Harold Weir
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Quotes for
Harold Weir (Character)
from "Freaks and Geeks" (1999)

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"Freaks and Geeks: The Diary (#1.10)" (2000)
Harold Weir: Well, everybody's got parents, Jean, even hookers. Remember that TV movie we saw?

Harold Weir: [holding up his thumb] This! The thumb! You think I don't know what that means? I know, Lindsay! It means, "Hey, stranger! Please lock me in your car, drive me to God knows where and murder me!"

Harold Weir: Lindsay, do you know what happens when you put a rotten banana in a fruit bowl? All the other bananas go rotten. And that's what Kim Kelly is: a bad banana.

Jean Weir: I had a diary when I was little. If my parents had read it, I would've been furious. Such a violation.
Harold Weir: Spooning with a stranger in the backseat of a van, that's a violation!

Harold Weir: [looking through Lindsay's drawer for her diary] These stamps... I heard the kids put LSD on the back of them.

Jean Weir: [serving dinner] Okay. I've got something special for us tonight. Ta-da!
Harold Weir: What the hell?
Jean Weir: Uh, Harold, they're Cornish Game Hen with a plum wine sauce. They're fantastic.
Harold Weir: What'd you do, put poison in a bird feeder?


"Freaks and Geeks: Smooching and Mooching (#1.16)" (2000)
Lindsay Weir: Dad, give me one good reason why there can't be a woman president.
Harold Weir: It's called three irrational days per month. Now, I would have no issue with the other twenty seven, but we're talking about the atomic bomb here.

Harold Weir: By the way, that drummer you're listening to...
Nick Andopolis: Yeah?
Harold Weir: He's terrible!
Nick Andopolis: What? That's Neal Peart, he's the greatest drummer alive!
Harold Weir: Neal Peart couldn't drum his way out of a paper bag!

Lindsay Weir: What's wrong with a woman president dad?
Harold Weir: Its called 3 irrational days per month.
Harold Weir: Now, I would have no issue with the other twenty seven but we are talking about the atomic bomb here.


"Freaks and Geeks: Beers and Weirs (#1.2)" (1999)
Harold Weir: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans!
Sam Weir: Yeah, but he died on the toilet!
Harold Weir: The toilet? That's like heaven compared to where the Sex Pistols are going!

Harold Weir: I guess you'd prefer we listened to some of that punk rock I've been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience.
Jean Weir: That's terrible.
Harold Weir: Yeah, that's what I want to do, spend my hard earned money to be spit on. Now that's entertainment.
Lindsay Weir: Dad, every generation is scared of the music that comes from the next. I'm sure your parents hated Elvis.
Harold Weir: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam Weir: No, but he died on the toilet.
Harold Weir: Well, that's paradise compared to where those Sex Pistols are gonna end up.


"Freaks and Geeks: We've Got Spirit (#1.9)" (2000)
Jean Weir: [to Lindsay, about Nick] What are you going to tell him?
Lindsay Weir: I don't know, Mom!
Harold Weir: I know what to tell him - tell him he's a grease bucket and you deserve better.


"Freaks and Geeks: Chokin' and Tokin' (#1.13)" (2000)
Harold Weir: I feel that there comes a point in a young man's life when he should start testing the waters.
Lindsay Weir: What about me testing the waters?
Harold Weir: You can test the waters, too - after you get married!


"Freaks and Geeks: The Garage Door (#1.12)" (2000)
Sam Weir: Uh, dad, can I have an Atari from my birthday?
Harold Weir: An a-what-ee?
Sam Weir: Atari.
Harold Weir: What the heck is that?
Jean Weir: That's one of those expensive video games, isn't it?
Sam Weir: No, no, it's not expensive!
Harold Weir: Yeah, well, whatever it costs, it's a waste of money. And time. You know, the welfare rolls are full of video game players.
Lindsay Weir: No, they're not.
Harold Weir: Well, they're gonna be. Trust me.


"Freaks and Geeks: The Little Things (#1.17)" (2000)
Harold Weir: Everyone's a Democrat until they get a little money. Then they come to their senses!


"Freaks and Geeks: Girlfriends and Boyfriends (#1.8)" (2000)
Jean Weir: [speaking to Lindsay about her virginity] Honey, tell her about Korea.
Harold Weir: Korea? Well, one day I went to Seoul on a weekend pass and I went to this bar, and I had a few to many. And I followed a couple of my buddies to the Red Light District...
Jean Weir: Your fathers first time wasn't special and he's always regreted it.
Harold Weir: It was the worst five dollars I've ever spent. And I wish I could get those five dollars back!