Clair Huxtable
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Quotes for
Clair Huxtable (Character)
from "The Cosby Show" (1984)

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"The Cosby Show: Off to See the Wretched (#6.23)" (1990)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: You bring yourself into this house right now! And, if you think that 30-minute ride home was something, believe me, honey, we've only just begun! Here we think you're lying in the floor of some burning building dying of asphyxia and you're down in Baltimore, having BIG FUN! Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where you were? Didn't you go down there to Baltimore to have big fun, Vanessa? Tell me, didn't you go for big fun?
Vanessa Huxtable: Mom...
Clair Hanks Huxtable: SHUT UP! Don't you DARE open your mouth when I'm asking you a question! RUDY, GO TO BED!

Clair Hanks Huxtable: Did you really think that the four of you could go careening off into the night and not one single parent would find out about it? Did you really think that, Vanessa?
Vanessa Huxtable: Mom...
Clair Hanks Huxtable: SHUT UP! Because I know what was going on! You were off being wild and free with the Wretched and singing the Wretched song! Now, I know you told me about it in the car, Vanessa, but just for the record, one more time, how did it come to pass that you did not get into the concert with the Wretched, and the big fun?
[Vanessa doesn't speak]

Vanessa Huxtable: May I please just have my punishment now?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Vanessa, please. Your father and I have been through too much this evening to be sitting up here thinking of a punishment for you right now.
Vanessa Huxtable: But I'd like my punishment before I go to bed.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Do yourself a favor and go to bed.

Rudy Huxtable: Oh, look! There's Frankie X.on the T.V. right now! He's from the Wretched!
News Reporter: In other entertainment news lead singer Frankie X said in a news conference that he wanted to thank the citizens of Baltimore for letting the Wretched play there in Baltimore tonight...
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Did he just say that the Wretched are in Baltimore tonight?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: That's what he said.
Rudy Huxtable: Vanessa went all the way to Baltimore. WOW!

Vanessa Huxtable: Mom, I said I was sorry. This is not going to happen again!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: For all I know, you are lying right now. GO TO BED!

"The Cosby Show: It's All in the Game (#7.5)" (1990)
Cliff: You know what we're gonna do? When Rudy gets her driver's license, you and I are gonna go down to the salvage dump. We're gonna pick out the worst, bashed, smashed-looking thing that still runs and we're gonna let her drive it. That way if anybody hits her, it'll be an improvement.
Theo: I know how you feel, Dad.
Clair: No, you don't.
[Cliff starts laughing]
Theo: Hey, I can appreciate the pressures both of you are under. And if you ask me, I think y'all doing a bang up job.
Clair: Theo, shut up.

Clair: [discussing the "joys" of being a parent] How about getting in the car to go to work and discovering that your daughter's understanding of the word "empty" means, "I'll just park the car over here and Mom will fill it up?"
Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on, so that both of us have a heart attack last time? You left the thing up so loud, your mother's hair went straight up!

Theo: You guys act like you don't do some bad things to us, you know.
Clair: I would like to know what we ever asked you to do except hang up your clothes before they take root.
[the kids start screaming in frustration]
Cliff: We're not being paid to look after you all! And there's not a check big enough to take care of you!

Denise: [talking about Theo's bad baseball experience] Okay, so it took a little time. What's the big deal?
Cliff: Right! No big deal! Now there's the key. You guys always say things like "no big deal." Some of the greatest lies ever told by you kids - "No big deal." "I forgot." "I'll pay you back later." "It was like that when I found it. I swear, Mom, Dad..."
Cliff, Clair: It was like that when I found it.
Vanessa: [about the car she crashed] Mom, Dad, I just want to say that I'm really sorry.
Clair: Please add that to the list. "I'm really sorry."
Cliff: Yes, and the other one that's key - "What are you doing home so early?"

