Ryan O'Reily
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Quotes for
Ryan O'Reily (Character)
from "Oz" (1997)

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"Oz: Straight Life (#1.5)" (1997)
Simon Adebisi: O'Reily.
Ryan O'Reilly: Yeah?
Simon Adebisi: Go see Schibetta.
Ryan O'Reilly: Since when are you his Western Union?
Simon Adebisi: Since we partners.
Ryan O'Reilly: We?
Simon Adebisi: Yeah.
Ryan O'Reilly: You're the monkey chained to his organ grinder.
Simon Adebisi: Better watch that pretty little ass.
Ryan O'Reilly: No need. You're too busy watching it for me.

Ronald Poklewaldt: Markstrom and his crew, I need to know how they're getting their shit into Oz.
Ryan O'Reily: What are you doing market research now?

Ryan O'Reilly: I've never been big on tomatoes.
Nino Schibetta: You Irish, you got no appreciation for the simple things in life.
Ryan O'Reilly: What's simpler than a potato?

Ryan O'Reily: [while talking to a CO about bringing him some more tits] What can I say? We go braless in Em City.

"Oz: Cruel and Unusual Punishments (#3.6)" (1999)
Nikolai Stanislofsky: I'm telling you, Kosygin must be eliminated.
Ryan O'Reily: You know, we have a saying in this country. You might have heard it before. "You can't shit a shitter".

Ryan O'Reily: Neuter's a fag.
Augustus Hill: What makes you say that?
Ryan O'Reily: Look at the way he's grabbing Pecky?
Augustus Hill: Their fighting.
Ryan O'Reily: Yo all I'm saying is that its a lot of body contact man.
Augustus Hill: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard of, a gay puppet.
Chris Keller: One of the teletubbys is gay.
Augustus Hill: What?
Chris Keller: Yeah Falwell, the reverend somebody says twinky dink or whatever his name is, he's a butt pirate.
Augustus Hill: That's nuts, listen you gotta have a, a cock to be gay.
Chris Keller: Where does it say you gotta have a cock to be gay? All you need is a mouth so you can suck cock.

William Cudney: [after refusing to steal any more sedative drugs for O'Reily] I've figured out what you've been doing with the chloral-hydrate.
Ryan O'Reily: Oh yeah?
William Cudney: You've been spiking the fighter's spritzers so they'll be drugged in the ring.
Ryan O'Reily: That's crazy talk.
William Cudney: I've made an appointment with the warden to tell him. My soul is in jeopardy, so is yours. By doing this, I'm gonna save you.
Ryan O'Reily: Not if I save you first.

"Oz: The Tip (#2.1)" (1998)
Alvah Case: Rumor is you and Ross were lovers.
Ryan O'Reily: Hey! I ain't no fag buddy, but even if I was I wouldn't put my dick anywhere *near* Ross's scum-hole. That guy would fuck anything on two *or* four legs.

Ryan O'Reily: I'm like the lord of the fucking dance. I got moves.

Alvah Case: Vehicular manslaughter, reckless endangerment, possession of controlled substances, possession of a deadly weapon, violation of parole. That's an amazing list of crimes.
Ryan O'Reily: Well, you know, I applied myself.

"Oz: U.S. Male (#3.5)" (1999)
[Wangler got knocked out quick, during the Oz boxing tournament]
Ryan O'Reily: Hey, Bricks! Nice one, man! You're like Tyson all right, Cecily Tyson!

Ryan O'Reily: Hey, Khan. I just thought you should know, Wangler's been talking shit about you and Said. I think it's time you taught that heathen homeboy a little lesson.

"Oz: Junkyard Dawgs (#6.7)" (2003)
Cyril O'Reily: Dad's coming to visit?
Ryan O'Reily: Well, not visit, exactly.
[cut to Seamus being escorted into Oz]
Correction Officer: Welcome to Oz!
Seamus O'Reilly: Fuck you!

[Bukowski has been whining to O'Reily since arriving in Em City]
Ryan O'Reily: Tell you what. Maybe I can get you a tampon to stop your pussy from bleeding.

"Oz: Orpheus Descending (#4.14)" (2001)
[O'Reily is delivering food to Solitary just as Robson arrives]
Ryan O'Reily: Hey, what's up, half-dick!

[Connelly, an IRA Terrorist, refuses O'Reily's friendly overtures]
Ryan O'Reily: You're starting to piss me off. You best starting treating Oz like Northern Ireland. In here we eat, sleep, drink, work, piss and shit with our own kind!
#01C972 Padriac Connelly: Oh, and you think 'cause your name's O'Reily that you're one of *my* kind.

"Oz: Animal Farm (#2.7)" (1998)
[O'Reily has just offered to arrange for Adebisi to meet a woman sitting on death row]
Simon Adebisi: O'Reily, if she sucks my cock, I'll suck yours.
Ryan O'Reily: That's an appetizing thought. Pass.

