Lindsay Weir
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Quotes for
Lindsay Weir (Character)
from "Freaks and Geeks" (1999)

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"Freaks and Geeks: Chokin' and Tokin' (#1.13)" (2000)
Millie Kentner: You're high!
Lindsay Weir: How could you tell?
Millie Kentner: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.

Lindsay Weir: We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life.

Scott: [about marijuana] It's hydrophonic.
Lindsay Weir: Like the lettuce?

Harold Weir: I feel that there comes a point in a young man's life when he should start testing the waters.
Lindsay Weir: What about me testing the waters?
Harold Weir: You can test the waters, too - after you get married!

Lindsay Weir: What if all of this is a dream, and it isn't even our dream, it's that dog's dream? Maybe we're just existing in his mind and all of a sudden he'll go drink out of the toilet and we'll be gone. What will happen to us if that dog wakes up? It will be over.
Millie Kentner: Life is not that dog's dream.


"Freaks and Geeks: Kim Kelly Is My Friend (#1.4)" (2000)
Kim Kelly: My aunt Cathy was so rad. She lived in L.A., she was on "Kojak." She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.
Lindsay Weir: Wow, she sounds awesome!
Kim Kelly: Yeah, well she's dead. She OD'd on coke.

Millie Kentner: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay Weir: What? She does what? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Millie Kentner: She does it.
Lindsay Weir: What do you mean, it?
Millie Kentner: She fornicates it!

Millie Kentner: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay Weir: What does she do?
Millie Kentner: She ya'know does it.
Lindsay Weir: What do you mean does it?
Millie Kentner: She fornicates it!

Kim Kelly: My aunt Cathy was so rad. She lived in L.A. She was on Kojak. She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.
Lindsay Weir: Wow, she sounds awesome.
Kim Kelly: Yeah, well, she's dead. She OD'd on coke.


"Freaks and Geeks: The Garage Door (#1.12)" (2000)
Sam Weir: Uh, dad, can I have an Atari from my birthday?
Harold Weir: An a-what-ee?
Sam Weir: Atari.
Harold Weir: What the heck is that?
Jean Weir: That's one of those expensive video games, isn't it?
Sam Weir: No, no, it's not expensive!
Harold Weir: Yeah, well, whatever it costs, it's a waste of money. And time. You know, the welfare rolls are full of video game players.
Lindsay Weir: No, they're not.
Harold Weir: Well, they're gonna be. Trust me.

Lindsay Weir: [after Ken mocks Tuba Girl] Hey, at least she knows how to play an instrument.
Ken Miller: That's not playing an instrument. It's like blowing into a toilet!
Lindsay Weir: It sounds better than your singing.
Ken Miller: Lindsay, here's an idea. How about you break up our band so you can go make out with Nick? Oh, wait, you already did that, that's right.

Lindsay Weir: So who's Wendy Franklin?
Kim Kelly: Ugh, long story. Let's just say she's a cheap little slut that Daniel made out with while we were broken up.
Lindsay Weir: But it's over with her, right?
Kim Kelly: Lindsay, that's not the point. He did it with her at the Laser Dome. Now he wants to go there with me?
Lindsay Weir: So, are you going?
Kim Kelly: Well, yeah. I mean, what else am I gonna do?

Lindsay Weir: [about Tuba Girl] Oh, my God.
Ken Miller: What?
Lindsay Weir: You really like her, don't you?
Ken Miller: I feel odd.


"Freaks and Geeks: Pilot (#1.1)" (1999)
Alan White: [taunting Sam Weir] I've never fought a *girl* before.
Lindsay Weir: [from behind him] I'm a girl. You wanna fight me?

Daniel Desario: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick Andopolis: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay Weir: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken Miller: I don't know. What are you gonna do?


"Freaks and Geeks: Tricks and Treats (#1.3)" (1999)
Sam Weir: Nobody thinks you're cool, you know.
Lindsay Weir: Trust me, I know.

Lindsay Weir: Millie, you're eating candy already? It's only 7:30 in the morning!
Millie Kentner: It's just Lik'm'aid. It makes my spit taste like fruit juice!


"Freaks and Geeks: Girlfriends and Boyfriends (#1.8)" (2000)
Lindsay Weir: [to Nick] So... you wanna make out or something?

Jeff Rosso: I. Have. Herpes. It doesn't hurt that much, but believe me, you don't want it.
Lindsay Weir: Can I please go now?
Jeff Rosso: I just blew your mind, didn't I.


"Freaks and Geeks: We've Got Spirit (#1.9)" (2000)
Jean Weir: [to Lindsay, about Nick] What are you going to tell him?
Lindsay Weir: I don't know, Mom!
Harold Weir: I know what to tell him - tell him he's a grease bucket and you deserve better.


"Freaks and Geeks: Beers and Weirs (#1.2)" (1999)
Harold Weir: I guess you'd prefer we listened to some of that punk rock I've been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience.
Jean Weir: That's terrible.
Harold Weir: Yeah, that's what I want to do, spend my hard earned money to be spit on. Now that's entertainment.
Lindsay Weir: Dad, every generation is scared of the music that comes from the next. I'm sure your parents hated Elvis.
Harold Weir: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam Weir: No, but he died on the toilet.
Harold Weir: Well, that's paradise compared to where those Sex Pistols are gonna end up.


"Freaks and Geeks: Carded and Discarded (#1.7)" (2000)
Lindsay Weir: I don't need your help.
Jeff Rosso: Ok. Tell you what. Why don't I just visit you then in the *prison*, where you'll be living, and give you some really good advice, like, y'know, should you get shanked in the yard or in the dining hall? When you have your baby, which prison guard should take care of it? That kind of thing. That'd be a great way to do my job, don't ya think?
Lindsay Weir: Y'know, only time will tell. See you at the prison yard.


"Freaks and Geeks: I'm with the Band (#1.6)" (1999)
Jean Weir: Lindsay, just say the words, it'll make him feel better.
Lindsay Weir: Sam, you have a beautiful body, you're an Adonis, a slab of beef. If I wasn't your sister... Oh, my God!


"Freaks and Geeks: Smooching and Mooching (#1.16)" (2000)
Lindsay Weir: Dad, give me one good reason why there can't be a woman president.
Harold Weir: It's called three irrational days per month. Now, I would have no issue with the other twenty seven, but we're talking about the atomic bomb here.


"Freaks and Geeks: The Diary (#1.10)" (2000)
Lindsay Weir: [while hitchhiking] We're so sheltered, you know? There's this whole other America out there. The person who picks us up could be an artist or a psychic or an escaped felon. This is so exciting!


"Freaks and Geeks: The Little Things (#1.17)" (2000)
Lindsay Weir: [about Mr. Rosso] Have you ever looked at him? He's kinda good looking.
Kim Kelly: Yeah, if you're attracted to guys that look like Jesus.