Dr. Camille Saroyan
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Quotes for
Dr. Camille Saroyan (Character)
from "Bones" (2005)

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"Bones: The Babe in the Bar (#6.7)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You so much as mention leaving the country to my daughter and I will choke you on your own trivia and stuff your lifeless body in a locker.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Then again. Georgetown is lovely.

Angela Montenegro: Hodgins wants to make a big announcement and tell everybody that I'm pregnant.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But everyone already knows.
Angela Montenegro: I know. But Hodgins doesn't know that because he wants it to be *his* surprise. You didn't say anything, did you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. Nope. No one did.
Angela Montenegro: Okay. Good. Well, everybody's just gonna have to act surprised. And if they can't pull it off, then they-they just have to not come. Just make up an excuse.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: But we have to melt the chocolate in order to get any information from the bones.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Yeah. But first we can cut out these sections until we discover a way to extract the gas trapped in the bubbles.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Excellent. Do it. Mr. Nigel-Murray if I didn't have any self-control I would kiss you.
[Cam leaves]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: ...No interesting facts off that?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Yeah, yeah. In fact, the-the satisfaction that human beings take from fantasizing is - is directly related - No. I don't. No facts.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: She's following a boy, Angela. I mean, you're a hedonistic free spirit artist. How come even you didn't do that?
Angela Montenegro: Thanks for the personality assessment. Yeah, I went to a good school because I chose to. Nobody made me. You should let Michelle make her own decisions. I mean, she is almost an adult.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Almost. That's the keyword here. I need to guide her, but she hates me for doing it.

Angela Montenegro: [about Sweets] He might be able to help you deal with Michelle.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I don't want to talk to a child about another child.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Done. I sifted through all 1873 gallons of it. Nothing but the usual: ant torsos, spider legs, rodent hairs.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Whoa. That's the usual?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah. FDA permits 60 insect fragments, and 1 rodent tail per 100 grams.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Lovely.

Dr. Lance Sweets: The late teens and early twenties are a time for experimentation and growth. And you know, making a few mistakes, is just part of the process.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh! You're making it worse!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: And I suppose you wouldn't get in the way of her decisions.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Oh I wouldn't get in her way period.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I thought she wasn't applying to any other schools except - Oh. Oh! You're writing Michelle's - Oh that's bad. That's - that's just wrong!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No Dr. Hodgins, that is being a mother. And I assume I can trust your discretion.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Of course - Mom.

"Bones: The Doctor in the Den (#4.17)" (2009)
Angela Montenegro: [Identifying the victim] Sad huh? He's handsome. He's hot really.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: All right, that's enough Angela.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [pause everyone looks strangely at Cam] Are you all right Dr. Saroyan?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...No. I knew Dr. Weston. We lived together for two years.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's been ten years, people move on. I mean, it's just a relationship that didn't work out.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a family, Seely. *Family* that didn't work out.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: We know people through our feelings, Dr. Breenan. You trust Booth because of what you feel.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I trust Booth because of past actions.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And faith in the future. I'm sorry but feelings are important, even to you.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I thought you would be with Booth.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Questioning people really isn't my thing. Most of the time I just wanna beat them until they tell me what I want to hear.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know it gets frustrating. And hitting can often be quite effective.
Dr. Clark Edison: And you both work for the Justice Department?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Dr. Clark Edison: Ironic.

Angela Montenegro: Well there you go. He was playing the field and someone probably nicked him for it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How do you know?
Angela Montenegro: Because despite the fact that I would love to have my legs wrapped around one right now, men are awful.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins enters] Hey.
[the women glare at him]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Whoa. What'd I do?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You're a man.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: After your mother. I don't think your father could commit like that again. And that wasn't something I could live with.
Michelle Weston: Maybe because he knew that you weren't good enough. Maybe he was waiting for the right one.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you aware that lionesses do all the hunting?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, and the males simply copulate and eat what the females catch.
Angela Montenegro: And when they get cranky, they eat the cubs... Men.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wow. Before I flee for my life, the particles I found in the wounds around the femeral artery, ones I thought were mica, are scales.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Fish?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No, snake. Can maybe have a species by tomorrow.
Angela Montenegro: Hey wanna stay and have a drink?
[Cam snaps her fingers]
Angela Montenegro: Oh yeah. We hate men.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'm gonna go now.

"Bones: The Bones That Foam (#4.15)" (2009)
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Forgive me, doctors. But is the skin moving?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ooo. God that's strange.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Insect activity?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I've never seen insects like that... except in Alien.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [as foam is coming out of the remains] What the hell is that?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I have no idea. Everyone away from that body!
[Presses a button. Alarms go off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We're in lock down!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Running the bugs through the mass spec. Not getting any toxins. But they might not have fed on the remains yet. In other words, I need more *samples*.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We all need more samples.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know. I would just like us all to stay alive during the process.

Vincent Nigel-Murray: The fire appears not to have damaged the remains.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did it start?
[Hodgins and Nigel point to the remains]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, I see. You're going with the old blame the corpse defense.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: So the killer thinks the body's going to dissolve instantly like it does in the movies then nothing happens. Except every alarm in the lab goes off time and again!
[Cam takes a big drink of wine]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Finishes swallowing her wine] Yes. It's just very good wine.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hey. Got something. I found some particulates on our victim's clothing.
[Spouts some scientific jargon]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Also knows as lust dust.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Lust dust?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: On his pants. His, uh... lap?
[No reaction from Cam or Mr. Nigel-Murray]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Strawberry body glitter.
[Still no reaction]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Such as might be utilized by a lap dancer?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well. That's something I can tell Booth.
[She rushes away]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Satisfied] Makes me King of the Lab.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: A large percentage of the monarchy are actually mentally handicapped due to inbreeding.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after a pause] Can't ruin it for me.
[He turns and raises his arms, hands showing peace signs]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: King of the Lab!

Vincent Nigel-Murray: The fire appears not to have damaged the remains.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did it start?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Hodgins and Nigel-Murray point to the remains] Oh, I see. So, we're going with the old blame the corpse defense.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: I just... I... turned on the C ring magnifier. And then there was a little... pop. And then...
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Woosh.
[Nodding emphatically as if that explains everything]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Pop. Woosh.

"Bones: The Skull in the Sculpture (#4.7)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Dr. Sweets tells Daisy that she is fired, they decide to come out with their relationship and begin making out on the forensic platform] That's a method of termination I've never tried. But bravo, Dr. Sweets.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. They'll never work. They're like complete opposites.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I agree. For all her faults she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. You know, there's no common ground.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Absolutely.
[Then Bones and Booth look intently towards each other]

Caroline Julian: You can still examine it. You just can't disrupt it in any way. Don't worry this is only temporary. We'll see how artistic people feel when it starts stinking. Just don't scratch it.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't scratch the crushed automobile which encases a rotting dead body.
Caroline Julian: Good. We understand each other.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was going to say that I had an accident over here, but I don't like lying.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You dumped a bucket full of domestic beetles onto this work of art. They'll strip the flesh off our victim in no time.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Within 30 hours... Am I fired?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Au contraire. Remind me of this moment around Christmas bonus time.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, now what we want to do here is remove the skull very carefully.
[Daisy reaches for the skull]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Carefully.
[Daisy accidentally crushes the skull]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...I can't believe you did that.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Bummer.
Daisy Wick: Usually when you say "we" you mean me! I'm so sorry. I'll put it together. I will stay up all night!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'll do it.
Daisy Wick: Well I will assist you every step of the way. I will never leave your side!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I would prefer to do it alone.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: That's a method of termination I've never tried. But bravo Dr. Sweets!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's going on?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Sweets is firing Daisy for us.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We're wondering what his method will be.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He'll explain to her logically that this environment is not conducive for either her or us and, as a scientist, she'll realize that he's right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, Sweets is a lot sneakier than that. He'll use some kind of psychological Jedi mind trick to make her think it was her idea to quit.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?
Daisy Wick: The bad first.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're toast here. Nobody wants to work with you.
Daisy Wick: Why?
Dr. Lance Sweets: You know why, Daisy. There are some things that you have to work on when it comes to interpersonal relations.
Daisy Wick: Does anybody like me?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, I'm afraid not.
Daisy Wick: What's the good news?
Dr. Lance Sweets: There's absolutely no reason for us to be discreet about our relationship anymore.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Smiling big as he enters Cam's office carrying a large machine] You know what this is?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The Jaws of Life.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Completely impressed with the machine as he hoists it up on to his hip, the open jaws jutting upward] Twenty-three thousand pounds per square inch of raw, prying power.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You really wanna be the one to use that, don't you?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's not displaced sexual frustration.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Of course not.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I am totally cool if Angela wants to date already... er, I mean, again.

"Bones: The Proof in the Pudding (#5.12)" (2010)
Angela Montenegro: [after Cam's asked about a home pregnancy test] Wait a minute, why are you asking me?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, it isn't mine. And Dr. Brennan doesn't make life decisions without a boolean flow chart. So I hoped it might be you. I'm not crazy. I'm not... crazy.

Mr. White: I am Mr. White from the General Services Administration.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The people we order paper cups, and... pencils from?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Now that you've kidnapped my lab and my people. Maybe you could tell me why?
Mr. White: You have not been kidnapped, doctor. You've been seconded by your government to do your patriotic duty.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Do you know how many people Booth has shot for his country?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Uh, approximately 50.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wow. That's a lot of blood to have on your hands. I mean that's the kind of thing that would keep a person up at night.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And Booth did that, because he trusted that it was right. And who did he trust?
Dr. Lance Sweets: The government.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: They lied about the murder of the president, they can lie about anything.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Mr. White, for future reference, you might want to tell your bosses we don't do half-truth here.

Mr. White: You want my permission to shoot a cantaloupe ?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Mr. White: With my sidearm ?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You took away Agent Booth's firearm.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You want our best work ? This is what we do.
Mr. White: And this experiment is essential to cause of death ?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because you have forbidden us from taking samples in order to estimate the osteoconductivity of the oblique taphonomic remodeling pertaining to the midsagittal plane, a cephalometric transaction or translation, if you will, of the intermatrix can be deduced by correlating the force-displacement values with the osteogenic and geogenic hydrogel nanocomposite we placed inside the surrogate.
Mr. White: Which is the cantaloupe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You understand me perfectly.

"Bones: The Money Maker on the Merry-Go-Round (#10.7)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Would you mind passing me the victim's nose?
Angela Montenegro: It's weird that that's not a weird question.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay. I have everything we need to rehydrate an eyeball. Except for a good reason.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The parabolic dental arch indicates the victim was Caucasian, while the lag of sub pubic concavity suggest male. Age will be a bit more difficult
Dr. Oliver Wells: I got age. Slightly coarse granularity of the auricular surfaces puts him mid to late 20s. Piece of cake
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is not a competition, Oliver
Dr. Oliver Wells: You are delightfully naïve

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Some parts of the victim's remains fell upon her] Ah, uhm, can someone please retrieve this piece of evidence, so it's not compromised?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Grabs the camera] Yeah, in a second. I just got to get a picture of this for the Christmas party
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seriously?
Dr. Oliver Wells: Smile
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Just one second

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Looking in her microscope] Dr. Wells! What can I do for you?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Seriously?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Looks up] Oh, sorry! I just saw the curly hair, beard, lab coat...
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Both brilliant, of course. Me a little more so

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm calling it a night, Dr. Wells. We can come back and hit it fresh in the morning
Dr. Oliver Wells: Dr. Brennan already cursed me out. I'm not leaving until I find something that impresses the crap out of her tomorrow morning
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan cursed you out?
Dr. Oliver Wells: She said I was a pain in her ass! Not a pain "in the ass", a pain "in her ass", specifically her ass
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [More to herself] Way to go, Dr. Brennan

"Bones: Fire in the Ice (#4.12)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [watch Booth fight another hockey player] Booth seems to be winning.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's not Booth I'm worried about.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [watching Booth's Hockey game] I do not know how I feel about this.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Very primal.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I like it! Just a little too much.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'll get on the fluid samples you took from the lungs and the esophagus. Could be the vic was drowned somewhere else and dumped in the lake.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. Drowning's not the way that Booth would kill someone.
[Hodgins and Wendell stare at Cam]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Not... that I... actually... suspect Booth... at all... Quit staring at me.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a crime scene. My people are very often at crime scenes. It's what we do.
Caroline Julian: No it's not! You've got it in your heads that you're crime scene types. This is Booth's fault for indulging your fantasies. You're not crime scene types, you are lab rats.

Special Agent Payton Perotta: Hmmm. My people were right.
Dr. Camille Saroyan, Caroline Julian: YOUR people?
Dr. Jack Hodgins, Wendell Bray: We're Booth's people.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Any luck with the murder weapon?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. We are certain it is not a screwdriver.

"Bones: The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle (#5.19)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So the guy with one gonad had balls.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no, no! We are *not* going to be discussing your daughter's sex life. Because A: she's a good girl. She doesn't have sex. And B: you're touching a dead body.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't follow your logic.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm always touching a dead body, Seely.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, can somebody just please remove the eyeball.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Picks up the object] This is not an eyeball.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is it?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'll put it this way, our victim was male.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Would you rather us going back to talking about lady parts?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But it does appear that our victim was in the habit of injuring himself annually in a variety of risky behaviors.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So a guy with one gonad had balls.

Angela Montenegro: You know I have to say this whole finding ID by testicle definitely beats facial reconstructions.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Does that prostheic seem overly large to you?
Angela Montenegro: Well, it isn't to scale, Cam.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Guess it's... been awhile.

Michelle Welton: You're dating my gynaeocologist?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It wasn't my fault. It just happened!
Michelle Welton: What? Think about what you'd say if I said that to you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'd ground you. I'm... sorry. We had lunch, we liked each other. That's all. And that was wrong. Very, very wrong.

