends on Facebook?
Henry Spencer: Less nose?
Shawn Spencer: Ooh!

Karen Vick: Alright, Mr. Spencer, let me be frank.
Shawn Spencer: As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Why do I have to be Sammy?
Shawn Spencer: Fine. *He's* Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want, you want to be Joey Bishop?
Juliet O'Hara: Shawn...
Shawn Spencer: I'm sorry, Jules, but how often does someone set you up with "let me be frank?"


"Psych: Rob-a-Bye Baby (#2.8)" (2007)
[Shawn and Gus learn their important case]
Karen Vick: It involves a nanny.
Shawn Spencer: Nanny serial killer? Nanny on the run?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Nanny arsonist?
Shawn Spencer: Does she drive a blimp, by chance?
Karen Vick: No. I need you to hire me a nanny.

Karen Vick: Look, I'm trusting you both to be professional and to keep this matter completely confidential.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You got it.
Shawn Spencer: If you knew how many secrets I was keeping from you already, you'd totally trust me.


"Psych: Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast (#1.15)" (2007)
Karen Vick: I can sit here all night, Betty. I have a sixth month old at home who still has colic. I consider this a reprieve.

Carlton Lassiter: Did I upset you?
Karen Vick: Upset me?
Carlton Lassiter: Insult you? Demean you in some way I do not comprehend?
Karen Vick: Detective, I'm pretty sure I have no idea what you're talking about.
Carlton Lassiter: The woman. The crazy woman. The half-deaf, litigating, nightmare express of a detective. Why would you put me of all people with her? I'm head detective.
Karen Vick: Honestly, Detective, I thought you two might hit it off.
Carlton Lassiter: Why would you possibly think that?
Karen Vick: Well, she kind of reminded me a little of you... you know, a few years down the road. Similar interests, outlooks. Everyone thought it was a pretty good idea.
[pause]
Carlton Lassiter: [hurt] That's how people perceive me?
Karen Vick: We're all a little surprised that it didn't work out, Carlton.


"Psych: Zero to Murder in Sixty Seconds (#2.4)" (2007)
Shawn Spencer: No need to thank me, Chief. Just glad to help out.
Karen Vick: Oh.
[Karen offers her hand to Gus]
Shawn Spencer: Don't thank him, either.
Karen Vick: Well, if I can't thank you, I can't pay you.
[Shawn and Gus quickly extend their hands]
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Our pleasure.
Shawn Spencer: Oh, you're very welcome. You are.

[Shawn tries to give the location of a chop shop]
Shawn Spencer: Victims! I see victims everywhere! It's horrible! So many parts strewn about! Fluids spewing in every direction!
Karen Vick: Oh, dear God!
Juliet O'Hara: Are you talking about a serial killer?
Shawn Spencer: I can see the victims' names. Accord! Look out!
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Get out of there!
Shawn Spencer: Escalade! Don't let him in the door! Oh, Camry! You were too young to go!
Juliet O'Hara: Are we talking about cars?
Carlton Lassiter: STOLEN cars?
Shawn Spencer: Signal's too stong.
[grabs a printer]
Shawn Spencer: I'm getting chopsticks! Chopped salad?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: What?
[Shawn starts chopping the printer with his hands and pulls out the ink cartridge]
Shawn Spencer: Chop suey?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Good God!
Shawn Spencer: Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch?
[to Lassiter]
Shawn Spencer: Does that mean anything to you? Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch?
Juliet O'Hara: Chop shop!


"Psych: Spellingg Bee (#1.2)" (2006)
Shawn Spencer: I know who killed Elvin Cavanaugh.
Karen Vick: Can't he just tell us to arrest someone?
Juliet O'Hara: He does this a lot?
Karen Vick, Carlton Lassiter: Yes!

Carlton Lassiter: [Re: Shawn] Want me to cuff him?
Karen Vick: Why? Why would I want that?
Carlton Lassiter: Just a suggestion.


"Psych: Poker? I Barely Know Her (#1.14)" (2007)
Juliet O'Hara: I just thought it would be nice to surprise him.
Karen Vick: [nervous] Oh... Detective Lassiter does not like surprises.
Juliet O'Hara: Of course he likes surprises! Everybody likes surprises.
Karen Vick: Detective Lassiter has a very particular comfort zone. And you don't even want to know what we now call the Secret Santa Debacle of 2005.

[Lassiter's surprise birthday party]
Carlton Lassiter: Why are these people at my house?
Juliet O'Hara: [confused] They're your friends.
Carlton Lassiter: No, they're not.
Juliet O'Hara: Yeah, they are. I got them out of your address book.
Carlton Lassiter: You took my book?
Juliet O'Hara: Yes. I admit it, I opened your desk. I didn't want to load you up with a bunch of work people, so I just invited the ones with stars by their names.
Carlton Lassiter: [angrily] These are all people I put in jail! The stars are repeat offenders.
Karen Vick: You keep a little black book of people you've arrested?
Carlton Lassiter: Of course I do.
Shawn Spencer: Why?
Carlton Lassiter: To drive by and check on them.
[Lassiter storms into the house]
Juliet O'Hara: Oh, um... Carlton, where are you going?
Carlton Lassiter: To pack.
Juliet O'Hara: Why?
Carlton Lassiter: Because now they know where I live!


