Dr. Alex Karev
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Quotes for
Dr. Alex Karev (Character)
from "Grey's Anatomy" (2005)

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"Grey's Anatomy: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (#2.12)" (2005)
[Bailey who is pregnant, is rubbing her stomach and has labored breaths as she walks through the halls of the hospital. The interns are talking as they follow her]
Dr. George O'Malley: Look at her belly. She's almost as wide as she is tall.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Are her ankles swollen? Is that why she's waddling?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What's gonna happen to us when she goes on leave?
Dr. Cristina Yang: She's going on leave?
Dr. Meredith Grey: What do you think happens when people push babies out of their vagina?
[George laughs]
Dr. George O'Malley: Do you think we're going to get a new resident?
Dr. Alex Karev: Nah. They'll probably just let us wander around unattended. See how much damage we can do.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Yeah, well, you would know.
[Enthusiastic]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Hey, guys, we should all get together and get Bailey a Christmas gift for the baby, or we could, um, organize some sort of Secret Santa thing.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Okay, listen Tiny Tim, you can take your...
[George and Meredith move in next to each other to block Cristina from Izzie]
Dr. George O'Malley: Sounds great.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Secret Santa sounds great, Izzie.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Okay.
[turns around and leaves]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Cristina has an appalled look on her face]
Dr. Meredith Grey: We're being supportive.

[Alex is mock-examining Cristina, and is basically fondling her chest]
Dr. Cristina Yang: Okay, the way you're grabbing me now, that's assault.
[Straightens out his fingers]
Dr. Cristina Yang: This... is an exam. Pads.
[Moves his hand on her chest properly]
Dr. George O'Malley: [George walks in] What... What the hell? Does Izzie know... Does Burke know about this?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Unbunch your panties, George. We're helping Alex study.
[to Alex]
Dr. Cristina Yang: Do it.
[Alex continues examining her chest]
Dr. George O'Malley: I can't hear you when his hand is on your boob.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Take your hand off my boob, Alex.
[Alex moves his hand off her chest]
Dr. George O'Malley: Thank you. Study for what?
Dr. Alex Karev: Shut it, Yang.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Alex failed his boards.
Dr. George O'Malley: Seriously?
Dr. Alex Karev: I failed one part of one board. That's it.
Dr. George O'Malley: Still, that's pretty embarrassing.
[Stifles a laugh]
Dr. Cristina Yang: [Cristina's pager beeps] Hey, he's all yours, Georgie. Do your worst.
[Cristina leaves]
Dr. George O'Malley: You're not giving me a rectal. Do not ask me to cough.

[Izzie walks up to Alex, who is sleeping, and slaps him]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Wake up.
[Alex lifts his head up]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: God. No wonder you failed your boards. What, do you expect to learn this stuff by osmosis?
Dr. Alex Karev: What are you doing here?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [sighs] I'm a farmer, okay? I've been drooling, puking, and crapping in my pants.
Dr. Alex Karev: You came here to help me study?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Well, I'm not actually crapping my pants now, am I?
Dr. Alex Karev: Why would you want to help me after what I did?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Because, it's what JESUS, would freaking do!
Jimmy Shelton: How is she?
Nadia's Mother: Is she gonna be alright?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: She lost a lot of blood, but we were able to replace it and repair the tear. She's going to require several days' observation, but she should make a full recovery.
Jimmy Shelton: Thank God.
Nadia's Mother: Thank God is right, because we're certainly not gonna thank you. We should sue you for all you're worth. We sat here, and sat here, and sat here, and sat here...
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Quietly to George] You wanna help me out?
Dr. George O'Malley: [Quietly to Bailey] Really?
Nadia's Mother: And sat here, and watched you take patient after patient...
Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Quietly to George] You got your second chance, just don't screw it up.
Nadia's Mother: ...And made my daughter wait for three whole days for her operation. I should sue you and this whole damned hospital!
Dr. George O'Malley: Okay, yeah. You could sue us, or you could consider the possibility of just shutting the hell up.
Nadia's Mother: What did you just say to me? Did you hear what he just...
Ernie: I heard him!
Josh Shelton: You can't talk to an old lady like that.
Nadia's Mother: Where is my daughter? I'd like to see her.
Dr. George O'Malley: Well you can't. I'm her doctor, she is my patient, and this is a hospital, which is the kind of place where people could generally use a little peace and quiet. So, no. Right now, you can't see her. And I am not saying this because you threatened to sue Dr. Bailey, who spent the last several hours saving your daughter's life, saving your wife's life. I am saying this because she is my patient and she is the recovery wing of this hospital trying to recover, and visiting hours are over. So, good night. And, Merry Christmas.
[Walks away]
Dr. George O'Malley: [Bailey, with her arms folded, stares down the family]
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Interns. Too emotional. Apologies.
[Leaves]

Dr. Alex Karev: Why are you helping me after what I did?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Because it's what JESUS would FREAKIN' Do!

