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: Might I have a spot of tea? Jane Hathaway
: Yes of course, what would you like with it? Mr. Pinckney
: Ticket to London.
: You were only with the Clampetts a day and a night. Milburn Drysdale
: Yes, they gave you a lovely room and fed you. Mr. Pinckney
: Fed Me? Sir, have you ever partaken of the curious substances which Granny so quaintly calls "vittles"?
: I would like to say that I know Arthur Pinckney to be a man of good character, and I will vouch for him. Jane Hathaway
: I too know Arthur Pinckney, and he is a man of unimpeachable integrity, impeccable demeanor, and irrefutable probity. Thank you. Jed Clampett
: Well that's one fer and one against.
: How are things at the Clampetts? Mr. Pinckney
: Mr. Drysdale, sir, in my 40 years as a butler, I have served in some unique households and run athwart some bizarre families, but the Clampetts, sir, if I may use one of their own curious expressions, take the rag off the bush. Milburn Drysdale
: Well now, I warned you it wouldn't exactly be smooth sailing. Mr. Pinckney
: To be precise, sir, you said you could only promise me blood, sweat, tears, and money. Milburn Drysdale
: Right. Mr. Pinckney
: I've had the blood, sweat, and tears, now I should like the money. Jane Hathaway
: You're leaving the Clampetts? Mr. Pinckney
: I'm leaving the country. Milburn Drysdale
: But you've got to stay with them, you're our cultural beachhead! Mr. Pinckney
: Consider me another Dunkirk.
: Well in that case, there's only one solution. We'll have to get someone to do the work for Granny. Milburn Drysdale
: Now you're talking. Grab a scrub bucket and get over there. Jane Hathaway
: Chief! Milburn Drysdale
: Well you know Granny doesn't like strangers around. Jane Hathaway
: Chief, I am a highly skilled executive secretary, I'm not paid to do housework. Milburn Drysdale
: Yes, you're right. OK, while you're there, you'll be on half salary.
: What precipitated the altercation? Jed Clampett
: Well uh, huh?
[Jed looks confused
] Milburn Drysdale
: What are they fighting about? Jed Clampett
: Oh, well, they can't seem to agree about the weather.
: Uncle Jed, Granny, Looky here what I got. I just captured me the first prisoner. Jed Clampett
: Turn her loose! Jethro Bodine
: But she's one of the bank people! Maybe she can get our money for us. Granny
: Can you? Janet Trego
: No I can't! Jane Hathaway
: I can Jethro, capture me!
: Jethro, Jethro, what's going on? Jethro Bodine
: I'm courtin' you. I cain't eat or sleep without you. Jane Hathaway
: Oh no, no. Jethro Bodine
: That's the truth. Granny won't feed me or make my bed.
: [admiring Jethro
] That boy is like a magnificent lighthouse - tall, strong, and sturdy. If only his beacon weren't so dim.
: [wearing a blonde wig
] Jethro, I have found that the intellectual approach has a limited appeal, romantically speaking, so I have decided to become a glamor girl. What do you think of the idea? Jethro Bodine
: Well I think it's swell. Jane Hathaway
: Thank you. Jethro Bodine
: When you gonna start?
: Chief, what exploded? Milburn Drysdale
: Granny! Jane Hathaway
: She has a gun? Milburn Drysdale
: She has a cannon!
: [inquiring after Jethro's Oxford credentials
] Is Jethro an Eaton man? Jed Clampett
: Knowin' Jethro, I think he went ta eatin' as soon as he was born.