Dr. Richard Webber
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Quotes for
Dr. Richard Webber (Character)
from "Grey's Anatomy" (2005)

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"Grey's Anatomy: Losing My Religion (#2.27)" (2006)
Dr. Richard Webber: You have your dress for the prom?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Excuse me?
Dr. Richard Webber: I'm going to the prom. If I have to go, *everybody* has to go.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Wha - I'm a grown woman.
Dr. Richard Webber: [announcing to the room in general] Everybody goes to the prom! Everybody!

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [one on one meeting with the Chief] I'm a pretty girl.
Dr. Richard Webber: What?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I'm not being arrogant, it's just, it's just kind of a fact. For a long time I made a career from my looks, so I get it, I'm a pretty girl. And not in a "from a certain angle" way, in an obvious way. It's the blonde thing and the big boobs thing, big boobs are a key to obvious pretty if you know what I'm saying.
Dr. Richard Webber: Dr. Stevens.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: It's how men see me. I'm not a smart girl or an interesting girl, I'm a pretty girl. The blonde and the boobs, it confuses guys into thinking that I'm someone else. And I'm used to it. And I'm used to them walking away when they realize... but then Denny goes and asks me to marry him.
Dr. Richard Webber: Is that why you cut the wires?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: He doesn't make me feel like I'm a pretty girl. He makes me feel like, like me. I think he might know me. And so, if I did cut the LVAD wire, and I'm not saying that I did, but if I did, then no, I don't feel guilty. And I know that I should. And I would if it were anybody else's. But I can't feel anything but happy.

Dr. Richard Webber: [one on one meeting with Cristina] I know your type. You're a surgical junkie.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Yes, sir.
Dr. Richard Webber: I'm just saying, it's not going to be easy for you to be away from the OR that long.
Dr. Cristina Yang: No, sir.
Dr. Richard Webber: And if you want to get back to the OR, you're gonna tell me what I need to know aren't you.
Dr. Cristina Yang: You're right, it's not easy for me to be away from the OR. And it's not easy for me to sit in front of you, or any other authority figure for that matter, and not be able to give you the exact answer that you want to hear. I'm the one with the answers. I've always been the one with the answers. But right now sir, I don't have any.
Dr. Richard Webber: Dr. Yang.
Dr. Cristina Yang: How do you keep your edge sir? Because I've watched you and you've been doing this a long time and you're clean, you're focused, you are the job, nothing gets to you. And the thing is sir, I was like that, until I got here. Until I actually started doing this job and now everything is, is fuzzy and...
Dr. Richard Webber: That's beside the point.
Dr. Cristina Yang: No see sir, this is the point. Because I can't tell you, I can't tell you what happened in that room. And before I could have, no guilt, no loyalties, no problem. Before, before I wouldn't have even been in that room. I wouldn't have gotten involved. I would have never frozen in surgery. And I would have told him what I thought he should do. I had an edge, sir. I had an edge and I've lost it, and I need it. I need it back. So, if you could just tell me, how you keep yours and how not to be affected, I know I could be a great surgeon. So if you could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it.
Dr. Richard Webber: You're excused Dr. Yang.
Dr. Cristina Yang: But...
Dr. Richard Webber: You're excused.
Dr. Cristina Yang: I'll tell you, I'll tell you who cut the LVAD wires if you'll please...
Dr. Richard Webber: No you won't, I don't wanna know. Not from you. Yeah, I have the answers, but I can't tell them to you. I'm not going to be responsible for you becoming less human.

Dr. Alex Karev: [one on one meeting with the Chief] I went to college on a wrestling scholarship. I played baseball, some basketball. But we'll go with football.
Dr. Richard Webber: What the hell does football have to do with who cut the LVAD wires?
Dr. Alex Karev: Let's say you were drafted to a team that wasn't your first pick. You know, you don't like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. The quarterback's a pain in the ass you don't owe a damned thing to. But, it's your team. You don't quit. You don't talk to the press. You don't bitch to the coach. You just, you just go out there every Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you, you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play, because it's your freaking team.