Dr. Alex Karev: Uh... Is the nausea constant or intermittent?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Constant.
Dr. Alex Karev: When... When did it first start?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [sighs] After I worked in the fields all day.
Dr. Alex Karev: Do you have any allergies you're aware of?
[Izzie has started to cry, shakes her head]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: No.
[Sobs]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Alex sits down next to Izzie]
Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie... I never wanted to hurt you.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Through tears] You didn't hurt me. I don't even know you, I'm a farmer.
Dr. Alex Karev: You're still the patient?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What does it look like?
[Continues crying, sobbing]
Dr. Alex Karev: It's organophosphates. Pesticide poisoning.
[Izzie nods]
Dr. Alex Karev: Crying's a symptom. That's it, right?
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Right.
[Still crying]

[George is helping Alex study]
Dr. George O'Malley: [In a bizzare accent] My throat, it's like, wicked sore, yo. Plus, I got all these sick break outs, right?
Dr. Alex Karev: Dude, seriously.
[George gets up to leave]
Dr. Alex Karev: Alright, alright! Sit down, sit down.
[George comes back]
Dr. Alex Karev: Open up your mouth, I'd like to inspect your tonsils.
[Alex shines a pen light into George's mouth as he sticks his tongue out]
Dr. George O'Malley: [Sticking his tongue out] Aaaa!
[Izzie walks in]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What's wrong with you? Are you sick?
Dr. George O'Malley: Fake sick.
[Izzie just looks confused]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: I failed my practical board exam. O'Malley's helping me study.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: You failed your...
[Angrily]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: You're helping him?
Dr. George O'Malley: Just to study. Nothing else.
Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie...
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: No, you don't get to say my name! And you are unbelievable!
[Walks out]
Dr. George O'Malley: [as he runs after Izzie] I was doing mono, the whole fever and the glands thing. The acne, was just part of the teenager thing.


"Grey's Anatomy: Staring at the Sun (#3.8)" (2006)
Dr. Meredith Grey: OK, what are you two doing?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie and Alex have a patient that only speaks about himself in the third person.
Dr. Alex Karev: They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kind of like it.

Dr. Meredith Grey: Why bother even having a kid if you're only going to see it on weekends and holidays. You might as well just get a cat.
Dr. George O'Malley: I talked to Dr. Burke, I think he's fine.
Dr. Cristina Yang: You did what?
Dr. Meredith Grey: What's wrong with Burke?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Nothing's wrong with anybody.
Dr. George O'Malley: You know he let her decanulate a heart this morning?
Dr. Meredith Grey: You decanulated a heart this morning? By yourself? B****!
Dr. Cristina Yang: No, not by myself.
Dr. George O'Malley: Now she's lying about it.
Dr. Alex Karev: Yang decanulated a heart. Why is Alex not surprised?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie isn't either. Last week, Izzie was digging through crap, this week she's fondling man boobs. No decanulating hearts for Izzie!
Dr. George O'Malley: Why aren't you bragging about decanulating the heart?
Dr. Cristina Yang: I didn't decanulate the heart
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie and Alex do not believe you.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Okay, what are you two doing?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [giggles] Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person.
Dr. Alex Karev: They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kinda like it
Dr. Meredith Grey: Good, is it gonna stop soon?
Dr. Cristina Yang: What happened? This morning you were all bright and shiny, asking to be kicked in the face
Dr. Meredith Grey: I am. I'm bright. I'm shiny.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Yeah.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie thinks that this whole "Bright and Shiny" thing is getting old.
Dr. Alex Karev: Alex agrees.

Dr. Meredith Grey: I mean why bother even having a kid when you're only going to see it on weekends and holidays? You might as well get a cat.
Dr. George O'Malley: I talked to Burke. I think he's fine.
Dr. Cristina Yang: You did what?
Dr. Meredith Grey: What's wrong with Burke?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Nothing's wrong with anybody.
Dr. George O'Malley: Did you know he let her decanulate a heart this morning?
Dr. Meredith Grey: [to Christina] you decanulated a heart this morning? by yourself? Bitch!
Dr. Cristina Yang: No... not by myself.
Dr. George O'Malley: Now she's lying about it!
Dr. Alex Karev: Yang decanulated a heart, why is Alex not surprised?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie isn't either. Last week Izzie was digging through crap this week she's fondling man boobs.
[in sing-tone voice]
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: No decanulating hearts for Izzie.
Dr. George O'Malley: [to Christina] why aren't you bragging about decanulating the heart?
Dr. Cristina Yang: I didn't decanulate the heart.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie and Alex do not believe you.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Okay, what are you two doing?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person.
Dr. Alex Karev: They thought it was kind of annoying at first, but now they kind of like it.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Good! Is it going to stop soon?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Wow what happened? This morning you were all bright and shiny asking to be kicked in the face.
Dr. Meredith Grey: I am. I'm bright. I'm shiny.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Yeah.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Izzie thinks this whole bright and shiny thing is getting old.
Dr. Alex Karev: Alex agrees.

Dr. Alex Karev: Dude, I still can't believe that you went through all of this for a chick.
Frank: What? You've never did anything crazy for love?
Dr. Alex Karev: Not like this
Frank: You have a girlfriend?
Dr. Alex Karev: No.
Frank: Dr. Stephens? Frank can sense the vibes.
Dr. Alex Karev: I'm not talking about this with you.
Frank: What? She left you for another guy?
[Alex glares]
Frank: Oh Frank's hit a nerve.
Dr. Alex Karev: It's more complicated than that.
Frank: Then un-complicate it. Grand gesture is what I'm talking about. Be like Frank. Just figure out what she wants, then make it happen. She'll forget all about the other guy. Trust Frank. Frank knows.