"Psych: A Very Juliet Episode (#4.12)" (2010)
Karen Vick: You've reached a new level of recklessness this week, and unfortunately, it has become necessary to issue you both formal reprimands.
Shawn Spencer: On what grounds?
Karen Vick: How about misuse of a federal database? Informing a convicted criminal that his accuser is out of protection? Trespassing? Agreeing to assist an incarcerated murderer?
Shawn Spencer: These are crimes? What is this, North Korea?
Burton Guster: I think they all are, except the last one, which is just poor judgment.

Karen Vick: I don't mean to sound like a hard-ass...
Juliet O'Hara: You didn't.
Karen Vick: I did.
Juliet O'Hara: I didn't get that at all.
Karen Vick: Well, actually, I was *trying* to sound like a hard-ass.
Juliet O'Hara: Mission accomplished!


"Psych: Weekend Warriors (#1.6)" (2006)
Karen Vick: Shawn, unless you can give us a name, I'm afraid he's right this time.
Shawn Spencer: Fine, I'll get you a name.
[to Lassiter]
Shawn Spencer: And I'm going to get you a woman.
[leaves]
Carlton Lassiter: *Afraid* he's right? *This* time?

Karen Vick: [after Shawn reveals details about Poe's wound] How do you know that?
Shawn Spencer: Lassie, you wanna take this one?
Carlton Lassiter: [annoyed] He had an "episode" in the hall.


"Psych: Shawn vs. the Red Phantom (#1.8)" (2006)
Carlton Lassiter: You know, in case I never said it, I was really pleased when you were named as chief. "Interim" chief - I'm sure that's only temporary.
Karen Vick: Mmm-hmm.
Carlton Lassiter: And it's true, the outgoing chief was important to me. He was my mentor, he made me the cop I am today.
Karen Vick: Mmm-hmm.
Carlton Lassiter: I know the outside perception is that the force was a real "boy's club" under him, so it was really smart when they named a - you know - woman.
Karen Vick: All right, honey.
Carlton Lassiter: Excuse me, what?
Karen Vick: I love you.
Carlton Lassiter: [startled] Huh?
[Karen turns, revealing the wireless phone in her ear]
Karen Vick: Okay. No, I'll just see you when we get back, okay?
[hangs up]
Karen Vick: I'm sorry, detective, were you saying something?

Karen Vick: My water just broke.
Carlton Lassiter: Are you sure?
Karen Vick: No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason.
Carlton Lassiter: Oh, no... Oh, can you move my briefcase?


"Psych: Ghosts (#3.1)" (2008)
Karen Vick: It has come to my attention, Detective, that you've discharged your weapons in the last four cases you've worked.
Carlton Lassiter: Thank you.
Karen Vick: That wasn't a compliment.
Carlton Lassiter: I'm just trying to keep the streets safe, Chief.
Karen Vick: The last incident was at a cat show.
Carlton Lassiter: Well, let me just go on record as saying that I would never shoot a cat.
Karen Vick: I guess I could find some solace in that.
Carlton Lassiter: Unless it was approaching in a threatening manner... or refused to stop upon my command. I would probably just fire a warning shot to make my point, but that's really a field decision. I can't commit to it at this juncture.


"Psych: Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead (#2.16)" (2008)
Karen Vick: What I have to say is very... difficult.
Shawn Spencer: If this in any way pertains to Lassiter's third testicle, I'm afraid we already know.


"Psych: Extradition: British Columbia (#4.1)" (2009)
Karen Vick: Trying to do a performance review here, Mr. Spencer. I thank you not to bother us.
Shawn Spencer: Seems like a strange thing to thank me for, but you're welcome, of course.


"Psych: Daredevils! (#3.3)" (2008)
Karen Vick: You know, when I used to work vice, my partner was an alcoholic, and one night I went over to his house, handcuffed him to a radiator, and made him dry out. And when he finally sobered up, I gave him a choice: go into the department rehab program or chew your hand off for freedom. He chose the program.
Juliet O'Hara: Is that a... real story?
Karen Vick: Maybe it is, maybe I saw it on an old "Police Woman" rerun.


"Psych: There's Something About Mira (#2.11)" (2008)
Karen Vick: How sure are you about this theory?
Shawn Spencer: Crystal.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer: That doesn't really work. Uh, very. Very sure.