"Bones: The Drama in the Queen (#9.23)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Please, place every tissue floating on the water in evidence bags. YOu can checks for particulars back at the lab
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, this isn't not our first rodeo there, Dr. Saroyan
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're equating this victim with animals mistreated at a rodeo! Quite clever
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No, I... okay

Dr. Lance Sweets: This is a body dump, Dr. Saroyan
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, I'm impressed
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wow, did he just Brennan you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I believe he did
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What does it mean to Brennan someone? Is it a complement? Dr. Sweets seems to be very thorough
Dr. Lance Sweets: Thank you

Jessica Warren: And thankfully the acidity didn't degrade the bone
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You risked the remains by using a technique you weren't sure it would work?
Jessica Warren: Yeah. Thanks for all the pineapples and trust in me. I'm thinking Mai Tais after work?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But I don't trust you. Not now
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It was risky, but I got to say, science was on her side

Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, we're colleagues
Jessica Warren: Okay. I was feeling that there for a minute, but I guess my Sweets-dar is way off!
Dr. Lance Sweets: No! I mean, look I... it's not that I don't like you. I mean I think you're very attractive...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Walks up to them] Dr. Sweets
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is a lab, not speed dating!
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, we... eh, I needed to see if there's any new information about the case
Jessica Warren: And apparently I am irresistible. It's not his fault
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then do him a favor and try to rein it in, miss Warren

Jessica Warren: [to Angela and Hodge] The proper ones are always crazy in bed
Angela Montenegro: Right
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Walks in] Again?
Angela Montenegro: Oh, we were, eh, talking about the case, about how it's...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: New rule: next person I find discussing their sex life instead of the case, cleans my autopsy room

Dr. Camille Saroyan: New rule: next person I find discussing their sex life instead of the case cleans my autopsy room.

"Bones: The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond (#4.4)" (2008)
Angela Montenegro: All right, these are children's shoes, but they're size 11.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So you think are victim was a giant toddler?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. That would show up in the bones.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Sarcasm does not play with on the forensic platform.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you're upset about breaking up with Angela, Dr. Hodgins. And I know you're upset about losing Zack. But despite your personal problems this is a *workplace*. And your attitude leave a *lot* to be desired.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Fine. If you want to make a change, you *make* a change. Otherwise let me do my job and let me hatch this egg!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hey, Dr. Saroyan, I'm not moving into Zack's space. I'm not being difficult. I just - I can't do it. I hope you understand.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I understand. I thought you being the one who moved in there would be easiest for Zack.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, if he were a normal human that might be true, but...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [slight laugh] Yeah.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I just wish Zack was here, that's all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!
Dr. Zack Addy: I know where to find the victim's head.
[Everyone turns and stare at Zack]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is not good.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you get out?
Dr. Zack Addy: You don't look happy to see me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, we're not!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *I* am. I really am.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [upon hearing the victim had kelp and coffee grounds in the treads of his shoes] So the giant todler was brewing coffee on the beach before being killed?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [sarcastically] Yeah, that's it. Case solved!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Hodgins.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Shhh! My egg is hatching.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You need quiet for that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No, I was just hoping it would keep you from talking.

"Bones: The Purging of the Pundit (#10.3)" (2014)
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: [Seeing the victim] Oh! Holy crap! Oh, man! Oh my God! Where is the other half of him? That's the worst thing I have ever seen
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Really? I'd only gave this about a 7.5
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ah, I'd give this a 6. You know, the floaters are much worse
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: Yeah, well, you know, give me a nice clean gunshot any day
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It seems you're not familiar with the explosive nature of a head wound
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: Okay, okay, hazing the new guy. Really funny

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Blunt surface of the orbital margins indicate the victim is male, Caucasian
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The inside of the pants confirms the male part

Angela Montenegro: Okay, when I eliminate the college graduates I'm left with a list of 45 names
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Enters] Oh, we can get that number down, 'cause the King has arrived
Dr. Camille Saroyan: King of the Lab? Isn't that a little passé?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We're positing torture, but look at the damage to the radius
Rodolfo Fuentes: Hmm, I see what you mean. Compared to what I've seen in Cuba the damage is relatively slight
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So, we're looking for a compassionate torturer?

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Let me see the tooth? Looks like there's some kind of trace on it. Yeah, there's, like, an accumulation of textile fibers
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Lint. It's simpler to say lint
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Right

"Bones: The Feet on the Beach (#6.17)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Michelle gets accepted to Columbia from Cam's application] You have something about this?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Angela says no... But this is a disapproving look.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Does it mean anything that it's all moot? Michelle is determined to go to Community College in outer Mongolia to be with her boyfriend.

Dr. Lance Sweets: You forged Michelle's application and applied to Columbia?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Could you not say that as though I'd killed three people?

Dr. Lance Sweets: I can't help you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why not? Some sort of professional code of ethics?
Dr. Lance Sweets: My own personal code of ethics. You should consider putting one together of your own.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: SHUT UP!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Excuse me?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You know you have never had to put someone else's well being above your own - not ever! Well, I am a mother! Okay? And if I have to get my hands dirty to get my child ahead - I will!
Dr. Lance Sweets: What kind of example are you setting for Michelle?

Angela Montenegro: So we would get time of death wrong. But wait. Wouldn't everyone at the Body Farm know how to use that?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes, but from what Booth said only one of them had an alibi for what we thought was time of death. I'm guessing because he knew he'd need one.

Michelle Welton: Well, surprise, I've learned a lot from you. I've learned to try hard, and not take shortcuts.
[Michelle tears up the Columbia acceptance letter]
Michelle Welton: I've learned that it's wrong to cheat.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh. Really. What are you going to do?
Michelle Welton: Here's what I'll do. I'll work for a year and make money. And I'll take extra courses. And I'll get into Columbia on my own. And make you proud.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You already have.
Michelle Welton: I want to be just like you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Chuckles] That's sweet but I think you should aim a little higher.

"Bones: The Psychic in the Soup (#10.11)" (2015)
Jack Hodgins: Doing all right there, Dr. B? You look like something is bothering you
Camille Saroyan: Which is reasonable, reconsidering she's about to stick her hands in the body stew
Temperance Brennan: Well, I feel as if imbalance of the serotonin levels have affected my neurotransmitters. Probably caused by the fact that today is Sweets' birthday. Whatever tool was used to fell the tree, caused significant damage to the skull
Jack Hodgins: Oh, man! Sweets
Camille Saroyan: He would have been what?
Temperance Brennan: 30
Jack Hodgins: He didn't even make it to 30?

Temperance Brennan: Based on the size of the pelvis and the uniformly coarsed granularity of this auricular surface, the victim was a female in her early 30s
Camille Saroyan: Adults don't go climbing intside trees alone
Jack Hodgins: I do. That's where the really beautiful Hymenoptera are
Camille Saroyan: Right. But unless by some chance the victim is not an obsessive entomologist, this is probably a body dump

Camille Saroyan: Avalon? I thought she was barred from the FBI
Angela Montenegro: Well, yeah, but she can do her work anywhere. She's been trying to contact Justine
Camille Saroyan: Ooh, the dead person. Is that a local or long distance call?
Angela Montenegro: Oh, great! So you think I'm a loon now too?
Camille Saroyan: But you're great with computer. So, what did you find?
Angela Montenegro: Okay

Jack Hodgins: So, I found grease residue in the fracture
Camille Saroyan: Grease? Are we talking French fries, a burger?
Jack Hodgins: Polyurea grease
Camille Saroyan: Oh, sounds delicious
Jack Hodgins: Yeah, if you like the taste of bicicle chain. That's what they use to lubricate them

Camille Saroyan: So, a beautiful black woman in her early 30s. Anyone seen Beyonce recently?

"Bones: The Eye in the Sky (#10.15)" (2015)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you love to invent things, Dr. Hodgins, but you do not have permission to do that here. Confine that aspect of your life to your home, please. Is that clear?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Sure. Sure. So you came to tell me something?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ah, yes. We have to dig remains out of an industrial shredder.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Oh, good! I thought it was going to be something bad!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Walking towards Hodge's lab] Dr. Hodgins, I...
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Breaking glass, sirens start, lights flashes, Hodge rushes out of his lab, door automatically lock] No, no, no, no, no. Come on
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What just happened?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Huh? Oh, no, I just... I exposed a cryogenic refrigerant... I mean, this safety is being a little dramatic, it's not that toxic. Side note: I need a requisition form for another 20 Berzelius beakers
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Those are $150 a piece. I assume this experiment is for the Jeffersonian?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I mean, since my work is my life, in essence everything I do is for the Jeffersonian
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That would be a no!

Jessica Warren: I heard you broke some more beakers, Curly
Dr. Jack Hodgins: More beakers?
Jessica Warren: You broke some just 2 weeks ago
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No, those were flasks
Jessica Warren: Didn't you also break some vials?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, yeah, but that was like 3 weeks ago
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You are aware that all of this comes out of your paycheck, right?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Eh, no, I was not aware
Jessica Warren: Shake it off, Curly. There is a lesson here
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, you break it, you bought it

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, Ms. Warren! I thought I'd be the first one in this morning
Jessica Warren: Oh, you are! I didn't leave last night

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Looking at the financials] I thought we couldn't get a warrant for their financials?
Angela Montenegro: Well, we couldn't, but lucky for us, the internet doesn't require one. You just have to know where to look

"Bones: The Mastodon in the Room (#6.1)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The best anthropologist is in Indonesia. The best cop is in Afghanistan. And the best entomologist is in France.
Caroline Julian: I got 'em all coming back.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: How'd you do that?
Caroline Julian: Same way I'm going to get you a team psychologist.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What happened? You're no longer in the Jeffersonian. All my interns gone.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What happened is you put your own desires ahead of everything else and left.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Are you angry with me?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. I am angry, Dr. Brennan. We had a great thing going. You just... you let it fall apart.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Entering] Wow. What is with this scuzzy Hell hole? And where's my office?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You see that table over there? That's your office. And you have to share.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why do we only solve crimes when we have a dead body?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seriously? Because I'm a pathologist, and
[Indicating Bones]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: she's a forensic anthropologist. Fresh dead. Long time dead.

Dr. Lance Sweets: [Bones want to know why none of her former interns are available] Vincent Nigel-Murray? He won a million dollars on Jeopardy, took an around the world trip.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Mr. Vaziri, switched majors from forensics to cultural anthropology, he's interning at Baghdad Museum.
Caroline Julian: Fisher checked into a clinic with a case of the "hopeless vapors". Dr. Edison took a position in Chicago.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What about Wendell?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Last I heard, working in a repair shop.

"Bones: The Boneless Bride in the River (#2.16)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [as Hodgins and Zack are inflating a head] This is - it's absolutely -
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Brilliant?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Useless! You need the exact shape of a skull to get a likeness. Not just a - This - Turn that off!
[Angela walks in]
Angela Montenegro: Oh my God! You guys are perverse!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan was right. Bone people should only do bone things.

Angela Montenegro: [referring to 2 skeletons on the table] I am going to draw them a wedding picture.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay. Well. You do that, we should find out who poisoned the victim and arrest him for murder.

Angela Montenegro: [referring to the 2 skeletons on the table and their pictures displayed above them] Wow. They kinda go together.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because they're deceased?
Angela Montenegro: Yeah. But more than that. They're exactly same level of hotness.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Which is zero because they're skeletons.

Angela Montenegro: [Getting romantic about the 2 skeletons on the table] Wow. They kinda go together.
Angela Montenegro: [Later] They're exactly same level of hotness.
Angela Montenegro: [Later] She was ill, and he was ill. It's really too bad they never actually met.
Angela Montenegro: [Later] You ever think they're spirits actually did meet and are working to get their bones together her on the psychical plane?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You mean like we're possessed and doing their bidding?

"Bones: The Death of the Queen Bee (#5.17)" (2010)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You know you get very bossy when you don't have any flesh to play with.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I *am* the boss.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's always a tad creepy when you admire the killer's handywork.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Wendel and Hodgins] I'll let Dr. Brennan know that we are looking for a saw that can cut through metal. And you don't have to fight. You both did well.
[Cam turns around. Under her breath]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I run a kindergarten.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Angela has the photos Dr. Brennan uploaded of potential weapons from the reunion.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Weapons. Yeah, we didn't have those at the reunion.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] Are you saying High School is like KGB?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Clandestine meetings, secret pacts murder. Sounds like her High School.

"Bones: The Critic in the Cabernet (#4.24)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Tibia. I've decided to have a baby.
[Everyone stares at her. Bones continues working]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Pichulum.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wait. Baby like a small human?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. I know I've had no interest in the past. Bu neither did you and you seem to find parenthood very fulfilling.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone. It's probably on the news by now.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know *you* Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it. But it's still doing it even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what'll you get out of it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after Brennan says she wants a baby] Is there a father?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, I'd like to use Booth's sperm.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Booth. What do you know?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're gonna have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone, it's probably on the news by now.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just donating.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So, you decided?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! No! I am deciding, i-n-g -ing.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you, Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it, but it's still doing it even if you're not... doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what will it do for you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you?

"Bones: The End in the Beginning (#4.25)" (2009)
Detective Camille Saroyan: Good morning, I'm Detective Saroyan.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah, I know who you are. You're my brother's partner.
Jared Booth: She prefers the term "boss."
Detective Camille Saroyan: Official visit. See the badge?

Detective Camille Saroyan: You think that was insensitive?
Jared Booth: I don't know, implying that she was cheating on her husband maybe could have waited until he wasn't standing right next to her.
Detective Camille Saroyan: Why? They bust up, you finally get a crack at her. That's what you want, right?

Detective Camille Saroyan: Now why would a crooked politician tell *you* that he was upset about not getting a payoff.
Lance Sweets: I'm a bartender. Practically a psychologist.

Angela Montenegro: Julian warned us that you have to make an arrest in the case. I just wanted to say that just because Jared Booth and I went out on a couple of dates and he cannot accept the fact that it is going nowhere, does not mean I should got to jail.
Jared Booth: Didn't your lawyer tell you not to answer any questions you weren't asked?
Detective Camille Saroyan: [to Julian] Should I mark your people down as stupid or uncooperative?
Caroline Julian: Put them down as well represented.

Detective Camille Saroyan: Who is this now?
Caroline Julian: Jack Hodgins. Very successful crime novelist.
Detective Camille Saroyan: They never get anything right.

"Bones: The He in the She (#4.6)" (2008)
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: We'll show these images to Dr. Brennan.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Why?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: She'll see something you missed.

Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: Based on the lack of hemorrhagic tissue, this victim was already dead when cut in half.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: He's in the water, drowning maybe, or- or is pushed from a boat. When he reaches for the boat, his fingers are smashed, he drowns, and then is cut in half later in some... maritime mishap.
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: "He"?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Mm-hmm. Triangular pubis, no evidence of a ventral arc. The pelvic bone speaks. It says "I be male."
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: The pelvic bone can say whatever it wants to say. This part here says female.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: What part's that?
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: It's called a vagina.

Vincent Nigel-Murray: Is there a way to quit working here without losing Dr. Brennan as my grad supervisor?
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: I see. You'd like to quit this internship without losing your academic standing.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Yeah.
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: Can I ask why?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: It's absolutely impossible to kiss your own elbow.
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: And how is that relevant?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: It isn't, Dr. Saroyan, but, um... I'm someone who loves knowledge, and all of you are very narrowly focused. It's a good focus, I know, catching murderers, but, um, all in all, I'd rather be like me than like you, so if you can help me out...
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: I'll take care of it with Dr. Brennan.

Vincent Nigel-Murray: Did you know that over 98% of people will respond with "Thank you" if you say, "You're welcome"?
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: You're welcome.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Thank you.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Does Brennan put "Mister" in front of your name?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Yes.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's her very subtle way of saying you're not a doctor.
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: Don't tell him that!

"Bones: The Truth in the Lye (#2.5)" (2006)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [holding up a wedding band] Braided gold and platinum - preserved by true love, no doubt.
Angela Montenegro: One metal for each desperate housewife.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: People, can we at least fake some sense of decorum?
Angela Montenegro: I can't help it - it's so Jerry Springer!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So now we're talking about a faked homicide to cover up a faked suicide?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: A faked suicide meant to cover up an *actual, original* murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Now, just when you think things couldn't get *any* more twisted-
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [enters] How's *this* for a curveball?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In walks Cam.

Zack Addy: [holding a pitchfork to sift remains out of a tub of lye] And, I know you requested a strainer of some sort, Dr. Brennan, but I thought this would be of some use.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: For the big pieces maybe.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: After that, Old McZacky, get on the horn with the coroner's office and tell them I want two field unit water sifters sent here ASAP.
Zack Addy: They get mad went I drop your name.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then drop it twice.

Zack Addy: [Bragging to Hodgins] I'm going on police business.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: So proud.
[to Cam]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Does he mean out? In the world?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We'll pin our phone number on his shirt.

Angela Montenegro: First of all, how does anyone juggle two spouses?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I can think of ways. Of course, by juggle, I mean liter...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I have a scalpel.
Angela Montenegro: Maybe he dissolved himself so there'd be more of him to go around. I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'll save you a seat.

"Bones: The Girl with the Curl (#2.7)" (2006)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh it gets better.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [sarcastically] How can it not?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's the "evening wear" category that gets me. My evening wear is a ratty T-shirt and a mud mask.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You should never engage in a romantic relationship with someone you work with.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why not?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, anthropologically?
Angela Montenegro: There's an anthropological answer?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If I were you, I'd go with Cam on this one.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why?
Angela Montenegro: Phylogenetic systematics.

"Bones: The Sin in the Sisterhood (#6.12)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Any luck with the bullet?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Aw, you know they're changing the expression from uh, "needle in a haystack" to "bullet in a cornfield."

Dr. Jack Hodgins: This victim is like a full blown salad of plant particulates.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then you should be a happy man.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: There's no one happier.
Wendell Bray: You see Dr. Saroyan? It's okay. No one has a life around here.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But you can't run ballistics. We haven't recovered the bullet yet.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, when the do. I'll be ready.
Angela Montenegro: Is it safe to shoot in the lab?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Probably not. Uh, can you stand behind the line?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can I do it?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. You can go look at some bones. Take some ear protection with you. This gun is *mine*.
[Bones and Angela take some ear muffs and leave]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Dr. Paul Lidner: Cam, the reason I came here at an incredibly inconvinent time for both of us is because I had to say this. I care about my job. But I'm starting to realize I care more about you. I love being with you, Cam. I'm mean you're brilliant and gorgeous. And I think about you all the time
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...I don't know what to say.
Dr. Paul Lidner: I don't want to get anything in the way of this relationship, okay? Not even the career I've worked for my entire life.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You have responsibilities.
Dr. Paul Lidner: So do you, but... I have to prioritize - and so do you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Amgela said we're both workaholics.
Dr. Paul Lidner: Mother's intution kicking in. She's right.

"Bones: The Bikini in the Soup (#6.14)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because at exactly 6:45 PM, I am exiting this building to observe Valentine's Day with Paul.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, what if the murder isn't solved?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: People there is death in this world and there is romance. Today - death is the loser and romance wins.
[Everyone cheers]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What about justice?
[Angela slaps the back of Hodgins's head]

Dr. Jack Hodgins: So uh, Angela just said to me that because we're married, we don't have to be romantic.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Not true.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, yes. I know it's hard to believe but that is *exactly* what she said.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. Married or not you still have to be romantic.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I knew it. She's testing me.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, no. She's not testing you. She's pregnant and her feet hurt. She may not feel up to initiating the romance. But if you don't, she'll never forgive you. It's the estrogen.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You've reached the age where every male must be treated as a perspective mate.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm not that much older than you and I have someone! I'm sorry. I'm on edge.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. You're correct.

Dr. Paul Lidner: Hello beautiful lady who works with the dead.
[Paul hands Cam some roses]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh my God! And hello handsome man who works with - you're a gynecologist, Paul. I shouldn't finish this...
Dr. Paul Lidner: Yeah. I understand.

"Bones: The Carrot in the Kudzu (#9.18)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What was that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's still growing! It's feeding off the remaining tissue
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I have seen this movie! It doesn't end well for humanity

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you even here, rather than an intern?
Dr. Clark Edison: Forensic conference in Buffalo.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The interns got extra credit if they went
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah well, everyone should get extra credit for going to Buffalo!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Does that mean you can determine time of death?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, if the body was outside since death, decomp would indicates at least six days
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, given the rate of growth of the kudzu I'd say nine
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Eight?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, deal!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I also found a mixture of limestone, clay, fly ash and gypsum
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, eh, Portland cement!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's my job to determine that, but you are absolutely right! I am thoroughly impressed!

"Bones: The Puzzler in the Pit (#10.8)" (2014)
Angela Montenegro: Daisy! Welcome back
Camille Saroyan: Wow, you are so much bigger than I expected. It looks like he might come out dressed and ready for school
Daisy Wick: My Doula assured me that my meditation and breathing exercises will give me at least 2 more weeks
Camille Saroyan: Well, you've been through so much, losing Sweets. If you need...
Daisy Wick: Thanks, I took the time I needed. Lance would want me to rejoin the world. And the baby and I have never felt better
Angela Montenegro: You do seem very Zen. I remember when I was at this point, I was driving Hodgins nuts, trying to set up Michael Vincent's room
Daisy Wick: Well, there's no rush. When he's ready, he'll tell me how he wants his room set up
Angela Montenegro: So, you're waiting until he can talk before he has a room?
Daisy Wick: Oh, my Doula says that a mother doesn't need words to communicate with her baby
Camille Saroyan: Ah, this Doula sounds like a... fascinating woman
Daisy Wick: Oh, she is. she is

Camille Saroyan: God, I loved his puzzles. I mean, they were impossible
Angela Montenegro: Maybe that's why he was killed?

Angela Montenegro: The handwriting on these clues is different than these
Camille Saroyan: Well, and this is definitely his handwriting
Angela Montenegro: How do you know that?
Camille Saroyan: I may or may not have an autographed copied of one of his completed puzzles

Daisy Wick: [Holding her child for the very first time] He's beautiful
Temperance Brennan: Absolutely perfect
Angela Montenegro: You did it
Daisy Wick: He looks like Lance, doesn't he? I mean, I'm not imaging that, am I?
Camille Saroyan: No! No, he really does
Jack Hodgins: What's his name?
Daisy Wick: Lance insisted that his first name be Seeley. So he's Seeley Lance Wick-Sweets.
[to Booth]
Daisy Wick: Do you want to be the first to hold him? Lance would want you to be the first
Seeley Booth: Pff, yeah
[takes over the baby]
Seeley Booth: Hey! Hey, there little buddy How are you? Look at that, your whole family came out to meet you. Hey little buddy. Listen, I knew your dad

"Bones: The Baker in the Bits (#10.13)" (2015)
Camille Saroyan: [Seeing Arastoo rushing in with 2 coffee] Hey, you're late
Arastoo Vaziri: [Hands one coffee to Cam] But I come bearing caffeine

Camille Saroyan: [Investigating the remains] Well, remind me never to get blown up
Jack Hodgins: It was against OSHA regulations to detonate after dark
Arastoo Vaziri: Small comfort to our friend here

Angela Montenegro: Oh, perfect timing! Hodgins found zinc particulates that I matched to this section of fence and some tobacco beetle bits that I traced back to a flour warehouse. You know, despite the name, beetles like wheat more than tobacco
Camille Saroyan: Wow, you sound like your husband

Camille Saroyan: Yeah, I'm just... I'm so scared, Seeley
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, it's gonna be okay. You know, look if Arastoo can work with Bones, dealing with the Iranians is gonna be a piece of cake, right? Right?
[Cam laughs]

"Bones: The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (#5.4)" (2009)
Arastoo Vaziri: [Irritated without Jordanian accent] I am a scientist! Okay? Just like the rest of you. I can deal! So please just back off and let me do my job!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wow.
Arastoo Vaziri: [With Jordian accent] I apologize for my outburst.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, you aren't even going to try to unring that bell are you?
Arastoo Vaziri: [as he's leaving] I have to pray.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Now how is it any more odd than say shaving your face, or putting on make up?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm not hanging up because I don't have an answer for that. I'm just hanging up.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Speaking of Arastoo's fake accent] Is it crazy, or just weird. Weird I can deal with, but crazy...
[Cam starts to leave]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wait. What do you want me to do?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, crazy is your department.

Angela Montenegro: You're going to tell me to stop looking through all this stuff now, aren't you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm afraid so. I'll go tell Booth about the lube.
Angela Montenegro: [Cam leaves. To Arastoo] Spoilsport. Finding likely murder weapons way too fast.

"Bones: The Mutilation of the Master Manipulator (#10.9)" (2014)
Camille Saroyan: Are you gonna do anything special tonight, Wendell? To celebrate the end of the clinical trial?
Wendell Bray: Uhm, I hadn't really thought about it
Camille Saroyan: Well, you deserve to have to some fun after what you've been through
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, many people become extremely intoxicated to celebrate
Wendell Bray: [smiles] I'll keep that in mind

Angela Montenegro: Is it too much to ask for a complete skull? I mean, sometimes these murderers are so inconsiderate
Camille Saroyan: Well, and since no one from our victim's age , race or gender was reported missing, your facial reconstruction needs to be exact
Angela Montenegro: Hmm, no pressure. Thanks

Jack Hodgins: Well, I guess I'm gonna just need to run the entire simulation again with more blood
[starts taking out his blood from his arm]
Angela Montenegro: Eh, what the hell are you doing?
Camille Saroyan: I second that
Jack Hodgins: I need blood. Unless one of you wants to volunteer?
Angela Montenegro: Eh no, its okay
Camille Saroyan: I pass

Wendell Bray: You know, considering the victim spent his career messing with people's mind, I'm not surprised by what happened to him
Camille Saroyan: Well, don't blame the professor. I would never have pressed that button
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, according to the data, you're more than likely to, which is why civilized societies can become barbaric. Germany had the most advanced public education system in the world. Impressive industrial production and yet they tried to exterminate an entire race of people
Camille Saroyan: Okay, then. And now I hate myself, thank you very much

"Bones: The Resurrection in the Remains (#11.5)" (2015)
Seeley Booth: What's with the demon eyes?
Jack Hodgins: Michael Vincent, he flushed my lenses, so these are all I had
Seeley Booth: Right, I mean, of course you have demon prescription lenses. Right?
Jack Hodgins: You don't?
Camille Saroyan: Just change them up as soon as you can, okay, Beelzebub?

Jack Hodgins: His redcoat uniform is the real deal. It's made from genuine wool broadcloth. Check the warp and the weft!
Camille Saroyan: Two of my all-time favorite words

Camille Saroyan: These neurons have been dead for about two weeks
Wendell Bray: Meaning?
Camille Saroyan: Sarah died before she died

Jack Hodgins: [about to search through huge piles of medical waste] Yeah, that's where the fun is! I'm just as excited as a little boy is Christmas morning
Camille Saroyan: That makes me feel just a little bad for Michael Vincent

"Bones: The Boy in the Shroud (#2.3)" (2006)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Hodgins] When it comes to bugs, slime, crud, and compost, you're the man.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, you don't, Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, here we go. What's going on, Camille?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Since Kelly Morris has confessed...
Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan: No. She didn't do it.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What evidence do you have of that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: How about this? Specimen 268 - "right corner of the room" schematic.
Angela Montenegro: You are good.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Flirtatiously] Oh, you have no idea.
[Angela and Hodgins smile at each other]
Zack Addy: Are you having a moment?
[Hodgins glares at Zack]

Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan: I can't work like this.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you telling me I should start looking for your replacement?
Angela Montenegro: Dr. Saroyan, I don't want to be overly dramatic or anything, but if you lose Brennan, you lose us all.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Really?
Angela Montenegro: Really. And Booth too.

"Bones: The Titan on the Track (#2.1)" (2006)
Lisa Supac: [after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash] It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Lisa Supac: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What did you want us to do?
Lisa Supac: Your jobs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Lisa Supac: Forensically...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Lisa Supac: Arrest is not a conviction.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a Senator.
Lisa Supac: Indictment is not a conviction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Indict him. Give us time to get you what you need.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If you accept this plea bargain, you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Lisa Supac: Dr. Saroyan!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Dr. Jack Hodgins, Angela Montenegro: [together] Not Zack.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided, and if you any ability as a prosecutor you'll win the case.
Lisa Supac: Are you finished?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supeck. In the future when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me, in private, not by grand standing in a public forum.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Hodgins knows Cam overheard the "wank-tard" comment, and starts babbling] You're chattering me to death because you hope I'll forget that you called me a wank-tard.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [chastened] It's a made up word--no meaning.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Camille.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't call me Camille.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't call me Seeley.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why hasn't she confronted me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: About what?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: About me being parachuted in over her head. She finds me intimidating, right?
[Booth chuckles]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Hey, I intimidate people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Bones doesn't intimidate.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then what?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You've seen the way she stares at human remains before she makes a decision?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're human remains and... she hasn't made a decision yet.