"Grey's Anatomy: No Man's Land (#1.4)" (2005)
Dr. Alex Karev: So, Grey and Stevens really walk around in their underwear?
Dr. George O'Malley: Um... Not all the time. I mean, some of the time. But not all the time.
Dr. Alex Karev: Sexy underwear?
Dr. George O'Malley: Yeah...
Dr. Alex Karev: And they just let you look at them?
Dr. George O'Malley: Well, uh... yeah.
Dr. Alex Karev: Like sisters?
Dr. George O'Malley: No! Not like sisters. Uh... no! I don't think of them like sisters.
Dr. Alex Karev: But they're not coming on to you?
Dr. George O'Malley: Not exactly.
Dr. Alex Karev: They don't expect you to do anything.
Dr. George O'Malley: No, but...
Dr. Alex Karev: Like sisters. Just like sisters

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Here, my share of the grocery money. When are you going?
Dr. George O'Malley: Tonight.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Okay. Seriously, George. Please don't...
Dr. George O'Malley: Yeah, could we not talk about it here?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: What? Tampons?
Dr. George O'Malley: Did you not hear a word I said?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: You're a man, we know.
Dr. Alex Karev: [everyone in the room starts to laugh] Talk about shrinking the salamander.

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Morning, Dr. Model.
Dr. Alex Karev: Dr. Evil Spawn.
Dr. Alex Karev: [he sees a tattoo on her lower stomach] Ooooh, nice tat. Do they airbrush that out for the catalogs?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I don't know. What do they do for the 666 on your skull?

Dr. Alex Karev: [about patient with nails in head] BWA HA HA! It's Hellraiser!


"Grey's Anatomy: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head (#2.1)" (2005)
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, sure, I'm the guy with the heart of stone, and you brought snacks.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: It's a working lunch.
Dr. Alex Karev: Snacks to watch Joe die.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: He's not gonna die die, they're gonna bring him back.
Dr. Alex Karev: He's gonna die die, no pulse pulse, he is gonna be dead dead.

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: You had it coming.
Dr. Alex Karev: The dude punches like my sister.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Oh, so, by your definition then, you got beat up by a girl.

Dr. Alex Karev: You don't want to go to County. I mean here they know how to kill you and bring you back, but at County they just know how to kill you.

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: You have been treating these people for the last week, how can you not know their names?
Dr. Alex Karev: Surgery is the only speciality where we don't waste time getting to know the patients. They're slabs of meat, we're butchers.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: They're human beings. You do know what a human being is don't you Evil Spawn?
Dr. Alex Karev: I'm not evil. Unless evil turns you on.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Did you ever wake up in the morning and realize that nobody likes you, and... well, I don't know, care?
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, oh, I think somebody likes me.


"Grey's Anatomy: The First Cut Is the Deepest (#1.2)" (2005)
Dr. George O'Malley: Who here feels like they have no idea what they're doing?
[in order, George, Izzie, Christina, and Meredith raise their hands]
Dr. George O'Malley: I mean, are we supposed to learning something? Because I don't feel like I'm learning anything.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Except how not to sleep.
Dr. Cristina Yang: You know, it's like there's a wall. The attendings and the residents are over there being surgeons, and we're over here being...
Dr. Meredith Grey: Suturing, code-running, lab-delivering, penis-minders.
Dr. Alex Karev: I hate being an intern.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: An intern was reassigned, so he's mine now. Have him shadow you for the day, show him how I do things.
Dr. Alex Karev: Alex Karev. Nice to meet you.
Dr. Cristina Yang: The pig who called Meredith a nurse. I hate you on principle.
Dr. Alex Karev: And you're the pushy, overbearing, kiss-ass. I hate you, too.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Oh, this should be fun then.

Dr. Alex Karev: [whining] My head hurts!
Dr. Cristina Yang: Maybe it's a tumor...
Dr. Alex Karev: Yea, you wish I had a tumor.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Look, I'd rip your face off if it meant I got to scrub in.

Dr. Cristina Yang: Don't people get sick anymore?
Dr. Alex Karev: I mean, how are we supposed to get any O.R. time if everyone's gonna live?


"Grey's Anatomy: Slow Night, So Long (#7.9)" (2010)
Dr. Mark Sloan: [the night shift doctors, Karev, Grey, little Grey, Kepner, Avery, arrive at the hospital yawning] Did you just yawn? Was that a yawn?
Dr. Teddy Altman: Don't tell us you're tired after getting to sleep all day.
Dr. April Kepner: It's not as easy as it sounds.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Not easy? Not... When I was a resident, I actually worked for a living. I did every other night call for five years.
Dr. Robert Stark: There were days I didn't go home for 72 hours. I loved it.
Dr. Alex Karev: As you trudged through the snow while you whittled your own scalpels.

Dr. Alex Karev: [Grey and Karev perform surgery without their attending, Dr. Stark and are now sitting in a conference room awaiting the consequences] We did what we were trained to do.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Remember the first day? The chief said only two of us would make it.
Dr. Meredith Grey, Dr. Alex Karev: [speaks in unison] I thought it'd be me and Cristina.
Dr. Alex Karev: How are we the last two standing?

Dr. Meredith Grey: Can you believe we called an entire O.R. team and they came? Amazing.
Dr. Alex Karev: We've got balls. Clamp.
Dr. Meredith Grey: You've got balls. I've got *cojones*.
Dr. Alex Karev: You know those are balls, right?


