Helen Willis
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Quotes for
Helen Willis (Character)
from "The Jeffersons" (1975)

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"The Jeffersons: Florence's Problem (#2.18)" (1976)
George Jefferson: Why would Florence want to die?
Tom Willis: She probably doesn't, she probably wants to be saved.
George Jefferson: Then she should go to church.
Helen Willis: But if she really wanted to be saved, why didn't she just come out and say so?
Tom Willis: Well, maybe she did, in her own way. She left these clues, a note, a prized possession, I think she was crying out for help.
George Jefferson: Did you ever hear her sing? She needs help.

Louise Jefferson: Does this mean you're leaving us?
Florence Johnston: Yes.
George Jefferson: Where're you going?
Florence Johnston: I'm going to God's house, Mr. Jefferson.
George Jefferson: Church? She DOES want to be saved.
Florence Johnston: No, not church, God's house in the sky.
Louise Jefferson: Oh Florence!
Tom Willis: But I thought you said you weren't going to jump.
Florence Johnston: I ain't gonna jump, I'm scared of heights.
Helen Willis: But you WERE going to...
Florence Johnston: I got enough pills saved up to do it peacefully and quietly, I'll just take them when I go to bed tonight.
Tom Willis: Do you realize what you're saying?
Florence Johnston: Sure, when I wake up in the morning, I'll be riding that chariot to the land of glory.
Louise Jefferson: We are NOT going to let you do this, Florence.

Florence Johnston: What's stupid about wanting to go to Heaven? Don't you want to go to Heaven?
George Jefferson: Yeah, but I'm waiting till He sends for ME.
Florence Johnston: Well why wait? I mean up there, there ain't no food bills, ain't no rent, yes Jesus! Ain't no hassling, ain't no dirt, and glory hallelujah, don't nobody have to clean up up there!
Helen Willis: You think God's going to approve of you killing yourself?
Florence Johnston: Why should He mind? I'm just helping Him to do His job.
Helen Willis: But Florence, what if there is no Heaven? What if you die and they just put you in the ground and that's it?
George Jefferson: Yeah, then you spend the rest of your life COVERED in dirt.

Florence Johnston: Look at y'all, ya got family, ya got nice homes, you got so much money that you can even afford to be sick if you want to. All I got is a sore back.
Helen Willis: You got plenty more to live for, money isn't everything.
Florence Johnston: Well ain't that a blip? Tell the truth, how many of y'all would want to trade places with me? Well come on, raise your hands. Mm-hmm, carried out unanimously.

Tom Willis: I think you're being pretty selfish. Don't you care how your friends will feel if you do this?
Florence Johnston: What friends? All I got is floors to scrub and windows to clean.
Helen Willis: We're you're friends.
Florence Johnston: You're my employers.
Louise Jefferson: We're your friends too, Florence, we care about you.
Florence Johnston: About me? I'm only the maid, and I ain't even a good one at that.
George Jefferson: She's right about that, she's a terrible maid.


"The Jeffersons: George's Dream (#5.5)" (1978)
Louise Jefferson: Helen, where's Tom?
George Jefferson: Yeah, where's the other half of the zebra?
Helen Willis: Right behind me.
George Jefferson: That's exactly where his half belongs!

George Jefferson: Willis, if I looked as bad as you did, I'd wake myself up!
Tom Willis: Did you say something, Helen?
Helen Willis: No, Tom.
George Jefferson: I DID, YOU BIG HONKY!

George Jefferson: [Tom sits where George is sitting] Hey what're you doing? You almost squashed me!
Helen Willis: Tom, Tom, remember our diet.
Tom Willis: Did you say something, dear?
George Jefferson: She said you're too fat!

Helen Willis: I know that Tom misses George too. It's been years since anybody's called him honky.
George Jefferson: [shouting] Honky-honky-honky-honky-HONKY!
Tom Willis: Did someone call me?
Helen Willis: No dear, you must've been dreaming.
Tom Willis: Oh!


"The Jeffersons: A Small Victory (#8.23)" (1982)
Louise Jefferson: [Reading graffiti on the table of a sleazy bar] Oh, look! There's a poem! "Roses are red, violets are blue, take off your clothes and I'll...
[pause]
Louise Jefferson: Isn't that impossible?
Helen Willis: Not according to that diagram.


"The Jeffersons: The Breakup: Part 1 (#2.16)" (1976)
Tom Willis: [Helen and Louise are fighting] Now, now, now! This is no way to break up over crazy George.
George Jefferson: HEY! Who you calling crazy, honky?
Tom Willis: [enraged] Don't call me honky!
George Jefferson: Huh! Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?
Helen Willis: He's not the only one!
Tom Willis: How would you feel if I called you nigga?
George Jefferson: [appalled] Huh! He called me nigga!
Helen Willis: That's no worse than honky!
George Jefferson: You're right. Nothing's worse than a honky except being married to one!


"The Jeffersons: Sayonara: Part 2 (#11.13)" (1985)
Jessica Jefferson: [looking at Jessica's picture of the family] This is the most handsome guy so he must be me right?
Jessica Jefferson: No, that's daddy. You're over here, the second most handsome man.
Helen Willis: What's that licorice stick?
Jenny Willis Jefferson: It's either you or me.
Helen Willis: Are we all waiting for a bus?
Tom Willis: No, I *am* the bus!


"The Jeffersons: How Slowly They Forget (#5.4)" (1978)
George Jefferson: How do you think I got to be the man I am today?
Helen Willis: Poor diet.