"Bones: The Goop on the Girl (#5.10)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I have to remove your pants.
[Starts removing Booth's pants]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. You know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. Saint Joseph, Saint Peter, Saint Paul, Saint John...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Cam enters. Long pause] Anyone for mistletoe?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I-I'm just recovering evidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just evidence, that's all.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Interesting.

Daisy Wick: Colon, end bracket, colon, capital "D."
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Sweets laughs] Semi-colon, end parenthesis, less-than sign, numeral 3.
Daisy Wick: Colon, capital "P."
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, dear God, I'm going to yak!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Your analysis of the emulsion bomb included detergent.
Angela Montenegro: You didn't actually get permission to recreate the bomb, did you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh my God!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I needed to do this so that Angela could recreate the explosion.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Angela] You told him that?
Angela Montenegro: Don't let him turn this around on me.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I do not want an explosive device in my lab!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Relax. I did not hook up the initiator.
[Jack connects some wires on the device]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: NO!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It is perfectly safe.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: It is my job to prove to you every day that you are loved in this world and if that makes you angry...
Michelle Welton: It makes me furious!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, then, that's the price I pay. But you will know beyond a doubt that I can't just let you go flying off and not having it absolutely ruin *my* Christmas. Because right now, the way things are, there's - there's no Christmas without you!

"Bones: The Hero in the Hold (#4.13)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Bones gets phone call] What's going on?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Gravedigger has Booth.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets, you - you shouldn't be here. The Gravedigger said no FBI involvement.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm a psychologist, not an agent.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: An FBI psychologist, Dr. Sweets. Get gone, now.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Let's be clear here. What we intend to do next constitutes felony conspiriacy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not you! ME! I can do this alone!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No. NO! Nobody does anything alone. Vega was alone.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: The government keeps secret black illegal files on every US citizen. It's called "Spring Cleaning." Because everything is brought out into the light and turned upside down.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay,that is complete paranoia. Right?
Jared Booth: I'll need access to a secure terminal.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Follow me.
[Cam leads Jared out. As Jared is leaving, stops looks at Hodgins]
Jared Booth: And only conspiracy nuts call it "Spring Cleaning."

"Bones: The Cold in the Case (#9.21)" (2014)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, do we at least have time of death?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, that's where it starts really getting weird. Insect activities all over the place. We've got colonization in development of Piophilidae in the skull and extremities
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That puts time of death between 72 and 96 hours
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, 3 or 4 days. What's so weird about that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Because in the body cavity there's Calliphordia larvae, which indicates time of death in the last 3 hours
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa, the body was found long before that
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Exactly
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Which accounts for the Chrysomyarufifcies in the feet, which puts time of death in the last 14 days
Special Agent Seeley Booth: 3 hours, 3 days, 2 weeks. Right? What is it?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, evidence says all 3
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not possible

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, it's all yours, Mr. Vaziri
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Is it me or did it just get totally awkward in here?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's probably the perplexing nature of the remains
Angela Montenegro: Eh, no! Actually, I think it was the "Mr. Vaziri". What's going on here?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Uh, a murder case. So if we could focus on the task at hand. The skull is all yours, Mr... Arastoo
[Cam walks away]
Arastoo Vaziri: Thank you
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Is something happening that I don't understand?
Angela Montenegro: Yes!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: And they use propofol to keep the remains from animating again in the process
Angela Montenegro: Animating? You mean like "The Walking Dead"?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, it's actually...
Angela Montenegro: If you say "cool" you won't have sex for like a year
Dr. Jack Hodgins: ...revolting. It's totally revolting

Angela Montenegro: I heard dinner wasn't so good
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ugh, dinner would imply food. We didn't get that far

"Bones: The Plain in the Prodigy (#5.3)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: When do teenagers start having sex?
Angela Montenegro: Hello!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: If they could, they'd start in the morning and go until they drop.

Angela Montenegro: Hey listen, Cam. Every teenager goes through this. Think about what you went through.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me? Oh god!
[Cam start to run off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wh-What am I going to do?

Michelle Welton: Did you talk to your dad about boys?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh God no. No. My mom told him to go bowling. She knew he'd have a meltdown. My dad still thinks I'm a - his little girl.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr Brennan already requested that you suit up to supervise the FBI techs' retrieval of the remains at the train tracks.
Dr. Clark Edison: Wait; Dr Brennan wants me to put on a jump suit and walk along a railroad track? Um-um, that is NOT a good look on a brother.

"Bones: Mayhem on a Cross (#4.20)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Norway?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We don't have enough crucified of our own, now the Vikings are sending them?

Clark Edison: The annual murder rate in Norway is 0.7.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Less than one murder a year?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: In that case, they should solve the ones they have, or they'll never get any practice.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is definitely murder.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There are other possibilities.
Clark Edison: Uh, I have to admit none spring to mind.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: One possibility: drunken death obsessed satan worshipping drug abusing teens rob a grave and re-enact an ancient torture.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ah, just another Saturday night.

"Bones: The Beaver in the Otter (#4.23)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Looks like someone took a flamethrower to sasquatch.
Angela Montenegro: Well, this is what he was supposed to look like.
[Shows Cam a picture of the Mascot]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Someone finally killed a mascot?

Arastoo Vaziri: I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins, cutlery. My best guess is: nuclear explosion just as the victim entered a 99 Cent Store.
Angela Montenegro: Well, uh, close. He was shot by a blenderbus, pelted by an angry mob, and then burned.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Now that's what I call team spirit.
[They look at Cam strangely]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm a wisecracking Pathologist with a dark sense of humor.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah I got that during the part where you said no seven times in a row.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I find that you don't pay attention to the first six.

"Bones: The Corpse at the Convention (#10.5)" (2014)
Aldus Carter: [Calling out to the team investigating the body inside a utility area] High intensity LED lamps. Pure light that won't alter the visual integrity of the evidence.
Dr. Howard Fitch: Dr. Saroyan, I have an RCC tool kit, and some debris sifters that...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stop! Stop, alright, everybody? Just keep it down out here, alright?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd like a head lamp.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me, too.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah. Lamps for everyone.
[Goes upstairs to the crowd]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Who's got the LED lamps?
Aldus Carter: Here. I've got four.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Thank you.
Aldus Carter: Thank *you*.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Returns and hands one to Cam and one to Bones] For you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Still kneeling over the remains] What is this white crust?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where's *my* lamp?

Wendell Bray: What're you doing?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, I am making a mold of the shoeprint
Dr. Camille Saroyan: With... what?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, I got this from some guy out there, that's experimenting with this inert polymer resin, that's totally not invasive
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, I'm sorry I asked! Just keep at it

Dr. Jack Hodgins: So the killer wouldn't need to be in the plumbing and electric room when the fire started
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then all the timelines that Angela worked out, that cleared some of the suspects, are meaningless
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Which means none of the suspects has an alibi
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Including you
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Including me

"Bones: The Crack in the Code (#7.6)" (2012)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Look, all I'm saying is that John Wilkes Booth was secretly a member of the Knights of the Golden Circle - affiliated with Rome.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, a little friendly advice: do not mention Booth to Booth. They are related. He will shoot you.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I have a bad feeling about this. But I will wait for the electrophoresis results to share it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Judging by the small skull and the Nucal Crest - the victim was a female caucasias. Wisdom teeth haven't full erupted - suggesting she was in her earlt 20's.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, bad feeling officially confirmed. The string the killer used - is made of human gut.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: He thinks he's smarter than us.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He may be right.

"Bones: The Bones That Weren't (#6.5)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I will find it extremely frustrating if the victim's identity is all we can discern.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, unless you can take bone dust and turn it back into a full skeleton, this is all we can work with.

Arastoo Vaziri: [Watching the skeleton being reconstructed] I come to work and find myself in the future.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Time travel is impossible, Mr. Vaziri... But I know what you mean.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Cam enters] Wow. If you're taking orders, I'd like a 6'4" 37 year old male with uh, good income and no mommy issues.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: So he left ballet to become a "spinning on his head" dancer...

"Bones: The Hot Dog in the Competition (#7.2)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [a python emerges from the victim's body. Cam runs away] Oh God! Get it out of here! Oh God, I hate snakes!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Bones takes out her cellphone and makes a call] Dr. Hodgins...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Somebody kill that thing!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You can come back to the lab. We discovered the warm place where the python was hiding.
Finn Abernathy: [Finn holds up the snake] I gotta say, ma'am, this is the best damn job ever!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why should I discuss with a Federal prosecutor who *I* hire in *my* lab?
Caroline Julian: Tell me what happens when a defense attorney questions the integrity of this lab because we have a teenage miscreant handling evidence?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So you think that this young man, brilliant even by Dr. Brennan's standards, should be condemned forever because of some youthful indiscretions?
Caroline Julian: Sometimes life isn't fair.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But I don't have to help it along. He deserves a chance and I'm going to give it to him. Now unless you'd like to help, I have some work to do.

Finn Abernathy: [to Hodgins] Excuse me, sir. But elocution was not on my application. And it doesn't seem to bother anybody else here how I talk. So I'm getting the feeling you're doing it just to make me feel bad 'cause I'm different than you. Which right now is making me feel pretty glad. But just because we speak different don't mean we can't understand each other. After all, we both speak Science, and that's all that's important in here, right?
[Finn leaves]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh snap!

"Bones: The Murder of the Meninist (#11.12)" (2016)
Camille Saroyan: [Notices Hodge has a problem reaching for the carburetor] Dr. Hodgins, would you like a hand?
Jack Hodgins: No, but I could use a new pair of legs
[nobody responses]
Jack Hodgins: No fans of paraplegic humor? Tough crowd

Camille Saroyan: Dr. Hodgins! You used the lift. How was it?
Jack Hodgins: It was exhilarating, Cam. If I'd known I was getting one of those, I'd have crippled myself months ago
Camille Saroyan: I... get it. It's just nice to see you back up here where you belong

Camille Saroyan: Dr. Hodgins, how is the car autopsy going? Or would it be an auto-topsy?
Jack Hodgins: I'd laugh, but the explosion must have paralyzed my sense of humor as well

"Bones: The Bond in the Boot (#5.2)" (2009)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wendell, my man, we still on for lunch?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You are discussing lunch while holding a tray of cat excrament.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Everybody poops. They even wrote a book about it.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Do you believe James Bond killed our victim?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well no, but come on. There was more than a grain of truth in those James Bond films.
Angela Montenegro: Pussy Galore? That's never gonna happen.
Wendell Bray: Well we can alway hope.
Angela Montenegro: Boys and their spy fantasies.

Wendell Bray: That means he showed no signs of distress even after hours of torture. Isn't that impossible.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Unless the CIA underestimated this guy, anyone who can take that kind of abuse makes James Bone look like a weenie.

"Bones: The Pain in the Heart (#3.15)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Standing in the entrance to Zack's hospital room] Cam. I'm going to need the room.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [pause. Cam looks at Zack, then rises and walks to Booth and Bones] I'm sorry. But I have to ask. Are you absolutely certain? Because...
[Cam looks at Bones and Booth]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wow! I did not see that coming.

Dr. Zack Addy: Dr. Saroyan, regarding the denure medium, if we recreate the process...
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It could tell us a lot about Gormogon's resources.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If you want to do one of your experiments, just say it.
Dr. Jack Hodgins, Dr. Zack Addy: We want to do one of our experiments.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Booth is standing at a lab table, staring] Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey Bones, I'm thinking here.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thinking about what, exactly?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene, but we need to access it to investigate the crime.
Angela Montenegro: A "cake and eat it too" situation.
Dr. Zack Addy: Is it a cake or a pickle?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's Schrödinger's Cat.
Dr. Zack Addy: *That* I understand. Cakes and pickles meant nothing to me.

"Bones: The Loyalty in the Lie (#11.1)" (2015)
Jack Hodgins: [Arriving at the crime scene] Wow, somebody got their hands on a world-class incendiary device
Camille Saroyan: Well, whoever it was, he really wanted to get rid of this van
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: I had one of my people run the VIN. It was stolen from a mall in Baltimore this morning
Jack Hodgins: Your people?
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: I delegated. That's how I get things done

Jack Hodgins: Angie? You're okay?
Angela Montenegro: I ran the... the serial number from the gun, you know, the gun you found on the ankle, and...
Camille Saroyan: You got a name?
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, I couldn't believe it! It... it all matches up with what you found: the age and the gender, the body type, all of it. It's his gun
Camille Saroyan: Who's gun?
Jack Hodgins: Booth's!

Jack Hodgins: [Enters, seeing Arastoo and Cam looking at the wedding ring] Oh my God! Dude, you asked her! Good for you!
Arastoo Vaziri: No, actually
Jack Hodgins: She said no?
Camille Saroyan: Eh, he hasn't asked yet

"Bones: The Beginning in the End (#5.22)" (2010)
Daisy Wick: Weren't we talking about me?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It always seems that way.
Daisy Wick: It's just - I've been accepted to go to the Muluku Islands!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Whoa. Hearing loss, Miss Wick.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I really enjoyed working for you, Dr. Brennan.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: In fact, Dr. Saroyan, I worked for you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We both know better.

Angela Montenegro: Okay, so what I did was modify my mass recognition program -patent pending- to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene, to find areas of comparatively less chaos.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Awesome!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You can understand what she's saying?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Not in the least, but I am so turned on by her brain. I'd love to see her brain totally naked.
Dr. Lance Sweets: It's a terrible image. It's just terrible.