"Grey's Anatomy: Losing My Religion (#2.27)" (2006)
Dr. George O'Malley: What happened?
Nurse Olivia Harper: I didn't know what to do. I didn't think you guys would want me to go to the chief, but...
Dr. Cristina Yang: Where is she?
Nurse Olivia Harper: She's in there.
[walk in to see Izzie lying in bed with Denny]
Dr. Cristina Yang: Izzie...
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I think it was a stroke. He was prone to blood clots. A clot could have formed on his sutures and traveled to his brain, it only takes a second.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Izz...
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Dr. Hahn did a beautiful job on the surgery. But I don't know why I didn't think of blood clots. He died all alone. He was alone.
Dr. George O'Malley: There's nothing you could have done.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I changed my dress three times. I wanted to look nice. I would have been here sooner. But I couldn't figure out which dress to wear.
Dr. George O'Malley: Izzie, we shouldn't be in here.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Izz, there are things that they need, they need to move him.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Take him to the morgue.
Dr. Cristina Yang: You can't stay here, I know you want to...
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Can you please, please, just get out? I want to be alone with Denny.
Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie, that's not Denny.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Shut up.
Dr. Alex Karev: Izz, it's not Denny. The minute his heart stopped beating he stopped being Denny. Now I know you love him, but he also loved you. And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself. Because it's not Denny, not anymore.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: An hour ago he was proposing. And now... and now he's going to the morgue. Isn't that ridiculous? Isn't it the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever...
[starts sobbing. Alex picks her up, cradling her, and sits down on a chair holding and rocking her while she sobs]

Dr. George O'Malley: [to Bailey out in the hall] Not to bother you, but...
Dr. Miranda Bailey: What? Alright, one of you better spit out the problem right now.
Dr. Alex Karev: The problem is the colors and - and the balloons and the Under the Sea. No, it's Titanic. Hey, let's go with Tears In Heaven. No, that's too morbid. It should be pink, it should be red, it should be a freakin' rainbow.
Dr. George O'Malley: What he's saying is that we're very very hopeful that you speak teenage girl.

Dr. Alex Karev: [one on one meeting with the Chief] I went to college on a wrestling scholarship. I played baseball, some basketball. But we'll go with football.
Dr. Richard Webber: What the hell does football have to do with who cut the LVAD wires?
Dr. Alex Karev: Let's say you were drafted to a team that wasn't your first pick. You know, you don't like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. The quarterback's a pain in the ass you don't owe a damned thing to. But, it's your team. You don't quit. You don't talk to the press. You don't bitch to the coach. You just, you just go out there every Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you, you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play, because it's your freaking team.


"Grey's Anatomy: Yesterday (#2.18)" (2006)
Dr. Meredith Grey: [about Addison Shepherd] I don't see what McDreamy or McSteamy see in her.
Dr. Alex Karev: She's McHot.
Dr. George O'Malley: Oh yeah!

Dr. Alex Karev: Why is he suturing his own face?
Dr. Cristina Yang: To turn me on.

Dr. George O'Malley: Why is he suturing his own face?
Dr. Cristina Yang: To turn me on.
Dr. Alex Karev: Because he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast.
Dr. George O'Malley: That's the guy Addison was sleeping with?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: You can't really blame her, can you?
Dr. Cristina Yang: No, not really.
Dr. George O'Malley: Yes you can.
Dr. Meredith Grey: McSexy wants an X-ray to check for fractures and I think it's a bad idea if I take him.
Dr. George O'Malley: Why? Why?
Dr. Alex Karev: I'm on it.
Dr. George O'Malley: Why's it a bad idea?
Dr. Cristina Yang: McSexy?
Dr. Meredith Grey: No.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: McYummy?
Dr. Cristina Yang, Dr. Meredith Grey: No.
Dr. Meredith Grey: McSteamy.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Ah, there it is.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Yep.
Dr. George O'Malley: Chocking back some McVomit.


"Grey's Anatomy: The Self-Destruct Button (#1.7)" (2005)
Dr. Meredith Grey: I tried to talk Dr Shepherd out of that clot surgery. What is wrong with me?
Dr. Alex Karev: Basically, you tried to kill a guy.
Dr. Cristina Yang: [to Alex] Basically, you're an ass

Dr. George O'Malley: How's a pompous cocky jackass like you always have women all over him?
Dr. Alex Karev: Little bluebell pills. Lots of them.
Dr. George O'Malley: Oh c'mon.
Dr. Alex Karev: Float like a butterfly sting like a bee. O'Malley, you think too much, can't you see it? You gotta dance and jab, dance and jab! Like me. I am the Ali of this place.

