Jethro Bodine
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Quotes for
Jethro Bodine (Character)
from "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962)

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The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)
Elly May: I reckon why they got two sets of steps.
Jethro: That's easy! One's for going up, and the other's for going down!
Elly May: Oh.

Aunt Pearl: You folks oughta move yourselves to a place like... Beverly Hills, Californy.
Jethro: They got swimming pools and movie stars!

[on the subject of California]
Elly May: I hear they got smog.
Daisy Mae 'Granny' Moses: What's a smog?
Jethro: I reckon it's a small hog.

[Trying to figure out the game of Bowling]
Jethro: I think I got this game figured out. You throw the ball down this gully. Then you throw yourself down the other gully, and try to hit them snake-hittin' clubs before the ball does.

Milburne Drysdale: I'm president of a bank.
Jethro: Wow, can I be president of a bank too?
Jed Clampett: Jethro that was a mighty disrespectful thing to say to Mr. Drysdale. Ask if you can be vice president.

[Jethro and Cousin Pearl are driving in the truck to Jed's place]
Cousin Pearl: Jethro, did you take care of those old brakes like I told you to?
Jethro: Yes, Ma, I pulled them off the truck yesterday. The new brakes should be coming in the mail next week.

[the Clampetts were flipped off by an irate motorist]
Jed Clampett: Now why you suppose he's doing that?
Jethro: I reckon that's how people wave hello in Beverly Hills.

Jethro: [discussing his theory on bowling] I've finally figured this game out, Spanky. You take this ball, put it in this here gully. It rolls down yonder, then you hurl yourself down this slippery gully, and see how many of them there snake bashing clubs you can knock down before the ball gets there.

Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.
Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?
Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.
Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.

Jethro: [looking over buffet during Jed's birthday party] What's all this?
Waiter: Sushi, calamari, caviar.
Jethro: What? Speak American!

[Jethro is about to drive past a tree with a branch]
Jethro: Watch your head, Granny!
[Granny, who is tied up to her rocking chair got knocked off from Jethro's car by the tree branch they passed through]

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Double Naught Jethro (#3.21)" (1965)
Jethro Bodine: Uncle Jed, get a hold a yourself. I got some bad news for ya.
Jed Clampett: What is it, boy?
Jethro Bodine: I hope this ain't gonna break your heart, but I just gotta say it.
Jethro Bodine: Well come on, get it over with.
Jethro Bodine: Uncle Jed, I decided I ain't gonna be a brain surgeon.
Jed Clampett: Well I reckon I can bear up under that.

Jethro Bodine: [explaining the plot of the movie Goldfinger] The bad guys was after Fort Knox, and if old naught naught seven hadn't taken a hand, the next time Uncle Sam needed gold, he'd a been milkin' a dry cow.

Daisy Moses: You mean to say that you spent my vittles money on a movie?
Jethro Bodine: Well I spent some of the money on vittles, there was boxes of popcorn, a half a dozen candy bars, and a couple of giant orange drinks.
Daisy Moses: [to Jed] Are you gonna hickory switch him or am I?
Jethro Bodine: Ain't nobody gonna hickory switch me.
Daisy Moses: What did you say?
Jethro Bodine: Double naught spies don't get switched. Pert near cut in two by death rays, handcuffed to atom bombs, have iron hats throwed at 'em, but they wouldn't hold still for switchin'.

John Cushing: J.D. Clampett, that's Drysdale's star depositor. What is your connection with him?
Jethro Bodine: Well, he's my... oh no, if there's any secret blabbin' to be done around here, she's gonna do it.
Mabel Slocum: Me?
John Cushing: What makes you think so?
Jethro Bodine: Well Heck Fire! That's what always happens when a double naught spy tangles with a pretty girl. One kiss and she spills the beans. Watch this.
[He kisses her and when they finish he's in a daze]
Jethro Bodine: J.D. Clampett is my uncle. He has pert near 50 million dollars in Mr. Drysdale's bank. My cousin Elly May commenced workin' there today.
John Cushing: Well that's very interesting.
[nods to Miss Slocum]
Mabel Slocum: [Miss Slocum kisses Jethro again] What else can you tell us?
Jethro Bodine: You keep kissin', I'll think of somethin'.

