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Quotes for
Lt. Cmdr. Thomas 'Tom' Dodge (Character)
from Down Periscope (1996)

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Down Periscope (1996)
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Somebody find Buckman, launch him out a torpedo tube.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Oh gee. Now I've gone and done it, ruined my career.
Captain Carl Knox: [Reading a radio message] Apparently not. This is just in from COMSUBLANT. You're to report to Norfolk immediately... to take command of your own submarine.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: That's not funny.
Captain Carl Knox: No, it's not. That's why they decoded it twice.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: You're kind of young for an XO, aren't you?
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Excellence knows no age, Sir!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Uh-huh. Speaking of age, what do you think about our boat, Pascal?
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: I feel I need a tetanus shot just from looking at it. The only thing holding her together, are the bird droppings, sir.

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Let's kick this pig!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig! Leave Graham squealing from the feeling!
Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson: Squeaking from the freaking.
Seaman Buckman: Oinking from the boinking.

Stepanek: Sit on it and rotate, sir.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [shouts] What? What did you say, sailor? You can't say that!
[Turns to Dodge, still shouting]
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: He can't say that!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Pascal, down. Down. Heel.
Stepanek: By the Uniform Code of Military Justice that constitutes gross insubordination, punishable by one month in a brig. I'm ready to go, sir.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Board the boat. I like a challenge.
Stepanek: You'll throw me off within a week. I'm a dedicated pain in the butt, sir.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Stepanek.
Stepanek: What?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: If I throw you off... it'll be in the middle of the Atlantic. Board the damn boat.

[while all the other crew members are working hard cleaning the boat, Stepanak is sitting in a lawn chair and sunning himself]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Stepanek, what are you doing?
Stepanek: As little as possible, sir. I'm a detriment to the entire operation. Total morale crusher.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer. All you have to do is quit.
Stepanek: My old man won't let me.
[Sarcasticly]
Stepanek: He's an admiral. Thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you.
Stepanek: Really?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Really.
[Seaman Buckman passes by]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Buckman!
Seaman Buckman: [suddenly stops and spins around... ] Yes, Sir?
[... and accidentally knocks Stepanek over the side and right into a trough of oil waste]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: All right, ladies and gentlemen. We have fulfilled every requirement of this mission except one: Norfolk. Presently, there are several ships positioned outside the harbor to intercept us. To get in, we're gonna have to use a tactic that is somewhat bizarre, and extremely risky. If any of you feel it's not worth it, please let me know now.
Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson: Uh, actually, sir, I think we prefer to go with the bizarre and risky. It's worked for us so far.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Sonar Technician Second Class, E.T. Lovacelli, sir! Goes by the nickname "Sonar."
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Welcome aboard, Sonar.
"Sonar" Lovacelli: Uh, 'scuse me, sir. This is an actual Navy submarine? Not a float in a parade or something?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Afraid so, Sonar.
"Sonar" Lovacelli: Huh... isn't that odd?
[he shuffles past Dodge and starts up the gangplank]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [aside to Pascal] Don't tell me - deaf as Beethoven.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [whispering] Oh, no. Great ears, sir. Watch what you say around him, he hears everything. His last C.O. thought he was a security risk.
[at the top of the gangplank, Sonar turns around]
"Sonar" Lovacelli: [yells] Uh, excuse me, sir! I don't hear everything. And I'm quite trustworthy too.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Right.

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Men, at ease. I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our crew, Lt. Emily Lake. Emily is part of a pilot program to test the feasibility of women serving on submarines. She's going to be our diving officer.
Stepanek: Can she do a one-and-a-half inward back in the layout position?
[laughter]
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: All right, look, gentlemen! I know this is an unusual situation. Can't be easy for Lt. Lake here to be thrown into a jungle such as this, and I know it will make things hard on all of us...
[laughter]
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Let me re-phrase that. It's going to make things *difficult* on all of us as well. But if we just work together as a team, I'm sure we can handle ourselves...
[laughter]
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: *Comport* ourselves as professionals. That is all.

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Mister Jackson, you look like you could use some fresh air.
Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson: Uh... N-no?

