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: If you eat my yogurt again, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Stuart
: You make murder sound so sexual, Alex.
: Straight sex is better than gay sex, it's written in the Bible. Alex
: Is that in the King James or the New World Edition?
: You have the hots for me, I have the hots for him, and sooner or later he's gonna have the hots for you. Eddie
: Sounds pretty hot to me.
: If you're so hot on the idea, why don't you have sex with him? Stuart
: Taste of semen makes me gag. Alex
: How would you know? Whose semen were you eating? Stuart
: My own.
: Oh, I am so sick of this shit, it's not NORMAL! It's not NORMAL the three of us LIVING TOGETHER! I am so sick of falling for guys who don't give a fuck about me! I need help! I need a facial! I need to go on a diet! I need money! I need new shoes! Oh, God, just do something!
: What are you doing in here? Eddie
: Our room has a foul and mysterious odor. Alex
: So clean it, you used to be a clean person. Eddie
: That was before I moved in with him. I used to make hospital corners, now I don't even change the sheets
[On Catcher In The Rye
: It's a great book, you're going to love it. Alex
: I've read it four times. Stuart
: I've often felt like the main character, Holden Caulfield... Eddie
: No, no, he's Stratladder, the obnoxious room-mate who thinks he's it.
: I find libraries very erotic.