"The Cosby Show: The Infantry Has Landed (and They've Fallen Off the Roof) (#7.8)" (1990)
Rudy: There I was sitting in class while the teacher was talking about punctuation and I was starting my period. Do you know how embarrassing that was?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: I think I do, and so does every other woman in the world. Honey that's why they call it the curse.
Rudy: The curse?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: The curse, dear. Now it's called the curse, the visitor, the flag is up, the infantry has landed.
Rudy: The infantry has landed?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: And fallen off the roof. In my day it was referred to as The Horror.

Clair Hanks Huxtable: [explaining growing up with her period] You see women were expected to be very dainty and discreet, so what do they do? They give us pads the size of mattresses. And during that very special time of the month, when you wanted to go out at night you couldn't carry a little dainty clutch bag, oh no no no, you had to carry an overnight bag.

Rudy: Those were the bad old days, huh, Mom?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Those were the bad old days. But we've come a long way since then, and Rudy you know, it's very natural, it's been going on since the beginning of time. It's what makes you a woman.
Rudy: But Mom, I'm NOT a woman, I'm 12 years old!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Rudy, in biological terms you ARE a woman, and if you're going to be a mother someday, this HAS to happen.

"The Cosby Show: I'm 'In' with the 'In' Crowd (#6.3)" (1989)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: When do you feel this pressure?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Every now and then.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: This is not about pressure. Vanessa got drunk because she and her friends were bored, although they had television, VCR, video cassettes, audio cassettes, books...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: And each other.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Thank you.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: That they call on the phone every five minutes when they're away, yet somehow they were bored together.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: So you see, Vanessa wasn't feeling any pressure from us. The only pressure she felt was from the people she was with.

Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Because of what you two have accomplished, the world expects a lot more from us than from other kids.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: And that's our fault?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Think about it, you're a doctor, Mom's a lawyer, that's a lot of pressure.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Theo, we never said become a doctor, become a lawyer, we say go to school, we say study, we say become something.

[last lines]
Vanessa Huxtable: [takes the shot glass up to her mouth, scrunches up her face, and drinks. she expects to taste bourbon, but... ]
[as her face relaxes]
Vanessa Huxtable: this is tea...
Rudy Huxtable, Clair Hanks Huxtable, Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Gotcha!

"The Cosby Show: Theo's Holiday (#2.22)" (1986)
Clair Huxtable: [as a fast-talking saleswoman to Theo and Cockroach] Gentlemen, welcome to Amanda's Furniture City. Where money talks and nobody walks, if you like it you touch it, if you break it you buy it, if you don't see it we don't have it but we will get it, now what can I do for you?

[Theo only has $200 to furnish his "apartment" in the "Real World"]
Theo: [looking around Amanda's Furniture City] Everything's so expensive. What do I do?
Clair Huxtable: Honey, did you come here for advice or for furniture? Now look, time is money. What you have got to do is figure out exactly what it is that you need.
Theo: I *need* it all.
Clair Huxtable: Yes, but you are not going to get it for $200, but you are in luck. Because here at Furniture City, we accept all major credit cards.
Theo: I don't have any credit cards.
Clair Huxtable: You are in luck, because here at Furniture City, we accept personal checks.
Theo: I don't have any personal checks.
Clair Huxtable: [the saleswoman smile leaves her face] Then *you* are about to *leave* Furniture City.

"The Cosby Show: Mrs. Westlake (#2.12)" (1986)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [obviously addressing Mrs. Westlake] I love your accent. Where are you from?
Jack Westlake: I'm from Indiana.
Anna Maria Westlake: That's why I marry him. I love the way he talks!

[At dinner, Mrs. Westlake is sharing about her struggles, working two jobs while going to college and not being native to the U.S]
Jack Westlake: Tell them what you did on the weekends!
Anna Maria Westlake: I drove a taxicab!
[everyone laughs]
Anna Maria Westlake: One day, this man gets into my cab and says, 'I need to get to the airport, and step on it!' I say, 'you want me to step on the airport?'
[more laughs]
Anna Maria Westlake: Then he says, 'I need to get there in a jiffy!' I say, 'this is not a Jiffy, this is a Yellow Cab!'
[more laughs]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: So, did that man make it to the airport?
Jack Westlake: Yes, but I missed my flight!