"Grey's Anatomy: Free Falling (#8.1)" (2011)
Dr. Richard Webber: [to Meredith] The board met this morning. They feel that a suspension would send the wrong message. They feel that what you did disgraced the hospital, the profession. I'm sorry. I did everything I could.
Dr. Meredith Grey: So what are you saying?
Dr. Richard Webber: You're fired. Effective immediately. You're no longer a doctor at Seattle Grace

Dr. Miranda Bailey: [to Richard] We need a Gunther.
Dr. Richard Webber: Dr. Bailey, it's the first day of fifth year, I...
Dr. Miranda Bailey: And they're at each others throats. We need a Gunther.
Dr. Richard Webber: I've got more pressing problems. I'm trying to find a new spot for Meredith Grey. You know, I heard they have good research fellowships at Mass Gen. I thought a recommendation from you would...
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You want me to write a recommendation for Meredith Grey?
Dr. Richard Webber: By the end of the day would be fine.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: To whom it may concern, Meredith Grey is an excellent example of the kind of resident you absolutley should not hire. She underminds ground-breaking clinical trials, she has absolutely no respect for rules, authority or as it turns out the oath that she took when she became a doctor. She will most likely tarnish the reputation of you, your doctors and your hospital. Sincerely, Dr. Miranda Bailey. Meredith Grey is the reason that we need a Gunther.

Dr. Alex Karev: [to Richard] You need to get Meredith her job back.
Dr. Richard Webber: What do you think I'm doing? I've spent the whole morning trying to get her a job.
Dr. Alex Karev: Meredith doesn't need a job, she needs this job.
Dr. Richard Webber: It's not gonna happen. The board's already made their decision.
Dr. Alex Karev: Let me talk to them. I... I mean, maybe I don't know what I saw, maybe I... I lied to get the chief residency.
Dr. Richard Webber: I can't let you say that.
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, the hell you can't.
Dr. Richard Webber: Karev, this is not on you.
Dr. Alex Karev: Yeah, it is. It's all on me.

"Grey's Anatomy: I Saw What I Saw (#6.6)" (2009)
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [about Charles] He fainted.
Dr. Richard Webber: He fainted?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: He fainted.
Lawrence Jennings: From what?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: He better have a brain tumor or something 'cause that's just unacceptable.

Dr. Alex Karev: I never even seen that patient. I was stitching up Nose Dive.
Dr. Richard Webber: Nose Dive?
Dr. Alex Karev: What's his name? The dude th... that fainted?
HR Woman: Dr. Percy.
Lawrence Jennings: [laughs] Nose Dive. That's gonna stick.

Dr. Derek Shepherd: t's not the doctors, Richard. They're all good doctors.
Dr. Richard Webber: I know that. Who do you think this was for? For Jennings, it was about legal, but this was for me. I needed to know who was finally was responsible. At least I was about to do that.
[Derek sighs]
Dr. Richard Webber: Say it, Derek.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Maybe it's not one doctor. Maybe it's too many doctors who don't know each other and who don't trust each other. When I got to that room, it was chaos, because that's the system now, chaos. That has been the system that has been in place since this merger. Your system. I'm saying you should look again at who's responsible.

"Grey's Anatomy: Enough Is Enough (#2.2)" (2005)
Dr. Richard Webber: Call three times a day.
Adele Webber: Do not call three times a day.
Dr. Richard Webber: And if my wife doesn't put you through ...
Adele Webber: I won't put you through.
Dr. Richard Webber: Keep calling until she does
Dr. George O'Malley: Yes, sir.

Dr. Richard Webber: You know, you're perfect for this job Preston - unattached, obsessive, this hospital, this job, it's enough for you, isn't it?

Dr. Richard Webber: Being Chief is a lot like being an intern; the work never stops.

"Grey's Anatomy: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head (#2.1)" (2005)
Dr. Richard Webber: I want you to listen to me very carefully. As long as I am here, I don't know what's happening out there, with my doctors, my patients, my hospital. You are my eyes today, my ears. I want you to be a sponge.
Dr. George O'Malley: A sponge?
Dr. Richard Webber: You report anything and everything happening in this hospital to me.
Dr. George O'Malley: I'm an investigative sponge.
Dr. Richard Webber: I'm not fooling around, O'Malley. There's too much happenin' lately under my radar. It stops today.

Dr. Richard Webber: I want you to be a sponge.
Dr. George O'Malley: A sponge?
Dr. Richard Webber: You report any and everything happening in this hospital to me.
Dr. George O'Malley: I'm an investigative sponge.

Dr. Richard Webber: O'Malley, yell at me again and I'll snap you like a small twig.
Dr. George O'Malley: Yes, sir.