Dr. George O'Malley: Yang. I'm scrubbing in on a hemospherectomy with Shepherd.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Get out! I would kill for that.
Dr. George O'Malley: We're cutting out half the girl's brain, and it's going to work. It's outrangous. Almost makes it kinda hard to hate him.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Why do you hate him?
Dr. George O'Malley: Oh, no reason.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Oh, you know about him and Meredith?
Dr. George O'Malley: You know?
Dr. Cristina Yang: When are you gonna figure out that I know everything?
Dr. George O'Malley: [to Izzie who is walking up the stairs] She knows.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Oh, about doctor-cest?
Dr. Cristina Yang: It's been going on for, like, ever.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Seriously?
Dr. George O'Malley: And you didn't tell us?
Dr. Cristina Yang: And you didn't tell us?
Dr. George O'Malley: I am not!
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: I am!
Dr. George O'Malley: He's about to go into major brain surgery on no sleep? That's not very responsible.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Jealous? Sex all night isn't about being reponsible.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: No, it's about sex all night. I can't believe you're not pissed off about this, you of all people.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Well, she works hard all day. She's good at her job, why should you care how she unwinds? I mean you like to bake all night, others like to drink, others like an occasional screaming orgasm.
Dr. Alex Karev: [walking up] Yeah we do


"Grey's Anatomy: Save Me (#1.8)" (2005)
Devo Friedman: You don't believe in anything
Dr. Alex Karev: My mother used to pray to Saint Jude for me.
Devo Friedman: How appropriate. Patron saint of lost causes.

Dr. Alex Karev: [Alex enters Devo's room, she's praying in Hebrew against the wall] Does the wall ever bow back?

Devo: I call myself Esther.
Dr. Alex Karev: [pulling down the blanket revealing a long jean skirt] Nice skirt Esther, what are you? Amish?
Devo: Get a life, haven't you ever seen an Orthodox Jew?


"Grey's Anatomy: Wishin' and Hopin' (#3.14)" (2007)
Dr. Alex Karev: Dude! She's... she's Callie O'Malley.

Dr. Alex Karev: Dude, she's Callie O'Malley!


"Grey's Anatomy: As We Know It (#2.17)" (2006)
Dr. Alex Karev: Who's gonna tell him?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I gave you sex in the linen closet, you tell him.
Dr. Alex Karev: Fair enough.

Dr. Alex Karev: Well, blood work's back. The chief has an anxiety attack. Who's gonna tell him?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Um...I gave you sex in the linen closet, you tell him.
Dr. Alex Karev: Fair enough.


"Grey's Anatomy: Something to Talk About (#2.7)" (2005)
Nicole Verma: Alex. Would you kiss me?
Dr. Alex Karev: What?
Nicole Verma: I know you're a doctor, I'm your patient, and it's against the rules, but, I would never tell anyone.
[Alex looks up and down the hallway, which is otherwise empty. He bends down to Nicole's level, who is in a wheelchair, she closes her eyes]
Dr. Alex Karev: For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head. So that when your lips finally touch, you feel it everywhere.
[Nicole opens her eyes]
Dr. Alex Karev: A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss, Nicole. Trust me, you don't want to. Because when you find that right person, a first kiss, is everything.
[Nicole smiles]

Dr. Alex Karev: Hey Izzie! Izzie! Hey dollface! Oh I was gonna ask you a favor since, you know, maybe you're better with people than I am.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: No.
Dr. Alex Karev: But you haven't even heard what.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: No! No. You're like a broken record. God. You're only ever nice or friendly or anything when it's convenient for you. So no to your favor. No to you. No.
Dr. Alex Karev: What's up with you?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I put on a dress! I did my hair! I had one night off in 2 weeks and I used it on you. And what do I get? Nothing. No respect. No apology. You couldn't even be bothered to kiss me goodnight. You know what you're a coward and you're just as shallow as you seem. So I am done trying to be your friend or whatever. I'm over it.


"Grey's Anatomy: Who's Zoomin' Who? (#1.9)" (2005)
Dr. Cristina Yang: Hey Syph-boy!
Dr. George O'Malley: You told her?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Just Cristina.
Dr. Alex Karev: Syph-boy - it's got a nice ring to it. Kinda like Super-boy, only
[pauses]
Dr. Alex Karev: diseased.

Dr. George O'Malley: God, he's got an ovary?
Dr. Alex Karev: Gives a whole new meaning to metrosexual.


"Grey's Anatomy: Enough Is Enough (#2.2)" (2005)
[discussing "Judy Dolls", after they learn that a patient's bowel obstruction was caused after he swallowed the heads of ten Judy Dolls]
Dr. Cristina Yang: My mother used to buy me Judy dolls. Manhattan Judy, Surfer Judy, Disco Judy.
Dr. Meredith Grey: I always wanted one.
Dr. Cristina Yang: I dissected them. Cut off their arms and shaved their heads.
Dr. Alex Karev: Sounds like there's a sick and twisted story behind this.
Dr. Cristina Yang: They're sexist, distorted, devil toys that create unrealistic image-expectations catering to the porn-driven minds of men.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You swallow a bitter pill this morning, Yang? They're dolls.

Dr. Cristina Yang: Mine's bigger than yours.
Dr. Alex Karev: Whip it out, I'll measure.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Shut up, Alex.


"Grey's Anatomy: Good Mourning (#6.1)" (2009)
Dr. Alex Karev: I need to tell you something, and I need you to not panic. I need you to keep breathing. I need you to stay alive, 'cause... I swear to God, I need you to stay alive. All right?
Dr. Izzie Stevens: Okay.
Dr. Alex Karev: O'Malley... he got in an accident. He's brain dead.
Dr. Izzie Stevens: I'm sorry. What?