"The Cosby Show: Theo's Dirty Laundry (#6.21)" (1990)
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Now, when I left here yesterday, it was under some strain, and we all said some things we didn't mean.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Not me.
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: But, it's all over now, and I'm sure we're all big enough to apologize!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: NOT ME!

Clair Hanks Huxtable: When are you gonna get it, Theo? This is not about living with Justine. This is about doing something behind our backs and then lying to us about what it is you're doing!
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: I'm sorry.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yesterday, you said your mother and I were controlling you with our money and that you and Justine were gonna go on and live your own lives. Now, did you ever stop to think what would happen if we said you couldn't come back here?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: No.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Of course, you didn't! Because we're your 'safety net'! You go out, you mess up, you listen to our lecture, and then you go out and you mess up again! Well, Theo, I have had enough. I do not have the strength to keep letting you come back into this house.

"The Cosby Show: First Day of School (#2.1)" (1985)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [discussing who should wake the children up on this first day of school] Cliff it's you're turn. I got them up on the last day of school
Cliff: The last day of school? All you did was go out into the hallway and yell "LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!" and children next door were jumping out of bed.

Clair Hanks Huxtable: [to Rudy] What would you like for breakfast?
Rudy Huxtable: Cereal.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Cereal what?
Rudy Huxtable: Cereal... and bananas.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Cereal, bananas what?
Rudy Huxtable: Cereal, bananas... and milk.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Cereal, bananas, milk... What?
Rudy Huxtable: [hesitating] um... in a bowl.
[sitcom audience laughs at her answer]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [impatiently smiling; calmly] Cereal, bananas, milk in a bowl... WHAT?
Rudy Huxtable: [quietly counting the words she said with her fingers; much to the laughter of the sitcom audience] Cereal... bananas... milk in a bowl...
[pause; then very cutely]
Rudy Huxtable: PLEASE!

"The Cosby Show: Halloween (#2.6)" (1985)
[talking about Vanessa]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: I remember when she wouldn't even let a boy get next to her.
Cliff: That's right. And now that's MY job.

Janet Meiser: [upon seeing Clair's costume] *wow*, Mrs. Huxtable!*Great* costume!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [feigning ignorance] What costume?

"The Cosby Show: Waterworks (#4.17)" (1988)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: So, I hear you're gonna fix the tile...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: That's right...
Clair Hanks Huxtable: You're lookin' mighty cute in that toolbelt...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [demurely] I've got it in suede too...

Clair Hanks Huxtable: [trying to stall Cliff] Ask him to explain the facts of life to you.
Vanessa Huxtable: [face lights up] All right!

"The Cosby Show: Together Again and Again (#5.1)" (1988)
Denise Huxtable: I've decided to discontinue my college education.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Come again, young lady?
Denise Huxtable: I'm not going back to Hillman.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Wanna bet?

Denise Huxtable: I mean, is a person who makes an A better than a person who makes a C?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: No.
Denise Huxtable: [chuckles] I was sure you were going to say yes!

"The Cosby Show: The Dentist (#2.16)" (1986)
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [Claire's going on about a story in the paper about water conservation] Claire, did you see this story?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: What is it?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: 'Man dies because wife won't let him sleep!'

"The Cosby Show: Theo's Final Final (#7.13)" (1991)
[talking about a back rub in the living room]
Clair: You know that spot you found?
Cliff: Yeah?
Clair: Find that spot again.
Cliff: I can find another one if we go upstairs.
Clair: [laughs]

"The Cosby Show: Nightmare on Stigwood Avenue (#7.21)" (1991)
Olivia Kendall: These are blackberries, I wanted blueberries!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: But dear, we searched all over the country and we couldn't find any.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Cliff, you didn't try Canada... no, didn't I say, I told you try Canada but 'ooooh no, just give the child blackberries, she'll never know the difference'. Well she did, Cliff and now you're in trouble.
Olivia Kendall: No, you're both in trouble. As far as I'm concerned you should both go jump in the lake.