"Grey's Anatomy: The Sound of Silence (#12.9)" (2016)
Dr. April Kepner: [after Meredith is attacked by a patient] Has anyone told the Chief?
Dr. Richard Webber: Okay, do not page her. This is one patient. We can do this one, okay? She has to handle everything else.
Dr. Ben Warren: The guy who did this... he was stable, non-aggressive. He wasn't a threat. I left for like five minutes and this happens.
Dr. Owen Hunt: He was postictal. Hyper-aggression can occur after a seizure.
Dr. Richard Webber: Temporary fugue state. He won't even remember it.
Dr. April Kepner: Where is he now?
Dr. Ben Warren: Restrained and being treated right next door.

Dr. Richard Webber: [as the doctors are working on Meredith] You can't work on your family.
Dr. Alex Karev: Everybody in this damn room is her family.

Dr. Richard Webber: [to Meredith] I understand you saw Amelia.
[Meredith gives him a look]
Dr. Richard Webber: Look, look, look. I know you're not in the mood for a lecture.
[Meredith undoes the brakes on her wheelchair and tries to push herself away, but Richard stops her]
Dr. Richard Webber: But... Are you finished?
[Richard puts the brakes on Meredith's wheelchair back on]
Dr. Richard Webber: She came to see you the night after the attack. She was drunk. She was upset... because you'd called her for a consult that day... the day of the attack. And she had a choice between coming to you and going to another trauma, and she went to the other trauma because she was mad at you.
[Meredith shakes her head]
Dr. Richard Webber: Forgiveness is a powerful thing, Meredith... not only to make the other person feel good, but to heal you. You need to forgive her, Mer. Forgive her for not being Derek... for being the wrong Shepherd. Just enough to remind you of what's missing, but not enough to bring him back. That's not her fault. You need to forgive her. You don't have to like her. You don't have to love her. But forgive her, okay? So you can forgive Blake for being in that room when a wrong decision cost you your husband. To forgive Derek for dying too soon. To forgive yourself for hating him for dying too soon.
[Meredith gets teary eyed]
Dr. Richard Webber: Let it go, Meredith... and forgive.

"Grey's Anatomy: Unaccompanied Minor (#7.22)" (2011)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to Meredith] You wanted to be treated like a colleague? I'm gonna treat you like a colleague. Alex Karev informed Dr. Hunt that Dr. Grey tampered with my clinical trial. She switched around placebos and the drugs, probably invaildating... my trial.
Dr. Richard Webber: [to Meredith] Is this true?
Dr. Meredith Grey: Nothing I did has any effect...
Dr. Richard Webber: Tell me exactly what happened.
Dr. Meredith Grey: I can't do that.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you think that the FDA will get anywhere near this hospital, ever again?
Dr. Richard Webber: Meredith, look at me. If this is wrong, if there's something going on, if Karev is exaggerating, this is the part where you have to tell me. This is the part where you have to deny the charges.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Kick me off the study. There's nothing wrong with the study. Nothing I did changes anything.
Dr. Richard Webber: I'm gonna have to investigate what's going on here, but it looks to me like you just lost your job.

Dr. Richard Webber: This is an extremely serious accusation, Meredith. Can you tell me anything?
Dr. Meredith Grey: I-I-I can't. I'm- I'm sorry.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: How many patients are we talking about here? Did this happen more than once?
Dr. Meredith Grey: I can't say that either.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: She can't say anything.
Dr. Richard Webber: Look, we're going to unwind this, Meredith. Karev is figuring out what cases he was on when he saw you, he'll narrow down the dates and we'll know which patients...
Dr. Meredith Grey: Nothing I did changed the trial. Uh, fire me. Do whatever you have to do.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Look, you don't get to choose, okay?
[Alex knocks on the door, Richard opens it and takes an envelope from him]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: You don't get to decide who gets the drug or who gets the placebo. You don't get to decide what information the trial gets.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Nothing I did affects the trial. If you don't know what I did, the trial stays blind.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: The trial is over. You screwed me. You screwed this hospital and you screwed yourself. This is your disease that we're trying to cure.
[Richard is looking through the files Alex gave him]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: I mean, I could've picked Parkinson's...
Dr. Richard Webber: [mumbles] It was Adele.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: ...or Lou Gehrig's disease, but I did this for you.
Dr. Richard Webber: Derek, it was Adele.

Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to Richard] What are you gonna do?
Dr. Richard Webber: I don't know.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Well, the protocol is fairly clear.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Are you encouraging him to fire me?
Dr. Richard Webber: Look, Derek, I basically pressured her to do it. You'd have to fire us both.
[Derek walks out]
Dr. Richard Webber: I'm gonna have to suspend you, so it doesn't look so bad, but the study... I need to turn the whole mess over to the FDA, let them figure out what to do with it... Meredith, I don't know how to...
Dr. Meredith Grey: I know.

"Grey's Anatomy: It's the End of the World (#2.16)" (2006)
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Dr. Bailey is in labor and exits her hospital room to see Dr. Webber, Dr. O'Malley and Dr. Shepherd outside] What are you people doing out here?
Dr. Richard Webber: Are you all right? Can I get you anything?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: A boy the size of a ten pound bowling ball is working his way out of my body. Can you get me something for that? Can you get me a new vagina?
Dr. Richard Webber: Uh... well...
Dr. Miranda Bailey: I didn't think so.

Dr. George O'Malley: Bailey's in there!
Dr. Richard Webber: Bailey's back?
[looks into exam room]
Dr. Richard Webber: O'Malley!
Dr. George O'Malley: She's in labour. Dr Montgomery-Shephard is examining her cervix.
Dr. Richard Webber: I can see that quite clearly. O'Malley, stop looking!
Dr. George O'Malley: Pretty amazing right? Miracle of life...
Dr. Richard Webber: Our Bailey, becoming a mother. Feels good having Bailey back at the hospital, balance has been restored.
Dr. George O'Malley: That's all I'm saying sir.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Hey guys, what's going on?
Dr. Richard Webber: Bailey's in there.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Oh Bailey's back? That's excellent!
[looks into exam room]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: And her cervix is being examined by my wife... which is an image I'll never get out of my head. Thanks for the warning.

"Grey's Anatomy: Stand by Me (#5.18)" (2009)
Dr. Richard Webber: [to Derek] Nothing we do can stop death. We can hold it at bay every now and then, but everyone dies and that's not on us.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: I took a pregnant woman in for a simple surgery and I botched it. That is on me. I should feel badly about that and you should feel badly while I was out here, you sent Meredith out here expectation a ring. Why would you do that? Why in God's name would you do that?
Dr. Richard Webber: I was trying to help. She didn't want to come. She wanted to leave you out here alone. I was trying to help, Derek.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: You were trying to help yourself not me, yourself! I hit the ring in the woods... in the woods. You destroyed me!
[gets up and goes inside his trailer slamming the door behind him]

Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to Richard] Get out!
Dr. Richard Webber: No.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Get out, Richard! Get out!
Dr. Richard Webber: Look, I've destroyed lives before. Several in fact and yours is not one of them. Now, I sent the woman you love out here to help you. I sent the woman who loves you, out here, to bring you back to your life. If you ruin it with her, that's on you. I don't accept it. You're scared, you're drunk. You don't know which way is up. You threw a punch at your best friend, and you threw a ring at Meredith and now you wanna throw me out. I'm not accepting it. Because, I'm older than you, and I've been where you are. You've been drunk for a few days, I was drunk for years and I know you're gonna need at least one friend when you decide to come out of that hole you're digging. I hope you come out of it soon and I'll be here when you do.

"Grey's Anatomy: Make Me Lose Control (#2.3)" (2005)
Dr. Addison Shepherd: So I'm leaving in the morning.
Dr. Richard Webber: No.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Excuse me?
Dr. Richard Webber: No, I'm not accepting your resignation.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: It's not resignation, Richard, it's notification. I don't officially work for you. I came for one case, I can track the twins progress from New York.
Dr. Richard Webber: What about the preemie?
Dr. Addison Shepherd: I'm letting go of the preemie, you know that. He calls me Satan, Richard.
Dr. Richard Webber: You don't like to hide from a fight.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: It's not a fight, he wins. I'm leaving in the morning

Dr. Derek Shepherd: Nice hat.
Dr. Richard Webber: Shut up.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: What are you doing here?
Dr. Richard Webber: I'm going back to work.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: You're not cleared for surgery.
Dr. Richard Webber: Leave me alone, Derek. I've been sitting home for a week watching Oprah give away things on T.V. Oprah, Derek! You clear me now or I'll hurt you
Dr. Derek Shepherd: If you want me to clear you, you should have thought about that before you gave chief to Burke. And before you invited Satan to Seattle.

