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Quotes for
Karl Thomasson (Character)
from The Substitute 2: School's Out (1998) (TV)

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The Substitute 3: Winner Takes All (1999) (TV)
Prof. Nicole Stewart: So what do you hope to gain by this?
Karl Thomasson: The usual. Truth. Justice. The American way.

Karl Thomasson: Steroids, they pump you up, make you huge, make you feel like you're the master of the universe! But while you're mastering the universe, let me tell about a couple of other things that they can do: They can give you high blood pressure. They can give you coronary disease, kidney disease, cancer of the liver. They can cause impotence, and sterility, not to mention diareaha, acne, hair loss, body odor, and the always popular, withered testicles. Having trouble getting a date on Saturday? Wait till she finds out what you're packing in your shorts when you're doing steroids. Absolutely nothing. Oh hey! And I almost forgot one other minor side effect: they can kill you! Not years from now down the road, but right now, today, this minute. But hey, don't take my word for it. Just ask your classmate Josh Silver. But don't expect and answer any time soon. 'Cause right now, he's on a stainless steel autopsy table in the medical examiner's office, having his organs removed and disected ONE BY ONE. But hey, he sure could bench press couldn't he?

Macy: You got to admire a guy like that. He knows what to do with a rifle butt.
Karl Thomasson: Well it makes me jealous when you get all the attention.
Macy: Well, I tipped him. That's why he gave me that last shot in the spine.

Macy: I don't feel anything below my neck. Why don't you just make me a little more comfortable and then you skip town by yourself?
Karl Thomasson: What and give up my favorite dance partner? Not a chance.

Karl Thomasson: Maybe you didn't notice but those guys were completely wired. Maybe it was coke, maybe it was steroids, but they were totally out of control. Why don't you let me deal with them?

Head Coach Bill Braden: So, if you need anything, like tickets just let me know.
Karl Thomasson: Oh, don't worry, Coach. I know this is going to be a memorable season.

Jeremy: Hey we only lost Vietnam because of Hippie's and draft dodgers, and you wouldn't see that crap today.
Karl Thomasson: So, uh, what's your name?
Jeremy: Jeremy.
Karl Thomasson: So you're saying domestic unrest undermine the military abroad. Is that right?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Karl Thomasson: And where'd you learn this? From one of you political science professors?
Jeremy: Rambo.

The Substitute: Failure Is Not an Option (2001) (V)
Karl Thomasson: Whine usually makes me tired.
Jenny: [Kisses Karl] Still tired?
Karl Thomasson: No, I'm wide awake now!
[He and Jenny passionately kiss]

Karl Thomasson: Jenny, hey.
Jenny: Hey.
Karl Thomasson: I'm sorry.
Jenny: For last night?
Karl Thomasson: Yeah.
Jenny: That's OK, its not the first time someone walked out on me.
Karl Thomasson: Yeah.
Jenny: But usually they walk out after we've had sex.

Karl Thomasson: [to Jenny] I hope you like this wine. If you don't, its your fault, 'cause you baught it.

The Substitute 2: School's Out (1998) (TV)
Joey 6: [Watching Randall's daughter enter a car] Smart money says the real action's in the car with the boyfriend.
Karl Thomasson: [Deadpan] I think the smart money should shut up.

Karl Thomasson: [holds up a yo-yo] what do you think this is?
Dontae: It's just a simple toy man
[starts drinking from a large bottle]
Karl Thomasson: To you it is. But back in 1500 in the Philippines it was a weapon
[lashes out with the yo-yo and smashes the bottle Dontae is drinking from]