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: What time is it? Louise Jefferson
: Almost 5, why? Did you have something planned for the rest of the day? Florence Johnston
: Honey, I got plans for the rest of my life. When I leave here, I'm going to do something I've never done before. Louise Jefferson
: What's that? Florence Johnston
: I'm going to the TOP of the Empire State Building. Louise Jefferson
: Really? You know I was born in New York and I've never done that. Florence Johnston
: I got the idea when I was at the movies last night. Louise Jefferson
: What did you see? Florence Johnston
: Lady Sings the Blues. Louise Jefferson
: I thought you'd seen that. Florence Johnston
: Yeah, 3 times, but I just wanted to see it once more. You seen it? Louise Jefferson
: Nope. The last movie we went to was Jaws, and we only saw half of it before George made us leave. Florence Johnston
: How comes? Louise Jefferson
: He hates fish. He says the only thing worse than people eating fish, is fish eating people.
: That reminds me, I found a dirty picture behind your fridge. Louise Jefferson
[Florence hands her the photo
] Louise Jefferson
: This is a picture of Lionel! It's not dirty! Florence Johnston
: It was till I dusted it!
: Florence, what're you playing at? Florence Johnston
: I'm not playing, I'm cleaning, a good maid always cleans behind the refrigerator. Louise Jefferson
: You never did before. Florence Johnston
: Oh I'm not talking about me, I said a GOOD maid.
: Florence, taking a cab to work? Isn't that a little extravagant? Florence Johnston
: Well, you only live once.
: What're you doing calling Detroit on my phone? Florence Johnston
: Cuz that's where my uncle lives.
[to the operator
] Florence Johnston
: 313? Thank you. George Jefferson
: What are you doing calling your uncle on my phone? Florence Johnston
: Because I don't think he'd hear me if I yelled out the window.
: Does this mean you're leaving us? Florence Johnston
: Yes. George Jefferson
: Where're you going? Florence Johnston
: I'm going to God's house, Mr. Jefferson. George Jefferson
: Church? She DOES want to be saved. Florence Johnston
: No, not church, God's house in the sky. Louise Jefferson
: Oh Florence! Tom Willis
: But I thought you said you weren't going to jump. Florence Johnston
: I ain't gonna jump, I'm scared of heights. Helen Willis
: But you WERE going to... Florence Johnston
: I got enough pills saved up to do it peacefully and quietly, I'll just take them when I go to bed tonight. Tom Willis
: Do you realize what you're saying? Florence Johnston
: Sure, when I wake up in the morning, I'll be riding that chariot to the land of glory. Louise Jefferson
: We are NOT going to let you do this, Florence.
: What's stupid about wanting to go to Heaven? Don't you want to go to Heaven? George Jefferson
: Yeah, but I'm waiting till He sends for ME. Florence Johnston
: Well why wait? I mean up there, there ain't no food bills, ain't no rent, yes Jesus! Ain't no hassling, ain't no dirt, and glory hallelujah, don't nobody have to clean up up there! Helen Willis
: You think God's going to approve of you killing yourself? Florence Johnston
: Why should He mind? I'm just helping Him to do His job. Helen Willis
: But Florence, what if there is no Heaven? What if you die and they just put you in the ground and that's it? George Jefferson
: Yeah, then you spend the rest of your life COVERED in dirt.
: Look at y'all, ya got family, ya got nice homes, you got so much money that you can even afford to be sick if you want to. All I got is a sore back. Helen Willis
: You got plenty more to live for, money isn't everything. Florence Johnston
: Well ain't that a blip? Tell the truth, how many of y'all would want to trade places with me? Well come on, raise your hands. Mm-hmm, carried out unanimously.
: I think you're being pretty selfish. Don't you care how your friends will feel if you do this? Florence Johnston
: What friends? All I got is floors to scrub and windows to clean. Helen Willis
: We're you're friends. Florence Johnston
: You're my employers. Louise Jefferson
: We're your friends too, Florence, we care about you. Florence Johnston
: About me? I'm only the maid, and I ain't even a good one at that. George Jefferson
: She's right about that, she's a terrible maid.
: We only hired you because nobody else wanted you! Florence Johnston
: You mean I only took the job because no one else would! George Jefferson
: We only let you KEEP the job because we love you! Florence Johnston
: You what? Lionel Jefferson
: Don't you see? You're more than just a maid, you're like one of the family. Florence Johnston
: Lord, I thought black people only heard that one in white homes.
: If we didn't love you, do you think we'd be worried about you like this? Florence Johnston
: Aw you just saying that cuz I said I was gonna kill myself, you don't really mean it. George Jefferson
: Hey wait a minute! You calling my wife a liar? Florence Johnston
: No, I just... George Jefferson
: Do you know how many fights Weezy and I have had because of YOU? You don't know, I'm gonna tell you the truth, a couple of times you made me so mad I was gonna fire you, but Weezy said she wouldn't talk to me if I did. So look, if you want to kill yourself, go right ahead, but if you do, you damn well better realize you gonna be hurting somebody who really cares about you.
: Florence, that's a great costume, Harpo Marx, right?
[Florence honks yes
] Louise Jefferson
: Is George getting ready?
] Louise Jefferson
: Did you get the jack-o-lantern carved?
[Florence honks no
] Louise Jefferson
: Why not?
[Florence spins around honking
] Louise Jefferson
: Oh... huh? Florence Johnston
: I'm sorry, Mrs. Jefferson, I didn't have time to carve the jack-o-lantern. Louise Jefferson
: Oh that's a shame, it just doesn't seem like Halloween without one. Florence Johnston
: We could stick a candle in Mr. Jefferson's mouth and watch his eyes light up.
: [George has Louise look through the telescope to see the church after moving it to another view
] Well I don't see the church, I see... my God! Florence Johnston
: Lord, that must be a powerful telescope. Louise Jefferson
: Horrible! George Jefferson
: Weezy, what is it? Louise Jefferson
: I just saw a man... kill someone!
: [as old ladies
] Sure is a fancy dress, Mrs. Jefferson. Louise Jefferson
: Well, it's not every night you celebrate a 25th anniversary. George Jefferson
: What're you talking about, Weezy? We've been married longer than that. Florence Johnston
: Time sure flies. Seems like only yesterday I started working here. George Jefferson
: Wrong, you still haven't started!
: Florence, how about some champagne? Florence Johnston
: Good idea... y'all want some too?
: [Door bell rings
] Florence! You want to get the door? Florence Johnston
: No thanks, Mr. Jefferson. You can get it. George Jefferson
: She's got more nerve than a bad tooth!
: Florence, get the door. Florence Johnston
: You told me to stay in the kitchen! George Jefferson
: GET THE DOOR!
: I got a bullet in here with each of your names on it! Florence Johnston
: If you run one short, somebody else can have mine.
: [about Jessica
] Why didn't you tell us she was here? Florence Johnston
: I tried to but you were too busy not listening to me.
: That's very good, Mr. Jefferson. You keep changing your mind like that and someday maybe you'll end up with one that works.