Lt. Comd. Dodge, Stepanek, "Sonar" Lovacelli, Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson, Seaman Buckman, Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson, Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [singing] It's a short little walk bound for eternity/ Yo-ho and blow the man down.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [Sinatraish] Blow that nutso kooky punk back downtown!

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [singing like Sinatra while working on the radio] I'm gonna feel the way I do today, 'cause you-you nutsy chick, you broad-you make me feel so young. Boom.
[speaking]
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Oh boys, that was terrible. I'm going out, I'm gonna have a smoke. When I come back, get the horn section figured out, I can't work like this.
[Cuts a wire and gets zapped, a radio tuning sound is heard. He drops his tool, pauses, then picks it up and continues working, though now in an announcer's voice]
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Two on, two out, Bonds is up again. Swung on, oh! That struck the ballgirl, knocked her cold! Today's game, by the way, is brought to you by...
Lt. Comd. Dodge: That boy's absorbed a lot of voltage.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Hearing anything unusual, Sonar?
"Sonar" Lovacelli: Uh, nothing much, sir. Buckman's eating an Oreo up in the galley... Stepanak's taking a leak.

"Sonar" Lovacelli: [Whispering, and pointing straight up] Sir, it's the Orlando. Someone just dropped 45 cents.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Are you sure?
"Sonar" Lovacelli: Oh, yeah. A quarter and 2 dimes.

[Dodge releases the men from active duty]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [quietly to himself] Live it up guys, you earned it.
[from twenty yards away, Sonar turns back to the captain]
"Sonar" Lovacelli: [shouting back] Thank you, sir! I'll try not to over-do it!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Give me all you got, Howard!
Lt,. Howard, Chief Engineer: Aye, sir! This is what I live for, DBF!
[pulls out a bottle of whiskey, takes a swig, and pours the rest into the fuel tank]
Stepanek: What are you doing?
Lt,. Howard, Chief Engineer: Whiskey, thins down the mix. Gives us another 50 RPM's!

Stepanek: [after Dodge leaves Lt. Lake's quarters] Polishing the ol' torpedo sir?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Shut up Stepanek.
Stepanek: Thank you sir. It's good to be noticed.

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [testing wires] 1-A... cold. 1-B... cold. 1-C...
[sparks fly]
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Hot!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [watching Nitro from the upper deck] Let me guess. Our electrician.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [dejectedly] Yes, sir.

Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: [over radio] I expect you to abide by the rules of this War Game.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Since when did the rules ever matter to *you*, Sir?
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: You watch yourself, Dodge! You are addressing a superior officer.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: No... Merely a higher ranking one! CATCH US IF YOU CAN!

[last lines]
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: What is this tattoo I've heard so much about?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Well... it's a long story. It was right after the Murmansk brushing incident. You're familiar with that, I believe...

[Nitro routes a radio call from Admiral Graham to Dodge]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Dodge here... "Stairway to Heaven"? Led Zeppelin, 1974, right? Okay! Hey, good news, guys! We just won the Billy Joel tickets and the WROK t-shirts!
[the crew chuckles]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Nitro... You want to get me Admiral Graham now?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Okay.
[Nitro scrambles to connect the call]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [to Pascal] Ah, Mr. Pascal! Have ye any last words before ye walk the plank, sir?

Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: It's good to see you again, Doge. It's been about four years?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Something like that, sir. Not since we were both at Kings Bay.
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Well, you are about to join the elite of the submarine fleet. The very best the United States Navy has to offer.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Damn good feeling, sir.
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: [Notices a ship] As a matter of fact, there she is now. Your new boat.
[Dodge excitedly turns and looks and his look changes to shock as he sees it's an old rusty sub]
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: U.S.S. Stingray, SS-161.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: That? This can't be my boat, sir.
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Oh, it most certainly is. Balao-class, refitted 1961.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Balao-class? But that's a diesel sub! This is a joke, right? The Navy doesn't even use diesels anymore!
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: They do now, she's been recommissioned.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Well, no disrespect to the USS Rustoleum here, but I'd be better off in the Merrimack! I was trained to command a nuclear boat!
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Are you refusing to take command?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [pauses, then sighs] No, sir.
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Good. Meet your crew here tomorrow morning, 0700.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Are they also left over from World War II, sir?
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: No, Captain. They've been handpicked... by me.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [Agitated] I mean, I know why you're here. But, I don't know why I was even considered for such an assignment.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Excuse me. Excuse me. Why am I here?
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: You know?
[pause]
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Your thing?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: What thing?
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: The wienie tattoo.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: [laughs] Wow. Look Pascal, I hate to disappoint you; but, I may have had some other things going for me.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [after evading the Orlando] Mr. Pascal, let's go to Charleston Harbor and blow something up.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Now we're talking.
"Sonar" Lovacelli: [concerned] Are we really gonna blow something up, sir?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Oh no, Sonar. We just use flares.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Now, about my transfer... I mean, this post could seriously jeopardize my chances for advancement. I mean... I am *this* close to Command, sir. If I could...
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Forget it. You think you are the only one embarrassed to be here? You think this is the command I've dreamed about? Look, we are all in this together, mister! And you and your career are in the hands of those very assholes... including this one. Have I made myself clear?
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [sighs] Yes, sir.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Dismissed.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Addresses the crew after they clean up the Stingray] Well done, guys! She may not be the youngest girl at the ball, but she'll turn a head or two. If she runs half as well as she looks, we may even survive. Dive test tomorrow morning at 0700. The rest of you are on shore leave until...
[He pauses and notices Lt. Lake. Her clothes have been shrunken and now hug her form]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Lt. Lake... you're... almost out of uniform. Now, either you have miscalculated your dress size, or there has been some foul play!
Stepanek: [Raises his hand] Hey, if it's a disqualifying offense, I would like to take full and sole responsiblity, sir.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Ignoring Stepanek] Gentleman, either you tell me who is responsible for this or shore leave is canceled.
[Spots and Buckman smile and stay silent]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Very well. Everybody back in the boat!
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [Crew groans] You heard the captain! Back into the boat!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [as Lake walks with the rest of the crew back to the sub] Lt. Lake. I'm sorry about that. It won't happen again.
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: Thank you very much, sir, but I can take care of myself.
[She awkwardly walks back to the sub due to the tight uniform restricting her]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [after the Stingray is able to avoid the Orlando and end their full silence] Stepanek, You missed an opportunity there. One noise out of you, we would have been in a lot of trouble.
Stepanek: No, that would be unethical, sir. I'm only out to screw myself. That would've screwed everybody.

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: [Meeting Winslow after being assigned to command the Stingray] Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Admiral Winslow.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Certainly, Captain. Take a seat.
[Both sit down]
Adm. Dean Winslow: So, how do you like your boat?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: It's a complete piece of...
[Sees Winslow's stern look]
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: ...Antiquated equipment, sir. I've devoted a good portion of my life to getting my own boat. I was wondering why the Navy chose to embarrass me this way.
Adm. Dean Winslow: No embarassment intended, Captain. You've been chosen for a specific mission.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: To turn her into a museum, sir? The Wonderful World of Corrosion?
Adm. Dean Winslow: Hardly.
[Hands Dodge a Classified folder with recon pictures inside. Dodge looks at the pictures as Winslow speaks]
Adm. Dean Winslow: These are some recent satellite photos of the Russian naval bases at Petropavlovsk and Vladivostok. That's where the Russians have their diesel sub fleet, they're in dock there. But each week, there are fewer, because they're selling them off like hot cakes. To countries like Iraq, Iran, and Libya, to name a few.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: With all due respect, sir, one American nuclear attack sub could easily defeat several diesels.
Adm. Dean Winslow: In a conventional battle, certainly that's true. But what if you had one renegade diesel captain that decided to - bam! - hit us without warning or cause. Like a terrorist attempting to get a nuclear warhead into one of our harbors? You think we could catch and kill a bogey like that in time?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Absolutely, sir.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Well, the Department of Defense and most of the Admiralty, they would agree with you. But, me, personally, I'd like to know for sure. That's why you are going to clean up the Stingray and take her out off the Atlantic coast for a series of war games. One rebel diesel against the US nuclear navy. Come on.
[Takes Dodge to a map]
Adm. Dean Winslow: Now, first you're going to attempt to invade Charleston Harbor. Now, if you are lucky enough to evade further pursuit, you are going to try to sink shipping right here at the naval base in Norfolk. Simulated, of course. So, what do you think, Mr. Dodge?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: I think I'm going to get my ass kicked, sir.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Oh, don't think like that! Damn it to hell, don't go by the book, think like a pirate! I want a man with a tattoo on his dick! Have I got the right man?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: By a strange coincidance, you do, sir. But sir, this mission you are giving is... close to impossible... If I pull this off, that is, take both ports, I would like command of my own nuclear sub.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Setting terms, now?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: No, sir. But, without a command, once this exercise is over, I'm heading straight for a desk job, which means I'm out of the Navy.
Adm. Dean Winslow: I can't make you any guarantees, Dodge, but here's what I'll do. I'll give you two live torpedoes, and I'll set a dummy ship in Norfolk harbor. If I see that baby go up, then we'll talk about your boat.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Thank you, sir.