"Grey's Anatomy: Walk on Water (#3.15)" (2007)
Dr. Richard Webber: What's the news, Dr. Sloan?
Dr. Mark Sloan: Shepherd and Grey are on the rocks, Burke and Yang are engaged... You need highlights... Highlights. That's why your hair looks so odd. I'll go save lives now...

"Grey's Anatomy: Lay Your Hands on Me (#4.11)" (2008)
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [to the chief] There's probably a thousand scientific reasons why Mr. Greenwald's heart rate just suddenly stabilized.
Dr. Richard Webber: Without question.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: And why Mrs. McCaffrey's staph infection just suddenly disappeared.
Dr. Richard Webber: Sloan's patient? She's fine?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: I mean, don't get me wrong, I have faith. I do. But faith isn't medicine. Faith... can't heal you.
Dr. Richard Webber: Well, that may be so. But then again... it can't hurt.

"Grey's Anatomy: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (#2.12)" (2005)
[Room is filled with noisy children, playing, which continues throughout the scene]
Dr. Meredith Grey: Tim Epstein, 38, fell off the roof of his house.
[One of his children is sitting on him, sticking a fake lizard to his forehead]
Tim Epstein: I was, uh, stringing Hanumas lights and a shingle came loose.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Hanumas?
Tim Epstein: Hanumas. Christmukkah. We go all out.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Smiling] Awesome.
Mrs. Epstein: He fell twelve feet.
Tim Epstein: The good news is, my head broke my fall.
[One of the children flings a fake lizard, which hits Derek in the face, who smiles in surprise]
Dr. Meredith Grey: Uh, there are no visible deformities, but he's definitely having some focal left arm weakness.
Mrs. Epstein: He'll probably be fine. He's always been a little hard-headed.
[Tim laughs, but seems to be in pain]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Does your head hurt when you laugh?
Tim Epstein: Is that a bad thing?
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Do you wanna follow my finger with your eyes, please?
Jake Epstein: [to Bailey] I know karate.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Flustered] Hmm? Uh... You know, your husband might need a little, uh, quiet, so, there's a cafeteria right down the...
Tim Epstein: No, no. Whoa. Let 'em stay. Pain or no, I don't wanna miss out on the holidays with my kids.
[Izzie is playing with the kids]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Who would like to take Mr., uhm, Epstein down for a CT?
[Izzie's hand shoots up]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Stevens it is.
[Izzie grins]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [Bailey walks up to the Chief who is surveying the OR board]
Dr. Richard Webber: Anxiety attacks, aneurysms and ulcers.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Must be December.
Patricia: Chief, Adele just called.
Dr. Richard Webber: Tell her I'm in...
Patricia: She knows your not in surgery. And she said to tell you, quote, "We are going to our niece's school pageant this morning. You have known about it for months. And after what you pulled on Thanksgiving..." and then she, started using a great many words I don't feel comfortable repeating.
Dr. Richard Webber: But I have seven surgeons on vacation...
Patricia: And there was something about "divorce".
Dr. Richard Webber: [to Dr. Bailey] You'll have to cover my ulcer excision.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Yes, sir.
[Chief and Patricia are walking away]
Dr. Richard Webber: The woman is unreasonable. When did watching a six-year-old dressed up like a wise man become... You couldn't hang up the phone?

"Grey's Anatomy: As We Know It (#2.17)" (2006)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [Asking for Meredith] Where is she?
Dr. Richard Webber: She's right here.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Derek, you're okay... oh... it's going to be okay...
Adele Webber: [to Dr. Webber] That is not the she he was asking for.

"Private Practice: In Which We Meet Addison, a Nice Girl from Somewhere Else (#1.1)" (2007)
Richard Webber: You think you're gonna go there and do what? Wear jeans, walk on the beach, dance in your underwear?
Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery: Maybe I'll dance naked.

