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Quotes for
Barney Hefner (Character)
from "All in the Family" (1971)

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"All in the Family: Weekend in the Country (#9.6)" (1978)
Archie Bunker: [playing Monopoly] Mortgage some of your houses there or sell your property.
Blanche Hefner: No, if I do that I'll lose money and I won't collect any rent. You know, he'd lend it to me if he wasn't so cheap.
Barney Hefner: It's not a matter of cheap, it's against the rules of the game.
Blanche Hefner: No, it's cause you're so cheap. After all, rules are made to be broken.
Barney Hefner: Well, you ought to know.

Archie Bunker: Didn't anybody try to warn you about Blanche before you got married to her?
Barney Hefner: Yeah, a couple of people. But I didn't pay any attention to them. 'Cause I knew they didn't like her from the beginning.
Archie Bunker: Who were they?
Barney Hefner: Her mother and father.

"All in the Family: Archie's Bitter Pill (#8.8)" (1977)
Barney Hefner: I'm just on my way to the can.
Archie Bunker: Hold it there, Barney! You come into my joint to use the can?
Barney Hefner: I couldn't make it home from McFeeny's. I'm up to here in beer.
Archie Bunker: Hold it, hold it there, Barney. So you take it on at McFeeny's and you let it out at Archie's. You're getting more like your dog Rusty every day.
Barney Hefner: That is gross, Arch!

"All in the Family: The Baby Contest (#7.13)" (1976)
Archie Bunker: I wanna make sure I get my ten simoleons out of you when I win that bet. 'Cause your baby Linda ain't gonna win. She's too fat to win. In a few years time, she's gonna be a teenage bus.
Barney Hefner: Well all I have to say is too bad it wasn't a baldy contest.
Archie Bunker: You hear that, he's always on the baldy thing over here. You're gonna lose an old friend that way, Barney.
Mike Stivic: That's competition for you: two best friends ready to bust each other in the chops over who's got the most beautiful grandchild.
Barney Hefner: Hey, you know what just occured to me about little Joey? I mean since he's got those long, beautiful eyelashes? You should've entered him as a baldy girl.
Mike Stivic: Hey. Watch what you're saying, that's my son.

"Archie Bunker's Place: Small Claims Court (#4.23)" (1983)
Barney Hefner: Incidently, how big is my tab?
Harry Snowden: $572.33.
Barney Hefner: Excellent. Apply five... Nah, you better make that four dollars toward it.