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: Sixty years old and still getting crushes on other men's wives. I would hope by the time I'm your age, I'm a little smarter than that. Sully
: Can't hurt to hope. You sure are off to a slow start.
: Doesn't it bother you that you haven't done more with the life God gave you? Sully
: Not often. Now and then.
: Oh, you're a man among men, Sully. Sully
: Well, thanks. Toby
: That wasn't a compliment!
: A condemned man has a right to a last request doesn't he? I got my truck out back whaddya say we get in the back get naked and see where it goes from there? Birdy
: Ok Sully
: Haven't you got any pride? Birdy
: Go to jail, Sully, it's where you belong.
: Do you still bet on that horse race of yours? Sully
: What, the trifecta? Miss Beryl
: Yes. Has it ever come in? Sully
: Not yet. Miss Beryl
: But you still bet on it. Sully
: Well, sure. I mean, the odds have gotta kick in sooner or later. Miss Beryl
: Fine. That's exactly the way I feel about you.
: I should have known better than to hire a one-legged lawyer. Wirf
: You can't afford a two-legged lawyer.
: So if you're not a father to me, how come you're a grandfather to Will? Sully
: 'cause you gotta start someplace.
: Mom's greatest fear is that your life was fun. Sully
: Tell her not to worry.
: How can you live in a town this size and not see your ex-wife all the time? Sully
: That's easy, dolly. Peter's mom and I don't exactly travel in the same circles. As a matter of fact, Vera pretty much travels in a straight line. Peter
: SOMEBODY in this family had to.
: What's the matter with you? Wirf
: I'm trying to communicate with you telepathically. Carl Roebuck
: Forget about it. The only way to communicate with Sully's to whack him in the head with a shovel.
[as Sully buys raw hamburger
: You want some buns? Sully
: Dogs don't eat buns. Peter
: You're buying ground beef for your dog? Sully
: I don't own a dog.
: Oh, God. I don't believe this. I'm a member of Greenpeace and I just helped poison a dog. Sully
: Well for one thing, it ain't poison. For another, you didn't help much.
: I can't believe it's gonna take you that long to get me out of jail. Wirf
: Don't blame me, I'm a Jew. They're not my holidays. Sully
: A Jew? Really? I didn't know that. How come you ain't smart? Wirf
: How can I start getting you out of jail when you won't go in?
: Did you come to steal our new snowblower? Sully
: I've already done it, just about. Toby
: I could legally shoot you, you know. Sully
: Not unless I'm breaking and entering Toby
: ARE you gonna break and enter? Sully
: What's happening with Dummy? Toby
: I don't know. He took my threat to shoot him a lot more seriously than you just did.
: Poor guy just had a bypass. Maybe he's trying to cram everything he can do into six months. When he realizes he's going to live until he's seventy, he'll slow down. Toby
: If I had my way, he wouldn't live to Thanksgiving.
: It's not gonna be easy being you, is it? Sully
: Don't expect much from yourself in the beginning. I couldn't do everything at first, either.
[Wirf and Sully bet on the People's Court
: Okay, Shyster, who do you like? Wirf
: The plaintiff. It's a lock. Sully
: I'll take the defendant. Birdy
: You weren't even here for the stories. Sully
: Yeah, but I know my lawyer.
: Sooner or later we'll wear the bastards down. The court is already starting to get pissed. You heard the judge. Sully
: He's pissed at you, Wirf! Wirf
: Only because he knows I won't go away. Sully
: I know how he feels.
: Boy, a guy goes to jail for a couple of days and the whole town goes to hell!
: You ain't naked or anything, are ya? Toby
: No, but I can be in about 2 seconds. Sully
: Well, take your time. I need a cup of coffee.
: Ace Towing? Sullivan. I'm just around the corner. 313 Harvin. Pick me up. Charge it. Tip Top Construction Company. Thanks.
[hangs up phone
: Horace?... . Horace Yaney
: Hi, Sully. I ain't naked either. Sully
: Thank God for that!
: Go home, you jerk. You're married to the best-looking woman in Bath. Carl Roebuck
: Who was it that said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp?"
: [about Toby
] Don't tell me she's pregnant. Carl Roebuck
: Knocked up like a cheerleader. Eh, I suppose now you're going to want to be godfather. Sully
: Hey... . I can't be the father and the godfather. You got to goddamn do something.
: You'd keep my leg, wouldn't you? Sully
: You don't need a leg, you need a parrot.
: You stupid prick!
[slugs Officer Raymer in the face
Clive Peoples Jr.
: We've been through this before. A landlord has - Sully
: You are not my landlord! Clive Peoples Jr.
: My mother is - Sully
: The only reason I don't kick your ass. If you don't get out of here right now, I may change my mind.
: Can I borrow a dollar? Sully
: Nope. You can borrow a jelly doughnut, though. Rub Squeers
: You can't borrow a jelly doughnut. Once you eat it, it's gone. Sully
: Once you borrow a dollar, it's gone. I'd rather buy you a jelly doughnut.
: Hang in there. Toby
: 'Hang in there'? Is that the sum of your wisdom on the subject? Sully
: That's the sum of my wisdom on most subjects.
] Beware the chains we forge in life. Miss Beryl
: I don't suppose you remember who said that? Sully
: *You* did Miss Beryl, all through 8th grade.
: You think I got where I got by doing shoddy work? Sully
: No, you didn't get where you are by doing shoddy work. You didn't get where you are by doing *any* work.
: Who are you? Peter
: He's your grandfather. Wacker Sullivan
: Does he always look like that? Sully
: Yeah, most of the time.
: Which one of your fancy doctors advised you to drink, smoke, and screw your brains out Carl Roebuck
: Those are unreasonable requests Sully. They wouldn't of made 'em if they didn't know me. Sully
: If they'd known ya, they wouldn't have fixed ya.
: It's $15 dollars. You can mail it in, or you can come by the station. If it's not paid within 30 days, you'll be held in contempt. Sully
: Boy, I hope you get laid sometime soon.
: Tell me again this is your own snow blower we're stealing. Sully
: I knew your mother was gonna raise you like this.
: I suppose you're gonna be saying the same thing about me when I'm gone. Peter
: You *were* gone dad. I already said it...
: It's not going to be easy being you, is it? Sully
: Don't expect too much of yourself at the beginning. I couldn't do everything at first either.