Jed Clampett: You one of them double naught spies?
Mabel Slocum: No.
Jethro Bodine: They number girl spies different. She's what you call a 36-23-36.
Mabel Slocum: Actually, I'm in new accounts at the Merchants Bank. I'd like to talk to you about using our facilities as a repository for some of your enormous reserves.
Jed Clampett: Well I'll be glad to talk to you about that a whatever it means.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Jed's Dilemma (#1.17)" (1963)
Jethrine Bodine: [Granny and Cousin Pearl disagreeing over who is going to cook in the kitchen] Hey, Uncle Jed. Come on back. There's gonna be a fight.
Cousin Pearl Bodine: Oh, I don't fight nobody twice my age.
Daisy Moses: There ain't nobody twice your age!
Cousin Pearl Bodine: I happen to be on the sunny side of 45.
[slaps table]
Daisy Moses: Well, then move over into the shade. You're drying up something awful.

Cousin Pearl Bodine: Jethro, why don't you try usin' your head for thinkin'?
Jethro Bodine: I HAVE tried Ma, and it hurts.

Jed Clampett: I love you both equal an it'd pleasure me if you'd shake hands.
Jethro Bodine: And come out fightin'.

Jethro: Come on back, Uncle Jed! There's going to be a fight.
Cousin Pearl Bodine: Oh, I don't fight nobody twice my age!
Granny: There ain't nobody twice your age!
Cousin Pearl Bodine: I happen to be on the sunny side of forty-five!
Granny: Well, move into the shade 'cause your dryin' up something awful!

"The Beverly Hillbillies: The Clampetts Strike Oil (#1.1)" (1962)
Cousin Pearl Bodine: Jethro, tell your Uncle Jed why there ain't no snow in California.
Jethro: Don't look at me, I didn't take it!

Cousin Pearl Bodine: Jethro, I told you to get rid of them worn-out brakes.
Jethro: I did Ma. That's how come we ain't got none.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: The Clampetts Get Culture (#2.13)" (1963)
Jethro Bodine: Uncle Jed, Granny, Looky here what I got. I just captured me the first prisoner.
Jed Clampett: Turn her loose!
Jethro Bodine: But she's one of the bank people! Maybe she can get our money for us.
Granny: Can you?
Janet Trego: No I can't!
Jane Hathaway: I can Jethro, capture me!

Milburn Drysdale: Now, on your way home, if you see anything you want for Christmas, just pick it up and charge it to me.
Jethro Bodine: Hot diggety dog!
[Jethro and Elly May leave then Jethro returns carrying Janet Trego]
Jethro Bodine: Come on Uncle Jed! I done picked out my present.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: The Courtship of Elly (#4.8)" (1965)
Jed Clampett: I'll need about 5 minutes with Mr. Drysdale. You wanna come up and visit with Miss Jane?
Jethro Bodine: No thanks Uncle Jed. She always looks at me so funny. Kind a like a...
Jed Clampett: ...hungry hound lookin' in a butcher's window?

Jane Hathaway: Jethro, Jethro, what's going on?
Jethro Bodine: I'm courtin' you. I cain't eat or sleep without you.
Jane Hathaway: Oh no, no.
Jethro Bodine: That's the truth. Granny won't feed me or make my bed.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Elly, the Secretary (#9.21)" (1971)
Jed Clampett: You used to tote her books to school.
Jethro Bodine: Oh yeah, I used to call her cupcake.
Jed Clampett: Cupcake?
Jethro Bodine: Sweetest thing I ever put my lips to.
Jed Clampett: Louellen was?
Jethro Bodine: No, the cupcakes she used to tote to school in her lunch box.

Jethro Bodine: And then I kissed her.
Jed Clampett: You did?
Jethro Bodine: I did, there was still some icing left on her lips.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Getting Settled (#1.2)" (1962)
Jethro Bodine: [from the top of the stairs] Hey Uncle Jed, there's a whole 'nother house up here!
Jed Clampett: Jethro, come down from there. That probably belongs to someone else.