"The Cosby Show: Full House (#2.19)" (1986)
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: You are a genius and I am a genius because I married you!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Cliff, you think we should tell the kids we're down here?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Are you drunk?

"The Cosby Show: Clair's Reunion (#8.20)" (1992)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [discussing a civil rights sit-in near Hillman campus] I went back to see Professor Capel after that class. I wanted to talk about that lunch counter. I wanted to know how is it that people could hate like that? And I figured, if anybody had the answer, certainly it would be a professor of philosophy. In all the time that I knew her, it was the only time she did not have an answer. But, she did say something to me that I have cherished to this day, which is why I volunteered to organize this dinner.
Leah: What was that?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: She told me I was her favorite student.
Leah: That's lovely, Clair.
[gestures to herself]
Leah: Because, she told me I was her favorite student.
Baathie Ndiaie: Same thing.
Millicent: She told me I was her very favorite student, and she gave me a C.
Maxine: I got you there; she gave me an S! And, she told me that I was her most favorite student!

"The Cosby Show: Food for Thought (#3.2)" (1986)
Cliff: [Clair is trying to get Cliff to change his eating habits.] I've been eating like this since I was four!
Clair: Yes darling. But now you are four-ty nine! And your little arteries don't unclog the way they used to. And who should know, BETTER THAN ME!
Cliff: [Blushing] Would you like to.....unclog my arteries?

"The Cosby Show: How Ugly Is He? (#1.9)" (1984)
Clair Huxtable: Does any of this sound familiar? "How ugly is he?" "Who is his parole officer?" Face it, Cliff. You are ROUGH.

"The Cosby Show: Home for the Weekend (#4.21)" (1988)
[as Denise is leaving]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [calling to cliff] Cliff! Denise is leaving!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [in kitchen, to Denise] See ya later Homie!

"The Cosby Show: Happy Anniversary (#2.3)" (1985)
Clair: Cliff, I love the way you beg.

"The Cosby Show: You're Not a Mother Night (#1.11)" (1984)
[Clair is complaining about her life as a mother and her job at the office]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: So... it's work.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [looks at him; shocked] No.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: No?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: No!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: *NO?*
Clair Hanks Huxtable: No, I love my work.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [sotto voce] I'm sorry...
Clair Hanks Huxtable: But then, I come home and people are crying, wanting dinner, have a button popped off and in need to be sowed on.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: So, it's the kids again!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [shocked] No, it's not!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: It's the kids, and work.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [with great passion] NO!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [distraught] Then, it's ME?

"The Cosby Show: You Only Hurt the One You Love (#3.18)" (1987)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [about Rudy's injury] Cliff. Now this is serious. We have to call a doctor.

"The Cosby Show: Day of the Locusts (#5.24)" (1989)
[Sondra goes upstairs after lecturing Clair and her mother-in-law]
Clair: Do you think it's safe for us to move now?
Cliff: Do you feel lucky?

"The Cosby Show: Call of the Wild (#4.1)" (1987)
Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Mom...
Clair Huxtable: Yes?
Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: I'm not going to law school
Clair Huxtable: [Trying to be calm] What?
Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: I decided not to go to law school
Clair Huxtable: What do you mean you decided not to go to law school?
Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Well this is our dream. So I'm going to take a temporary job while the Wilderness Store opens then I'll be working side by side with my husband
Clair Huxtable: Sondra what are you saying? You have always wanted to go to law school, you haven't talked about anything else!
Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: I changed my mind
Clair Huxtable: Change it back! After all that money we spent sending you to Princeton? Sondra, you owe US seventy-nine thousand six hundred and forty-eight dollars and twenty-two cents! And I want my money NOW!