"Grey's Anatomy: She's Gone (#8.2)" (2011)
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [to Richard] What did you do?
Dr. Richard Webber: I want you to shut the door and then I want you to sit down.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You're throwing your whole career away for that damn girl.
Dr. Richard Webber: This is not the end of my career.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: The FDA will never come anywhere near you again. That is the end of your ilet cell trial, not to mention anything else you might be cooking up with...
Dr. Richard Webber: Sit down!
[Bailey sits down and crosses her arms over her chest; Richard hands her a folder]
Dr. Richard Webber: Open it and read the first page.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [grabs the folder from Richard and starts reading it] "The artificial pancreas the cure for diabetes..." How about 'the artifical pancreas, a huge missed opportunity that you blew because you...
Dr. Richard Webber: Read the next line.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Principle investigator, Miranda Bail...
Dr. Richard Webber: It's yours now. I have no pending trials with the FDA.

"Grey's Anatomy: Let It Be (#2.8)" (2005)
Dr. Richard Webber: You're being wooed, aren't you?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Excuse me?
Dr. Richard Webber: The fellowship, LA Med, Chicago Central. They're wooing you. I mean, you're fielding offers, you're looking at bonus packages, you're letting yourself be wooed.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Chief, I...
Dr. Richard Webber: It's fine. It's fine. Go be a hotshot somewhere else. But tell me, how could you do this to me? I mean, I'm hurt, I'm really hurt. After all I've done for you. You're gifted and you're ungrateful. And that's all I'm sayin'.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: I'm pregnant, you blind moron.
Dr. Richard Webber: You're what?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: My heart rate is 110, I'm burning 3000 calories a day, my legs are swollen, I've got indigestion and gas. Did you know that carrying a boy in your uterus means that you burn 10% more calories than if you had a girl? Guess what I'm carrying? I tried for 7 damn years and a month before my fellowship notification, the stick turns blue. Men. From the very beginnin' they just suck the life right outta you. I'm not leaving. I'm pregnant.
Dr. Richard Webber: Um... congratulations?

"Grey's Anatomy: Who's Zoomin' Who? (#1.9)" (2005)
Dr. Richard Webber: Great syphilis outbreak and a tumour.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: It's probably unrelated.

"Grey's Anatomy: Good Mourning (#6.1)" (2009)
Dr. Richard Webber: You people, answer your pages. George O'Malley jumped in front of a bus today. He knew what he was doing, and he did anyway, and he did it to save a life. So I'm not gonna allow you doctors to stand here. There are lives on the line. There are lives we can save. So if George O'Malley can jump in front of a bus, we can answer our damn pages. So let's go.
[he pauses]
Dr. Richard Webber: Damn it. Damn it, O'Malley.

"Grey's Anatomy: Desire (#3.21)" (2007)
Dr. Richard Webber: There was a fish in a man's penis!
Dr. Miranda Bailey: There's ALWAYS a fish in a man's penis!

"Grey's Anatomy: A Hard Day's Night (#1.1)" (2005)
Dr. Richard Webber: Each of you comes here today hopeful, wanting in on the game. A month ago, you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today... you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play, that's up to you

"Grey's Anatomy: Winning a Battle, Losing the War (#1.3)" (2005)
Lloyd Mackie: Richard... you're a good friend. The best.
Dr. Richard Webber: Shut up and count backwards already, Mack.

"Grey's Anatomy: Love, Loss and Legacy (#8.5)" (2011)
Dr. Richard Webber: [to Bailey] You hear that Zola came into the hospital, had a bowel obstruction?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Yep.
Dr. Richard Webber: It can't be easy on Meredith. It can't be easy at all.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You are really not using Meredith's sick baby to guilt me into putting her on my trial.
Dr. Richard Webber: Well, if you think she lacks judgement, then help her. You're the moral compass of this hospital.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [scoffs] Moral...? You don't... I'm the moral compass of nothing. I am using one man like a plaything and had another one bribing a scheduler.
Dr. Richard Webber: I... I really don't want to know.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Like a plaything. Often and enthusiastically.
Dr. Richard Webber: M... Maybe you should stop. Did I mention that I promised Ellis Grey on her death bed that I would take care of Meredith.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: I am still not putting that girl on my trial.

"Grey's Anatomy: Suicide Is Painless (#6.18)" (2010)
[a nurse walks out of the operating room]
Dr. Richard Webber: If I wasn't happily married, I'd hit her. I'd hit her hard.
Dr. Alex Karev: Sir, I think what you wanted to say was hit *that*.

"Grey's Anatomy: Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response (#2.26)" (2006)
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I cut the L-VAD wire.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Actually, I cut the L-VAD wire.
Dr. George O'Malley: No, I did it. I'm the one who cut the wire.
[pause, Christina remains silent and George gives her a nudge]
Christina Yang: Fine. I cut the L-vad wire.
Dr. Alex Karev: I didn't do anything I'm totally innocent.
[everyone starts yelling at Alex, except Dr. Webber]
Dr. Richard Webber: People! I know who did this so you might as well come clean. I know!