Dr. Alex Karev: What is this?
Dr. Izzie Stevens: Take off your pants.
Dr. Alex Karev: Iz, it's, uh...
Dr. Izzie Stevens: Be my husband. Get undresses, get into bed and hold me. I don't know what you're so mad about and I don't know what you're scared of because you won't talk to me. But I'm scared, too, Alex, and I can't if you won't, if we're gonna have any chance at a life together, then I need you to... please.
Dr. Alex Karev: You died in my arms. You freakin' died and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to save your life. You want to know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything! I'm scared to move! I'm scared to breathe! I'm scared to touch you! I can't lose you. I won't survive. And that's your fault. You made me love you, you made me let you in, and then you freakin' die in my arms!


"Grey's Anatomy: Blues for Sister Someone (#2.23)" (2006)
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Dr. Karev ...
Dr. Alex Karev: No offense, but I have no interest in Obstetrics or Gynecology, Dr. Shepherd. So if you want to throw me off the case, feel free.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Dr. Karev, I may be a board certified OB/GYN, but I also have fellowships in Maternal-Fetal medicine and Medical Genetics *and* am one of the foremost neonatal surgeons in this country. When you can top that, you can mouth off. Until then, you will do your job and you will do it right. Which at this point in time means you keep your mouth shut unless I give you permission to open it. Understood?
[beat of silence]
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Understood?
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, are you giving me permission now?

Dr. Addison Shepherd: I need an intern now.
Dr. Alex Karev: I don't do vagina. Not as a doctor anyway.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Oh. back talk. You know what? You just bought yourself a case.


"Grey's Anatomy: Winning a Battle, Losing the War (#1.3)" (2005)
Dr. Cristina Yang: It kills you, doesn't it?
Dr. Alex Karev: What?
Dr. Cristina Yang: That two women caught the harvest.
Dr. Alex Karev: No, it kills me that anybody got the harvest but me. Boobs do not factor into this equation. Unless, uh, you want to show me yours.
[Meredith and Cristina look at each other]
Dr. Meredith Grey: I'm going to become a lesbian.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Me too.

Dr. Alex Karev: What are you doing?
Dr. George O'Malley: Hiding. There's this VIP patient - he likes me.
Dr. Alex Karev: That's good, right?
Dr. George O'Malley: He *likes me* likes me.
Dr. Alex Karev: Go for it, man. Get yours. I'm down with the rainbow.
Dr. Alex Karev: [George gives him a strange look] Oh, are you not gay?
Dr. George O'Malley: No.
Dr. Alex Karev: Really? Dude, sorry.
[he walks away as Cristina walks up]
Dr. George O'Malley: Uh, Cristina? Do you... do you think... does Meredith think I'm gay?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Are you?
Dr. George O'Malley: No.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Really?


"Grey's Anatomy: Drowning on Dry Land (#3.16)" (2007)
Dr. Cristina Yang: [after finding out about Meredith] It's Meredith?
Dr. Alex Karev: Yeah
Dr. Cristina Yang: Are you sure? Did you see her? Because it could be...
Dr. Alex Karev: [grabs her arm] It's Meredith.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Oh.
[sees Derek crying in hall]
Dr. Cristina Yang: Oh.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: She will come through this. She *will* come through this.
Dr. George O'Malley: People die.
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: I know people die. People die in front of us every day. But Meredith will survive this. I believe - I - I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year, and I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we'll all be okay. I believe a lot of things. I believe that - I believe that Denny is always with me. And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me, then calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy.
[to George]
Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: And I believe that you are a man who made a terrible mistake marrying Callie. And I believe that because I am your best friend, I can tell you this and we can be okay. I believe that even though you made this mistake, *you* will be okay. I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive.

Dr. Alex Karev: I would notice.
Dr. Addison Shepherd: What?
Dr. Alex Karev: I would notice... if you were missing. I would notice.


"Grey's Anatomy: I Will Follow You Into the Dark (#5.17)" (2009)
Dr. Alex Karev: Dude. None of you are normal. You're freaking band nerds!


"Grey's Anatomy: It's the End of the World (#2.16)" (2006)
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Take off your pants
Dr. Alex Karev: You realize when I said the apocalypse I meant it metaphorically, not literally.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I haven't had sex in eight months and twelve days. I'm horny, I'm half-naked, and I'm saying yes. Do you want to stand there and talk metaphors or do you want to literally take off your pants?


"Grey's Anatomy: Owner of a Lonely Heart (#2.11)" (2005)
Dr. George O'Malley: [the interns are each monitoring a newborn quintuplet] I have the best quint. Lucy. She just smiled at me.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: She's nine hours old, George.
Dr. George O'Malley: I'm saying, there are five babies here, and clearly *mine* is the advanced one.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Charlotte's smart. She's got wrinkles on her forehead. Very serious.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: OK. A: this is not a competition. And B: my quint kicks your quints asses. Emily's strong, she won't let go of my finger.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Hey, Julie has her organs on the *outside* of her body and she's still alive, thank you!
Dr. Alex Karev: Kate's the best one.


"Grey's Anatomy: My Favorite Mistake (#3.19)" (2007)
Dr. Meredith Grey: Wow, you and George were really going at it last night.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [Spits out water] What?
Dr. Cristina Yang: The laughing, the drinking, the music. Okay, nobody, I mean me, needs to hear George's rendition of Sexy back at 3:00 in the morning.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [laughs] Yeah, yeah. You should have said something or you know, banged on the wall.
Dr. Cristina Yang: It's like living in a youth hostel.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Well, the important thing is that she and George made up. You did, right?
Dr. Alex Karev: [Interrupts] I need to use your bathroom
Dr. Meredith Grey: Why?
Dr. Alex Karev: Cause O'Malley's puking in mine.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Youth hostel.