Ryan O'Reily: So where'd they put you?
Cyril O'Reily: Uh, with them.
[points to Schillinger and the Aryans, who smile and laugh]
Vern Schillinger: Don't worry. We gave him the *royal* welcome.
[Aryans continue to laugh]

"Oz: Escape from Oz (#2.8)" (1998)
Jonathan Coushaine: I say we institute a 'no swearing' rule.
Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez: Man, Fuck you!
Augustus Hill: Suck my dick.
Kenny Wangler: Asswipe.
Ryan O'Reily: Cocksucker.
Chucky 'The Enforcer' Pancamo: Stupid cunt.
Jaz Hoyt: ...Putz!

Jonathan Coushaine: [word has spread about Beecher's broken bones] They broke his arms and his legs!
Jaz Hoyt: What is he gonna do when he gets an itch?
[Bikers laugh]
Chucky 'The Enforcer' Pancamo: He looked like a fuckin' pretzel!
Robert 'Bob' Rebadow: Beecher was in love
Agamemnon 'The Mole' Busmalis: Love hurts!
Kareem Said: [angry tone] Schillinger did this!
Ryan O'Reily: Fucking Schillinjur did this man!
Kenny Wangler: [looking at Beecher's pod] I want this pod. Gotta better view.

"Oz: Ancient Tribes (#2.2)" (1998)
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Ryan... you may have breast cancer.
Ryan O'Reily: [laughing] That's funny.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: I'm not kidding.
Ryan O'Reily: ...Breast cancer?
Ryan O'Reily: Girls get breast cancer.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Men do too. It's rare, especially at your age, but it does happen.
Ryan O'Reily: I'm not a fag you know that?
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Ryan...
Ryan O'Reily: No! I've been in this shithole for over a year and I ain't ever taken it up the ass!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: No one is saying that you have.
Ryan O'Reily: Bullshit! You're telling me I gotta CHICK'S DISEASE!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Men have breasts, same as women.
Ryan O'Reily: What the fuck are you talking about? I don't have any breasts! I have a chest, see! See it? Huh, see it?

Ryan O'Reily: I go back into Em City, those fucks find out, you know as well as I do any weakness, any weakness at all, and I'm dead.
Father Ray Mukada: Look, if you do have... If you're sick and you don't do anything about it, you're dead anyway. Don't you see that? If this shit spreads through your body, then everybody's gonna know the truth. And by then it'll be too late to save your life.

"Oz: Variety (#5.6)" (2002)
Ryan O'Reily: "Lights out" means "Shut the fuck up".

"Oz: Secret Identities (#3.7)" (1999)
Ryan O'Reily: [when asked by Busmalis, Rebadow and Hill how to choose a winner in the coming boxing match] Hey, I'm a man of logic; I'm a man of planning. I consider every detail; I factor in every possibility. Then I flip a coin.

"Oz: Sonata da Oz (#6.3)" (2003)
Ryan O'Reily: [O'Reilly sees James Robson dressed as a woman] Hey, Robson. Hey, what shade of lipstick is that, huh? Is it dick suck red?

"Oz: Plan B (#1.7)" (1997)
[Beecher confronts Schillinger in the gym]
Vernon 'Vern' Schillinger: You're gonna die!
Tobias Beecher: Not today!
[Beecher kicks Schillinger in the groin, then bashes his head with a dumbbell, then proceeds to tie him up with a crowd cheering him on]
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah, tie that motherfucking Nazi up!
[Beecher then takes a bench and slams it onto Schillinger's chest, then pulls down his pants]
Tobias Beecher: Hey, motherfucker, you remember THIS!
[proceeds to defecate onto Schillinger's face, the crowd cheers]
Ryan O'Reily: Ah, he SHIT on him!
[Beecher laughs diabolically]
Tobias Beecher: Sieg heil, baby! Sieg fucking heil!

"Oz: Impotence (#5.8)" (2002)
Seamus O'Reilly: My life has been nothing but shit since the day I was born, and I didn't have no brother to lean on like you did. I've been alone my whole fucking life, and soon... you will be, too.
Ryan O'Reily: I'll never tell anyone the truth about what happened with Carolyn. That's between you and me. But, Dad... You better pray to Jesus Christ almighty himself that I never get out of this place, because when I do... I will kill you.

"Oz: A Word to the Wise (#4.6)" (2000)
[after Keenan described, a little too happily, the details of his raping Dr. Nathan]
Ryan O'Reily: Ya know how I said I never actually kill anybody myself? Well, in your case, I'm gonna make an *exception*!
[bashes his head in with a barbell]

"Saturday Night Live: Jerry Seinfeld/David Bowie (#25.1)" (1999)
Jerry Seinfeld: You think you can hold out longer than me?
Ryan O'Reily: I know I can hold out longer than you.
Vern Schillinger: Care to make it interesting?
Ryan O'Reily: A carton of smokes?
Augustus Hill: I want in, too.
Jerry Seinfeld: You're all on. Whoever goes the longest without committing male rape wins the contest.

