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: I'm a living cliché just like the rest of these guys. I'm the guy who keeps dropping out and changing his major just because he's afraid he really sucks at everything.
: [holding up clay pipe
] This is ready for the kiln.
: Why are you such an asshole? Marvin Bushmiller
: Now that's a great question. No, really. It really is. I am an asshole because... that is my true nature. Maybe it's everybody's true nature. Every single one of you looks like a fuckin' asshole to me, but... who knows? The difference between you and me is that I have gained the freedom to express my true nature. And what could be more beautiful than truth and freedom?
: [to Jerome
] So... Who do you like? Jimmy
: [Jerome is confused by the question, so Jimmy rephrases it
] Who's your favorite artist, Jerome? Jerome
: [Uncomfortable pause
] Maybe, Picasso? Jimmy
: I see... Very good... Our old friend "Pig-Ass-Hole," the nasty little dwarf who went his whole life without a single original thought... I presume you're joking, right? Bardo
: [Jerome is too uncomfortable to speak, but Bardo nonchalantly chimes in
] Jimmy's a Strathmore grad. Jimmy
: Just look at me now!... Just think, Jerome, some day all this could be yours. You're going places, young man. I can feel it. But you really need to take some lessons in sucking cock and licking ass. Otherwise you might find yourself rotting away in some shit-hole, postponing suicide for the slim chance that you might one day, possibly, see some glorious plague or pestilence bring horrible suffering to your hateful species. Jimmy
: [Jerome and Bardo look at each other in shocked silence, then let out uncomfortable snickers
] What are you smiling about? Jimmy
: [Jerome only shrugs, an uncomfortable grin etched on his face
] Laugh away, laughing boy! I will stomp on your guts till they shoot out your ass! I will bury you alive and shit on your grave!
: [Introducing herself to Jerome while at Shiloh's photo exhibit
] Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way. Bardo
: [Butting in
] So is that your real name, or are you just obsessed with Audrey Hepburn like every other art school chick? Audrey
: [Unperturbed, holding up her necklace pendant
] Actually, I was named after an old cartoon. Bardo
: Oh, wow! Another ironic pop-culture reference. She's a keeper!
[Goes off to help himself to more free refreshments
: The only trouble with that is: all those beatnik chicks are totally insane. Look. What you really want is a nice, innocent, suburban girl. Some freshman chick who hasn't been corrupted yet.