"Grey's Anatomy: Damage Case (#2.24)" (2006)
Dr. Addison Shepherd: Pity. I've got three surgeries on the board. I was gonna ask you to scrub in *but*... I guess you should stay by that pregnant lady's side all day. You see to it, Dr. Bailey?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Krev, go find your patient. Stevens, scrub in on Noah's patella fracture.
Dr. Alex Karev: The She-Shepard just walks in here and pulls me off surgery?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You burn the She-Shepard, she burns back. Go.


"Grey's Anatomy: Shake Your Groove Thing (#1.5)" (2005)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: See it?
Dr. Alex Karev: It's hard to miss.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: A little more than he bargained for.
Dr. Alex Karev: Maybe he's lucky. Maybe this is his way out of the hole
Dr. Derek Shepherd: The hole? Interesting expression.
Dr. Alex Karev: My father was into smack pretty heavy. He was a musician. It's tolerated in his line of work, not good for the family at home.


"Grey's Anatomy: Bring the Pain (#2.5)" (2005)
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I had a good time. Really. Thank you. It's the perfect evening. Best date ever.
Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: You know I especially like the part where you treated me like crap the entire night. That was fun.
Dr. Alex Karev: I had a good time.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Really?
Dr. Alex Karev: Yeah.
[Izzie leans in, hoping... waiting for a goodnight kiss]
Dr. Alex Karev: I gotta go.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Seriously? Seriously?


"Grey's Anatomy: Love the One You're With (#9.3)" (2012)
Dr. Alex Karev: Well, hello, Intern. You have a name?
Dr. Jo Wilson: Jo Wilson.
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, nice. I like chicks with boys names.
Dr. Callie Torres: Karev.
Dr. Alex Karev: What? I do. It's hot.
Dr. Callie Torres: Stop sleeping with your coworkers. It ruins them.
Dr. Alex Karev: I slept with you.
Dr. Callie Torres: And now I no longer sleep with men.


"Grey's Anatomy: The End Is the Beginning Is the End (#9.11)" (2013)
Dr. Meredith Grey: We could buy a house.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: We have a house.
Dr. Meredith Grey: We could buy another house.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: We could buy five houses.
Dr. Cristina Yang: We could buy five houses with yards the size of football fields.
Dr. Meredith Grey: We could by the team to play on the fields.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Who would play against them?
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Well, we would buy another team...
Dr. Alex Karev: I should have been on that damn plane!


"Grey's Anatomy: Let It Be (#2.8)" (2005)
Dr. Alex Karev: What are you pissed about?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: You look at everything in a skirt.
Dr. Alex Karev: I'd look at you in a skirt, something short, maybe school girl. Pleated.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: If that skirt didn't have a big pair of bouncing boobs attached to it, you'd stop looking.
Dr. Alex Karev: You cut 'em off, you build 'em back up. Maybe you get to upgrade. Life goes on.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: If there was a genetic test for testicular cancer, you think men who tested positive would have this surgery? No, because it's castration. What man would willingly get rid of the part of his anatomy that makes him a man? This woman is having herself castrated. And we book an OR and act like it means nothing. It's not nothing! God, how could you possibly act like it's no big deal? I mean, what if it was me?
Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie, you're freaking out. You know that, right?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: If I was the one with the cancer gene... I mean, what if I showed up tomorrow and my boobs were made of plastic and my skin had aged 10 years and my sex drive had dried up? If it was me, Alex, would you be so fine with it then?
[Alex is silent]
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Yeah, you'd be really hot to kiss me with tongue then, wouldn't you?
[she leaves]
Dr. Alex Karev: [later] Here's the thing - I like your rack.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: God, what is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so... what is wrong with you?
Dr. Alex Karev: I like your rack and I'd want them around if I could have them, trust me I would, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if you got rid of them... because really, I'd want you.
[Izzie slaps him]
Dr. Alex Karev: Ow! What was that for?
[she kisses him]


"Grey's Anatomy: If Tomorrow Never Comes (#1.6)" (2005)
Dr. Meredith Grey: Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem?
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, do you want to go out for a drink later, and hear about my secret pain?
Dr. Meredith Grey: Does that line ever work for you?
Dr. Alex Karev: Sometimes.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Oh. Must be because you look like that.
Dr. Alex Karev: Like what?
[she gives him a look and he laughs]
Dr. Alex Karev: So is that a yes?
Dr. Meredith Grey: No. I can't, I'm seeing someone.
Dr. Alex Karev: Look, if you don't wanna go out with me just say so, you don't need to lie.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Oh, okay. Well, I don't want to go out with you... but I think I really might be seeing someone.


