Jonathan Shale
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Quotes for
Jonathan Shale (Character)
from The Substitute (1996)

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The Substitute (1996)
Shale: Did you ever look up the word "mercenary"? It's someone who "works merely for money."
Joey: Everybody works for money.
Shale: It's not the money that bothers me; it's the "merely."

Shale: I'm in charge of this class. I'm the warrior chief. I'm the merciless god of anything that stirs in my universe. You fuck with me, and you will suffer my wrath.

[Shale confronts Juan Lacas and his cronies in the library]
Shale: Ohh, I can't tell you boys how much I needed this.
Juan Lacas: When we're done, I want you to say 'I'm Sorry' 100 times.
Shale: Shh. No talking in the library.

Principal Claude Rolle: Two of your students are in the nurse's office talking a lawsuit right now.
Shale: Why, is the nurse a lawyer?

[Claude Rolle tells Shale about how the drugs are shipped to the school via bus]
Shale: And they said busing would never work.

Hollan: Cuba wimped you out. You lost your mind and now you lost your balls.
Shale: [grabs Hollan by his crotch] Maybe I'll just borrow yours, on second thought they're too small.
Hollan: [about to walk away] FUCK YOU. Fucking queers.

Shale: [Hollan fires near Shale to keep him from using his martial arts against the thug drug dealer] You fucking psycho!
Hollan: [Hollan shoots drug dealer dead behind Shale, and hands gun to Shale] Who's the fuckin' psycho?

Shale: I'd like to know what area of history you're studying.
Student: The fuck you history!

Jerome Brown: Mr. Smith, you lost any homeboys?
Shale: Yeah Jerome, I lost a few homeboys.

Shale: I'm sorry about those windows.
Hannah Dillon: Hey, fuck it.

Shale: Tilt those little puppies over here, baby.

Shale: Who died?
Student: You did.
Shale: Guess I am a little late.

[last lines]
Joey: It's definitely time to relocate.
Shale: Yeah.
Joey: It's too bad we had to fuck up the school. I feel bad for the kids tomorrow, man.
Shale: They'll be okay. At least it's their school again.
Joey: Yeah. Where the hell we gonna go, man?
Shale: Uh, how's L.A. sound?
Joey: More bomb threats.
Shale: I heard the schools out there have a major drug problem.
Joey: No! Ah, no, no more schools, man. Forget it.

Shale: You don't want soldiers, you want killers.
Matt Wolfson: You know, you'll have to excuse me here Shale, 'cause I wasn't aware there was that much of a difference.
Shale: Oh, there's a difference. You wanna know what the difference is?
Matt Wolfson: Yeah, I'll play. You tell me what the difference is. But I don't want any...
Shale: [pins him to the wall] The difference is... the difference is, you're still breathing.
Shale: [about bowel sounds] Hey, that cereal really does work.

Rodriguez: Motherfucker, you broken my finger!
Shale: I don't break 'em on the first offense.