"Bones: The Truth in the Myth (#6.18)" (2011)
Vincent Nigel-Murray: And you found a goat tethered to a state.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Chupacabra means goat sucker.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So for cause of death, you want me to put down - goat sucker?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't sound so sad. Do you really want to live in a world where chupacabras run free?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yes, I really do.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You just turned up the volume. I could've done that.
Angela Montenegro: I'm sorry. Uh, do I just say "You just look at gooey stuff all day. I could've done that."

"Bones: The Murder in the Middle East (#10.19)" (2015)
Majid Namazi: These are two tickets back to America. The flight leaves this afternoon. If you're on it, there will be no unpleasantness.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wait, no! I need to see Arastou!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth turns to Hooshmand] You said you could help us.
Hooshmand: I am. Sometimes there is a limit to what can be accomplished. I'm keeping you safe.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa, wait, wait. What if we can help you?
Majid Namazi: Help?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, help. If Arastou is actually unharmed, that means you need him alive. You have a murder that needs to be solved.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And if you brought him to an abandoned surgical center, rather than a real morgue, that means you're operating outside the law.
Majid Namazi: It is unwise to threaten me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This is not a threat, this is an offer.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: What are you doing here? Where's Booth?
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: He's on with the NSA, the CIA, the whole alphabet soup

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just have to have patience
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Patience? Would you be patient if it was Dr. Brennan over there?

"Bones: The Widow's Son in the Windshield (#3.1)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Bones in her office?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That is awesome! And really, really stupid! You gotta love a self-destructive man with values.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: How do I say this in a way that makes sense to Booth?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Something chewed on the skull.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, like a bear or a dog?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Human, Booth. Dr. Brennan is saying human.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: In the vernacular, our victim's face was chewed off by a cannibal.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [throws away the rest of his hot dog] Okay.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Talking about Booth being annoyed that Bones being difficult and distant] Usually when you get all blustery, its 'cause you think something's your fault.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well. You know... I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah. Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.

"Bones: The Bones on the Blue Line (#5.15)" (2010)
Daisy Wick: Rat excrement will contain not only inorganic clues, but digested remains from the victim that could give us the time of death too.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Go for it.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, I'll need some help.
[Cam gestures to Daisy]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You seem to know your poop.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: What do you know. King of the Lab.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wow, that's a first. Usually I have to say it.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. But I wanted to hear how it sounded with a touch of modesty.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: This is a Quasar Safety Slug. It was designed to disintegrate so it won't ricochet after it hits its target.
Daisy Wick: So it's a safe bullet?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Not for the person it hits, just for anyone else in the room.

"Bones: The Teacher in the Books (#10.12)" (2015)
James Aubrey: Buried in a pile of books of the self-help section is definitely not the way I want to go out
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I find this quite tragic
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, death is a tragedy
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, I'm not talking about the victim! I'm referring to the fact that this is what's left of the bookstore
Camille Saroyan: Oh, I know! I used to send hours in places like this, thumbing through page after page looking for the perfect read
Jack Hodgins: Yeah, that fresh new book smell. Oh man, an e-book doesn't have it
James Aubrey: Yeah, who doesn't like huffing through books?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Guys, I suppose you all wanted to back to riding a horse to work

Camille Saroyan: [after a long deduction about what might have happened] Why couldn't all these tests just give the name and address of the killer?
Jack Hodgins: Yeah

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No! No, it's not random at all! The knees and spines are both fulcrums
Camille Saroyan: Which means?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Starts walking out of the room quickly] Perfect! This makes perfect sense
Camille Saroyan: [to Ms. Warren] Just once, I'd like her to tell us the biggest discovery before she runs out

"Bones: The Secret in the Soil (#3.4)" (2007)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hello, my sweet, exotic princess.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What a slightly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.
Zack Addy: I think he's talking to a bug.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, now I feel a little... rejected.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hello my exotic princess!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What a charmingly inappropriate greeting Dr. Hodgins.
Zack Addy: I think he was talking to the bug.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well now I feel a bit... rejected.

Angela Montenegro: My sketch isn't matching any of the missing women on file.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, maybe no one's missed her yet.
Angela Montenegro: Poor thing. Everyone should be missed.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Moving in to kiss Angela] Oh, you are such an angel.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I will get a bucket of cold water. I swear.

"Bones: The Verdict in the Victims (#10.18)" (2015)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, it looks like you haven't moved in quite a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Have they found a new victim yet?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Angela is working with the FBI to try to narrow down a possible location and Booth is trying Rockwell one more time, and I brought you breakfast.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, thank you, I'm not hungry.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Maybe you are not, but that little person inside must be starving.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Reading the victims police record] Possession, dealing, DUIs, prostitution. This one, Trace Tailor, was a busy woman

Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's an eggless tofu omelet. Booth said it's your favorite, which is upsetting, but eat, please.

"Bones: The Senator in the Street Sweeper (#11.6)" (2015)
Jessica Warren: I mean, this body is seriously frakked up
Angela Montenegro: "Frakked up"?
Jack Hodgins: Jessica has been binge-watching BSG 2003
Camille Saroyan: Not to sound like Dr. Brennan, but I don't know what that means
Jessica Warren: BSG: Battlestar Galactica. What? You haven't seen it? Wow! I'm surprised, 'cause it's totally old school, just like you...
[Angela and Cam frown]
Jessica Warren: and also frakking enlightening
Jack Hodgins: "Frak" is the curse word they use on the show. But what's really frakking interesting is that Aubrey told me he'd been watching Battleship as well
Jessica Warren: Well, that's because we're watching together
Angela Montenegro: Oh, well, that is definitely interesting. Sounds to me there's a little something going on between you and Aubrey
Jessica Warren: Yes, television watching and nothing else
Jack Hodgins: Me thinks this lady protests too much

Camille Saroyan: Good news is, at a minimum, I'll be able to run a tox screen and check for his last meal, 'cause the stomach is...
[drops the stomach]
Camille Saroyan: more or less intact
Jack Hodgins: I'd say less, not more

Camille Saroyan: [Just heard Jessica's theory] Please tell me this isn't just one of your vibes talking
Jessica Warren: Oh no, instincts and evidence, they're singing in perfect harmony

"Bones: Harbingers in a Fountain (#5.1)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, um. That place I went to. You know, in my coma dream, it was just - Bones and I were so real...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You're in love with Dr. Brennan.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: My advice for what it's worth. Forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Right. Yeah, and uh, tell Bones how I feel.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. *Except* be sure about your feelings. Because if you crack that shell, and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Caroline Julian: That was sneaky.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Is sneaky good or bad?
Caroline Julian: Good. If it holds up in the court.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Next time, make it look like you're taking advantage of the situation, not scripting it.

"Bones: The Secret in the Service (#11.17)" (2016)
James Aubrey: I understand we have a witness?
Camille Saroyan: Not really, he was pretty intoxicated. He claims he was hit by a pair of matching masked assailants, who swung matching shovels at the exact same time
James Aubrey: So, he was seeing double, right?
Jack Hodgins: You're talking about our witless witness?

Camille Saroyan: Have you shown this to Dr. Brennan?
Dr. Colin Fisher: I tried to call, but she didn't pick up. Which means she either relapsed into sickness, died, or is ignoring my calls
Camille Saroyan: Let's hope she's just ignoring your calls
Dr. Colin Fisher: Yes, I suppose that's the better alternative

Camille Saroyan: [Walks into the room] You found something, Mr. Fisher?
[Fisher stares at her, doesn't respond, rolls his eyes]
Camille Saroyan: Doctor! Sorry, habit! What have you found, Dr. Fisher?

"Bones: The Donor in the Drink (#11.3)" (2015)
Temperance Brennan: How is Arastoo's job search?
Camille Saroyan: Uh, I wouldn't know. Arastoo and I are taking a break
Temperance Brennan: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope my return to the Jeffersonian was not a factor
Camille Saroyan: [Avoiding eye contact] You coming back is what the Jeffersonian needed

Camille Saroyan: [Angela just identified the victim using Cam's found mustache] Thank God for handlebar mustaches... is something I never thought I'd say

Camille Saroyan: Booth's back at work today too?
Temperance Brennan: Yes. His brother's death was traumatic, but a routine can be healing in times of stress.

"Bones: The Verdict in the Story (#3.13)" (2008)
Angela Montenegro: [watching the defense exam evidence] I hate this. I *hate* it!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What? Strangers on our forensic platform?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Ange doesn't like that we're on different sides.
Angela Montenegro: All of us together, and Brennan alone.

AUSA Caroline Julian: Have you no control over these people?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: None what-so-ever.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, Caroline, it's Bones! It's different. Let's just admit it!
AUSA Caroline Julian: Here's what's not different.
[to Booth]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle.
[to Hodgins]
AUSA Caroline Julian: No badges saying "Resist Authority" or "The Truth is Out There."
[to Zack]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Do *not* cut your own hair the day before the trial.
[to Angela]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you.
[to Sweets]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Use your fully grown up words.
[to Cam]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Eat! Last time your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

AUSA Caroline Julian: I'm gonna say to you what I always say to you before a trial, because this one is no different than any other trial.
Dr. Zack Addy: You never said that before.
AUSA Caroline Julian: What?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You never told us that a trial is no different from any other trial.
Dr. Zack Addy: Which suggests that this one *is* different.
AUSA Caroline Julian: Have you no control over these people?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: None whatsoever.

"Bones: The Science in the Physicist (#4.18)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dead guy. What about the dead guy?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's obvious. He was frost bitten while climbing Everest then struck by a meteor then dumped into a vacant lot in two garbage bags and eaten by crows.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, obvious. That's so obvious.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a start.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [From inside the lab] FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[Cannon goes off. Booth tries to shield Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What the hell was that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins exits the lab] We're okay. Everything's okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should get out of here before lock down. Let Cam deal with it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. All right.
[They both run for the exit as the alarm goes off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Hodgins and Nigel] You know you're grounded, right?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: What did I tell you?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins and Nigel turn slowly] That we aren't allowed in the same room without supervision.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Because we were stupid enough to fire a cannon indoors.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You know, you're here. Which-which counts for supervision, so... I'll leave.

"Bones: The X in the File (#5.11)" (2010)
Angela Montenegro: [Watching a video] My God, is that what I think it is? And are those...?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. Impossible. This was doctored.
Angela Montenegro: No. It isn't. This was verified by the scanning software at a pixel level.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...Are you saying our victim might've stumbled on a real UFO?

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins laughs after a wepon blows the head off a melon with Wendel's picture] That was *way* too much damage. That blew your head clear off.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I don't know if anyone should enjoy their work this much.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after his experiment determines the type of weapon used] That was fun!
Angela Montenegro: Boys.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You got that right.

"Bones: A Night at the Bones Museum (#5.5)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, The Mummy. 1932.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You don't know who Brittney Spears is, but you know this movie?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's the film that made me want to be an anthropologist. Although I prefer Chaney's mummy to Karloff's.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I guess I'd be angry too if someone pulled my brain out through my nose and stuck it in a canopic jar.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: The urine of a red headed boy.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We need *so* much more that that.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: From the swab of Dr. Kaswell's eye.
Angela Montenegro: A red headed boy peed on her eye?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, not exactly.

"Bones: The Salt in the Wounds (#4.16)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So if she was handcuffed to protect her virginity, didn't work out well.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It will take too long, and a positive result is debatable.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Lucky for me I'm the boss.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...I claim one of my freebies!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I claim one of my freebie declines!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Some of us take coffee breaks. Some of us take smoke breaks. Mr. Vaziri takes a spiritual break.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Who smokes?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Nervously] Nobody. Not very often any way. Just... very rarely, in times of great stress.

"Bones: The Girl in Suite 2103 (#2.6)" (2006)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after being left out of the loop] There's a loop people and I'm in it. Not only am I in it I'm the big, curvy part.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? The bomber was a female?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The sciatic notch doesn't lie!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Neither does the vagina.

"Bones: The Life in the Light (#10.21)" (2015)
Wendell Bray: Booth is doing okay. He knows he's got a gambling problem. He's handling it.
Camille Saroyan: He's worked through this once before. He can do it again.

Camille Saroyan: [Walks in] Well, I wasn't able to find anything on the flesh that could help pinpoint cause of death
Wendell Bray: [Not paying full attention] Of course you couldn't
Camille Saroyan: Excuse me?
Wendell Bray: [Giggles] Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that these bones are pretty messed up and I'm a bit overwhelmed right now myself
Camille Saroyan: It's already Wendell, just breathe

"Bones: The Geek in the Guck (#10.4)" (2014)
Jessica Warren: The victim has a narrow sciatic notch and partly defined lower extremities on the pubic face
Temperance Brennan: A white male in his 20s
Jessica Warren: That's what I said! This was totally a revenge killing
Camille Saroyan: Based on...?
Jessica Warren: The old gutsky
Temperance Brennan: Miss Warren, in this lab, we make conclusions based on facts, not intuition
Jessica Warren: I had a gut feeling you'd say that

Jessica Warren: Oh, these suckers are tied tight
Temperance Brennan: Perhaps I can assist?
Camille Saroyan: Assist? That's a first!
Temperance Brennan: Well, Ms. Warren is used to a cooperative environment, I... I thought I would see what it was like
Jessica Warren: Did the earth stop spinning too?

"Bones: The Bone That Blew (#4.10)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Citric acid?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's my considered belief that Agent Booth spilled Orange Juice in his tie.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [chuckling] I look forward to him explaining that to a jury.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: For an artist, you make a pretty good detective.
Angela Montenegro: I think you just insulted me.

"Bones: The Monster in the Closet (#11.13)" (2016)
Camille Saroyan: Well, and the way she's dressed is really dated, this pleated skirt, the shoes...
Jack Hodgins: So, not just a murder victim, but fashion victim as well
Temperance Brennan: Hodgins! That was uncalled for. I must insisti you show respect to the deceased
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, don't hold your breath! These days he's not respectful to the living, so I'm not sure why the dead would be any different
Jack Hodgins: Well, for one thing, she doesn't talk back
Camille Saroyan: Enough! You hear me?