Adm. Dean Winslow: [the Stingray returns from its successful war game. The crew presents to Winslow] Welcome home, captain. You certainly pushed my order to the breaking point.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Thank you, sir. I mean, if that's a compliment.
Adm. Dean Winslow: However, given the circumstances, I will not be able to give you your own Los Angeles class nuclear submarine.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: [Face shows some disappointment] Yes, sir.
Adm. Dean Winslow: [Smiles] You'll instead be given a new Seawolf class nuclear submarine and will attend its launching on Friday. And you'll also be given a proper crew, one commensurate with your tactical and leadership abilities.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Thank you very much, sir, but respectfully, I'll have to decline.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Decline?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: I would not be in line for such a promotion without the help of my present crew. I cannot, in good conscience, accept another command without them.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Still setting terms, huh, Dodge?
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Just respectfully requesting, sir.
Adm. Dean Winslow: Well, at least you got my son to face forward.
[Stephanek looks embarrassed, the rest of the crew snickers]
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Your son? Stepanek, sir?
Adm. Dean Winslow: Yes, it's his mother's name. His salute still leaves something to be desired.
Lt. Cmdr Dodge: We'll work on that, sir.
Adm. Dean Winslow: You do that, Commander!
[Dodge and Winslow salute each other]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Walking along the line of sailors assigned to the Stingray] Nice pants... Lose the cigar... Oh, you better burn that shirt, sailor...
[Under his breath]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: It's the crew from hell!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Spotting Stepank arrive with a pair of Shore patrolmen] Oh, good - our chaplain has arrived!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Stingray has been single pinged by the Orlando] Lt. Lake, prepare to surface!
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: Surface?
[pause]
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: I mean, aye Sir!
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Sir! Respectfully... I can't condone your decision to surrender this quickly!
Lt. Comd. Dodge: I'm proud of you, Marty!
[Into the intercom]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Howard, once we're on the surface, run on one screw only!
[Addressing the control room]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Rig for red!
[Returning to the intercom]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: And send somebody forward with a drop light and a role of duct tape!

Torpedo Man: [over intercom] Conn, Torpedo. Request permission to arm flares, sir.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Hell, no. Ready torpedo tubes one and two.
Torpedo Man: Aye, sir.
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: [alarmed] Torpedoes?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: [smiles] Trust me.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Bearing... mark!
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: Two-six-three.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Range nine-zero-zero.
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: Second mark, sir?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Haven't got the time, got to shoot from the hip. Bearing two-six-three... fire one!
Torpedo Man: Fire one!
[the Stingray rocks as the first torpedo is fired]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Bearing two-six-four, range eight-five-zero... fire two!
Torpedo Man: Fire two!

Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Submarine Stingray, this is Submarine Orlando. It has been confirmed: you are targeted.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Submarine Orlando, this is Submarine Stingray, Stingray One speaking. We acknowledge the kill and congratulate everyone aboard that boat.
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Well, thank you, Captain.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: However... at the time of your transmission, I had already fired two torpedoes.
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: What?
Lt. Comd. Dodge: You can probably hear them in the water, and though we are dead, our fish are already on their way to the Naval station dummy ship. They hit, we still win...
[pirate voice]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Har har!