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: How did we get on the ceiling? Eddie
: Did you pay the gravity bill this morning? Stuart
: I forgot!
: If you eat my yogurt again, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Stuart
: You make murder sound so sexual, Alex.
: Sex is kinda like pizza. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
: Straight sex is better than gay sex, it's written in the Bible. Alex
: Is that in the King James or the New World Edition?
: If you're so hot on the idea, why don't you have sex with him? Stuart
: Taste of semen makes me gag. Alex
: How would you know? Whose semen were you eating? Stuart
: My own.
: Why didn't you just fuck her? Eddie
: Yeah, right! Stuart
: Eddy, the girl was ripping your pants off with her teeth. She's in the perfect position, at least get a blowjob!
: I'm telling you. If you don't have sex soon, you dick is going to shrivel up and go inside your body. Then what do you have? A vagina.
[On Catcher In The Rye
: It's a great book, you're going to love it. Alex
: I've read it four times. Stuart
: I've often felt like the main character, Holden Caulfield... Eddie
: No, no, he's Stratladder, the obnoxious room-mate who thinks he's it.
[after the guys meet Alex, she storms out, slamming the door
: Wow, she's amazing. Truly amazing.
: Amaaaaazing grace... Eddie
: It's not Grace, it's Alex. Stuart
] Amaaaaazing Alex...
[Eddie hits Stuart in the face with a football