Camille Saroyan: Eh, sorry to interrupt, but I believe, you are standing in my favorite hiding spot
Angela Montenegro: I'm not hiding. Just needed a quiet spot, so I could plot how to kill my jerk of a husband
Camille Saroyan: Well, if anyone could get away with it
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, I totally do it

"Bones: The Cinderella in the Cardboard (#4.19)" (2009)
Wendell Bray: She was run over by a car.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seems like our victim was flattened before she was flattened.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Did you really tell Sweets that Daisy was cheating on him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Everyone seems to think I've done something terrible. I don't want to lie!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: In this case, it was definitely the way to go.

"Bones: The Blonde in the Game (#2.4)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Run her through the database, get an ID.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why don't you just ask him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You'll be there to protect her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [flashback to when Bones broke Epps's wrist] He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Better not take Dr. Brennan.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well unlike you and Bones, Angela is uh...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's better with the living that she is with the dead.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Fine. I'll go tell her what she just volunteered for.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks.

"Bones: The Next in the Last (#10.22)" (2015)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [At the crime scene, looking at the victim] The removal of the skin, the placement of the body. This is precise work!
Camille Saroyan: Almost as good as my work. Almost

Camille Saroyan: Dr. Hodgins! What are you doing?
Jack Hodgins: [Next to a giant machine] Hey! I borrowed this puppy from the Manhattan project exhibit
Angela Montenegro: Eh, Hodgins, please tell me you're not building a bomb

"Bones: The Lost Love in the Foreign Land (#10.6)" (2014)
Arastoo Vaziri: Why did you talk to Dr. Brennan?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That was probably a mistake.
Arastoo Vaziri: "Probably?"
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I did it for you. My intention was pure, Arastoo.
Arastoo Vaziri: [Angrily] It was? Your intention was to protect me, which implies that I can't take care of myself. Which implies a lack of faith in me. Which implies a lack of respect.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No... What do you mean? I have complete faith in you.
Arastoo Vaziri: What is it, Cam? This reticence you have every time we get close. Really close.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, I-I understand that you're upset...
Arastoo Vaziri: [Interrupts] *If*... we talk about marriage. That's what you said: *if*.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Marriage?
Arastoo Vaziri: Yes. W-We've been seeing each other, basically living together, for over a year. It's a topic that would be normal to discuss, but *every* time you run.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Arastoo, I...
Arastoo Vaziri: [Interrupts again] It's not Dr. Brennan I can't deal with, Cam. I think it's you.

Temperance Brennan: [First investigation of the body is done] Great
[and starts walking away]
Arastoo Vaziri: Is there anything else?
Temperance Brennan: Not for now
Arastoo Vaziri: Are you sure?
Temperance Brennan: Yes!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I believe there is, Dr. Brennan
Temperance Brennan: I rarely forget
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Arastoo's dissertation?
Angela Montenegro: Sweetie, I'm sure he's sweating bullets
Temperance Brennan: That's impossible to do
Arastoo Vaziri: It's fine. Whenever you are ready
Angela Montenegro: Honey, just tell him that you approve, so that he can breathe
Temperance Brennan: Well, I wouldn't want it to affect his work. We'll discuss this later, Mr. Vaziri
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, I'm... I'm sure worrying would affect his work more
Temperance Brennan: I wouldn't want worrying to distract you. I'm not approving your dissertation proposal. I hope that makes you feel better
[turns around and walks away]

"Bones: The Devil in the Details (#5.14)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I've been a coroner a long time. I've seen a lot of bad things.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Define "bad things."
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Murder, mayhem, torture, catastrophes, suicide. You know, the usual stuff. But *this* - this gave me a chill.

Arastoo Vaziri: You know, I served as a translator in Iraq. Normal day, milk run to an outlying village about water. IAD took out our humvee.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh my God.
Arastoo Vaziri: 2 dead, 3 wounded, and I was the only one left conscious. I'm a translator, I use words. But coming towards us with an AK-47 was an insurgent. He raised it, intending to finish us off.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And that was the devil?
Arastoo Vaziri: No. No. I shot this man, in the heart. The devil, that evil I saw it in his eyes sure, but it was in me too, when I pulled that trigger.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You were defending your unit, Mr. Vaziri.
Arastoo Vaziri: The man lay dead at my feet. I searched his body for identification, and I found a picture of him with his little boy, and his wife laughing. A family. Tell me that the devil did not win on that day.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You didn't lose your faith. You pray 5 times a day.
Arastoo Vaziri: I have to believe that Allah will show me how to live.

"Bones: The Mystery in the Meat (#9.10)" (2013)
Caroline Julian: My boss doesn't like this one! Federal programs paying for cannibalism isn't sitting pretty on Capitol Hill!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The gonium angle of the mandible indicates the victim was male
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What sick mind serves a person to kids?
Caroline Julian: Maybe someone wasn't ready for a pop-quiz! Are all the teachers accounted for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: My question is: how did he end up in the stew?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, wait a second: is that a student? Because, you know, if the school is serving kids, the press is gonna eat us alive!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh! How is it going?
Dr. Oliver Wells: Revolting!
Daisy Wick: All part of the job! It doesn't faze me in the least
Dr. Oliver Wells: [to Dr. Camille] Did you have this one tested for mental illness?
Daisy Wick: Yes! And I passed!
Dr. Oliver Wells: I find that very hard to believe

"Bones: The Dentist in the Ditch (#5.13)" (2010)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You okay there, Dr. Saryoran?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah. I'm just itchy all over. I'm going to go burn all these clothes, maybe my hair.

Vincent Nigel-Murray: Dr. Saroyan, not to come across as in any way *needy*, but have you ever seen Dr. Brennan, um, compliment or praise any of us interns?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I wouldn't worry about praise, Mr. Nigel-Murray. Strive for... mild approval.

"Bones: The Repo Man in the Septic Tank (#9.17)" (2014)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So you defected?
Rodolfo Fuentes: But I am exceptional, so I come to America to reap the fortunes that comes from being the best
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But here, you're only exceptional if I say you are. Put on a lab coat and be back here in 5 minutes. If you disappoint me, I will dismiss you
Rodolfo Fuentes: How Cuban of you!
[Bones walks away]
Rodolfo Fuentes: She is fiery!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes! Be careful, we've all been burned

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Dr. Fuentes should see how the damage tof the car matches the fracture patterns
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'll go get him
[starts walking away]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No! Not yet.
[Cam turns around]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I need a break from Dr. Fuentes.
[Angela and Cam look puzzled]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I find him to be arrogant and conceited and preemptory
Angela Montenegro: You forgot hot!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You are married, Angela!
Angela Montenegro: Don't tell you haven't looked at that guy and though that you...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is not work place conversation!
Angela Montenegro: I'll take that as a yes

"Bones: The Male in the Mail (#7.4)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is certainly a first for me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Me too. I have never seen this part of the Post Office before.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes, I thought they sent the dismembered bodies to a completely different place.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: The body lipids combined with the packing material and transformed the tissue into an aderporious gel.
Dr. Clark Edison: Yeah, I'm pretty sure my Middle School served this for dessert.

"Bones: The Lost in the Found (#10.17)" (2015)
Seeley Booth: [At the crime scene] Yeah, so, is this Molly Delson?
Camille Saroyan: Could very well be
James Aubrey: "Could very well be" isn't enough to inform her parents!
Camille Saroyan: Could you take a tone with me? What... what's with the tone?
Seeley Booth: He's hungry

Camille Saroyan: [Walks in, seeing Daisy staring] Ms. Wick!
Daisy Wick: Hmm?
Camille Saroyan: Murder investigation?
Daisy Wick: Oh, yes! That's what I was thinking about: murder, not dating again
Camille Saroyan: And what has "not thinking about dating" given us?

"Bones: High Treason in the Holiday Season (#11.8)" (2015)
Camille Saroyan: Based on hypostasis, the closest we can estimate is that the body's been in the water about two to three weeks
Jack Hodgins: Actually, I think we can do better that that! I would say that the body's been in there 2 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours and 12 minutes
James Aubrey: And what bug gave you that precise a time of death?
Jack Hodgins: Timexum horologium! Wristwatch

Jack Hodgins: Our weapon was platinum sterling. That's very expensive, 99.5% silver
Camille Saroyan: Wow, even murder doesn't come cheap these days

"Bones: Spaceman in a Crater (#2.19)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why do you know that?
Dr. Zack Addy: My knowledge is vast.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why did I ask?

Dr. Jack Hodgins: This guy's wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Even if they want to pass unnoticed amongst us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Before taking over?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: This is harassment. You know, it's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs.

"Bones: The Witch in the Wardrobe (#5.20)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should start with the more recent remains.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Which are sealed up. What is it with this job and corpses encased in mystery wrap?

Dr. Clark Edison: Dr. Brennan wants me to identify the best solvent to remove polystren from the bones. So I put myself in the mindset of Dr. Hodgins and came up with this experiment.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I have a new appreciation for Dr. Hodgins.

"Bones: The Pinocchio in the Planter (#6.20)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay. That's it! I don't care what you do on your own time. But from now on, unless we're talking about the evidence, I do not want to hear one more honest word in this lab. Honesty is clearly the downfall of civilization. Civility, propriety, and manners are its redeemers, understood?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: And there's also a new policy in the lab.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, what's that?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You are the only person who's allowed to be radically honest. And that's only because I can't stop you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, that's too bad. I prefer everyone to speak their minds.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I actually don't care what you prefer because this is my lab and I make the rules.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then perhaps Wendell won't be able to tell you how ashamed he felt that he might've hurt your feelings after you were so generous to give him the extra work. He was quite emotional.

"Bones: The Yanks in the U.K.: Parts 1 and 2 (#4.1)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Arrives at work after having ended up sleeping with Angela's ex] Sorry I'm late, what did I miss?
Dr. Clark Edison: [Irritated that Angela and Jack seem more interested in planning their honeymoon than concentrating on work] Oh, were deciding between Maine and Jamaica for the wedding.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Did Angela's ex get off okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Flinches] Whoa! Sorry?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Not realising the double meaning of his own question] You took him to the airport?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, "off"! Of... of course. Yes. He's off... and gone. All gone.
Angela Montenegro: Great. Thank you for doing that.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Anytime.
[Takes a breath of relief]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Either Maine or Jamaica, you really can't go wrong.
[Awkward pause]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I should... Bye.
[Hurries away]

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But there wasn't any evidence of VHL in either the mother's medical records or the autopsy report.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But its hereditary, so her father must have it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Roger Frampton worked for the NHL?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He may have VHL disease.

"Bones: The Shallow in the Deep (#6.6)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is my "What the Hell are you talking about" look.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's a waterproof marine epoxy.
[Cam points to her face]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Glue.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why would the victim have glue in his bones?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, that's exactly what's got me stumped.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know what happened. My family were property along with 15 million other Africans. They were treated like catttle and they died like cattle. And I am... trying very hard to let those Bones out there to get me.
Angela Montenegro: I'm sorry, Cam. I should have been more sensitive.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's fine. It's all good.

"Bones: Intern in the Incinerator (#3.6)" (2007)
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Camille, you're an adult you can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Can you see Auldridge committing a crime of passion and then using his knowledge to cover it up?
Angela Montenegro: Well, I guess. He's kinda... grurr rugh grrr...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Exactly how well do you know Auldridge?
Angela Montenegro: We had drinks, I don't sleep with married men.
Dr. Zack Addy: You're married and you sleep with men beside your husband, what's the difference?
[Hodgins hits Zack on the back of the head]
Dr. Zack Addy: Ow!

"Bones: The Fury in the Jury (#9.9)" (2013)
Angela Montenegro: Who was that?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A court appointed accountant. He gives me an allowance until I get my identity back. I am essentially a child.
Angela Montenegro: Well, hey, I am, uh, I am still working on tracking that person down. I mean she's still out there spending all your money and...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She?
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, no guy buys that many shoes!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, I am glad she is having a good time, 'cause I haven't lived off this little since college
Angela Montenegro: You know, if you need anything...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Maybe I can steal your identity?
Angela Montenegro: That's not a good choice! Not unless you want more money problems

Angela Montenegro: He could tell the jurors why Barnes can't testify
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That would prejudice them and the defense would get a mistrial
Angela Montenegro: Justice is so...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Unjust?

"Bones: The Recluse in the Recliner (#9.24)" (2014)
Colin Fisher: What the hell is this?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a nipple
Colin Fisher: No, I know a nipple when I see one, but there's something fused into it
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, it's a nipple ring

Seeley Booth: The circuit breakers melted in the off position. I find it very hard to believe that this guy was just sitting in the dark waiting to explode.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No one cuts the power to their own home.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If this was the man who you were supposed to meet, someone wanted to make sure that he wouldn't talk.

"Bones: The Twist in the Twister (#7.5)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Hodgin yawns] Is death getting dull to you, Dr. Hodgins?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Oh, sorry. It's Michael. Apparently our baby believes that sleep is only for the weak.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [watching Angela try to swipe a card] Uh, is she trying to get on the platform with a buy ten get one free yogurt card?
Angela Montenegro: [Angela realizes what she's doing] Oh! Yes, yes.
[Angela uses the right card]
Angela Montenegro: Oh, that's good. Guess I'm a little out of it.

"Bones: The Girl in the Mask (#4.22)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why would someone cut off the head of a body here.
[Points to one point on map]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And drive miles away to dispose of it here?
[Pointing to another point on the map]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I rarely find motive in bird vomit.

Angela Montenegro: Then I bypassed the password protection by hacking into the server where his webaddress is registered.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why do I feel like my checking account isn't safe?

"Bones: The Maggots in the Meathead (#6.3)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You've got that whole glowy thing. And the crackers - I - nobody eats crackers for pleasure.
Angela Montenegro: Okay, listen, I've been feeling a little bit queasy, but you cannot tell anybody about this.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Excitedly] I was right! I knew it!...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you happy about this?
Angela Montenegro: Yes. We're - we're thrilled. I could be having a little Hodgins. How cute would that be?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We offered to help her but.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is everything.
[Cut to Hannah's luggage]
Angela Montenegro: You are basically taking in a homeless woman.
Hannah Burley: I - I prefer the term "nomad."
Angela Montenegro: I used to be a nomad who drank wine.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't drink wine anymore?
Angela Montenegro: Um...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And he just got it.