Jethro Bodine: And over there is where I seen that great big pink chicken. Only thing is it don't sound like a chicken. It makes a kind of hollerin' noise.
Jed Clampett: [Jed finds a croquet ball and picks it up to examine it] I reckon you'd make a hollerin' noise too if you was to lay a egg like that.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Mrs. Drysdale's Father (#4.12)" (1965)
Jed Clampett: We ain't shootin' at the board, Granny. We is fixin' to drive them nails stickin' in it.
Daisy Moses: I still say that ain't hill country shootin'.
Jed Clampett: Granny's right, boy. See that rock over on the left.
Jethro Bodine: Yes sir.
Jed Clampett: Let's ricochet off that and then drive the nails.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Jed the Heartbreaker (#3.6)" (1964)
Jethro Bodine: That was Mrs. Drysdale. She says that she's gonna throw Granny's soap kettle into the ceement pond. Let's go watch the fun, Elly.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: The Boarder (#3.11)" (1964)
Daisy Moses: [looking at the signs Jethro made for the boarding house] Did you make a sign about my lye soap?
Jethro Bodine: [showing her the sign] Oh yeah Granny. Free lye soap.
Daisy Moses: Oh that will draw them in like flies.
Jed Clampett: You got to throw in a little extra with those stiff rates you're charging.
Daisy Moses: Well Jed I'm giving every boarder a private room and all he can eat.
Jed Clampett: Yeah but a dollar a night?
Daisy Moses: Well I figure that will keep out the riff-raff.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Granny's Romance (#3.19)" (1965)
Jane Hathaway: [wearing a blonde wig] Jethro, I have found that the intellectual approach has a limited appeal, romantically speaking, so I have decided to become a glamor girl. What do you think of the idea?
Jethro Bodine: Well I think it's swell.
Jane Hathaway: Thank you.
Jethro Bodine: When you gonna start?

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Jethro in the Reserves (#6.14)" (1967)
Colonel Blake: Jethro,fortunately we take into consideration the amount of formal education a boy has had, and we grade on the curve, so you are eligible to join.
Jethro Bodine: Hey, that's swell!
Colonel Blake: However, before I administer the oath, there are a couple of things I'd like to discuss with you.
Jethro Bodine: Yes, sir?
Colonel Blake: Now, let's take your application, you're going to be filling out a lot of other forms and I want to give you a tip.
Jethro Bodine: Thank ya!
Colonel Blake: Name, address, date of birth, that's okay, but Jethro, where it says sex: write 'male', not 'oh, boy!'
Jethro Bodine: [Embarrassed] I'm sorry.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: The Clampetts and the Dodgers (#1.29)" (1963)
Jethro Bodine: [as Leo Durocher is about to hit a golf ball] Whomp it Mr. Durocher!

"The Beverly Hillbillies: The Boarder Stays (#3.12)" (1964)
Elly May Clampett: I hope that soup we throwed out the winda don't kill the flowers.
Daisy Moses: How can anybody eat soup made outa turtles?
Jed Clampett: Pitiful
Jethro Bodine: And that thing he called Welsh Rabbit, didn't have no rabbit in it at all, just a lot of doggone melted cheese!
Jed Clampett: Wasn't too bad after Granny dumped the grits in it.
Daisy Moses: What was it he called that big crawdad?
Elly May Clampett: That was Lobster Thermidor.
Jethro Bodine: That didn't taste bad neither once we poured hot gopher gravy over it.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: Cabin in Beverly Hills (#2.34)" (1964)
Jethro Bodine: [lighting the candles on Granny's birthday cake] This thing is commencing to look like a brush fire.

"The Beverly Hillbillies: A Bundle for Britain (#7.1)" (1968)
Milburn Drysdale: [Presents Jed with a gift] With my compliments.
Jed Clampett: Well doggies! Would you look at that?... What is it?
Milburn Drysdale: It's a genuine imported Oriental magic music maker.
Jethro Bodine: Hot dog! A Japanese transistor radio!