"The Cosby Show: Mrs. Huxtable Goes to Kindergarten (#5.13)" (1989)
Clair: Getting up at 4am to prove who I am to three men who are basking in the non-existent rays of their own intelligence is *not* my idea of a fun time.

"The Cosby Show: A Shirt Story (#1.5)" (1984)
Clair: Theo, wear a jacket.
Theo: And cover my Itchy Amorada?

"The Cosby Show: Denise's Friend (#2.11)" (1985)
Denise Huxtable Kendall: Remember when I spent the night at Janet's house a few weeks ago? Well I didn't spend the night at Janet's I spent the night at Tommy Watkins.
Vanessa Huxtable: YOU WHAT?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: How - how come Mr. and Mrs. Watkins did tell us?
Denise Huxtable Kendall: They were on vacation.
Vanessa Huxtable: They were?
Denise Huxtable Kendall: We didn't do anything, just listened to some records.
Denise Huxtable Kendall: Are you angry?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Ask your mother.
Denise Huxtable Kendall: Mom, are you angry?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Oh no, I'm not angry... I'm MAD!

"The Cosby Show: Cliff in Love (#2.4)" (1985)
[while Elvin waits for Sondra, Clair offers coffee for him and Cliff; Elvin is surprised]
Elvin Tibideaux: I'm sorry, Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair Huxtable: What kind of thing?
Elvin Tibideaux: You know... serve.
Clair Huxtable: Serve whom?
Elvin Tibideaux: [indicating Cliff] Serve him.
Clair Huxtable: [with a tense smile] Oh, serve *him*. As in "serve your man"?
Elvin Tibideaux: Well, yeah.
Clair Huxtable: [now visibly indignant] Let me tell you something, Elvin. You see, I am not "serving" Dr. Huxtable, okay?
Elvin Tibideaux: Okay.
Clair Huxtable: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am going to bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And *that*, young man, is what marriage is made of: it is give-and-take fifty-fifty. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you are never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere any place any time EVER.
[pauses, then smiles graciously]
Clair Huxtable: Now, what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin Tibideaux: [shaken] Maybe I can get *you* some coffee.
Clair Huxtable: Elvin, that's alright. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair takes the tray to the kitchen; Elvin slowly sits down and looks at Cliff, scared]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin Tibideaux: Yes, sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you, I wouldn't drink it.

"The Cosby Show: Bring 'Em Back Alive (#3.1)" (1986)
[after Rudy tells Clair there's a snake]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [calmly] Cliff, can I talk to you for a minute.
[to Rudy]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: And don't worry about some tired old snake.
[she and Cliff go in the kitchen]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [fearfully] Cliff, I want that snake out of my house!

"The Cosby Show: The Birth (#5.6)" (1988)
Cliff: [about Sondra and Elvin's baby] It'll be a boy named after me.
Clair: It might be a girl named after me.
Cliff: Still named after me. Heathcliff Female.

"The Cosby Show: Denise: The Saga Continues (#6.1)" (1989)
Clair: Denise is married, and I don't even know her last name.
Cliff: Mrs. Stupid!

"The Cosby Show: Theo and the Older Woman (#2.5)" (1985)
Denise Huxtable Kendall: Mom, Dad. I need your help.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: What's up?
Denise Huxtable Kendall: Theo. He is acting weird and he is ruining my project.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Oh dear. How is he acting weird and ruining your project.
Denise Huxtable Kendall: He is trying to impress Susanne.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: What is he doing?
Denise Huxtable Kendall: He has changed his clothes, he cleans his room and now he is upstairs studying.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Well. We'll see if we could get her to move in.

"The Cosby Show: Clair's Toe (#2.10)" (1985)
[Clair "accidently" took the remote for the TV with her upstairs and now Cliff has followed her to get it back]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: I came up here to get the remote.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Why can't you get up and turn on the television by yourself?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Because I don't wanna walk to the TV.