"Bones: The Wannabe in the Weeds (#3.14)" (2008)
Dr. Zack Addy: My regimine is usually completed in my apartment: treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit up, push up and leg lifts and 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm deceived.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The guitar string could definitely be the murder weapon.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because it cut the cheese?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because the exemplar wound approximates the tool marks on the victim's C5.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, he knew. He just wanted to say "cut the cheese."

"Bones: The Con Man in the Meth Lab (#4.8)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Can I offer you a little insight into Booth's little brother?
Dr. Clark Edison: Oh God, why am I always standing in precisely the wrong place?
[Clark starts to leave]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I didn't have sex with him, Cam.
Angela Montenegro: [Angela enters] Didn't have sex with who?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Jared Booth.
Angela Montenegro: Good.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Good? Why good?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because... because...
Angela Montenegro: Because he's Booth's little brother. And it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the *real* Booth.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Kudos Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that out loud.

Jared Booth: Camille ?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Jarhead! It's really you.
Jared Booth: Jarheads are Marines. I'm a lieutenant commander in the Navy. Not an acceptable mistake.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He's getting so big. Soon he'll be wanting a later curfew and a car of his own.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Jared, this here is my partner, Dr. Temperance Brennan. That back there is a squint. Bones, this is my little brother.
Jared Booth: Bones ?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dr. Brennan.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.
Jared Booth: Is she coming on to me ?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. It's just the way she talks.

"Bones: The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken (#5.6)" (2009)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Referring to a scout troop] What I want to know is why they're not all freaked out and getting trauma counselling?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because they're the type of children who idolize Dr. Brennan.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: DARPA created a chicken soldier?
Wendell Bray: I do not see the United States military making chicken soldiers. Eagle, maybe.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: That's why we couldn't find his so-called fingers. Cuz they were transformed into talons.
[Makes claw like motions with his hands]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I mean, talons would be much better weapons.
[Wendell makes talon like gestures with his hands]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Human remains in water tend to lose all their fingers and toes due to predation.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If I were going to combine animal and human DNA with an eye toward creating a super soldier, I'd go with a flatworm.
Wendell Bray: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Self regeneration. Obviously.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Let's break this down as though we aren't in a comic book.

"Bones: Double Trouble in the Panhandle (#4.11)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan, if you do have to perform, any chance that you could set up a webcam so we could watch? You know, to see if we might be of any help with the case, I mean.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, absolutely, anything to help.
[Cam covers the webcam with her hand and gives a thumbs up to Hodgins]

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [watching Bones and Booth's circus act] Is it me, or does she seem a little too into this?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, there is of course a sexual component to an act of this sort. The knife representing...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We get it.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Dr. Brennan is showing remarkable trust and willingness.

"Bones: The Ghost in the Killer (#9.12)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, do that thing were you figure out where that stuff comes from
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You're so lucky I know what you mean!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: That's absolutely true if you mean the complete opposite

"Bones: The Double Death of the Dearly Departed (#4.21)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm done. I'm going to need some transport for me an my friend.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What friend?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I meant Hank. I was being oblique.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Right after we get back from sushi.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Sushi? You're going for sushi?

Dr. Lance Sweets: Wow. He's really dead.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That happens here in the autopsy room.

"Bones: Mummy in the Maze (#3.5)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Now listen, boys. The Jeffersonian Halloween party? It's compulsory. Donors, patrons, angels, benefactors. So, we all show up in costume and do our duty. I don't want any argument on this.
Dr. Zack Addy: I will be the back end of a cow.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: So... no costume.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [the team, all dressed for Halloween, is trying to narrow down the location of the latest victim in time to save her] Megan Shaw is still alive.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What do you want me to do?
Dr. Zack Addy: [Referring to Booth] He wants us to guess.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, my guess is Hawaii.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Not Hawaii.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, guess again. But better.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No. I'm sorry.
Angela Montenegro: Booth. They... don't guess.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, who's they?
Dr. Camille Saroyan, Angela Montenegro: [Pointing to Bones, Hodgins and Zack] Them.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, that's just stupid.
Dr. Zack Addy: [Emphatically] We do *not* guess.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? You're a horse's ass.
Dr. Zack Addy: Cow. I'm a cow. See my udder?

"Bones: The Gamer in the Grease (#5.9)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Please tell me these all crawled into the dumpster after the oil was removed from the restaurant.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No. Insects had antimortem burns which means they flew into the oil while it was cooking.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So easy to diet around here.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you out of breath Mr. Fisher?
Colin Fisher: No. I'm... I'm just breathing you know... Never know when that luxury will end.

"Bones: The Nightmare in the Nightmare (#11.22)" (2016)
Seeley Booth: New rule, serial killers don't get cool or frightening nicknames.
Camille Saroyan: No matter how terrifying they are.

Seeley Booth: I know who it is. I know who it is.
Camille Saroyan: Oh, no... it can't be.

"Bones: Boy in the Time Capsule (#3.7)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Roger Dillon had a pocket watch full of cocaine?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's so 'Miami Vice' I could roll up my sleeves.

Angela Montenegro: [removing contents from the time capsule] One year book-Foothill High, 1987.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [checking list of contents] Check; dehydrate and scan.
Angela Montenegro: [reading year book] "Have a great summer, don't ever change." Remember those days?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I remember getting grounded every weekend, so many rules to break, so little time.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You were a nerd fantasy.
Angela Montenegro: I was all about Barbie.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: She was my first anatomy lesson, I was confused for years.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What about Ken, I felt so sorry for him.

"Bones: The Man in the Mud (#3.10)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The blow to the front of the head was from a sharp tool.
Dr. Zack Addy: Sharper than round, but blunter than sharp.
Angela Montenegro: What?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That actually made sense to me.
Angela Montenegro: You two have been spending way too much time together.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Zack and Hodgins] So. We haven't eliminated anyone from our list of suspects. Plus, we don't know what that's a cross-section of, and we don't know what caused the damage to the front of the face. What, exactly, made you two come in here crowing "King of the Lab"?
[Hodgins and Zack look at each other sheepishly, then Hodgins points at Zack]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'm gonna go back and look at very small things under my very large microscope.

"Bones: The Body and the Bounty (#6.4)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Looking at Jude's experiment] Oh good Lord.
Professor Bunsen Jude: [Entering] I think I'm on to something.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Whoa! You made a bazooka?
Professor Bunsen Jude: If you mean potato bazooka, then yes.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [about the potato bazooka] Is this in any way safe?
Professor Bunsen Jude: Strictly 18 and over. So I am out of my comfort zone.

"Bones: The Lance to the Heart (#10.2)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Bones, enters, Cam waves her to be silent, hangs up the phone] Dr. Brennan
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I need a laser microtome to complete my immunohistological study of Cooper's bones. The request is being denied without your signature
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Sure. You're gonna slice up the few remaining bones we have of Cooper's?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's the only thing left to do. The one place we haven't thoroughly examined is his marrow
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, well, I will give you...
[phone rings]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, excuse me.
[picks up the phone]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Saroyan
[Bones gets annoyed]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: you can email me the different options... Thank you
[hangs up]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm sorry, where were we?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you have something more important to do than find Cooper's killer...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, but I...
[turns her computer screen towards Bones]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm planning Sweets' funeral
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [ashamed] Oh
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He had no immediate family other than us and since I have no more flesh to examine, I figured this would be a good use of my time. Do you disagree?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I'm sorry
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, I'm gonna give you this. It's a blanket authorization so you shouldn't have any more problems
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Is there anything I can do?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: There is! Find out who's behind this!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: So, in 1944 the US Army used wire recorders such as this to record fake information to confuse German spies
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Hodgins, please tell me you put in a proper requisition for this and didn't steal from the exhibit
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Your signature gave me blanket approval for all our requisitions. Thank you again

"Bones: The Killer in the Concrete (#2.18)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth is being held by Melvin Gallagher.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That's a leap. How do you know?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Can we just go with this please?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Of course not.
Angela Montenegro: Obviously, Brennan found out from her father who is a wanted fugitive.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ange!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Now that I can go with.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, time to step out of your comfort zones, people.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What comfort zone?

"Bones: The Method in the Madness (#8.5)" (2012)
Angela Montenegro: [Sickened by the sight of the female remains in the lab] Okay. Just... *please* tell me that this poor thing was dead before any of... this... happened.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm sure she was.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Definitely.
Angela Montenegro: Great.
[Leaves for her office]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Fisher] Hodgins and Cam are lying to Angela to spare her feelings.
Colin Fisher: [mock whisper] Yeah, I got that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because we have not in any way ascertained if the victim was dead or alive when she was flayed to the bone.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We have ascertained, actually, acute liver hemorrhaging suggests that the victim was still alive when she was eviscerated. So, I out and out lied to Angela.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [sincerely] Thank you for that.

Colin Fisher: [Cam has asked why Fisher is at the lab so late] I am examining the victim's remains.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: By the light of a lantern?
Colin Fisher: The lantern provides oblique lighting which bounces off an angled reflector and back onto the bone which happens to be awesome for spotting scratches and microcuts on bone.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But, mostly it's because it appeals to your sense of the macabre.
Colin Fisher: [sigh] It does make me look insane, doesn't it?
[looks at her with a smile]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes.
Colin Fisher: [satisfied] Yeah...

"Bones: The Conspiracy in the Corpse (#10.1)" (2014)
Dr. Clark Edison: [Raising his hand] Excuse me. No one here has told me who this is or why he is so important
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Those details are not your concern, Dr. Edison. You're here to assist and to analyze the bones
Dr. Clark Edison: I'm the head of my department. I'm here as a favor! If you don't trust me...
[starts walking away]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is absurd, Dr. Brennan. Howard Cooper, dead 16 years

[last lines]
Daisy Wick: Lance!
Angela Montenegro: Oh my God!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I don't know... if I can do this to him
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Fighting her tears] You can! This is not Sweets, this is... a set of remains that will give us the man who killed Sweets!
[Dr. Saroyan nods Yes]

"Bones: The Prince in the Plastic (#7.3)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Child abuse?
Daisy Wick: Could be. Lance says often someone who is the victim of childhood abuse will seek out the same treatment as adults.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Sad, but it makes sense.
Daisy Wick: I know Lance is so smart - and soon he'll be able to shoot people.

Angela Montenegro: I'm telling you this girl was clean. Zero porn. Zero gambling. Wasn't even a dirty picture from a Congressman.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Slight chuckle] Don't sound so disappointed.

"Bones: Big in the Philippines (#9.13)" (2014)
Wendell Bray: The heart-shaped pelvic inlet suggests the gender, so...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I don't think we need bones to let us know that the victim was a male
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We have no other way, Dr. Saroyan
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I think we do
Angela Montenegro: That mangled piece of meat is his...?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah!
Wendell Bray: Breaking my arm seem like nothing now

"Bones: The Woman in White (#9.6)" (2013)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Fabric-wise it looks like the victim died in the 70's
Dr. Jack Hodgins: 1979 to be precise
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's impossible to know at this stage
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No, it's not. A cicada was caught in her sleeve. They only emerge once every 17 years, meaning our victim was killed in 1979. Or I guess 1945, or 1962, 1996.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, we get the point! 1979 it is

"Bones: The Maiden in the Mushrooms (#8.21)" (2013)
Angela Montenegro: Hey. I ran a facial reconstruction through missing persons, and I found a possible match. Rebecca Pierce, 25 years old. Reported missing by Trudy Morris.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Judge Trudy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not familiar with Judge Trudy. What circuit is she on?
Angela Montenegro: Citizen's Court?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Does that have something to do with the French Revolution?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. Judge Trudy has a TV show where she judges small claims cases.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Angela Montenegro: Because it's great drama. People just fight over the silliest little things. You should see the way that they yell and scream at each other. Total guilty pleasure.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Like watching a train wreck.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, train wrecks are not pleasurable. No wonder you feel guilty.

"Bones: The Master in the Slop (#9.14)" (2014)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Angela and Cam after discovering that they are to be honored as women of science in a bathing suit calendar with nine other women] So, they actually *are* outstanding women of science. I would hate to think of three less outstanding women replacing us.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But, we'll be hanging in labs all across the country.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Exactly! We have a duty to show the scientific community that the Jeffersonian is an institution where pulchritude is as abundant as brilliance.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I never thought I would be honored in this way.

"Bones: The Head in the Abutment (#11.19)" (2016)
Seeley Booth: Really, Cam? A flying head?
Camille Saroyan: Okay, that may be the most confusing phone greeting I've ever gotten.

"Bones: The Nail in the Coffin (#9.22)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The body separated from the head during decomp
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It fell on a family that was camping. I have a feeling they're gonna be staying in hotels from now on

"Bones: The Memories in the Shallow Grave (#7.1)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So you're more intimidated by Dr. Brennan even though I run this lab.
Wendell Bray: No. When you take Dr. Brennan and add pregnant, huh? No. You are the top Senior Field and I am much more intimidated by you.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Nice save.

"Bones: The Hole in the Heart (#6.22)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He meant to kill you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm the one who gave Vincent the phone. Told him to pick it up.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You didn't know. I mean there's no use...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't blame myself, Sweets. I blame the guy who pulled the trigger.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You still have blood on your hands.
Angela Montenegro: ...Booth, she - she means literally.

"Bones: The Nazi on the Honeymoon (#9.7)" (2013)
Angela Montenegro: [On video conference] Hey, how is the honeymoon going?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Very well, thank you. We've been enjoying sex very much
Angela Montenegro: Good, good, I am glad you're taking some time off! Don't worry about Christine either by the way. Her an Michael Vincent are getting along great
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you for taking care of her, Angela
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, anything to help you take a vacation...
[Bones walks away from the camera]
Angela Montenegro: in what looks like a morgue?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: This is Dr. Letitia Perez, the coroner here at the Buenos Aires morgue. She'll be assisting me in this investigation
Angela Montenegro: [to the camera] Hi, hi, it's nice to meet you!
[Turns away]
Angela Montenegro: HELP!
Dr. Leticia Perez: I am not assisting Dr. Brennan, she is consulting for me
Angela Montenegro: Hm, good luck with that!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What's going on?
Angela Montenegro: Look at this!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr Brennan, you're on your honeymoon! Why are you in a morgue?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: That's not romantic!

