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: [to the Kirby family
] The next time you want to go slumming, stay away from our neighbors!
: I resent what you said about your brain. I think it's beautiful. Tony Kirby
: You do, huh? Alice Sycamore
: Mmmhm Tony Kirby
: I see. Yeah, that's probably the first thing you noticed about me that you liked - my colossal brain. Alice Sycamore
: Well, no. No, it was the back of your head. Tony Kirby
: The back of my head? I've got a big bump back there. Well, what happened when I turned around? Alice Sycamore
: Well, I figured I'd just have to get used to that. Tony Kirby
: Oh, you figured. Alice Sycamore
: And, you know, it might not take very long, but I just figured I'd... Tony Kirby
: ...you just figured you'd just... well, I'm glad you 'figured.'
: [phone rings. Tony won't let go of Alice's hands
] You know, it's a strange sensation - I seem to hear ringing in my ears. Alice Sycamore
: Me, too. And I thought for a moment it was the telephone. Tony Kirby
: Yeah. I hear voices, too. Voices that say, if you don't kiss her soon, you're a chump. Alice Sycamore
: You know, if I were really clever, I could answer the phone without the use of my hands. Tony Kirby
: Saw it done in a circus once. Tony Kirby
: [Alice picks up receiver with her teeth
] Hey, wonderful, you'd be a sensation on the trapeze!
: Have you ever been in a monastery? Tony Kirby
: No, but I'm the fella who got caught in a cave once. Alice Sycamore
: Were you? Whatever happened to you? Tony Kirby
: Well, the cave caved in and I haven't been heard from since.
: It's for you. Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff
: Why bless my soul, a new harmonica. Alice Sycamore
: I got it for you for your birthday. Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff
: How do you know when my birthday is? Even I don't know. Alice Sycamore
: Anytime I get an impulse to get you something, that's your birthday.
: Your family, boy, they knocked me for a loop. I don't know, it just seems like in their own way, they found what everybody's looking for. People spend their whole lives building castles in the air and then nothing ever comes of it. I wonder why that is? Well, it takes courage. Everybody's afraid to live. Alice Sycamore
: You ought to hear Grandpa on that subject. He says most people nowadays are run by fear. Fear of what they eat, fear of what they drink, fear of their jobs, their future, fear of their health. They're scared to save money and scared to spend it. You know what his pet aversion is? The people who commercialize on fear, you know they scare you to death so they can sell you something you don't need. So, he kinda taught all of not to be afraid of anything, but do what we want to do. Well, its kinda fun, anyway.
: You know, there never was anything in my life that I couldn't get if I didn't scream loud enough. Alice Sycamore
: Really? Tony Kirby
: Yeah, and I've had plenty of practice with it since I was a baby. I'm pretty terrific at it now. Here, let me show you a little example.
[he screams, and the office boy opens the door
] Tony Kirby
: [he screams again, and the office boy leaves
: I can feel a scream coming on right now... it's up here, in my throat! It's fighting to get out! Alice Sycamore
: No, please, don't scream!
] Henry - the Head Waiter
: [comes over
] What happened? Tony Kirby
: What happened? Well, there was a mouse! Henry - the Head Waiter
: A mouse in this place? Tony Kirby
: What do you mean, 'mouse'? It was a rat, *this* long, and it had hair on it! And there were six or seven of them!
: We're going to the Monte Carlo ballet! Boris Kolenkhov
: ...The Monte Carlo ballet? It stinks!
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff
: Incidentally, what's his name? Alice Sycamore
: Eh, Tony Kirby. Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff
: Not the son of - the Kirby? Alice Sycamore
: Yes. Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff
] Pretty snooty outfit aren't they?
: I was just thinking about that family of yours. Living with them must be like living in a world of Walt Disney, my good fellow. Everybody does just as he pleases, doesn't he? Alice Sycamore
: Yes. Grandpa started it. He just suddenly left business one day. He started up in the elevator one day and he turned around and came right down. He never went back. He could have been a rich man; but, he said he wasn't having any fun. Tony Kirby
: Oh, that's wonderful. Alice Sycamore
: Then he started collecting stamps because that's what he likes best.
: Don't ask me to go over there because I won't go. Tony Kirby
: No, no, no, Alice. I want you to met a four-star blue blood. Come on. Come.
: [In a jail cell
] Mrs. Kirby, please believe me, I'm so sorry to have gotten you involved in all this trouble. Mrs. Anthony P. Kirby
: I'll appreciate it, if you'll leave me strictly alone. Jailed Prostitute
: Don't let it get you, sister. They're gettin' tougher everywhere. Say, where you been operatin'? You got class. That's the kind of connection I'm lookin' for.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhof
: Alice, you're in love with this boy and you're not marrying him because we are the way we are. Alice Sycamore
: Oh Grandpa. Grandpa Martin Vanderhof
: I know, you think it wouldn't work out, you think the two families wouldn't get along, well maybe they wouldn't, but whose to say they're right and we're wrong?
: I wouldn't trade one minute of this evening for all the rice in China. Alice Sycamore
: Is there much rice in China? Tony Kirby
: Didn't you read "The Good Earth"?
: My father raises orchids at $10,000 a bulb, does that sound logical? My mother studies spiritualism, that's just as bad as your mother typing plays. Alice Sycamore
: Your mother studies spiritualism because it's fashionable and your father raises orchids because he can afford to. My mother types plays because 8 years ago a typewriter was delivered here by accident.