"Oz: The Bill of Wrongs (#4.3)" (2000)
Nikolai Stanislofsky: You know what I miss more than anything about being free? Taking a bath. I hate showers. To sit and soak in a hot tub with bubbles everywhere...
[says 'amazing' in Russian]
Ryan O'Reily: I bet you even had a rubber ducky, huh Nikolai?
Nikolai Stanislofsky: Rubber ducky?
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah.
Nikolai Stanislofsky: What is rubber ducky?
Augustus Hill: A product of capitalist imperialism.

"Oz: God's Chillin' (#1.3)" (1997)
[Reflecting on his childhood]
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah, I learned the alphabet the hard way. DEA. HIV. IOU.

"Oz: Visits, Conjugal and Otherwise (#1.2)" (1997)
Ryan O'Reily: She's a hooker.
Lenny Burrano: You're full of shit.
Ryan O'Reily: She's a hooker. I tell ya, I been there.
Lenny Burrano: You're shitting me about this.
Ryan O'Reily: The St. Pauli sector of Hamburg, Germany is the red light district. So you tell me what a St. Paul Girl does after she takes up her apron.
Lenny Burrano: And I always thought the little bitch was smiling just for me.

"Oz: A Town Without Pity (#4.7)" (2000)
[Said has proclaimed his loyalty to Adebisi. The Muslims and Homeboys are celebrating together]
Christopher 'Chris' Keller: Wow. Said and Adebisi hand in hand.
Ryan O'Reily: It's the end of the fucking universe.

"Oz: Exeunt Omnes (#6.8)" (2003)
Ryan O'Reily: What do you call it when a son kills his father?
Jahfree Neema: Patricide.
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah, patricide. I like the sound of that.

"Oz: Good Intentions (#5.7)" (2002)
James Robson: [James Robson has been implanted a black man's gums, he does not know, except for the Irish and the Homeboys] Just soup!
Arnold 'Poet' Jackson: You sure you dont want no chitlins and gravy go with that
[Ryan O'Reily and Poet laugh uncontrollably]
James Robson: What?
Ryan O'Reily: Shall we?
[Ryan and the Homeboys bang the pots to get everyone's attention]
Ryan O'Reily: Everyone listen up! Robson here went to the dentist and got himself a nice pair of dirty ghetto gums!
[all the inmates laugh, Said smiles, the Aryans look embarrassed and humiliated]
James Robson: Thanks Vern!
Vernon Schillinger: I didn't say a fuckin' word! Shut up, you goddamn nigger just give him some soup!
Arnold 'Poet' Jackson: Whoa! You gonna take that G? Man calling your brother a nigger and all...
[menacing Poet]
Arnold 'Poet' Jackson: Hey, hey! Don't get stupid! Don't want me to Sammy Sosa that jaw with this here spoon!

"Oz: To Your Health (#1.6)" (1997)
Simon Adebisi: You are a sick motherfucker, O'Reily.
Ryan O'Reily: Coming from you, that's a compliment.

"Oz: Unnatural Disasters (#3.4)" (1999)
Ryan O'Reily: [to Robson] Beecher bit off the tip of your dick. How'd you like to lose the rest?

"Oz: Dream a Little Dream of Me (#5.3)" (2002)
[Suzanne Fitzgerald has started a music program in Oz]
Suzanne Fitzgerald: Why don't you ask some of your friends to sign up?
Ryan O'Reily: Sure thing.
[cut to a scene of Ryan slamming Busmalis into a wall]
Agamemnon Busmalis: All right, I'll do it!

"Oz: You Bet Your Life (#4.8)" (2000)
[after witnessing an argument between Browne, Supreme Allah and Adebisi]
Ryan O'Reily: Ah. Trouble in Paradise.
Chris Keller: Yeah, but not any good to us. You know what we have here, O'Reily? A fan-dan-go. And we need to do something about it soon.
Ryan O'Reily: Hey, I don't like being in the minority, but what the fuck can *we* do? Even the fucking Muslims are kow-towing to Adebisi.
Chris Keller: We could detonate a few well-placed depth charges.
[O'Reily realizes Keller's plan and grins]
Ryan O'Reily: Whatever you need, K-Boy.
[they touch fists]

"Oz: Strange Bedfellows (#2.6)" (1998)
Ryan O'Reily: McManus, you gotta see that I love her, man.
Tim McManus: Love? What the fuck do you know about love?
Ryan O'Reily: Well, what do you know, huh? What do any of us?
Tim McManus: I know it's not a reason to commit murder.
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah, well then, maybe you've never really been in love.