"Bones: The Last Shot at a Second Chance (#11.14)" (2016)
Camille Saroyan: [Walks in, just when Angela and Hodge are quarreling] Eh, sorry! I'll come back
Jack Hodgins: No! No! Cam, your timing is perfect
Camille Saroyan: Sure?
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, we, uh, we're fine. We're done talking or whatever you want to call what we were just doing

"Bones: The Doom in the Boom (#11.10)" (2015)
Camille Saroyan: [At the crime scene] The height of the pinna and the length of the lobula suggests the victim was a male in his mid to late forties
James Aubrey: You got all that off half an ear?
Camille Saroyan: I guess you can call me the Ear Whisperer

"Bones: The Death in the Defense (#11.11)" (2016)
Seeley Booth: Hodgins didn't have a choice about what happened to him. You should let him decide how he's going to come back from it.
Camille Saroyan: I couldn't forgive myself if anything more were to happen to him.
Seeley Booth: I get that, but he should at least have the choice. I mean, work actually would give him hope.

"Bones: The Fight in the Fixer (#11.15)" (2016)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hey, I found fresh duck feces on the tread of the victim's shoe.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I trust you're telling me this for a reason other than to make me say yuck.

"Bones: Death in the Saddle (#3.3)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [searching around a body with both feet cut off] I got a foot...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me, too.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Find a third one, and I'll be impressed.

"Bones: The Passenger in the Oven (#4.9)" (2008)
Dr. Lance Sweets: And I'm here because?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You were on my speed dial.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
[Sweets leaves]

"Bones: The Patriot in Purgatory (#8.6)" (2012)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I can't imagine the pain he must've been in.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I can't believe he died with no one knowing what he did.

"Bones: The Bodies in the Book (#2.15)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [about the crabs that had eaten away most of the victim's body] Opportunistic little bastards

"Bones: The Bump in the Road (#7.8)" (2012)
Michelle Welton: Don't you have guts to play with?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes, I do.

"Bones: The Knight on the Grid (#3.8)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Caroline, I think it should mean something that Russ turned himself in.
Camille Saroyan: Bumping into Booth at the hospital is not the same as turning himself in.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: That's not what happened.
Camille Saroyan: It's what Booth says happened.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital.
Camille Saroyan: I did not hear that.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Louder] Russ turned himself in. But I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital.
Camille Saroyan: Do I have this straight? You're a genius? An honest-to-goodness, dyed-in-the-wool genius?

"Bones: The Future in the Past (#8.1)" (2012)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The result of the work you're doing is that you will most likely be out of a job.
Dr. Clark Edison: It has occurred to me.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yet, it never occurred to you to do a bad job. I'll never forget that.

"Bones: The Promise in the Palace (#11.7)" (2015)
Temperance Brennan: I had no idea your were a fan of magic, Dr. Edison
Dr. Clark Edison: And I take it you're not?
Temperance Brennan: No, nor of witchcraft , astrology or the lotto, all of which requires one to relinquish rational thought
Dr. Clark Edison: [Feeling awkward, seeing Cam just walk in] Oh, Dr. Saroyan, you're just in time
Camille Saroyan: Eh, thank you I suppose

"Bones: The Glowing Bones in 'The Old Stone House' (#2.20)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Zack and Hodgins are enacting a scenario] Okay what are we missing here?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The Stooges.

"Bones: The Putter in the Rough (#10.14)" (2015)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That looks very expensive. Did I buy it?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yes, yes you did, and I am very grateful! I'm sure the prosecutor will be as well.
Wendell Bray: [Wendel starts giggling]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Cam gives Wendel the serious face and he stops giggling]

"Bones: The Partners in the Divorce (#8.2)" (2012)
Finn Abernathy: [Examining one of the victim's wounds] What is that? Gold?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Looks like a...
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [In awe and getting more excited as he speaks] Fleur de lis. The sign of the Priory of Scion, a secret society that defies papal authority.
Angela Montenegro: Honey, honey. That's the nib of a fountain pen.
Finn Abernathy: He was stabbed in the neck with a fountain pen?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, or assassinated by the pope!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Or stabbed in the neck with a fountain pen.

"Bones: The Lady on the List (#9.5)" (2013)
Dr. Oliver Wells: I get it, keep your shirt on!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Wells, you are an intern! Please treat Dr. Brennan with the respect she's due!
Dr. Oliver Wells: I thought this was a meritocracy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It is!
Dr. Oliver Wells: Then it was the respect she deserved
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, no, it wasn't and since she is...
Dr. Oliver Wells: Please don't say: superior
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Boss, but I will say superior if I want, because I am also your superior. Do you understand?

"Bones: The Diamond in the Rough (#8.10)" (2013)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Seeing Bones in her dance warmup outfit] This is, uh... good look. You going to the hootenanny later?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Insulted] N- hootenanny is an informal gathering for singing and dancing. I am training for an extremely rigorous ballroom dance competition.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Very determined] Booth and I intend to win the rumba competition.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Smiling, hopefully] And catch a murderer?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Softer now] Yes. Of course. That's the main objective.

"Bones: The Carpals in the Coy-Wolves (#11.4)" (2015)
Temperance Brennan: Dr. Wells, please note the impact fractures to the manubrium and the right humerus
Dr. Oliver Wells: Oh, I've already noted those. The plotting indicates blunt force trauma with a heavy, rounded object, consistent with slamming into a tree and, before you even ask, remodeling suggest the injury took place two years ago
Camille Saroyan: Dr. Wells, is everything okay? You seem...
Angela Montenegro: Even douchier than usual
Camille Saroyan: I was gonna say: on edge
Temperance Brennan: I'm not concerned with Dr. Wells' attitude
Dr. Oliver Wells: Good
Temperance Brennan: If it continues, he's easily replaceable. In fact I've already enlisted the help for an additional intern
Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan, you didn't clear this with me first
Temperance Brennan: Trust me, Dr. Beth Mayer's brilliance as a forensic scientist is unrivaled... with the exception of myself, of course
Dr. Oliver Wells: This new intern, she isn't not hot, is she?
Angela Montenegro: You say "hot" like you would prefer the "hideous"?
Temperance Brennan: Dr. Mayer has exceptional bone structure and perfect facial symmetry
Dr. Oliver Wells: Great! Now I'll have to deal with another gorgeous, intelligent woman

"Bones: Mother and Child in the Bay (#2.2)" (2006)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you pregnant?
[Cam and Bones look at Booth]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, I'm not.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why are you looking at me?

"Bones: The Dude in the Dam (#9.8)" (2013)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: There's got be something in rule book about playing host to an insect!

"Bones: The Daredevil in the Mold (#6.13)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Bed bugs? That's more good news?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah.
Colin Fisher: Tracking bed bug outbreaks. There's an app for that.

"Bones: The Brother in the Basement (#11.2)" (2015)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Cam, I just want to say I'm sorry about Jared. I know when you and Booth used to date, he was a big part of your life.
Camille Saroyan: Yeah, he was like a kid brother, the one that always got into trouble, but he was family.

"Bones: The Gunk in the Garage (#8.3)" (2012)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We are utilizing this shock tube to recreate the effects the blast had on the victim's bones.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Where did you get that?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, Hodgins requisitioned it from the Hall of Patents.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Requisitioned?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I left a note.

"Bones: The Strike in the Chord (#11.16)" (2016)
Camille Saroyan: [Entering the crime scene] Wow, I have to admit, as a doctor, it's pretty exciting to be in the Lynwood bio lab
James Aubrey: You do realize this is a possible murder investigation, right?

"Bones: The Man in the Mansion (#2.14)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Postmortem the vicious attack on the victim continued.
David Barron: Objection! Categorization of the attack as vicious is prejudicial.
Caroline Julian: Fourteen times a man was stabbed. How many stabs does it take to be vicious, exactly?

"Bones: The High in the Low (#9.20)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So this is what the future looks like
Angela Montenegro: Yeah, and to think a couple of month ago this room was a janitors closet
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I am so glad it's gone! I can't imagine how many relationships began and ended here
Angela Montenegro: Right

"Bones: The Boy with the Answer (#5.21)" (2010)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We all knew she was guilty. So someplace, we assumed that in a just world, she'd pay for what she did.
Dr. Lance Sweets: That assumes a just world, I'm afraid.

"Bones: The Final Chapter: The Brain in the Bot (#12.2)" (2017)
Jack Hodgins: It's as mysterious as Dr. B's birthday party.
Camille Saroyan: Oh! Speaking of which, I know it's a surprise. But, can you give us a hint on the dress code?
Temperance Brennan: Yes! *Wearing* clothes would be visible.

"Bones: The Priest in the Churchyard (#2.17)" (2007)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after testing Father Matt for poison] The good news is we know how to make you feel a lot better.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Bad news is someone is trying to kill you.

"Bones: The Princess and the Pear (#4.14)" (2009)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Hodgins, are you trying to help someone? Because that's not your character.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Way I see it, Fisher's like a deep cover agent. He infiltrated teh enemy to uncover secrets. In order to do so, he had to suffer a night of passion with a beautiful but dangerous enemy
Colin Fisher: You have no idea how dangerous.

"Bones: The Final Chapter: The Price for the Past (#12.4)" (2017)
Camille Saroyan: Booth once told me that, um, Aldo never stopped believing in God, but that his belief no longer comforted him, not after what he'd seen, so... how could he make it his life's work?
Jessica Warren: Aubrey is worried about what this will do to Booth.
Camille Saroyan: Yeah, the past is a rabbit hole. I'm worried about him, too.

"Bones: The Baby in the Bough (#3.12)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because a million seems a little impractical.
Angela Montenegro: I don't know. I kind of have a thing for chaos. I guess I'll stop when the Feds need to airlift me in supplies.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You don't by any chance, live in a shoe, do you?
Angela Montenegro: You don't want kids?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Screaming, crying, vomit, other bodily fluids; it's just like a day around here. Not worth giving up this body for *that*.

"Bones: The Signs in the Silence (#6.21)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm really impressed - that you are staying focused with everything that's happening with you and Angela.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: People have kids all the time.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, I meant what happened today.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What? What happened today?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Nothing - just - a little contraction. Dr. Brennan told me.
[Hodgins starts to leave]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I assumed you...
[Hodgins walks out the door]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...knew.

"Bones: Player Under Pressure (#3.11)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You found blue lipstick. "Chakra by Zensual"
Angela Montenegro: "Zen" plus "sensual." Chakra. Chak-ra. Rah as in "rah-rah," as in "rah-rah, sis-boom-bah."
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ok, you started off in English, but I have no idea where you ended up.

"Bones: The Foot in the Foreclosure (#5.8)" (2009)
Clark Edison: I mean, I loved my grandfather very much. I really should have the discipline to keep it to myself.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Of course, and carry on.
[Starts to leave]
Clark Edison: He never got to see what I became.
[Cam stops at the door and turns around]
Clark Edison: What I do it's -it's for him.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm sure he'd be very proud.

"Bones: The Doctor in the Photo (#6.9)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did the opiates get into the tree?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan?... It's good to get an insight into the victim, but I'm not certain that this line of inquiry leads directly to her murderer.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I... I feel like it will.
Angela Montenegro: Okay. It's a little weird that you said that, Sweetie. But it's good.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Quietly to Angela] Good? If I said something like that she'd rip my head off.

"Bones: The Sense in the Sacrifice (#9.4)" (2013)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That son of a bitch wrote her a love note that only she could understand!

"Bones: The Turn in the Urn (#9.19)" (2014)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This retort is a treasure trove of charred tissue that should have been vaporized if the furnace was running properly.
Finn Abernathy: It reminds me of the oven I used to use at Arnie's Pizza and Wings.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, except here the cheesy-looking bits are flesh and the pepperoni is charred muscle.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And people ask me how I stay so thin.

"Bones: The Couple in the Cave (#6.2)" (2010)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after receiving some evidence] You know you could be my lovely assistant
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. But since I'm your boss. You're *my* lovely assistant.
[Cam leaves]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Ah. Yeah. At least I'm lovely.

"Bones: The Crank in the Shaft (#4.5)" (2008)
Colin Fisher: My grant thesis explored the effect of falls on human bone. I got the idea at my summer job.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm afraid to ask.
Colin Fisher: Suicide hotline.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Were you... for... or against it?

"Bones: The Movie in the Making (#11.18)" (2016)
Camille Saroyan: So what does that mean, the victim was beaten with a fish?
Jack Hodgins: No. Seriously?

"Bones: The Spark in the Park (#9.11)" (2013)
Haley Kent: Cam?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh! I, I thought that was your name!

"Bones: The Blackout in the Blizzard (#6.16)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What if you had gotten hurt in this blizzard?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wait a minute. You're mad becausee you're worried about our safety? Wow. Thank you.
Wendell Bray: That was the last of our dye.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, now I kind of wished you had gotten hurt.

"Bones: The Big Beef at the Royal Diner (#10.16)" (2015)
Camille Saroyan: Diabetes makes sense, given the extra organs I found. Uh, two pancreases and three kidneys to be exact
Angela Montenegro: Isn't it "pancrei"?
Camille Saroyan: "Pancreases"
Temperance Brennan: "Pancreata" is also acceptable

"Bones: The Cowboy in the Contest (#11.9)" (2015)
Jack Hodgins: Okay, is there anything about this guy that doesn't scream "cowboy"?
Angela Montenegro: Yeah. How about the fact that he's an accountant?
Jack Hodgins: Uh
Angela Montenegro: [Showing pictures on the screen] Stanley Belridge, 34. He's not exactly a cowboy
Camille Saroyan: No. So, why does it look like he was killed at the O.K. Corral?

"Bones: Aliens in a Spaceship (#2.9)" (2006)
Zack Addy: He killed himself. He punctured his own carotid artery which explains the amount of blood we found in the vat. He used a pen, there's a nick on the inferior angle of the mandible. I don't know why he did it. I don't really do "why" I just do "how."
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He did it to give his brother more air. So his twin would survive. That's why we found them holding each other.
Zack Addy: How does that help?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: When we tell Mr. Kent that one of his sons gave his own life in an effort to save his brother, it'll mean something, Zack.