"Grey's Anatomy: Yesterday (#2.18)" (2006)
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Put the ice on your hand.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: My hand is fine.
Dr. Richard Webber: Put the damn ice on your two million a year hand. Now, would someone tell me what the hell happened?
Dr. Addison Shepherd: That was Mark.
Dr. Richard Webber: Who's Mark?
Dr. Addison Shepherd: He and Derek used to work together back in New York. And they, we, were all close friends. Until Derek found us in bed together.
Dr. Richard Webber: Did you put your weight behind it?
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Yes sir.
Dr. Richard Webber: Well, alright then.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: What the hell is he doing here?
Dr. Addison Shepherd: I have no idea.

"Grey's Anatomy: Into You Like a Train (#2.6)" (2005)
Dr. Cristina Yang: Uh, Dr. Webber. Sir?
Dr. Richard Webber: Notice anything else about that leg? Anything other than that very clean cut? Did you happen to notice, for example, that it was shaved recently? And manicured? Take a look at my patient, Dr. Yang! Does he look like a man who woke up and shaved one of his legs this morning?

"Grey's Anatomy: The First Cut Is the Deepest (#1.2)" (2005)
Dr. Meredith Grey: Custody of a penis?
Dr. Richard Webber: Yes. Until the cops come for it.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Ok, well, what am I supposed to do with the penis?

"Grey's Anatomy: Where the Wild Things Are (#4.12)" (2008)
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [about the residents] I thought you told me to keep the animals under control!?
Dr. Richard Webber: From time to time, I like to go to the zoo.

"Grey's Anatomy: Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole (#2.20)" (2006)
Dr. Richard Webber: Dr. Yang?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Dr. Webber.
Dr. Richard Webber: What is that smell?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Uh... it's... it's feces. It's baby feces.

"Grey's Anatomy: Crash Into Me: Part 2 (#4.10)" (2007)
Dr. Richard Webber: It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose.

"Grey's Anatomy: Death and All His Friends (#6.24)" (2010)
Gary Clark: [offering his flask to Richard over the pointed gun] You sure you don't want a drink?
[Richard takes the flask and sniffs the contents]
Dr. Richard Webber: Vodka, it's nice.
[he pours the vodka onto the floor]
Gary Clark: Hey!
Dr. Richard Webber: What's it gonna be, Mr. Clark... me or you? You shoot me, SWAT's gonna get you. And they're not gonna shoot you, they're gonna capture you and they're gonna take you to prison. Now you shoot yourself, then you're free, done, maybe get to see your wife again. So you have a choice to make: me or you? A life in prison, or an afterlife with your wife.
Gary Clark: S-screw you!
Dr. Richard Webber: See, I've lived. I mean, I've *really*, really lived. I've failed. I-I've been devastated. I've been broken. I've gone to hell and back... and I've also known joy and passion and I've had a great love. See, death for me is not justice; it's the end of a beautiful journey, and I'm not afraid to die. The question is, are you? A life in prison, or an afterlife with your wife... me or you? Your choice.

"Grey's Anatomy: Don't Deceive Me (Please Don't Go) (#7.13)" (2011)
Dr. Owen Hunt: Can I help you with something there, Chief?
Dr. Richard Webber: [sitting at computer] I'm trying to look at Bailey's teats on the Internet.
Dr. Owen Hunt: I think you mean "tweets," sir.
Dr. Richard Webber: Whatever.
Dr. Owen Hunt: No, not whatever. it's important you get that one right.

"Grey's Anatomy: What Have I Done to Deserve This? (#2.19)" (2006)
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Dr. Bailey answer's the door with very limited view] Can I help you, Chief?
Dr. Richard Webber: [tries to poke his head in the door] Dr Bailey... I don't know what you're doing in there, but whatever it is...
[Miranda opens the door wide enough to show two wet circles on her chest because Addison's crying caused her milk to kick in]
Dr. Richard Webber: Oooh. Oh, no.
Dr. Richard Webber: [Dr. Bailey is dabbing gauze on her milk stains while the Chief babbles on] Um... Dr. Bailey, uh, I'm... sorry. Carry on.