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Quotes for
Anthony P. Kirby (Character)
from You Can't Take It with You (1938)

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You Can't Take It with You (1938)
Doorman: [opening the car door for Kirby] Good morning, Mr. Kirby.
Anthony P. Kirby: Good morning.

Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: You're an idiot, Mr. Kirby.
Anthony P. Kirby: What?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: A stupid idiot.
Anthony P. Kirby: You can't talk to me like that.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Oh, yes I can. Scum, are we? What makes you think you're such a superior human being? Your money? If you do, you're a dull-witted fool, Mr. Kirby. And a poor one at that. You're poorer than any of these people you call scum, because I'll guarantee at least they've got some friends. While you with your jungle and your long claws, as you call 'em, you'll wind up your miserable existence without anything you can call friend. You may be a high mogul to yourself, Mr. Kirby, but to me you're a failure - failure as a man, failure as a human being, even a failure as a father. When your time comes, I doubt if a single tear will be shed over you. The world will probably cry, "Good riddance." That's a nice prospect, Mr. Kirby. I hope you'll enjoy it. I hope you'll get some comfort out of all this coin you've been sweating over then!

Anthony P. Kirby: Mr. Vanderhoff, you once told me I was a failure as a father.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Oh, I didn't mean that.
Anthony P. Kirby: I know, but I am.

Anthony P. Kirby: The girl's a Stenographer. Boys like Tony don't marry Stenographers!

Mrs. Anthony P. Kirby: Anthony, we've got to do something about this girl!
Mrs. Anthony P. Kirby: Alright, I'll fire her.
Anthony P. Kirby: This isn't a business deal! You can't settle anything by firing this girl.
Mrs. Anthony P. Kirby: Alright, then, I won't fire her.

Anthony P. Kirby: I can walk alone. I've never heard of anything so outrageous in all my life! Stop pushing me around like this! You fool, I'm Anthony P. Kirby. Do you hear that?
Guard: Okay, pal, I'm George Washington.

Anthony P. Kirby: I got you to thank for this. I hope it will teach you a lesson. Fooling around with Stenographers!

Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: What if all your deals fall through? It might be a good thing for you.
Anthony P. Kirby: Man, you're crazy.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, maybe I am. I used to be just like you. Then, one morning when I was going up the elevator, it struck me I wasn't having any fun. So, I came right down and never went back. Yes sir. That was 35 years ago.
Anthony P. Kirby: Admirable. You haven't done a thing since, huh?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Just the things I wanted to do. I collected stamps. Went to the zoo when I got the notion. Took up the harmonica. And even found time to notice when Spring came around.

Anthony P. Kirby: Look, you know about these things, I don't. I need your advice. I'd give a fortune...
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Ah-ah-ah-now, there you are, you've got to stop thinking in terms of fortune. You know what I do when I run smack into a crisis? Just take out my harmonica and I play on it until that crisis just fades away.


"Great Performances: You Can't Take It with You (#13.4)" (1984)
Anthony P. Kirby: I'm not accustomed to going out to dinner and spending the night in jail.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Well you have to remember you came on the wrong night. Now tonight I'll bet you nothing will happen... maybe.