"Grey's Anatomy: Time Has Come Today (#3.1)" (2006)
Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie. Izzie! Come on.
Dr. George O'Malley: [George sighs] Ok, she's been in there all night, we have to do something.
Dr. Alex Karev: Yeah.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Yeah.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Yeah.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Why are you all looking at me?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Well, this is familiar territory for you.
Dr. Meredith Grey: There is nothing familiar about this. Unfamiliar. Denny died. The man she loves, died.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Yeah, but you're all dark and twisty inside.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Dark and twisty?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Well, your mother with the Alzheimer's thing, and the father you don't talk to.
Dr. Alex Karev: And the tequila thing, and the inappropriate men thing.
Dr. George O'Malley: You are dark and twisty inside Meredith and now Izzie is dark and twisty inside.
Dr. Meredith Grey: So all of a sudden I'm the president of people with crappy lives?
Dr. George O'Malley: Seriously, we have to do something. Someone has to go in there.
[they all look at Meredith]


"Grey's Anatomy: Break on Through (#2.15)" (2006)
Dr. Sydney Heron: [In surgery] Anyone care to probe the wound?
Dr. Alex Karev, Dr. Cristina Yang: [In unison] I do.
Dr. Alex Karev: I'd really like to try your method of "healing with love."
Dr. Sydney Heron: I like the way you think, Alex. You do the honors.


"Grey's Anatomy: Can't Fight Biology (#7.4)" (2010)
Dr. Alex Karev: You know Sloane risked his life to save mine when I was sleeping with his girl. That's not a guy without a soul. Maybe he's an ass who stares at boobs, but whatever. And your boobs, you have nice boobs. They may be lesbian boobs and you don't like men staring at them, but men don't discriminate when it comes to jugs. You have hot boobs and I stare at them, too.


"Grey's Anatomy: Suicide Is Painless (#6.18)" (2010)
[a nurse walks out of the operating room]
Dr. Richard Webber: If I wasn't happily married, I'd hit her. I'd hit her hard.
Dr. Alex Karev: Sir, I think what you wanted to say was hit *that*.


"Grey's Anatomy: Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response (#2.26)" (2006)
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I cut the L-VAD wire.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Actually, I cut the L-VAD wire.
Dr. George O'Malley: No, I did it. I'm the one who cut the wire.
[pause, Christina remains silent and George gives her a nudge]
Christina Yang: Fine. I cut the L-vad wire.
Dr. Alex Karev: I didn't do anything I'm totally innocent.
[everyone starts yelling at Alex, except Dr. Webber]
Dr. Richard Webber: People! I know who did this so you might as well come clean. I know!


"Grey's Anatomy: Into You Like a Train (#2.6)" (2005)
Dr. Meredith Grey: Addison yelling at you in front of a patient?
Dr. Alex Karev: She didn't exactly yell.
[pause]
Dr. Alex Karev: Fine, she's Satan's whore.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Thank you. So, did you yell back?
Dr. Alex Karev: No
Dr. Meredith Grey: Dude, you lost your mojo.
Dr. Alex Karev: Exuse me?
Dr. Meredith Grey: I was trying to talk boy.


"Grey's Anatomy: Sympathy for the Parents (#6.19)" (2010)
Dr. Meredith Grey: Ask Bailey to do it pro-bono.
Dr. Alex Karev: I can't ask her to do that.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Alex, he's your brother.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Evil's spawn has a brother?
Dr. Meredith Grey: Aaron, Christina Yang.
Aaron Karev: Nice to meet you, Dr. Yang. I'm Aaron Karev.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Oh. My God. You're so nice.
[to Alex]
Dr. Cristina Yang: He's so nice. Why can't you be nice like your brother?
[to Aaron]
Dr. Cristina Yang: Angel's spawn.
Dr. Alex Karev: Why can't you?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Fair enough.


"Grey's Anatomy: A Change Is Gonna Come (#4.1)" (2007)
Dr. Cristina Yang: to her interns: I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. The nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run. That's rule number two... notices the interns are not following her... You're supposed to follow me.
Dr. Alex Karev: Your first shift starts now and lasts 36 hours. You're grunts, nobodies, the bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop. And you don't complain. You NEVER complain.
Dr. Meredith Grey: On call rooms. Sleep when you can, where you can. You know, but not with anybody. Not attendings, especially not attendings. Sleeping with attendings, not a good idea. Where was I?
Dr. George O'Malley: Er, rule number three. If you're sleeping, do not wake you unless the patient is actually dying.
Dr. Cristina Yang: The dying patient better not be dead when I get there, because not only will you have killed someone, you will have woken me for no good reason. Are we clear? Yes?
Dr. Lexie Grey: ...raising her hand... That was four rules, you said five.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Rule number five. When I move, you move... awkward pause as nobody moves... Go!... Cristina's interns scramble off...


"Grey's Anatomy: The Girl with No Name (#8.20)" (2012)
Dr. Alex Karev: What do you guys know about Carson Methodist?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Nothing. I'd like to keep it that way.
Dr. Alex Karev: [sighs] It's in Toledo, or an hour outside, I guess. I interview next week.
Dr. Cristina Yang: [looks to Meredith] Where's Toledo?
Dr. Meredith Grey: Canada.


"Grey's Anatomy: Haunt You Every Day (#4.5)" (2007)
Dr. Meredith Grey: What are you guys doing up?
Dr. Izzie Stevens, Dr. Alex Karev: [Izzie is frosting rice crispy treats and Kerev is carving a pumpkin] Couldn't sleep.
Dr. Izzie Stevens: [Meredith pours her mother's ashes into a ziplock black] What is that?
Dr. Meredith Grey: My mother.
Dr. Alex Karev: Happy freaking Halloween.