Seaman Buckman
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Quotes for
Seaman Buckman (Character)
from Down Periscope (1996)

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Down Periscope (1996)
Lt. Comd. Dodge: All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig! Leave Graham squealing from the feeling!
Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson: Squeaking from the freaking.
Seaman Buckman: Oinking from the boinking.

[while all the other crew members are working hard cleaning the boat, Stepanak is sitting in a lawn chair and sunning himself]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Stepanek, what are you doing?
Stepanek: As little as possible, sir. I'm a detriment to the entire operation. Total morale crusher.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer. All you have to do is quit.
Stepanek: My old man won't let me.
Stepanek: He's an admiral. Thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you.
Stepanek: Really?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Really.
[Seaman Buckman passes by]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Buckman!
Seaman Buckman: [suddenly stops and spins around... ] Yes, Sir?
[... and accidentally knocks Stepanek over the side and right into a trough of oil waste]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Jesus, Buckman! This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
Seaman Buckman: [tasting contents of can] What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Except it's *deviled ham*!
Seaman Buckman: Now that would be a problem.

Lt. Comd. Dodge, Stepanek, "Sonar" Lovacelli, Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson, Seaman Buckman, Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson, Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [singing] It's a short little walk bound for eternity/ Yo-ho and blow the man down.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [Sinatraish] Blow that nutso kooky punk back downtown!

Seaman Buckman: Hey, Nitro, isnt't that one of my chickens?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': No, it's a, uh, parrot, uhh, from the Carribean.
Seaman Buckman: Well, don't let it fly away. That's supper.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Arr.

Seaman Buckman: The name's Buckman.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Uh... Nitro, hi.
Seaman Buckman: Interesting nickname, what's your real name?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Nitro.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': I'm working on a nickname, though.
Seaman Buckman: Oh yeah?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Yeah. Listen to this... Mike.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [yelling] Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, ya fatass moron! Yesterday, it was a Band-Aid!
Seaman Buckman: Sorry, sir. The Band-Aid was holding the fingernail on.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: What else do you put in your sauce, Buckman?
Seaman Buckman: It's an old family recipe, sir. It's a secret.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Oh, my God! There's cockroaches in the flour! Your cigar ash is in the spaghetti!

[from trailer]
Seaman Buckman: You ever hear of the mile deep club?
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: You ever hear of the salad bar?

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [loudly] Buckman! What the hell are you doing?
Seaman Buckman: Stocking the pantry, sir!
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: You forgot like an idiot, Buckman, because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot!
[grabs two cans]
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: What are in these cans?
Seaman Buckman: That one's coffee, and that one looks like cooking lard, sir.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: And which one do you think we're gonna be using more often, sailor? The coffee or the lard?
[Buckman shakes his head uncertainly]
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: You think we're all gonna jump out of bed in the morning and have a big, hot, steaming cup of pig fat?
Seaman Buckman: Well, it depends. If it's a cold morning, sir, you might go either...
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [knocking down the cans] The lard is in your head, Buckman! Now you take a look at that galley chart, because I want that cabinet repacked, regulation style, by 1100! Do you know what time 1100 is?
Seaman Buckman: That would be after 1000, sir!