"Psych: Psy vs. Psy (#2.3)" (2007)
Carlton Lassiter: [after Bianca touches the body] Hey! You can't do that!
Karen Vick: Please, we're lucky if our psychic doesn't lick the body


"Psych: Last Night Gus (#6.2)" (2011)
Karen Vick: Detective Lassiter, why are you wearing sunglasses in an autopsy?
Shawn Spencer: Chief, if I may, Lassie spoke to us all about a week ago about wearing sunglasses to all autopsies moving forward to show respect for the dead. I simply forgot. Gus refused because he has no value for human life.


"Psych: Romeo and Juliet and Juliet (#5.1)" (2010)
Shawn Spencer: Mr. Chiang, I'm the resident psychic here. My name is Shawn Spencer. This is my partner, Jonathan Jacob "Jingly" Smith.
Arthur Chiang: You're saying his name is John Jacob "Jingleheimer" Schmidt?
Shawn Spencer: That's correct, sir. We use to share the name. I changed mine because of all the people shouting when I went out.
Karen Vick: I don't remember calling you, Mr. Spencer.
Shawn Spencer: Didn't have to, Chief. This case called me.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: It called collect.
Shawn Spencer: That's right. Which was odd, because I'm also on Twitter. And the cases usually tweet me. Let's be honest, Chief, kidnapping is my thing. This case is tailor-made for a psychic.
Karen Vick: I guess it does make a little bit of sense.


"Psych: Any Given Friday Night at 10PM, 9PM Central (#3.13)" (2009)
Carlton Lassiter: Yeah. We pulled up Vlad's body an hour ago.
Karen Vick: Mr. Spencer, it looks like you're a little late to the game this time.
Carlton Lassiter: What, no witty retort? No reference to some obscure 80s film? Wow! O'Hara, write this down.
Juliet O'Hara: I don't have a pen.
Carlton Lassiter: Make note of the date and time that I, Carlton Lassiter, actually shut Shawn Spencer's cavernous pie hole.
[Shawn mutters under his breath]
Carlton Lassiter: Sorry, what was that?
Shawn Spencer: Something about "Night of the Comet". Just forget it.


"Psych: Gus Walks Into a Bank (#3.8)" (2008)
Shawn Spencer: Chief, Elder Commanding Officer Luntz, you need to let me get involved here. You need to let me scope things out.
Karen Vick: Absolutely not. You're not a trained tactical officer, Spencer.
Commander Cameron Lutz: Are we positive he's even house trained?
Shawn Spencer: [pretends to laugh] Okay, all right. Maybe you and I got off on the wrong foot. And you know what? You're right. I have had a few close calls around the house recently. But I can help you.


"Psych: Earth, Wind and... Wait for It (#3.12)" (2009)
Karen Vick: Who gave you access to the file room?
Shawn Spencer: Irrelevant! And, immaterial.
Carlton Lassiter: Chief, you're not going to let him do that thing where he only uses courtroom jargon, are you?
Karen Vick: Mr. Spencer...
Shawn Spencer: He's making a mockery of these proceedings! All I'm saying is that she's making a very compelling argument.
Morgan Conrad: You're an idiot.
Shawn Spencer: That's less compelling. Move to strike.
Morgan Conrad: Please remove him.
Carlton Lassiter: Gladly.
Shawn Spencer: Sidebar, Ms. Conrad.


"Psych: There Might Be Blood (#3.6)" (2008)
Shawn Spencer: Believe me, I know what it feels like growing up with an older sister who gets all the attention.
Karen Vick: I didn't know you had an older sister, Spencer.
Shawn Spencer: I don't. But I did watch a lot of reruns of "The Brady Bunch".


"Psych: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead (#1.11)" (2007)
Karen Vick: Think he's telling the truth?
Shawn Spencer: Not by a long shot, and look at him. He's not the right height; he doesn't even own a car meaning that you can't match the tire tread. He's cocky, he thinks he's on a roll but I'm in his head chief, and I'm about to hang a Lopez around the frontal lobe and shoot right out of his nose onto his vest... You smellin' what I'm steppin'?


"Psych: Truer Lies (#3.14)" (2009)
Lyin' Ryan: The night before, I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos. You know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four-cheese mixture, fry them trhee-quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again, and then serve them with bacon and an ancho chile sour cream? Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street. It makes such a loud noise, I had to turn my head and look, and that is when I overheard the guy with the curlicues on his face tell the other guy at the corner table about the assassination plot.
Shawn Spencer: [in the observation room] Can it be true?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No way.
Shawn Spencer: I mean, is it even possible?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I couldn't imagine.
Shawn Spencer: There's no way you could prepare a fry like that. That'd be way to much for the... for the human palate to manage.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: It would be a flavor seizure.
Karen Vick: Gentlemen, please? Don't be ridiculous.
Shawn Spencer: She's right. Let's just take a minute here to think things through.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer: They must be parboiling the potato first.