"The Cosby Show: Mother, May I? (#3.5)" (1986)
Cliff: [coming into the kitchen to find Clair counting backwards] Uh-oh, she's counting down. Who's in trouble?
Clair: 29, 28, Vanessa, 27, 26.
Cliff: What's she in trouble for?
Clair: 25, 24, 23, 22, after we had our long discussion she had the nerve to come in this house with make-up on.
Cliff: Yeah, they want to grow up really fast, don't they?

"The Cosby Show: Pilot (#1.1)" (1984)
Clair: Cliff, why do we have four children?
Cliff: Because we did not want five.

"The Cosby Show: Clair's Liberation (#7.11)" (1990)
Clair: Cliff... there are three idiots in the kitchen.
Cliff: You have to be a little more specific than that.

"The Cosby Show: Getting to Know You (#6.12)" (1989)
[Vanessa caught Denise's wedding bouquet]
Vanessa Huxtable: Yes!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: NO!

"The Cosby Show: Olivia's Field Trip (#8.8)" (1991)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [acting as bait for Theo to get Mr. Starkey to answer the phone] Hello? This is Clair Hanks of Universal Silk Screens and I'd like to order 600 dozen T-shirts.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Hello? Mr. Starkey?
[quickly grabs the phone away from Theo]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Did I say 600? Oh, well, no, what I meant to say is that I am the senior partner at the law firm Bradley, Greentree and Dexter, and I represent Mr. Theodore Huxtable. No, *you* listen! You sold a product in this state, therefore you gave Mr. Huxtable a warranty of usability. Now unless you can round up 144 people with neither head nor neck to speak on behalf of your T-shirts, we are prepared to take action.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: That's what I thought you'd say. So we'll have the money by the close of business today? We thank you.
[hangs up]

"The Cosby Show: A Touch of Wonder (#2.18)" (1986)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [miming to a record in front of Cliff] Can-dy. That's what I call my sugar, Cand-dy. Ooo, how sweet is Candy. And Candy sure is sweet on me. She understands me. Yes, my understanding Candy. And she's mine
[record skips]
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Oh, all mine.

"The Cosby Show: Denise Drives (#2.8)" (1985)
Clair Hanks Huxtable: You see, Denise, you know you can pretty much do anything you want because, deep down, you know we're always there to bail you out. You see, we're your safety net. And, we're so good at it, half the time you don't even know we're doing it. And, your father and I accept that responsibility because we're your parents. And, you'd better not ever forget that, young lady. Because, if you EVER take THIS attitude with us again, you can take whatever is in that bank account of yours and go DISCOVER America!

"The Cosby Show: Is That My Boy? (#1.4)" (1984)
[First lines]
Rudy Huxtable: [calling to Vanessa; from upstairs] Vanessa! Vanessa!
Rudy Huxtable: [shouts loudly and impatiently] VANESSA!
[sitcom laughter]
Vanessa Huxtable: [shouts] MOM! You tell Rudy to stop saying my name!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [working at her desk] Cliff?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): [resting on the couch; smiling] They said 'Mom', dear. Not 'Dad'. That's why they have different names for us. So they can get to who they want.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: But, can't you see I am busy?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): I'll do them for you.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: You? You hate doing books.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): [chuckles] It's that everytime I see how they bring a smile to your face, it makes me jealous and want to make books of my own.
Rudy Huxtable: [calls] Vanessa!
Vanessa Huxtable: [calls] Mom!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): Clair!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [serious] Cliff.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): [now serious] You want me to destroy them now?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: Do something!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): [shouts] Rudy!
Rudy Huxtable: [shouts] Yes?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): [talking loudly] This is your father talking to you. Get down on your hands and knees. Now Put your ear to the floor. Can you hear me?
Rudy Huxtable: Yes.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): All right... I am going to say this only one time...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable (Cosby, Bill): STOP IT!